Chapter 63: Conviction
It was pouring rain outside the classroom window.
The rain, accompanied by the wind, drifted into the hallway. The students by the windows frantically closed them, distressfully wiping the books on the windowsills. Whenever it rained, Ruan Xi felt an inexplicable sense of security in the classroom. The harder it rained outside, the safer it seemed inside.
The Maitreya-like Labor Reform was at the front, reciting Dai Wangshu’s “Rainy Alley” with emotion and gestures. In such a rainy weather, it was very atmospheric, but unfortunately, his appearance and mannerisms were a bit out of place and comical. There were faint laughs from below the podium. It was really hard on Labor Reform to recite a lyrical poem.
“She has / the color of a lilac / the fragrance of a lilac / the sorrow of a lilac…”
Ruan Xi was absent-minded. Rainy days seemed to make people easily fall into memories. She recalled the manga competition that day, her heart filled with an indescribable complexity and bitterness.
She had won the silver prize in the end.
Seventy thousand yuan. It was the first time in her life she had seen so much money. In the past, when she was in school, carrying a few thousand yuan of tuition fees could make her tremble with fear. Now, with such a huge sum of money, she had no idea how to handle it.
When the results were announced, she heard the whispers around her. Someone had been notified beforehand that they had won the silver or bronze prize, but it had fallen through. The silver prize became the bronze prize, and the bronze prize went home empty-handed. It was very obvious who had pulled the strings.
She didn’t have this ability. The only one who could make her win the silver prize was Auntie Jiang on the stage.
The young girl knew very well the consequences of being unworthy of her position. After the award ceremony, she ran backstage, found Jiang Wu, and besides expressing her gratitude, she also hoped that the competition would not become unfair because of her.
Then, Jiang Wu glanced at her and gave an irrelevant answer, “You like Yao Yao?”
Ruan Xi was stunned on the spot. After a long while, she braced herself and admitted, “Yes… I like Teacher Tong.”
Jiang Wu wasn’t too surprised. She dismissed her assistant and said lightly, “I don’t have high hopes for you two.”
The young girl’s pupils shrank slightly, and her fingers curled gently, not saying a word.
“If Yao Yao likes the same sex, then I won’t introduce her to any more men, but that doesn’t mean I’ll accept anyone. I don’t demand that you be of the same social status, but you can’t be too shabby. You are her student, a teacher and a student, and of the same sex. How big of an obstacle that is, I don’t need to say more, right? The gap between you is too big. Your values, your experience, your emotional needs are all different. It’s hard to have a good result. Once this relationship fails, the one who loses more is Yao Yao. For her work, her emotions, her reputation, it will be a huge blow.” Jiang Wu glanced at the time and stopped there. “I’ve roughly understood. I admire a child like you, but I also hope you know when to retreat.”
The whole process was calm, like signing a peace treaty. But Ruan Xi felt as if she were in an ice cellar. Looking at Jiang Wu’s back, the fragile joy after winning the award was like a sandcastle, washed away by a wave.
She even felt that her prize money was actually Auntie Jiang’s tactful check—here’s the money, leave Yao Yao.
Of course, Jiang Wu wasn’t that bored. She really just thought that this manga deserved the silver prize, but the young girl couldn’t help but let her imagination run wild.
“Ruan Xi.”
“Ruan Xi!”
It wasn’t until Jiang Yiming stepped on her foot that Ruan Xi came back to her senses.
As soon as she looked up, Labor Reform’s eyes were wide with anger, and he asked her, “What emotion did the poet express?”
She stood up in a panic. This was the bad thing about sitting in the first row; you would be seen by the teacher as soon as you were distracted. She hadn’t read the text many times, so how would she know what Dai Wangshu was thinking? So she made something up.
“It expressed… admiration for the lilac-like girl…?”
Then she was punished to stand and listen to the class.
But sitting in the first row, Labor Reform was afraid that she would block the people behind her, so he let her sit down again.
A class, if you were criticized, the rest of the time would become very long.
Ruan Xi thought, she was indeed not worthy of Teacher Tong right now. Maybe she would be in the future, but who would believe in the future? She couldn’t say “I will work hard to make Teacher Tong happy” right now—everyone could say such empty words, and they had no meaning. What was truly meaningful was to say this after she had succeeded.
Who would let a poor girl run away with their little princess? Everyone would think that the poor girl couldn’t take good care of the princess, that she would wrong the princess and make her live a hard life. It was human nature, and it was also a fact.
But even so, she couldn’t possibly give up on liking Teacher Tong.
**
Tong Yao sat in the office, very surprised that the young girl hadn’t come to find her during the morning break.
Maybe she’s busy studying?
She picked up her water cup and went to the water room to get hot water. As soon as she went in, she saw a familiar braid in front of the first water dispenser. The young girl was lowering her head to get water. Then, her cup was lightly touched by another person’s cup. She was startled and looked up to find that it was Tong Yao.
“Not happy?” Tong Yao blinked. “You have a long face.”
The young girl stammered, “N-no.”
“Tell me what’s bothering you,” Tong Yao smiled. “Did you fail the manga competition?”
“No…” Ruan Xi took a step back to make way. “I won the silver prize. The prize money is seventy thousand…”
But it was thanks to Auntie Jiang.
“That’s great,” Tong Yao was surprised. “Did your prize money increase? Then you can buy a lot of things?”
“Mhm,” the young girl nodded lightly. “From now on, Mom doesn’t have to send money to me and my brother.”
Seventy thousand yuan was enough for her and her brother to cover their various expenses for a year or two. This tired family finally had a chance to breathe.
But it wasn’t enough.
She looked at Teacher Tong beside her and told herself that she was still far from it.
She wanted to make Auntie Jiang see her in a new light.
She wanted Teacher Tong to be carefree in the future.
“Very capable,” Tong Yao said, her expression gentle after getting her water. “You can earn money for your family at such a young age.”
Ruan Xi’s nose tingled for some reason, and she said in a low voice, “Not at all…”
“You must be tired, right?” Tong Yao leaned closer to her and said, “You’ve been so busy these past few months, your dark circles won’t go away.”
The young girl dodged and turned her face away, biting her lip and saying, “Is it not good-looking?”
“A little like a little panda,” Tong Yao said sincerely. “But very cute.”
The young girl held her cup, her cheeks puffed out.
Tong Yao’s heart ached for her. The young girl’s poverty was as conspicuous as her cuteness. No matter what ambiguous feelings they had between them, in Tong Yao’s eyes, Ruan Ruan was still a child. A child who was only in high school but was thinking too much and carrying too much. Juggling her studies and her manga, she didn’t know how much this child had paid behind the scenes, whether there were times when she couldn’t hold on and cried secretly.
Tong Yao couldn’t help but pat her head and said, “Actually, you can rely on me a little more.”
Some people are born without having to work hard, and some give up after a short period of fruitless effort. Working hard is really tiring. No one is willing to suffer, but in order to change their destiny, some people will grit their teeth and persevere.
The young girl felt the pat on her head, her face slightly hot. She looked at Teacher Tong’s face and asked in a small voice, “How do I rely on you?”
“For example… acting spoiled?”
The young girl’s heart trembled. Seeing that there was no one around, she asked tentatively, “I want to touch Teacher Tong’s stockings.”
Tong Yao: “…”
How is this child developing in a perverted direction?
When did she go astray?
Isn’t she afraid I’ll get angry?
Okay, I’m really not angry.
Tong Yao coughed. Faced with such a wolfish ambition, her face was hot. No matter how much they liked each other, she couldn’t bring herself to agree to such a shameful thing.
Then, she saw the light fade from the young girl’s eyes. Like a starless and moonless night sky, dark and lifeless.
Her heart softened.
This was her student, and also the young girl she liked.
Her fingers traced the edge of the water cup, and she said uncomfortably, “If there’s a chance next time… I’ll let you touch them.”
“A chance next time” was a very vague concept. Even so, it instantly revived Ruan Xi.
“Really?!”
“Working hard to touch stockings,” it sounded very low and a little vulgar, but it gave Ruan Xi infinite motivation.
And Tong Yao, ashamed of her hasty and irrational promise—but what could she do? She had agreed involuntarily.
She thought, if after the young girl graduates, they still like each other, maybe… they really could be together.
**
No. 1 High had three sets of school uniforms. The winter one was a very thin, large cotton-padded jacket, not very warm, but because it was mandatory to wear, you had to add a lot of clothes underneath.
December arrived, and the air was filled with a chill. The winter in the south was not easy to get through. There was no heating, and you could only rely on the carbon dioxide exhaled by everyone in the classroom for warmth. The office had air conditioning, so Tong Yao was very comfortable wearing only a wool sweater. She only needed to put on the woolen coat hanging on her chair when she went out.
And some individual students were miserable.
The monthly exam at the beginning of December was approaching. To save classrooms, two rows of desks were also placed in the hallway. The candidates assigned to the outside exam rooms had to endure the ravages of the cold wind. Unfortunately, Ruan Xi was one of them.
When Tong Yao walked out of the exam room she was proctoring, she found that the young girl was in the hallway of the classroom next door. The temperature had dropped rapidly these past few days. Some students in the hallway had started to sneeze, which made Tong Yao’s heart tighten. She looked at the young girl who was seriously doing her problems with her back to her and found that Ruan Ruan was wearing very thin clothes. The hood of her hoodie was sticking out from the collar of her school uniform cotton jacket, and she was wearing summer mesh shoes and short socks. She frowned. Why didn’t she buy winter clothes? Was she reluctant to use the prize money?
The final bell rang.
After sending the papers to the grade group, Tong Yao came back and knocked on the desk of the young girl who was buried in her studies.
“Aren’t you cold?”
Ruan Xi, who was engrossed in her studies, was startled and obviously shivered. She looked up and saw her beloved, and was dazed.
“N-no.”
After she spoke, she sniffled.
“Why are you still wearing autumn and summer clothes?”
“It’s usually not cold…” the young girl said. “There are a lot of people in the classroom, so it’s warm, and there’s air conditioning in the dorm.”
“Then what about outside?” Tong Yao questioned.
She knew how uncomfortable it was to be cold, especially when sitting in the classroom, where your legs could easily get cold. She couldn’t help but throw the rechargeable hot water bag she had just brought from the office onto the young girl’s lap, a rare act of dominance, not allowing for refusal. The brown bear hot water bag had just been charged and was even a little hot.
“Don’t catch a cold.”
The sudden source of heat was warm and inviting, instantly dispelling the cold. The young girl’s head was dizzy. She put her hands into the bag outside the hot water bag, and her whole body warmed up.
There were many people from Class 7 in the exam room for the top two hundred in the grade. Everyone watched as Teacher Tong showed her favoritism, and they looked at Ruan Xi with teasing eyes.
The CP of the female teacher and the female student, some people in the class had really started to ship them.
Tong Yao was about to leave. Just as she turned around, her hand was grabbed. It was the first time she had held hands with someone. She was stunned, and Ruan Xi was also dazed, but she was reluctant to let go and said in a small voice, “The math exam is coming up… I have a few questions I want to ask Teacher Tong.”
Tong Yao walked closer silently. When she reached the desk, she secretly withdrew her hand and picked up a pen.
“…Which question?”
The young girl pointed with her pen. “This one.”
The explanation began. Tong Yao explained it in detail, her thoughts clear and her logic coherent, as if she were mashing up food to feed to the young girl. Even the student from who knows which class in the front seat couldn’t help but turn back to secretly learn.
Ruan Xi stared at Tong Yao’s side profile and thought, I will never let this person down.
