Chapter 39: “It Looks Good Like This.” Part 2

“So she’ll still get mad when I draw mustaches on her face, or give me the silent treatment for half a day in my already limited life. She’ll let me fix your car right after puking, and join me in stuff no terminal patient would do…”

Seeing Chen Xuebing remove the wig and reveal her pale scalp, Qiu Yiran finally realized—

Chen Xuebing’s complexion had been poor all along. The head veil and wig had hidden it, and as a white person, it wasn’t that obvious before.

But now.

Seeing Chen Xuebing’s genuine terminal illness pallor, Qiu Yiran suddenly felt unsteady on her feet.

She nearly collapsed right then.

And in that moment—

A hand reached out from beside her, gripping her firmly so she didn’t crumple to the ground upon hearing the truth.

The next second,

Li Wuhui stepped closer, subtly supporting her right elbow.

Helping her stand steady.

Li Wuhui held on for a few dozen seconds before slowly letting go and speaking. “You two fought a lot too?”

“Of course.” Wangwang nodded, her tone innocently accusatory. “She refused to marry me at first. Cursed me out, hit me, said I was crazy to propose to a terminal patient. Later, she even tried setting me up on blind dates.”

“She said she’d even be the witness at my wedding, since I’d be meeting God soon and could wish for her happiness in the next half of her life or whatever…”

“Fu Wangwang!” Chen Xuebing called her full Chinese name, hands on hips in annoyance. “Every time we meet new friends, you have to recount all the crap you went through?”

Wangwang pulled a mirror from her pocket, looking all aggrieved.

Xuebing rolled her eyes.

She checked the wig left and right in the mirror Wangwang held up, adjusted it meticulously, and put it back on. Only when satisfied did she turn to the two Chinese new friends who still seemed shell-shocked—

Qiu Yiran looked lost.

Li Wuhui seemed sympathetic.

“But don’t overthink it,” Chen Xuebing comforted them.

She spread her hands helplessly and said,

“Although I do have a terminal illness.”

Then she exchanged a glance with Wangwang, and the two said in unison,

“But it’s okay, love has no terminal illness.”

Qiu Yiran was stunned.

She didn’t know where these two had picked up such Chinese slogans.

She stepped back in fright.

But the interruption also diluted the impact of the matter.

She cautiously organized her words in her mind.

She tried to say something that wouldn’t affect these two.

And in the moment she lowered her head, she suddenly noticed something.

There were four of them.

But at that moment, standing on the ground were only four legs.

They had all imitated her, balancing on one foot against the car.

So on this day—

Beside the bright yellow taxi parked under the blue sky stood four one-legged people.

Not three complete people and one disabled one.

This realization made Qiu Yiran freeze all her movements, even her breathing slowing.

But the others paid no attention to it at all.

Just as they hadn’t deliberately explained to her when they started doing it—

I’m just like you now, so you don’t have to worry about being different from us.

Because it wasn’t deliberate, they didn’t give her the chance to stubbornly refuse this “acceptance.”

Wangwang and Xuebing didn’t guess what she was thinking, nor did they explain it. They started chatting about the upcoming trip again.

They said they were going to China next and asked where the next country was.

Li Wuhui said softly, “Russia.”

Xuebing was pleasantly surprised. “That’s perfect—total opposites.”

They had set out from China, with Russia as the next stop. They had set out from Russia, with China as the next stop.

They were going to get divorced; they were on their honeymoon.

Li Wuhui stood at the rear of the car and fully noticed Qiu Yiran’s absent-mindedness.

Only after she made herself stand in Qiu Yiran’s pose did she experience for the first time what it really felt like.

Just now.

Qiu Yiran had propped herself on her crutches to make a phone call.

She had wanted to follow, but then remembered what Qiu Yiran had told her before—

Her constant closeness made her feel suffocated.

Li Wuhui didn’t want Qiu Yiran to feel that way again, so she forced herself to wait there with Wangwang and Xuebing.

But she couldn’t relax.

In the end, though it was only a few minutes, she felt like she had glanced toward Qiu Yiran hundreds of times.

As if the moment she wasn’t paying attention, Qiu Yiran would vanish completely.

Wangwang and Xuebing probably noticed her preoccupation. After she looked away again, Xuebing suddenly grabbed her and said, “Try standing on one foot?”

“What?” Li Wuhui didn’t catch on.

“Like this.” Xuebing leaned against the car, lifted one foot, and nodded toward her. “You try it with us.”

Li Wuhui fell silent.

She figured these two wouldn’t be mocking Qiu Yiran.

So she lifted her own foot and leaned against the car.

As an adult who had been walking for decades, balancing on one foot wasn’t hard for her. But she couldn’t help thinking—

How painful it would be if she had to do this for the rest of her life.

“Isn’t it actually not so bad?”

But at that moment, Xuebing piped up. “Not as scary as you think?”

Li Wuhui frowned. She hadn’t expected these two to make it sound so simple.

She was about to argue back.

But Wangwang seemed to know what she would say. She laughed, then said earnestly,

“Even if her leg is gone, she’s still herself. She can still do plenty of things independently.”

Xuebing nodded vigorously beside her.

“It’s not like if you look away for one second, her other leg will break too.”

People not involved could say it easily, of course.

Li Wuhui’s furrowed brow didn’t relax.

But she didn’t want to argue with them. Instead, she couldn’t stop herself from looking toward Qiu Yiran again—

Qiu Yiran was on the phone.

She gripped her crutches firmly, standing under the intensely blue sky. There didn’t seem to be any dangers around her.

Li Wuhui glanced at the cars passing back and forth on both sides of the road, carefully checking to make sure none were heading toward Qiu Yiran before finally easing her brow a little.

She didn’t know that during this time, Wangwang and Xuebing had been observing Qiu Yiran along with her.

And observing her, too.

They watched for as long as she did.

After a while, Xuebing suddenly asked, “Do you always do this?”

Li Wuhui couldn’t deny it. “Three years ago, yes. But now…”

“We hadn’t seen each other in three years.”

“No wonder,” Xuebing said. “No wonder you cried like that before.”

Li Wuhui said nothing.

“Is she…” Wangwang gazed at Qiu Yiran in the distance, hesitating. “Has her personality changed a lot compared to before?”

Li Wuhui hummed softly, her voice low. “How did you know?”

“It’s normal.” Wangwang spoke, unconsciously glancing at Xuebing. “Someone enduring physical torment will naturally suffer mentally too—especially something as huge as amputation. So it’s normal for her personality to change.”

In the distance, Qiu Yiran seemed about to end her call. Li Wuhui had to look away.

She turned her head and locked eyes with Xuebing, who had been watching her.

Xuebing gave her a friendly smile.

“But no matter how much you torment yourself, you can’t bear this pain for her,” Wangwang said, blinking.

Then Wangwang habitually rested her chin on Xuebing’s thick hair.

Xuebing turned and smacked her face hard.

Wangwang dryly touched her reddened cheek.

Qiu Yiran, walking over from that side, made a “V for victory” sign. She turned her head again and said sincerely to Li Wuhui,

“If you want to walk this path with her, you have to make yourself strong first. Accept the reality with tolerance but without weakness.”

“You have to stop seeing this as such a big deal yourself—even put it completely out of your mind—so you have the energy to help her let go too, and face these pains together.”

Li Wuhui clenched her fingertips.

She still didn’t agree with Wangwang.

Wangwang noticed her stubborn expression and recalled the silent atmosphere when the two were alone together. She couldn’t help adding,

“And it’s best to leave an outlet. Allow the other person to do things beyond your expectations. Allow yourself and her to step out of each other’s sight for a breather.”

“Even allow her to face some things alone, out of your view. Otherwise, in the end, you’ll both suffer.”

“Or else two suffering people, no matter how hard they try to cling together, will just end up painfully apart.”

As she finished speaking, footsteps approached slowly from behind them, the steady tap-tap of crutches.

Li Wuhui knew it was Qiu Yiran coming over.

She let out a very deep breath, digging her nails into her palm. She said calmly to Wangwang and Xuebing, who had been advising her,

“What’s between us isn’t as simple as what you’ve seen these past couple days.”

“Of course.” Xuebing nodded, and then she and Wangwang chimed in one high and one low,

“Because love is a complicated thing to begin with!”

Li Wuhui frowned at the clichéd Chinese line they must have picked up somewhere. She was about to turn around.

Xuebing had already taken out the baursak the host had given them and handed some to her and Wangwang.

“You’re going through a divorce, after all. There must be issues you can’t resolve.”

“We don’t know about them, and we’re not involved,” Wangwang said, taking hers naturally. “So pretend we never said anything.”

Then the two turned away together, neat as conjoined twins.

Li Wuhui took the baursak and said nothing. She suddenly wanted to ask them—

So in the end, did she have to accept with tolerance but without weakness that Qiu Yiran was determined to leave her…?

Accept that Qiu Yiran couldn’t tolerate staying by her side more than she loved her?

But she couldn’t ask.

Because the footsteps behind her grew closer, accompanied by the tap-tap of the crutches.

Slow, but steady.

There were several brief moments—

When Li Wuhui really wanted to turn around and watch every step Qiu Yiran took.

If Qiu Yiran avoided her gaze under that stare, she knew it would be hard to suppress her pain, and she’d end up looking at her with eyes hiding resentment.

If Qiu Yiran didn’t avoid but kept her eyes down and walked quietly to her side, she’d feel a little better. But then Qiu Yiran would be the unhappy one.

Until the next time, and the next, and many times after—over and over.

They had already been trapped in the maze, bouncing off walls repeatedly.