Chapter 84

In the private room, with the two of them taking so long to return, Lou Yixuan listlessly picked at her food, while Du Heming couldn’t sit still any longer.

“I’m going to check on Teacher He.”

“Mm, go ahead.”

“Why don’t you…”

“No.” She wasn’t going anywhere near Lin Huayan.

“You sure hold a grudge.”

“I’m not holding a grudge.”

“Yeah, yeah, no grudge. You’re just playing hard to get.”

“Teacher Du, hurry up and go find your Teacher He. I feel like Teacher He really can’t hold her liquor.”

“Uh, alright, I’m off. Don’t wander off, or the server might think we’re dining and dashing.”

Du Heming joked as she gave her instructions, then headed out toward the restroom.

In the restroom, strangers came and went sporadically. He Huan and Lin Huayan stood at the sink farthest inside, both enveloped by an invisible gloom, their faces paler than each other’s.

“You haven’t moved on either, have you?”

He Huan smiled bitterly as she wiped her face, smearing away the makeup ruined by her tears. “But your situation is better than mine—much better. We’re both lucky to have been loved by a girl at her most innocent and beautiful age. My luck is gone forever, but yours is still going strong.”

“…”

Lin Huayan wasn’t particularly surprised, really. She’d already pieced together He Huan and Ming You’s past, so of course He Huan could do the same for her and Lou Yixuan’s history.

After all, who they used to be was so eerily similar.

After wiping her face, He Huan leaned down to turn on the faucet, cupping water to rinse her cheeks.

Then she pulled some paper towels from under the mirror, dabbed at the water on her face, and braced both hands on the sink, staring at her reflection.

“Look at us in the mirror—you and me. Do you think we have eight or ten more years to waste?”

“No.”

“…”

“Teacher Lin, don’t hesitate anymore. Don’t miss out again. Don’t become the next me.”

“And don’t waste any more of her youth. From the moment her heart started aching for you, she gave you all the best years she had. You’re her dream, her heart’s desire. Can you bear to let her end up with nothing, alone and desolate for life?”

“…”

Lin Huayan just listened quietly, lost in thought.

She knew He Huan was in a bad place emotionally right now—hurting deeply and desperately needing an outlet to vent.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed or wondered this past year why she always wears her hair down, always has those Bluetooth earbuds in?”

“Especially the one on the right. Every time we meet, every time we’re out in public—except that one time at the hot springs—she’s hardly ever taken them off.”

“I’m guessing you did notice, but you didn’t dare think the worst.”

“…”

Lin Huayan’s mental defenses crumbled. She went rigid like she’d been struck by lightning, her face growing even whiter.

Yes, she’d noticed. But she hadn’t dared to think about it.

She knew how much Lou Yixuan loved beauty and perfection. She was terrified her suspicions might be true, terrified that asking about it would unearth a heart demon Lou Yixuan couldn’t bear.

Whether Lou Yixuan was flawless or not didn’t matter to her.

She praised Lou Yixuan’s perfection, but what she loved was never the perfection itself—Lou Yixuan’s little tempers, her whims, her rebellions, her flaws…

She loved every imperfection.

But she lacked confidence in herself. She wasn’t sure she could be the one to help Lou Yixuan conquer that heart demon.

Because there was a heart demon living under the incision on her own abdomen.

He Huan saw Lin Huayan’s pain and swallowed twice the bitterness herself.

“Teacher Lin, if you don’t get brave for her sake—for your own sake—this parting will be a pain you both carry for life, one you can never escape.”

“And then, just like me—like me today—you’ll hear from others how happy she is… or maybe how utterly unhappy she is.”

—Teacher Lin, do you really want me to disappear from your world forever, completely? Do you really want us both to end up alone, never getting what we wish for?

“Spring never waits for late birds.”

“But chasing spring is hardwired into a migratory bird’s genes—it’s their survival instinct.”

“Teacher Lin, do you think she’s spring? No. She’s just a migratory bird who flew thousands of miles north in search of it. Wherever you are, that’s her spring.”

…

When He Huan returned to the private room, she said she’d had too much to drink and her face felt hot, but she’d cooled off with cold water in the restroom and was feeling better now.

But when Du Heming said, “Then don’t drink anymore,” and reached for He Huan’s half-finished fruit beer, He Huan stopped her. “I promised I’d drink with you tonight.”

Lin Huayan returned about a minute later.

The four in the room were all lost in their own thoughts, barely speaking.

Aside from Lou Yixuan, the other three downed several more cans of beer one after another, turning the dinner into a drinking session.

When it came time to pay, He Huan snatched Du Heming’s phone and wobbled unsteadily toward the cashier.

“I said last year we’d take turns treating—we four. I haven’t done mine yet. It’s my turn.” Halfway there, she stopped and held out her hand to Du Heming behind her. “Teacher Du, happy birthday. This one’s on me.”

What right did He Huan have to treat on her behalf?

If she hadn’t gone to the restroom, if she hadn’t overheard He Huan’s talk with Teacher Lin, how happy she’d be right now.

Du Heming forced her usual smile and went up to link arms with He Huan. “Teacher He, this is my birthday dinner. No way I’m letting someone else foot the bill.”

“Someone else…”

He Huan murmured the words, then suddenly smiled and handed the phone back to Du Heming. “Sorry, my head’s fuzzy. I shouldn’t meddle in your business. You go pay.”

Lou Yixuan in the back didn’t know exactly what had made Du Heming suddenly so down and defeated.

But it had to be something to do with Teacher He.

Something must have happened in those few minutes after she left the room for the restroom—something bad for her and Teacher He’s relationship.

Someone took her dangling hand, and the scent of alcohol wafted over. “Feeling a bit dizzy. Teacher Lou, lead me along?”

“…” How was Lin Huayan so clingy? Who was the kid here?

Lou Yixuan watched the two ahead of her, her mind a tangled mess. She had no energy to argue with Lin Huayan, so she let her lead her along. It was just a short walk to the parking garage anyway.

How had such a happy day turned so unhappy?

The original plan was for Lou Yixuan to drive the three of them back to school. But downstairs, He Huan said, “I’m not going back to school tonight.”

“Teacher He, heading home? I can drive you.”

“Not sure. Let me think.” He Huan shook her head. “Teacher Lou, no need to drive me. Take them.”

How could they let her go off alone in her mildly drunken state?

Late May nights carried a gentle breeze laced with the heat of early summer, making half-drunk people even dizzier and more restless.

Du Heming clapped her cheeks with both hands, telling herself to sober up, stay calm, be rational—this wasn’t the time for self-pity.

“Lou Lou, take Teacher Lin back first. I’ll walk off Teacher He’s buzz with her before heading back.”

“Sounds good.” Lin Huayan still wouldn’t let go of Lou Yixuan’s hand. “It’s the weekend. Enjoy some personal time.”

Seeing their “tightly clasped” hands, Du Heming smiled knowingly. With leverage in hand, she got bold: “Teacher Lin, watch that mouth of yours.”

Lou Yixuan, who’d been worrying about Du Heming and He Huan, puffed her cheeks at Du Heming’s outrageous tease. Without another word, she turned and walked off.

Lin Huayan followed close behind, her thumb occasionally rubbing Lou Yixuan’s hand back, soothing the little cat on the verge of exploding.

“Lou Lou, Teacher Lin—thanks for celebrating my birthday! See you next week!”

Hearing Du Heming call after them, Lou Yixuan raised her hand backward without turning. “No need to be so polite, Teacher Du. See you next week!”

She’d meant to raise her left hand, but Lin Huayan had it gripped tight.

At the car, Lou Yixuan finally sighed. “Can Teacher Lin let go now?”

“Sure.” Lin Huayan smiled.

She let go and stood there calmly, waiting for Lou Yixuan to get the keys.

Lou Yixuan was wearing light pink overalls today. The chest pocket and side pockets were roomy enough for her phone, car keys, tissues, and other essentials—no need for a bag.

She fished the keys from her right pocket and eyed Lin Huayan, standing straighter and steadier than a pine tree. Where was the “bit dizzy”?

Big liar Lin Huayan.

Annoying Lin Huayan.

Lou Yixuan dropped the gentleman act—no opening the door for Lin Huayan. She circled to the driver’s side and got in, about to navigate to Tianmu Middle School when Lin Huayan blocked her and entered her own neighborhood instead.

Lou Yixuan: “…”

She’d navigated to pick up Lin Huayan from Qin Fengru’s wedding at this place once before, so it was in the history. Lin Huayan typed a few characters, and the full address popped up.

Lin Huayan hit start navigation. “Not going back to school. Heading home.”

Home.

As if it were “their” home.

They—where was their home?

Lou Yixuan turned into dutiful chauffeur mode, all mock politeness. “Yes, Teacher Lin. Please buckle your seatbelt.”

Didn’t matter where they went—the drive wasn’t much different either way.

Click from Lin Huayan’s side. “Buckled.”

That tone…

Lin Huayan clearly wasn’t drunk, so how did she make it sound so obedient, so cute?

Had Lin Huayan been remade in some forge?

Before pulling out, Lou Yixuan asked, “Want some music?”

“Sure,” the esteemed passenger Lady Lin decreed. “That piano piece I heard the first time in your car.”

“…Deleted it. Gone.” She wanted to kick Lin Huayan out.

Seeing the little cat fuming helplessly, Lin Huayan turned toward the window, lips curving faintly in a smile.

“No music’s fine. Drive safely. I won’t talk or distract you.”

With that, she closed her eyes and leaned back relaxed.

Lou Yixuan ignored her, slipped on her left Bluetooth earbud too, slotted her phone into the holder, and eased on the gas to leave the garage.

The dashboard numbers ticked up, the tachometer needle climbing like a warning—this road led to Lin Huayan’s underground garage, but also to the scabbing wound in her heart.

She wished the road had no end, because she couldn’t fool her own heart.

No matter how tough her mouth was, cherishing every moment with Lin Huayan was the true cry of her heart. Even just as the driver, being by Lin Huayan’s side was enough.

But she also wished the road would speed to its end.

Because every time they neared the destination, she feared the loss, feared there’d be no “next time,” feared that soon even this companionship would be gone.

At a red light, Lou Yixuan braked, her peripheral vision drifting right to the woman she’d loved for so, so many years.

Streetlights split Lin Huayan’s slightly turned face into light and shadow. She couldn’t help wondering—what was behind Lin Huayan’s bizarre behavior lately?

Were all those times Lin Huayan took her hand, the warmth passed palm-to-palm, fake?

Was that whispered “lead me along” with alcohol breath when she leaned close, fake?

What was the point of it all?

Green light. She shook off the jumble of thoughts, floored the gas. Amid the engine’s hum, taillights ahead merged into a flowing river of stars.

How she longed to swim upstream along that starry river, back to the days under the big tree outside Huai’an No. 1 Middle School—back to those pitch-black nights dark enough to hide her fantasies, waiting for Lin Huayan so they could walk home together.

As navigation announced they were nearing the destination, Lou Yixuan’s hand trembled, and beside her, Lin Huayan’s lashes fluttered.

Lou Yixuan eased off the gas, letting speed drop gradually, as if she could slow fate’s verdict on them.

But as soon as they entered the garage, she spoke up. “Teacher Lin, you’re home.”

She pulled into a random empty spot and turned—to see the shimmering tears in Lin Huayan’s eyes, and her own reflection in Lin Huayan’s pupils.

Lin Huayan unbuckled. “Not walking me up?”

“You’re not drunk.” Lou Yixuan avoided her gaze. “I won’t intrude.”

“So only if I’m drunk will you come home with me?”

“…” Lou Yixuan’s averted eyes snapped back angrily, a mix of outrage at having the tables turned.

Just as she was feeling resentful, Lin Huayan leaned over, pressing close. Her right hand cupped the back of Lou Yixuan’s head, kissing her lips without allowing any refusal.

This time was different from last time.

Lou Yixuan’s heart had already tilted uncontrollably toward Lin Huayan. She put up no resistance. After a brief moment of surprise, she grabbed Lin Huayan’s arm like a drowning person clutching the last piece of driftwood.

She listened to Lin Huayan’s breathing and sniffed her scent, mingled with the rhythm of their heartbeats. She parted her lips slightly, welcoming Lin Huayan’s invasion.

A moment of indulgence was still joy.

Lin Huayan was a knowledgeable and talented teacher, as well as an extremely gifted student.

She put her knowledge into practice, her tongue tip stirring to moisten and caress every corner of Lou Yixuan’s mouth thoroughly.

Until the saliva in their mouths had blended inseparably, she finally withdrew her tongue tip.

“Now you’ve had alcohol too. You can’t drive—no drunk driving.”

“Lin Huayan…!”

The moment Lou Yixuan opened her mouth, it was sealed again. Lin Huayan kissed her while coaxing her little cat: “I’m here, I’m here, Yixuan. Come upstairs with me, come home with me, okay?”

Unlike her usual reticent restraint when passive, the proactive Lin Huayan was so straightforward that even Lou Yixuan had to admire her.

The heat from Lin Huayan’s lips scorched her nerves. This moment, this scene—it was too much like a dream she had deliberately romanticized in her youth.

Beautiful… like a mirage that could vanish at any time.

With only negligible distance between them, Lin Huayan’s eyelashes lightly brushed her cheek, and the tips of her hair draped over her collarbone. Both brought a teasing, elusive itch.

Her throat rolled repeatedly, and only when she tasted the saltiness did she realize tears had already flowed into the corners of her mouth.

“Are you sure? Have you thought it through, Lin Huayan? Do you understand what it means right now for me to go upstairs with you, to go home with you?”

Lou Yixuan clutched the fabric at her chest, as if swaying violently between joy and fear, heaven and hell. Her voice was hoarse from crying.

“Lin Huayan, you’ve pushed me away too many times already. My heart is made of flesh—I can’t take it either. Every time you reject me, every time you stay silent or run away, that riddled heart of mine keeps telling me how much it hurts, hurts so badly it wants to die…”

“I’m sorry for making you wait so long, hurt so long.”

Lin Huayan apologized as she pulled Lou Yixuan even tighter into her embrace, kissing away the tears at the corner of her eye. “I’ll heal it. I’ll heal it.”

She hurt terribly too.

Her own heart needed Lou Yixuan to heal it.

“Lou Yixuan, listen carefully. I’m not toying with you, and I’m not being ambiguously flirtatious. I kiss you because I like you—the kind of like that wants to be together with you, and even more, the kind that wants to keep going with you. So, come home with me, okay?”