Chapter 18

Cold air filled the bus.

Qin Yue stared at Shen Jianqing, studying her motionless for nearly twenty seconds before, as if recognizing her, slowly easing the force on her wrist.

Shen Jianqing’s hand, already going numb, gave a small shake; her wrist bone throbbed dully. But she simply drew the hand back on a held breath and gave no sign of anything being wrong. She still didn’t know exactly what Qin Yue had faced tonight and didn’t dare give her any more stimulation.

Kissing had been Qin Yue’s idea. Whatever the cause, the fact she’d proposed it meant the act had her approval, and maybe even some liking. So she hoped Qin Yue still liked it on this unsettled night, that the liking could temporarily cover over the terror in her body. Lost in kisses and lovemaking, she always became a different person, so strong you wouldn’t see a trace of brokenness.

Shen Jianqing watched Qin Yue carefully and, once certain the abrupt words hadn’t provoked any resistance, asked again, “Qin Yue, do you want to kiss me?”

Qin Yue still said nothing, only sat leaning in the seat watching Shen Jianqing until, seeing the heart behind that carefully maintained composure start to flutter with unease, she finally stirred and sat up. “Teacher Shen, please come a little closer.”

Slightly taken aback, Shen Jianqing stepped closer.

“Closer.”

Shen Jianqing stepped forward. The new flats she had changed into on the fly and Qin Yue’s dust-caked sneakers interlocked, pressing tight together.

Qin Yue looked down for a few seconds, then slowly raised her arms around Shen Jianqing’s waist and buried her face against her stomach.

Shen Jianqing was startled for an instant. It wasn’t as if Qin Yue had never done this before. Every time afterward, especially when Shen Jianqing had come, Qin Yue would lean in and hold her like this. Not from the stance of the one in control, drawing her into an embrace, but pressing close in a soft, clinging, tender posture, creating for her a state of being needed and relied upon, so that the lovemaking would end balanced and equal. She had always assumed this gesture carried only two meanings for Qin Yue: comfort and giving.

Today, at this moment, she realized with a jolt that it could also be a plea for help. Those two words she could now say with such ease, my heart aches, began circling and crashing around her chest.

Ignoring the driver’s brewing impatience, she watched the thin, frail shoulders hidden against her for a moment with darkened eyes, then swiftly raised her hand and let it fall gently, and just like that time by the window in the music classroom, she stroked Qin Yue’s hair and said, “Qin Yue, if you don’t answer, I’ll take that as a yes.”

With that said, only the dull drone of the bus remained. She waited patiently for four or five seconds before the person in front of her tightened her arms and hugged her a little closer, her voice muffled. “I want to kiss you.”

Shen Jianqing blinked, flooded with relief.

At 1:03 a.m., Shen Jianqing hurriedly pulled open her front door and ushered Qin Yue in. “Go take a shower. I’ll find you some clean clothes.” She was gone as soon as the words left her mouth.

But Qin Yue didn’t turn toward the bathroom right away. She stood quietly where she was, eyes lowered, hiding every emotion, including the “fear” that had Shen Jianqing glancing back over and over, unable to put her mind at ease. After a dozen seconds or so, Shen Jianqing’s lingering footsteps finally faded away entirely.

Qin Yue raised a hand to knead the back of her neck, slowly rolled her head, then blinked and, as usual, sank down on one knee to straighten Shen Jianqing’s toppled high heels and pick up her scattered jacket and bag. The whole thing proceeded in perfect stillness.

Once everything was tidy, Qin Yue switched on the bathroom light and stepped inside.

“Don’t wash here.” Shen Jianqing came back and took hold of her.

Qin Yue paused briefly. “Where, then?”

“My bedroom.”

The bathroom by the entrance shared a single wall with the outside world. Qin Yue had just been through a shock, and an environment like that wouldn’t give her any sense of security. If anything, closing the door and letting the water wash down over her hearing might spark the fear all over again. The one in the bedroom was different. Once the door was locked, there would be only the two of them. Countless times they had given each other their softest, most honest selves. With each other, the last thing they had to fear was being hurt.

Shen Jianqing turned on the light and stood by the sink. “Your skin is about the same as mine, so you can use any of my bath products. The tub is disinfected after every use, you know that, so use it if you like, or the shower if that’s less trouble. Here’s a clean towel. I’ll go find you a change of clothes now.”

Having rattled all this off, Shen Jianqing thought for a second and asked Qin Yue, whose neck had several broken, oozing scrapes, “Can you manage on your own?”

Qin Yue looked at her quietly for a few seconds, then suddenly smiled. “Teacher Shen, I’m fine.”

Fine? She looks like she’s lost her soul and answers everything a beat late!

Shen Jianqing wanted to call her out, then remembered how even the barest mention of the welfare institute was something Qin Yue avoided, afraid of pity. Perhaps giving her space to be alone and sort out her feelings was the better choice. She would be right outside anyway; if Qin Yue couldn’t manage on her own, she could step in at any time.

“I’ll step out, then. Go ahead and wash. I’m not sure if I have new underwear around, so I need to look,” Shen Jianqing said.

“Mm,” Qin Yue answered, watching her go.

Outside, Shen Jianqing didn’t go straight to find clothes. Instead, she called in a favor to reach someone at the police station and get the details. If tonight’s incident never had to go through Qin Yue, Qin Yue wouldn’t have to relive it. Once she knew the facts, she could offer Qin Yue more reliable support.

Once the call connected, Shen Jianqing greeted them politely and cut straight to it. “The girl who was nearly attacked at our school’s south gate tonight, is her name Qin Yue? Yue, as in ‘transcend.'”

“Yes.”

“What happened?”

“A local resident, can’t earn a living, a loser of a man. After his wife beat and cursed him in front of the kids, he couldn’t take it and went out drinking his sorrows. Drank too much and passed out in the grass by the roadside. The girl happened to pass by. Seeing how soft and fragile she looked, he suddenly thought of how he gets beaten and berated by his wife every day and can’t hold his head up, and he just… lost it.”

Only cowards go looking for confidence by preying on the weak!

Shen Jianqing gripped the phone, her voice dropping to the bottom of a well. “Besides the injuries on her neck, is there anything else wrong with Qin Yue?”

“No. When he pinned her to the ground and dragged at her, the first thing she did was grab a handful of dirt and fling it into his eyes. You’re a teacher at Jiangping University, so you should know there’s a pile of construction debris dumped in that area, and there’s quicklime in it. Now that’s a self-defense weapon. The guards came over shortly after, and nothing serious happened.”

“Then why did it take her almost an hour to leave afterward?”

“The man confessed on the spot, so there was no need to drag the poor girl back to the station. We took her statement right there at the scene, which took some time. Once the case is filed, she’ll have to come in.”

“What happens in a case like this?”

“No substantive harm was done. The sentence won’t be heavy.”

Water suddenly sounded in the bathroom. Qin Yue had started washing, using the shower.

Shen Jianqing glanced at the blurred figure through the glass, straining to hold back her fury. “Her body may not be badly hurt, but what about her mind? She’s barely in her twenties. If something really had happened, what were you going to let her do with the rest of her life?!”

“Please, don’t get upset!” The other party rushed to explain. “The girl’s in poor health, right? She might have inhaled some lime dust while fighting back, and it irritated her throat. So when we arrived her face was deathly pale and she kept coughing. We were genuinely worried. But we checked her condition repeatedly afterward, and she was very composed. She answered every question in her statement clearly and logically. There were details even some of the younger officers had missed, and she even reminded us of them. Her mind was perfectly clear. That’s exactly why we felt comfortable letting her go. We’re the people’s police; we would never leave the people in danger again and again.”

The explanation was watertight. Shen Jianqing couldn’t find an opening to retort for the moment. But composed?

She watched the steam grow thicker on the glass door. No matter how many times she replayed the memory, she couldn’t find a trace of composure in Qin Yue. She flinched when her neck was touched. She clung to Shen Jianqing’s waist, crying out for help. She was guarded against people. Every one of her reactions came slow. If those instinctive reactions weren’t fear, what were they?

Shen Jianqing’s lips pressed into a straight line. She simply could not link the word “composed” to Qin Yue.

Not entirely…

Just now in the bathroom, Qin Yue had smiled and told her “I’m fine.” If not for those few seconds of delay, she would very likely have believed it and accepted the police’s explanation on the spot. Unfortunately, Qin Yue hadn’t managed to hide it. Her composure was nothing but a facade. For strangers, and for her, too.

Stubborn thing!

The fire in Shen Jianqing’s belly flared, then quickly settled. It’s not like today’s the first time I’ve known how stubborn she is, she thought heavily, and it’s not like I don’t know her upbringing shaped that. It isn’t her fault.

If it isn’t her fault, why be angry at her stubbornness?

It’s not as if she hasn’t shown you her weak side.

She might have shown it only to you…

You heard it clearly just now: even the police, who go on about protecting the people, saw nothing in her but “composure.”

Her heart gave a thump. Sour, and yet faintly warm.

Shen Jianqing pulled her thoughts back and spoke into the phone. “Alright, I understand. Sorry to bother you tonight. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Tomorrow we’ll notify your school to tighten management of the construction site so nothing like this happens again.”

The call ended, and the heart Shen Jianqing had been holding aloft still wouldn’t settle. From the corner of her eye she caught the figure swaying behind the glass door. She lifted her head slightly, opened her mouth and breathed in and out twice, forcing her nerves to relax before going to find Qin Yue a change of clothes.

A while later, Shen Jianqing knocked lightly on the bathroom’s glass door. “Qin Yue, it’s me. I’ve got your clothes.”

Qin Yue answered softly. The water stopped shortly after, and the blurred figure inside drew closer bit by bit until it reached the door and pushed it open a crack.

“I’m over here,” Shen Jianqing called out.

Qin Yue located her and reached through the gap for the clothes. Her arm was wet, and the moment it emerged on the warm steam, a drop of water rolled down her forearm and landed beside Shen Jianqing’s foot. Shen Jianqing’s toes curled. She could faintly feel a few splashes land on her ankle.

“Teacher Shen?” Not finding the clothes, Qin Yue spoke up.

Shen Jianqing snapped back and placed the clothes into Qin Yue’s hand. “Take your time. No rush. I’ll go warm you some milk.”

Qin Yue said nothing. Her wet fingers brushed against the soft fabric of the pajamas, lingered a moment, then withdrew.

Shen Jianqing frowned. “What is it?”

What answered her wasn’t Qin Yue’s voice but the soft sliding sound of the door slowly opening. Startled, Shen Jianqing looked up by reflex, and for an instant there was nothing but dazzling white.