“Best friends…”
That label felt like a dull knife repeatedly slicing at Shen Jia Yan’s heart. She stared at Wen Wan Ning’s side profile, so close at hand, her eyelashes casting a small shadow under the light.
They were so near, yet always separated by an invisible wall.
Shen Jia Yan mocked herself inwardly. Still just friends? Does she really have no attraction to me at all? Am I unable to make her like me?
Impulsiveness surged like a tide. She nearly blurted out the confession she’d buried for three years. She didn’t want to wait anymore. She wanted to speak her heart, to truly express her feelings, to tell her that she’d liked her since their first year of high school, that she’d been secretly in love with her.
But at that moment, Wen Wan Ning suddenly looked up and gave her that familiar, heart-wrenching smile. “Don’t be mad. Forgive me, considering how sincerely I apologized.”
The words doused her like a bucket of cold water, snapping her back to reason. Shen Jia Yan forced a smile. “Okay.”
Wen Wan Ning’s condition had just improved a bit, and university life was gradually settling into a routine. More importantly… she didn’t know if Wen Wan Ning had any feelings for her.
This wasn’t the right time.
She decided to take it slow.
First, test the waters, she thought. Gently, bit by bit, draw closer to her heart.
The room’s lighting was soft. Wen Wan Ning leaned against the headboard, draped in a loose cardigan sweater, her cheeks still faintly flushed from her recent bath. She scrolled through her phone, occasionally glancing up at Shen Jia Yan across from her.
Shen Jia Yan sat on the other bed, her phone open to a novel app, but she hadn’t absorbed a single word. Her heart was being tugged back and forth—one side the long-suppressed impulse, the other a web woven from reason and caution.
She set her phone down and looked at Wen Wan Ning. “Wan Ning, have you ever liked anyone before?”
Wen Wan Ning froze, lifting her head to meet her gaze. Her eyes held surprise, tinged with a hint of panic. “Why do you ask that all of a sudden?”
Shen Jia Yan smiled lightly, her tone casual. “Just curious.”
Wen Wan Ning lowered her head, her fingers unconsciously rubbing the edge of her phone. “I… I don’t think I’ve ever truly liked anyone.”
Shen Jia Yan watched her quietly, her voice gentle. “Really?”
Wen Wan Ning looked up, meeting her eyes, and paused before saying softly, “Really.”
Shen Jia Yan’s heart skipped a beat, and she softly hummed in acknowledgment. “I haven’t liked anyone before either.”
After a pause, she added, “But now, there’s someone I’ve liked for a long time.”
Wen Wan Ning’s expression froze, her heart dropping.
Shen Jia Yan had someone she liked? Someone she’d liked for a long time? Someone from university? Or maybe from high school…
A flurry of questions bubbled up inside her. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if the person Shen Jia Yan liked could be her, given how well she treated her.
But the thought passed quickly. She clearly remembered what Shen Jia Yan had said when rejecting Shao Han: “I can’t accept girls.”
With that in mind, she felt she should be relieved, yet an odd emotion stirred instead. Disappointment? Reluctance?
She tried hard to suppress it, pushing down the inexplicable feeling, and carefully asked, “A—is it a university classmate?”
Shen Jia Yan leaned in closer, so close that Wen Wan Ning could see the tiny water droplets on her eyelashes from her bath. “Do you care that much?”
Wen Wan Ning abruptly turned away, pulling back a bit. “Of course I care. We’re best friends.”
Shen Jia Yan’s gaze followed her intently, not wanting to miss a single expression, hoping to read the answer on her face.
But it backfired. She didn’t catch the undercurrents Wen Wan Ning was desperately holding back. She only saw the friend-like surprise and concern in her eyes, along with a hint of resistance to her closeness.
Shen Jia Yan masked her disappointment and smiled faintly. “No, I was just kidding.” She deliberately lifted the corners of her mouth. “Like you, I don’t have anyone I like yet.”
Seeing her joking expression, Wen Wan Ning believed her without question, and the tension in her heart eased.
She quietly released the bedsheet she’d been clutching, letting that strange disappointment sink into the deepest corner of her heart. “You scared me,” she complained in an exaggerated tone, her fingertip unconsciously tracing a wrinkle on the sheet. “You joke about everything.” She shot her a playful glance with a smile.
Shen Jia Yan’s mouth curved in that forced smile, like a thin mist under sunlight—bright and warm on the surface, but without real warmth. “I won’t make jokes like that anymore.”
“But,” Wen Wan Ning said softly, “if you really do find someone you like…” Her fingers absentmindedly drew circles on the sheet. “Can you tell me first?”
Shen Jia Yan gripped her water cup tightly, her knuckles turning white. “Why?”
“Because…” Wen Wan Ning explained gently, “I want to know what kind of guy the person you like is like.”
Shen Jia Yan suddenly looked up, a flicker of emotion crossing her eyes that Wen Wan Ning couldn’t decipher. “Why does it have to be a guy?”
The air in the room seemed to freeze. Wen Wan Ning heard her own heartbeat thundering in her ears. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. What did Shen Jia Yan mean by that?
“I’m kidding.” Shen Jia Yan suddenly laughed and lightly pushed Wen Wan Ning’s shoulder. “Look how tense you got.”
Wen Wan Ning stared into Shen Jia Yan’s eyes, trying to discern the truth behind her words.
Shen Jia Yan struggled to contain the storm inside her, meeting her gaze with clear, innocent eyes.
Wen Wan Ning believed it was a joke. She raised her hand as if to swat her. “Shen Jia Yan, you’re teasing me again!”
“Hahaha…” Shen Jia Yan laughed as she stood. “Alright, no more teasing. I’m going to take a shower.”
The forced curve of her lips drooped the moment she stepped into the bathroom.
The bathroom door closed softly. Finally alone, Shen Jia Yan dropped all pretense. Hot water poured from the showerhead, steam quickly fogging the mirror. She stood under the spray, letting the warm water beat against her face, mingling with the tears silently falling.
She wiped her face, recalling Wen Wan Ning’s innocent expression when she’d said “the guy you like.” Her heart felt gripped by an invisible hand. So in Wen Wan Ning’s mind, her feelings had been confined to the “friends” boundary from the start, without even room for imagination.
The water droplets on the mirror slid down slowly, just like her crumbling defenses.
The water stopped abruptly. As Shen Jia Yan dried off, she noticed her hands trembling slightly. She took a deep breath and practiced smiling in the mirror several times until it looked natural enough.
When she emerged from the bathroom, towel-drying her hair, Wen Wan Ning was already lying in bed scrolling on her phone. The warm yellow bedside lamp illuminated her profile, her eyelashes casting a gentle shadow beneath her eyes.
“Not asleep yet?” Shen Jia Yan tried to sound light and cheerful.
Wen Wan Ning looked up, her gaze lingering for a second on Shen Jia Yan’s slightly reddened eyes. “Waiting for you.”
The words made Shen Jia Yan’s heart clench. She silently lay down on the other bed and turned off her bedside lamp. In the darkness, she heard Wen Wan Ning say softly, “Jia Yan, good night.”
“Good night,” she replied, silently adding in her heart the words she hadn’t spoken: The person I like is you.
※
Early the next morning, the sky was still dim and gray when fine rain began falling silently.
Shen Jia Yan got up early.
She quietly finished washing up and filled the thermos with water, plugging it in to heat.
After that, she peeked at Wen Wan Ning’s bed—she was still asleep.
Then, taking the spare room card, she gently opened the door and left.
Per the doctor’s instructions, Wen Wan Ning’s daily dose of herbal medicine was split into two bags: one after breakfast, one after dinner.
Shen Jia Yan headed out to buy breakfast for her.
Forty minutes later, she returned to the homestay, breakfast bag in hand.
She opened the door as quietly as before.
Wen Wan Ning, who had been holding her phone by the door, paused. She saw Shen Jia Yan enter, drenched from head to toe, except for the bag she clutched protectively. Frowning, she asked, “Jia Yan, where did you go? I was just about to call you. Look at you, soaked through.”
Shen Jia Yan brushed the wet bangs from her eyes and smiled. “It’s fine. I went to get breakfast.” She held up the bag for inspection. “Good thing the breakfast is safe and sound. Come eat.”
She carried the bag inside and began setting out the food on the table.
Wen Wan Ning noted the logo on the bag—it was from that porridge shop Shen Jia Yan had ordered from last time. The porridge there was delicious and nutritious, but though it was a chain, only the main branch offered delivery. A remote homestay like this, even with nearby branches, probably didn’t have delivery service.
Shen Jia Yan opened a pair of chopsticks, rubbed them together, and handed them to Wen Wan Ning. “Their porridge is top quality. It’s better for your stomach.”
Wen Wan Ning’s fingertips hovered in midair as she watched raindrops fall from Shen Jia Yan’s hair tips, staining the floor dark.
“You…”
This fool, all for a bowl of porridge.
Shen Jia Yan carefully lifted the lid. “Eat it while it’s hot.” She slid the bowl over, her mouth curving into that familiar arc. “Your stomach can’t handle cold food.”
Wen Wan Ning suddenly grabbed her wrist. The icy touch made her heart ache. These hands felt like they’d soaked in the rain all night. Without another word, she dragged her into the bathroom. “Shower first!”
As the shower turned on, Shen Jia Yan protested, “The porridge will get cold—”
“Shen Jia Yan!” Wen Wan Ning’s voice trembled unusually. “Take off your clothes now. It’s just a bowl of porridge. Is it worth…” Her words choked off midway.
She spotted a ginkgo leaf stuck to Shen Jia Yan’s collarbone—one from the tree at the homestay entrance. So she hadn’t even used an umbrella, just to rush back before the porridge cooled?
Steam gradually filled the bathroom. Wen Wan Ning turned to leave but heard a soft voice behind her: “It’s worth it.”
She froze.
As long as it’s for you, it’s worth it.
