Chapter 66: I Want to Study Abroad

Shen Jia Yan composed herself, looked at Grandma, took a deep breath, and mustered all her courage to carefully voice the question she had buried deep in her heart. “Grandma, what if… the person I like… is a girl?”

“Would you still always stay by my side and support me?”

Her voice was very soft, as if she feared losing the light in Grandma’s eyes.

She looked at Grandma, her gaze filled with unease, apprehension, and an expectation she couldn’t hide.

She feared Grandma would frown, feared she would fall silent, feared she would say “that’s not right,” feared she would pull away from her.

She feared that the person she loved most would no longer accept her because the one she loved was a girl.

Grandma was stunned for a moment.

In that instant, a flicker of astonishment flashed in her eyes, as if she hadn’t expected to hear those words.

A girl? Like Yan Yan?

In Grandma’s understanding, there was no such thing as liking someone of the same sex. In her era, love existed only between men and women—it was about firewood, rice, oil, and salt; day after day together; growing old side by side. She had never considered this question, nor had she ever encountered anything like it.

For a moment, she didn’t know what to say.

Not out of anger, nor rejection, but because she needed a little time to understand and digest this issue that was somewhat unfamiliar to her.

She looked at Shen Jia Yan, at the cautious light in her eyes, at how she was clearly so sad yet still feared losing even her love.

Her heart suddenly clenched.

Without thinking about whether it was “right” or “wrong,” she only saw that her child was using all her courage to reveal her truest self to her.

She took a gentle breath, sorted through the jumble of emotions in her heart, then slowly reached out and tightly grasped Shen Jia Yan’s hand. Her palm was warm, roughened by the years, yet firmer than ever.

“Yan Yan,” her voice was soft but exceptionally clear, “whether the person you like is a boy or a girl…”

She paused, her gaze tender. “You’re the child I watched grow up, the one I love most. As long as you’re sincere, as long as you’re serious, as long as you’re happy…”

“Grandma supports you.”

Tears instantly welled up in Shen Jia Yan’s eyes.

She stared at Grandma in a daze, as if she couldn’t believe what she had heard.

“But…” Her voice trembled, afraid it was all an illusion. “Don’t you find it… hard to accept?”

She feared the gossip from others, feared Grandma would be talked about by relatives, feared that because she liked a girl, even her closest family would pull away from her.

Grandma gently shook her head, her eyes a little moist. “Grandma’s old now, and there are many things I might not understand, but I know that for someone to like another person so earnestly isn’t a bad thing.”

“You haven’t hurt anyone; you just fell for someone, and that person happened to be a girl.”

She raised her hand and gently stroked Shen Jia Yan’s cheek. “Grandma isn’t afraid of what others say. I’m only afraid you’ll wrong yourself, afraid you won’t be true to yourself.”

“You’re willing to tell me, which means you trust me, so I have to catch you properly, right?”

Shen Jia Yan could no longer hold back. She threw herself into Grandma’s arms, tears pouring out.

She buried her face in Grandma’s embrace, just like when she was little—the times when no matter what she did wrong or how sad she was, she would be gently held and softly comforted.

She had thought she would face blame, silence, a questioning “how can you like a girl?”

But Grandma just held her gently, patting her back rhythmically, like when she lulled her to sleep as a child.

“Don’t be afraid, Yan Yan,” Grandma said softly, giving her a promise that would never break. “With Grandma here, you don’t have to be afraid.”

In that moment, Shen Jia Yan understood that love didn’t need to be understood by everyone—as long as it was accepted by the truly important people, that was enough.

She wasn’t challenging conventions or rebelling against the world; she was just loving someone earnestly, like any ordinary, sincere, brave person.

The night breeze gently blew through the windowsill, carrying the scent of flowers and gentle comfort.

Grandma held her and said warmly, “Our Yan Yan will be fine. You’ll meet someone willing to walk very far for you. Then, you won’t have to be sad alone anymore.”

Shen Jia Yan buried her face in Grandma’s arms and nodded lightly.

That night, she lay beside Grandma, holding the arm that gave her such a strong sense of security, just like when she was little.

The room still held the faint scent of Grandma’s old-fashioned snowflake cream, mixed with the warmth of sun-dried cotton quilts. Moonlight gently spilled in from the window, shining on the photo by the bedside of Grandma holding her.

She closed her eyes, and exhaustion washed over her like a tide. Finally, she drifted into sleep.

The next morning, Shen Jia Yan, who had barely slept, woke early.

At the breakfast table, Grandma looked at her dark circles and said with concern, “Yan Yan, remember what Grandma told you. Don’t wrong yourself; everything will get better.”

“Eat well, sleep well, and don’t worry Grandma.”

Shen Jia Yan swallowed her porridge, sniffled, and said, “Okay, Grandma, I will.”

Grandma smiled in satisfaction.

After breakfast, Shen Jia Yan reminded Grandma to take care of her health and get checked at the hospital soon, then headed home.

When she got back, Shen Yan and Jiang Jing were both there.

Shen Jia Yan sat down beside them. “Dad, Mom, Grandma hasn’t been feeling well lately. She’s been coughing for a while now, but she didn’t want Liu Ah-yi to tell you because you’re busy with work. Please take her for a checkup soon.”

Shen Yan frowned upon hearing this. “Is it serious?”

Shen Jia Yan thought for a moment. “I don’t think it’s good; she’s coughing pretty frequently.”

“Alright, I’ll arrange it and take Grandma for a checkup as soon as possible.” Shen Yan stood up, speaking as he picked up his phone to make a call.

Shen Jia Yan turned to Jiang Jing, her gaze calm. “Mom, there’s one more thing I want to discuss with you and Dad.”

Jiang Jing steadied herself and asked, “What is it?”

“I want to go study abroad.”

The room fell quiet for a moment.

Jiang Jing didn’t reply immediately. She just looked at her, her gaze scanning her daughter’s lowered brows and eyes to confirm if she was serious.

After a moment, she furrowed her brows, her tone carrying a hint of doubt. “I mentioned going abroad to you before, and you refused. You said you didn’t like unfamiliar environments or going so far away.”

Her gaze lingered on her daughter’s lowered face, trying to read something from it. “Why do you want to go now?”

Shen Jia Yan looked down at her hands, her fingertips curling slightly, as if recalling something or suppressing it.

She took a gentle breath, her voice soft. “I’ve thought about it, and I feel like going abroad would help with my music studies too.”

Just as she finished speaking, Shen Yan returned from his call.

He had just sat down when Jiang Jing smoothly said, “Your daughter wants to discuss going abroad with us.”

Shen Yan was taken aback, his gaze falling on Shen Jia Yan with a trace of surprise.

He set down his phone, his tone steady. “When did you decide this? Weren’t you pretty against the idea before?”

Shen Jia Yan kept her head lowered, her fingers unconsciously gripping the hem of her clothes. “I… reconsidered it.” Her voice was so soft it was almost inaudible, yet carried a hint of resolve. “I think… maybe a change of environment would be good for me.”

Jiang Jing watched her, a complex emotion flashing in her eyes.

She wasn’t a sensitive person, but she was her mother.

She could tell that though her daughter’s tone was calm, beneath that calm hid a fatigue she wouldn’t voice.

She didn’t press further but glanced at Shen Yan.

Shen Yan pondered for a moment before slowly saying, “If you’ve really thought it through, of course we support you.”

He spoke deliberately, each word measured, carrying the steady patience unique to fathers.

Shen Jia Yan nodded lightly, her voice equally soft but with a trace of relief. “Thank you, Dad.”

Those three words came out a little choked, yet utterly sincere.

She wasn’t thanking him for agreeing to let her go abroad, but for not prying into the reasons she didn’t want to share.

She knew her father had noticed her changes, had seen the fatigue and irrepressible disappointment in her tone.

But he didn’t force her to speak, didn’t make her lay her heart bare on the table like a surgeon’s scalpel cutting her open.

He simply accepted her decision, like catching a gently falling leaf.

Jiang Jing watched the scene, her heart suddenly aching a little.

She knew they were watching their daughter take steps toward independence, toward the distance.

And in that moment, she suddenly realized that her child had grown up.

She was no longer the little girl who would throw herself into her arms and act spoiled, but an adult who hid her heartaches alone, processed her pain by herself, and quietly made major life decisions.

Jiang Jing sighed softly, her tone softening. “So, when do you plan to leave?”

Shen Jia Yan looked up at her, a hint of hesitation in her eyes quickly replaced by determination. “As soon as possible.”

She was reluctant to leave her parents, her grandma, her friends—but she wanted so badly to forget.

To forget the person she had loved with all her might but never received a response from, to forget the dreams she thought would last forever, to forget the self who cried soundlessly in the night breeze.

To leave this city, leave the familiar street corners, scents, and people.

To leave the Wen Wan Ning she had once fantasized about a future with countless times.

She didn’t want to erase Wen Wan Ning’s existence entirely or deny the feelings she had once cherished so earnestly and tenderly.

She just wanted, in a city without her, to relearn how to love herself—to give herself a chance to start over.

A chance without needing to deliberately avoid, without pretending to be fine, without waking up startled from dreams.

She wanted, in a brand-new world, to slowly mend the self who had been wounded all over by love.