Chapter 43: Can’t Hold On

Rong Si finished reading the documents in her hands and closed them. She looked up at the time. Before going back to her own room, she made a trip to Cheng Jinzhi’s room. Jinzhi was already asleep, curled up in a fairly obedient position, her phone still beside her fingers—she’d probably dozed off while playing with it. The entire room gave off a soothing, soft yellow glow. Jinzhi had installed some calming aromatherapy lamps around the bed. The lamps were a recent addition; the old ones had colors that were a bit too bright.

Rong Si checked Jinzhi’s ankle. It was fine—just a minor scrape. Rong Si gently brushed her finger across it. The moment her fingertip touched Jinzhi’s skin, Jinzhi’s toes gave a faint twitch, but she didn’t wake. She must have been truly exhausted. Rong Si rose and tucked the blanket around Jinzhi. Jinzhi was sleeping deeply—only when she slept heavily did she stay this obedient.

A few days ago, they’d had dinner with the director. Throughout the meal, Cheng Jinzhi had kept smiling. After the dinner ended, her face still felt stiff, and she pouted slightly, as if wanting to give her face a rest from too much smiling. Rong Si didn’t check her phone much, but she still knew about some of the negative news surrounding Cheng Jinzhi. The most recent item said Jinzhi had thrown a diva tantrum and had a black face the whole time, with a photo of Jinzhi’s expressionless face.

“She’s resting.” Rong Si posted this message on the news site, but it was quickly drowned out by comments.

Why did others see it as a black face when she found it adorable? A few days ago, when Jinzhi had pouted, she’d wanted to lower her head and kiss her. How could there be a person who, the moment she pouted, made you want to kiss her?

Want.

Want to kiss you.

Was it because she was only nineteen this year, and her cultivation wasn’t deep enough, that she was so preoccupied?

Rong Si raised her hand and turned off the beauty lamp on the table. As she stepped out the door, she received an overseas call.

“No, you can’t take a leave of absence…” Rong Si’s voice was somewhat firm, but after a few sentences it softened considerably. “Finish your studies properly. I’m doing well in the country…”

After hanging up, Rong Si glanced once more at Cheng Jinzhi’s room before slowly making her way back to her own.

Filming continued until mid-September, when “Beauty of Rivers and Mountains” finally wrapped. With the weekend drama format of four episodes per week, it was expected to finish airing by October. The drama had already been sold to Donglai TV, which planned to air it in October. It would premiere on the channel while wrapping up on Ailuke, riding the wave of “Beauty of Rivers and Mountains”‘s popularity.

Donglai TV had recently been bidding out advertising slots. Besides purchasing “Beauty of Rivers and Mountains,” it had also bought several other hit dramas. Compared to Dongmang TV, Donglai TV’s drama production was weaker, while its variety show strength was greater. “Hi, Lover” was a variety show produced with Donglai TV’s participation.

Director Wang Zhang was fairly generous. Besides the initial salary, she’d given quite a bit of extra compensation later on, and had also found Rong Si several endorsement deals. Fame brings trouble, especially in the entertainment circle. It was no longer just one or two media outlets reporting that Cheng Jinzhi and Rong Si didn’t get along. “Beauty of Rivers and Mountains” was supposed to be a dual-female-lead drama, but because Jinzhi played a woman in a male role, many polls ranked Rong Si as the primary female lead. The ranking of female leads naturally sparked fan battles.

Female celebrities of the same period were the easiest targets for public comparison, let alone those in the same hit drama. One side sang, then the other took the stage—an endless commotion.

Seeing the online chaos, Cheng Jinzhi felt a bit fortunate. Luckily, Rong Si didn’t use her phone much.

During the filming of “Beauty of Rivers and Mountains,” many scripts had already come Rong Si’s way. Rong Si’s situation was rather unique—it was rare for a female celebrity to be this popular without signing with an agency. Rong Si also showed the scripts to Cheng Jinzhi. Jinzhi said she wouldn’t look at them, but when she had free time, she’d skim through the emails anyway. “Haha, this one’s good. The character setting is so sweet and clingy. I really want to see you act spoiled.”

“Mm.”

“Still no good.” Jinzhi thought it over and pulled the script out anyway. Who wanted to see you acting spoiled with a man? “You’re better suited to something with more inner drama.”

“This one works—lots of inner drama. No, wait…” There was actually a bed scene!

“This… so many kissing scenes… Did a male celebrity write this script himself? Huh… yeah, he did. No, no, no.”

After picking through for a long time, Rong Si watched her with good-natured patience.

Jinzhi flipped through and spotted a familiar script: “The Returner.” She examined it closely—it was indeed the same “The Returner” from her previous life. Noticing Jinzhi’s pause, Rong Si looked over as well. “I’ve read this one.”

“So what do you think?” Jinzhi looked up at Rong Si.

“Not quite right for me. DC said it was decent, so I kept it.”

Back then, Jinzhi had only just begun to make a name for herself. Her company had prepared a new drama press conference, but that evening it was suddenly postponed—all the major media outlets claimed they were busy. They were all preparing to welcome the newly crowned Best Actress returning from the Turin Film Festival: Rong Si. Not many people had high hopes for “The Returner,” yet it became a dark horse at the Turin Film Festival, sweeping up both “Best Director” and “Best Actress.”

That film launched Rong Si onto a dazzling path of stardom.

Jinzhi’s wrist twitched, and she quickly flipped past “The Returner.” “Alright then.”

After that, Jinzhi grew distracted. Rong Si assumed she was tired and took the tablet from her hands. She reached out and ruffled Jinzhi’s hair. “What’s wrong?”

Jinzhi didn’t speak. She just looked at Rong Si, then lowered her head and buried herself in Rong Si’s arms.

It was terrible. This feeling was absolutely terrible. Jinzhi hated her rebirth for the first time.

If she hadn’t been reborn, she wouldn’t know what was coming. She wouldn’t know that Rong Si would rise to prominence through this film. She remembered that the day after Rong Si got off the plane, Rong Si had come to her and repaid all her debts.

In the days that followed, Cheng Jinzhi felt like she’d done something guilty. Even when she saw Rong Si, she pretended not to notice and chatted with DC beside her. Only after Rong Si walked past would she sneak a glance back. Two days ago, Rong Si had pulled her aside and asked what was wrong. She hadn’t answered—just kicked at the pitiful little grass by her feet. Rong Si had slowly let go of her arm, seeming to let out a faint sigh.

That day, Jinzhi arrived at the recording studio and found Rong Si singing inside. Director Wang Zhang was wearing headphones, nodding with great satisfaction.

“Miss Cheng, your lines will have to wait a moment.” Seeing Jinzhi arrive, Wang Zhang quickly took off her headphones. “A friend of mine asked me to help with a film, so I had Miss Rong record a theme song for me.”

“Mm.” Jinzhi had been about to sit down on the side.

Wang Zhang waved her over. “Miss Rong’s singing is quite good. Come have a listen, Miss Cheng?”

“Mm… alright.” Jinzhi had no choice but to put on the headphones. She glanced at the notebook beside Wang Zhang: the theme song for “Back to Seventeen,” “Let Me Be Alone, Let Me Love You.”

“Is it too late? Have I lost you forever? Lost your smile, lost your embrace, lost the most meaningful you in the world. Let me be alone, let me love you. Let me lose everything, let me return to your side. I pray, this night-long ache, let it end…”

Rong Si seemed to notice Jinzhi outside the glass window. As soon as Jinzhi put on the headphones, their eyes met. Rong Si looked at her for a long moment, and Jinzhi, a little embarrassed, touched her earphones. Only then did Rong Si begin the next verse.

“Struggling, entangled, green vines. Unseen, wrapped around the heart. Treat me as deluded, treat me as calm. Don’t listen to me lying anymore…”

Jinzhi took off the headphones. “Mm, Miss Rong sings with deep emotion.”

“Right?” Wang Zhang teased. “Miss Rong isn’t a celebrity without a story.”

Jinzhi lowered her head and didn’t look at Rong Si again. She finished recording her lines quite late, and Rong Si was still standing in the hallway waiting for her. Rong Si handed her a bottle of water. “Thirsty?”

Jinzhi took a sip and walked out of the recording studio side by side with Rong Si. At the entrance, Jinzhi suddenly spoke. “Take ‘The Returner.’ I went back and looked it over—I think it’s pretty good.”

“Mm, alright.” As she spoke, Rong Si pulled Jinzhi closer. “Watch the steps.”

Jinzhi didn’t struggle and let Rong Si lead her down the stairs. She tried to sound casual: “Rong Si, if you get famous later, don’t forget me.”

Jinzhi felt like she must be out of her mind. She was actually urging her “sworn enemy” to sign the film that would make her a “Best Actress” winner.

Rong Si usually wouldn’t say much, but this time she at least gave Jinzhi a reply. “I won’t.”

“Rong Si…” Jinzhi stopped walking and looked at her. Standing in her stilettos, she was eye-level with Rong Si.

“Mm?”

I really envy you.

You’re about to win praise and applause so quickly.

Was it envy? Jinzhi had interpreted these two sleepless nights as “envy.”

Rong Si would soon repay her twenty million. That was something to be happy about. But… she tossed and turned, thinking she shouldn’t have been reborn. She still wanted to do some good things, but in front of Rong Si—precisely in front of Rong Si—she became that “selfish” Cheng Jinzhi again. Urging Rong Si to film “The Returner,” Jinzhi felt half vexed and half relieved. She didn’t want to be such a twisted person in front of Rong Si.

“I understand.”

“What do you understand?”

“I’ll move out.”

“No, you can’t!” Jinzhi’s mouth was faster than her brain again. After a pause of a second or two, she grabbed Rong Si’s hand tightly. “Anyway, you can’t move out… If you move out… who do I collect the debt from…”

That night, Jinzhi kept watching Rong Si, afraid that in a moment of carelessness, Rong Si would run away. Rong Si had just taken out her clothes when Jinzhi snatched them away, hugging them tightly.

“I’m taking a shower.” Even with Jinzhi making a fuss, Rong Si remained very calm.

Jinzhi looked down and saw the underwear in her arms. Ivory-colored… it really matched Rong Si’s skin tone…

“Rong Si… do you even wear a bra at home…”

The moment Jinzhi’s words left her mouth, Rong Si took the clothes back. “…Mm.”

“Mm… I think at home, you don’t need to wear one. It’s not good for development…” Jinzhi followed behind Rong Si… The bra wasn’t small—Rong Si really did have something there. She definitely had something there. They’d had so many bed scenes… it was quite soft… Jinzhi looked up and met Rong Si’s gaze. She felt a bit embarrassed and her words got increasingly jumbled. “Don’t worry about me, I won’t launch a surprise attack…”

Damn! What was she saying?! The more she explained, the worse it got!

“Do you want to join me?” Rong Si seemed to let out a sigh as she opened the bathroom door, looking at Jinzhi.

Jinzhi’s blush spread from her neck to her cheeks. “You go first. I won’t disturb you.”

Jinzhi turned and left.

Rong Si watched Jinzhi’s straight back—calm on the surface, but her steps were very fast. At the door, she seemed to let out a relieved yet annoyed breath.

While showering, Rong Si pressed her hand to her chest. Was this wavering feeling about to become impossible to hold back?

She wasn’t a god. Most of the time, she followed the customary path of growth.

Don’t look, don’t think. It always got better.

But this time, it seemed it wouldn’t.