“Pfft… hahahaha! What did you just say—how did you die?! Chasing after a girl, buying her milk tea to suck up, but halfway there, before you could even deliver it, a truck flattened you?!”
“You don’t know shit…! Aaaah! This is so annoying! You’ve repeated that eight times already! Are you really a deity meant to guide lost souls?!”
Ye Zhibai jabbed his finger toward the light orb across from him, the one emitting that shrill burst of laughter, and unleashed his loud accusation.
The light orb was blurry and dazzling, like a blob of light pollution. Or rather, the entire space where Ye Zhibai now found himself was a riot of bizarre, shifting colors.
He had just tried chasing after that self-proclaimed deity—this supremely scummy light orb—to land a punch on her!
But it was utterly pointless.
In this afterlife realm… distance didn’t exist. Touching a deity with your fist was impossible even when alive. After death? Forget it.
The light orb’s shape twisted and warped with her piercing, echoing peals of laughter. If she were human, she’d be doubled over, rolling on the floor in hysterics.
Her voice gave no hint of gender. It was more like a composite echo resounding from every direction.
“Hahaha…! Whew… Sorry, sorry. Let me compose myself. We deities have our dignity, you know. Normally, we absolutely wouldn’t laugh. Absolutely not… pfft, unless it’s just too much~”
Infuriating!
The light orb paused for a moment, then floated upward, as if she had just picked something up.
She sounded like she was reading from an official announcement.
“Ah, let’s see here… You’re Ye Zhibai. Orphaned from birth. Average grades. Average social life. Average looks. Barely any friends. Luck in the toilet. Rented a cheap apartment that burned down. Financial fortune? Total money pit—your first paycheck went straight to hospital bills after a falling iron basin bonked you on the way home from work. Holy crap, that’s rough. I almost feel bad for you. And then… zero dating experience. Died a virgin. Pfft…!”
“Hey!!!”
“Ah, sorry, sorry! A deity’s gotta keep smiling, right? Anyway~ That girl you were planning to deliver milk tea to before you died—did she ever actually say she’d go out with you?”
“N-No… not yet! But I figured it was just a matter of time…”
“Puhahaha! Keep dreaming—wake up! You got truck-killed, dummy! That’s why they say simps never win! You’re trying to laugh me to death so you can steal my godhood!”
“I don’t want your godhood, but can you laugh yourself to death already?!”
And simp? Bullshit. Ye Zhibai knew better. He just had this messy, tangled connection with that girl… nothing like real pursuit.
Not even properly pursuing her and still getting truck-killed? Total loss.
Sigh… None of it mattered anymore.
If his body weren’t growing more numb and unresponsive by the second, Ye Zhibai would’ve jumped right out of this hellhole for a second suicide.
Sure, his life had been a string of misfortunes, but he’d fought back. He’d struggled.
Broke? He picked up odd jobs, worked his ass off. Then the shop went bust after a few days.
No parents growing up. Tuition sucked up every cent, leaving scraps for a leaky summer, drafty winter dump of an apartment. Even meals required careful budgeting.
He’d endured enough bullshit in life. Now, after death, this bizarre so-called deity was roasting him nonstop. Who could take that?
Better dead than insulted!
Sorry, but could he opt out of reincarnation? If he had the choice, he’d drag this thing down with him!
But a dead nobody like Ye Zhibai had no power to mouth off to a great deity.
The light orb didn’t take offense at his rudeness. She was just following protocol, doing her duty.
“Alrighty, Ye Zhibai. You’ve got me cracking up—haven’t laughed this hard in centuries~ By the rules, I should wipe your memories clean and send you back as an embryo to reincarnate on this planet. But… looks like there’s a little snag.”
A little snag?!
Ye Zhibai’s blood ran cold at those words.
His plain, light-shrouded face couldn’t produce sweat anymore.
But the sense of dread was real.
This scummy light orb…! Was she plotting revenge? Denying him reincarnation just to spite his earlier rant?
Or something worse…?
“What’re you over there fretting about? Sigh, people these days… all got persecution complexes. Don’t worry—I may be a deity, but there are eyes on me from above. Besides, I’m too lazy to hold your dumbass words against you. Moron.”
You’re the moron!
Wait…! You can hear my thoughts?
Phew… long as she wasn’t about to erase him on the spot.
The light orb fell silent again. When she spoke this time, her tone—though still toneless—carried an odd note of negotiation.
“Ha… Ye Zhibai, you little mortal. I’m in a great mood today. Consider this your jackpot win. You get to keep your memories. I’ll hand you a fresh start, straight up~”
“What… do you mean? Are you gonna revive me?”
Revival. The word didn’t spark much joy in Ye Zhibai.
His old life was an undeniable flop. Even through university, he’d never tasted the world’s wonders—just pain, struggle, misfortune, and poverty.
Reviving him right back there? Just another few decades of wasting away until he faced this scummy orb again.
But…
“Nice try! Revival?! Do that, and I’d lose my godhood on the spot! No precedent since the dawn of creation! Idiot!”
Ouch… roasted again by this jerk light orb!
She fired off the retort, then her tone softened into something almost kindly.
“Here’s the deal: You keep your memories, and you skip the whole embryo restart.”
After a pause, the light orb went on. “Down in the mortal realm, there’s a perfect shell crafted by the Supreme Mother God. No thoughts of its own. Ever since it was sent earthward, it’s been clumsily mimicking basic human life. Self-sufficient as hell, but otherwise? No emotions. No mind.”
“Uh… so to everyone else, it’s basically a high-functioning vegetable that lives independently…” Ye Zhibai’s retort hit dead center.
“Tch.”
“Did you just tch at me?!”
“Nope.” Ignoring him, the light orb pressed on. “Guided by the gods, that soulless body’s been kept pristine. Plopped into one of your mortal realm’s fancy great houses. Sure, you were the adopted kid, but you’d be the apple of their eye~ So! Ye Zhibai, I’m about to slot you in as the soul of that body. Bring the shell to true life!”
“Eh… hold up. Why didn’t you gods just stick a soul in it from the start? Isn’t that kinda wei—”
“That’s why it’s your jackpot, right!”
“……”
His question? Masterfully dodged. Or deliberately ignored.
Before Ye Zhibai could follow up, the light orb barreled on like an eager salesman.
“Your soul slips into that flawless, soulless body~ Insanely gorgeous looks. Wealth for days—piles of gold and silver mountains you’ll never burn through. Girls? Pluck ’em like low-hanging fruit. As many as you want. And no more truck-killings. Tempted yet?! Don’t just think it—say yes now! I’ll fuse your soul, rebirth guaranteed!”
“What if… I say no?”
“Th-Then you get in line! I’ll reincarnate you normally… whenever I remember!”
“……”
Total cop-out!
Ye Zhibai had a hunch: refuse, and this shady orb would leave him queuing forever.
The offer itself…
Did it give him pause? Sure, a little.
It screamed phone scam. Plenty of reasons for doubt.
But to Ye Zhibai…
Those doubts felt pointless.
Could it possibly suck worse than his last life?!
No way. His old misery was enough to make him weep for himself.
Plus, the light orb had said it.
This time… no endless misfortune. He’d meet the right girl. Live a sweet romance.
With that on the table, what were a few unknown risks?
Pfft… the deity was almost thoughtful, letting him choose for himself.
Throughout his life up until university, Ye Zhibai had never once possessed the courage or confidence to make a swift, decisive choice on any major matter.
He hadn’t mustered that courage in life… So at least in death, let him cut loose for once!
Ye Zhibai looked up directly at the glowing ring, a smile on his face as he subconsciously clenched his fist.
He extended his arm toward it.
“Alright, Light… ahem, esteemed Deity. I accept your proposal. I…”
“Deal!”
“?!’
I haven’t even finished!
Let me complete my one and only bold, decisive moment with some flair!
The instant Ye Zhibai uttered the word “okay,” the Light Orb erupted in beams of multicolored light. They swirled around him, gently lifting his body into the air.
Ye Zhibai felt surprise as his form grew lighter and lighter. The radiant beams intensified, and what had been a somewhat solid body dissolved into specks of light—dispersing, then reconverging.
Ha… ready to embrace my second life?
This one had been devoid of drama, with nothing to truly miss.
Nothing… to miss?
A fleeting image suddenly flashed in Ye Zhibai’s mind: the silhouette of someone with long, flowing hair. But it too scattered amid the glowing motes, dissolving into shimmering sparks.
Let the past go. Let it all fade away.
This time around, he didn’t crave riches or power.
He just wanted a life full of joy and excitement.
Heh heh… Of course, if he ended up with a handsome face and prime circumstances, he’d definitely find a girl who truly clicked with him.
Ye Zhibai closed his eyes contentedly, savoring the sensation of his soul-light slowly descending—when the Light Orb’s cheeky voice piped up once more.
“Oh yeah! One tiny thing I forgot to mention—your new body is a girl’s! The super pretty and cute type! You’re gonna love it!”
“?!’
Ye Zhibai, who had just shut his eyes in contentment a second ago, snapped them wide open.
No… Now that he was a soul, he no longer had eyes. But he had to bellow it from the heart anyway!
“A girl’s body?! What the hell—why didn’t you say so sooner?!”
“Had I told you earlier, you might’ve backed out! What’s it to you anyway~? You’ve already agreed, no take-backs. Oh, and fusing your soul with the body takes a little time, so for a bit, you might struggle with expressions or talking~ But hang in there! I believe you’ll rock your second life as a girl! Ehehe!”
“Ehehe” my ass!
This time, the Light Orb gave Ye Zhibai no chance to hurl curses at the Deity.
His soul had already whooshed straight down toward the Mortal Realm~
Stinky Light Orb!
Don’t ever let me see you again!!
