Chapter 48: A Total Stranger

Xie Yingnian gripped the steering wheel steadily as she drove the car toward the suburbs. The scenery along the road shifted repeatedly: the still-prosperous streets fell away behind them, replaced by the shantytowns on the city’s outskirts. Clusters of low, squat houses stretched out endlessly, appearing so insignificant beneath the low-hanging curtain of night.

The breath of spring was everywhere. The tires bumped lightly over the uneven mountain road, and the headlights swept across lush, vibrant greenery in the underbrush.

Before long, after cresting the mountainside, they found themselves high above it all.

Zhong Jia gazed out the window. Far in the distance, the city’s nightscape twinkled with lights, the view wide and unobstructed. Stars dotted the sky overhead, and her mood gradually settled into calm.

Ding! Her phone chimed with a WeChat message from A Cha: Tiantian, where are you? [shocked]

Tomorrow, she would head to Jincheng alone. A Cha was leaving later to rest up in Yanjing. They were taking different routes, but they had agreed to help pack her luggage in her room that evening. After the dinner ended, A Cha hadn’t been able to find her—not at the hotel either. The little assistant was surely worried sick.

She tapped into the input box, the keyboard popping up at the bottom. Only then did Zhong Jia remember to ask, “Xie Yingnian, where are we?”

“On a country road,” Xie Yingnian answered with a straight face.

The phone screen lit up. Catching sight of the girl’s dazed expression from the corner of her eye, she couldn’t help laughing. “Reacting so slowly—you’re not worried I’ll sell you off?”

Zhong Jia replied, “I wouldn’t be worth much anyway.”

She lowered her head and casually typed a reply to A Cha before adding, “The money I still owe you.”

Grandma’s surgery bills had mostly been settled, but there were still some odds and ends. Her original plan had been to pay back Mr. Xie’s money by the end of her sophomore year. In the end, it had all been the same person—she owed it all to Xie Yingnian.

Her own expectations for herself had fallen flat. Zhong Jia thought with a touch of self-mockery. It was all just empty words, after all. She had always been the one on the receiving end of care.

She wasn’t discouraged, nor was she giving up on herself. But remembering the promises she had made in front of Xie Yingnian made her feel ridiculous. All talk and no action—far too childish. When would she finally build herself into a sturdy wall that others could rely on without worry?

The window was half-open. Zhong Jia held a lit cigarette between her fingers, the wind blowing in and making the tip glow and dim intermittently. She brought it to her lips, hesitated for a moment, and asked her half-parental figure with a guilty conscience, “…Is this okay?”

Xie Yingnian replied, “Did I ever stop you from smoking or drinking back then?”

Her grades in school had been solid, but she was no model student. She ran with a rowdy crowd—a bunch of good-for-nothings in Shi Cainran’s eyes. Climbing walls to skip class was routine. She’d even taken a blow to the head standing up for a friend and had to give a public self-criticism under the flag.

Zhong Jia’s high school homeroom teacher had had no way to reach her family and could only contact the person sponsoring her education. Xie Yingnian had known she smoked. She had confiscated the pack and simply said “oh” in that indifferent way of hers. Perfectly normal behavior for a rebellious teenager.

“Yeah, you didn’t. You don’t need to manage me anymore—I’m grown up now, and I’ll pay back the money soon.” Zhong Jia took a drag from the cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly and gently, much like her personality: easygoing by habit, rarely sharp-edged. “Thanks to you and Sister Zhou Chun.”

She gave a small smile. “Sorry, I don’t know what else to say. It’s kind of meaningless, but I really am grateful to you both.”

Xie Yingnian asked, “Is there something you want to ask?”

She pressed the brake and pulled the car to a casual stop on the mountaintop overlook. The windshield framed a brilliant starry sky, shining even brighter than usual—so close it seemed almost within reach.

There was, but it was hard to bring up. And she doubted there would even be an answer.

Gathering her courage, Zhong Jia asked, “Is it because of my mom that you take care of me? What about the liking part?”

It probably wasn’t purely that.

A long silence followed. In the quiet, she convinced herself of what she suspected. She rubbed her eyes roughly with the back of her hand and took several deep drags from the cigarette. The wind blew back against her, filling her face and lungs with smoke. She broke into violent coughs.

Someone snatched the cigarette away. Xie Yingnian stubbed it out neatly. A few bits of ash fell from the still-warm butt, and it felt like her heart had been scalded in the process.

Zhong Jia said, “Didn’t you say you wouldn’t care if I smoked?”

Her voice trembled slightly, her eyes red—perhaps from the coughing, perhaps…

Xie Yingnian unbuckled her own seatbelt, then reached over to undo Zhong Jia’s. Her head was lowered, her features indistinct in the dim light, her emotions concealed in the shadows.

“You just choked my girlfriend. Of course I have to care.”

Did she like her?

She couldn’t give a simple answer. Her version of “like” wasn’t what normal people understood. It was a hurricane, flames, a flood—destructive forces that others fled from. Nothing romantic or sweet. It wouldn’t match what Zhong Jia wanted at all. In fact, it was the complete opposite.

Xie Yingnian had placed the girl who devoted herself to her so wholeheartedly into the role of girlfriend. She felt she had the right to do so. The perfect lover image clinging to this outer shell was meticulous and gentle, as if those unspeakable desires weren’t so intense.

The truth was, her patience was constantly on the verge of running out. The warning red lights at her limit flashed repeatedly, and lately it had been getting more obvious. Pretending to be harmless around Zhong Jia was incredibly difficult.

“But come dawn, she won’t be anymore.”

Even to this day, Zhong Jia still couldn’t figure it out. Her chest felt stuffy, and she wanted to step out for some air. She caught sight of Xie Yingnian’s blurred silhouette in the glass. In similar circumstances, she had replayed the events of that day over and over in her mind countless times, finding no clues. She had a vague sense of it but didn’t dare probe deeper.

“Xie Yingnian, can you tell me why?”

She turned sideways in her seat, her posture almost with her back to Xie Yingnian, and continued on her own. “We could end it all vague and unexplained—I could try to fool myself like that, but I can’t. I care too much. I want to know exactly where I fell short.”

“I said I’d wait thirty years for you. I was serious about that. So I need some kind of direction.”

Zhong Jia’s heart held an invisible hourglass. From their time together, she had a rough sense of when Xie Yingnian would speak up. This time, all she got was silence once more.

A soft sigh slipped from her lips. “Thanks for your brief period of liking me. If it’s just charity, then don’t bother continuing.”

“Liking you is my own business. It’s nice if you respond, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t. I’m used to it—just like when I was little. My mom was about as responsive as a rock. She didn’t want to raise me and tricked me into leaving. Now you’re tricking me too. Am I really that easy to fool?”

She pushed the car door open, her foot starting to step out, but a force from behind yanked her back onto the seat. The partially open door slammed shut with a click. Zhong Jia ended up half-sprawled awkwardly, with no chance to right herself. Xie Yingnian planted a scorching kiss at the corner of her eye, then swiftly climbed over the console to straddle the passenger seat, kneeling right in front of her.

“Mm… Xie Yingnian…” Zhong Jia called out.

Hearing the helpless, panicked quiver in her voice made Xie Yingnian’s gaze darken even further. As she kissed her, she extended her long, pale hand and effortlessly pinned Zhong Jia’s wrists—which had been trying to brace against her—together behind her head, pressing them against the headrest.

The car lights were off, and the mountain was lit only by the faint glow of moonlight filtering through the windows, fragmented and dim.

To Zhong Jia, this version of Xie Yingnian felt almost like a complete stranger. She said nothing, ignored every question, and buried herself in claiming what she wanted, marking the girl bound by her own hands. The kisses and touches had no pattern to them—rough, even brutal.

Xie Yingnian bit her lip, drawing a tiny split. She smeared her lipstick over it and heard the low gasps spilling from Zhong Jia’s throat. With her free hand, she peeled open the girl’s collar. Zhong Jia’s breaths grew more erratic, hot against her ear like fire.

A tingling numbness spread from the points of contact. Zhong Jia’s scalp prickled, and she instinctively tried to pull away. But at the slightest movement, Xie Yingnian caught her legs and body and dragged her back into her embrace.

Her hands had gone weak from the kisses, utterly powerless. Xie Yingnian released them at just the right moment, leaning over to adjust the seat. She pushed it back and reclined it fully. Zhong Jia’s chest heaved up and down, one shoulder strap slipping down to expose smooth skin marked with forceful hickeys. The faint red mole at her collarbone was dimly visible. Xie Yingnian’s scent closed in, and Zhong Jia heard her whisper softly in her ear:

“Feel it starting now—how much I like you.”

Xie Yingnian’s long hair draped down, sticking to the side of Zhong Jia’s neck, now covered in a thin sheen of sweat. The damp strands itched. Zhong Jia squinted in discomfort. The dashboard lights allowed her to glimpse Xie Yingnian’s eyes.

Earnest. Focused. Yet so profoundly deep that staring into them for even a moment felt like tumbling into an unknown abyss.

A pack of disinfectant wipes sat in the glove compartment—an unopened one that Xie Yingnian had stashed there. What that implied was something Zhong Jia had no time to dwell on. She wasn’t sure if it was fear or excitement making her tremble all over, but the warmth of another body against hers finally eased it somewhat.

She surrendered completely to Xie Yingnian’s control. Zhong Jia recalled their encounter at the hotel last time. The involuntary reactions made the insteps of her feet—gripped on Xie Yingnian’s shoulders—tense up rigidly.

She knew they were out in the suburbs, on a deserted mountaintop, but the occasional distant lights still filled her with shame. She bit her lip lightly as color flooded her cheeks and neck.

“…Your car…” Zhong Jia asked shyly.

Xie Yingnian replied, “You still have time to worry about my car?”

Handing over control meant placing herself entirely at the other’s mercy. Zhong Jia held back her sounds and lost herself in the moment, earning her a firm punishment—deep and swift. She clutched Xie Yingnian’s shoulder tightly, her neatly trimmed nails digging into the flesh. Her eyes grew wet, sweat beaded at her temples, and she was too breathless to even gasp.

Zhong Jia’s lips parted halfway, her chin tilted up as she murmured in a daze.

“Call my name again,” Xie Yingnian murmured, leaning close with her lips at Zhong Jia’s ear.

“…No, don’t…” Zhong Jia’s breathing came in short, ragged gasps. Sweat trickled down her long lashes, her eyes red-rimmed as she pleaded, “Be gentle… please, be gentle…”

Xie Yingnian let out a soft laugh. “You’ve cried out like that before. That time you were drunk.”

Her mischief ran far deeper than this little tease. She slowed her movements, shifting from the passenger seat to the driver’s side and creating plenty of room between them. Then she pressed a light kiss to the corner of Zhong Jia’s eye. “Turn around.”

Zhong Jia might not have experienced it firsthand, but she’d certainly heard enough. Chen Kuang was always sharing the strangest things in the band group chat. Guessing what was about to happen, Zhong Jia hesitated for a few seconds. But then she thought that there might never be another chance like this, so she leaned in to kiss Xie Yingnian’s ear before obediently turning around. She braced her hands against the steering wheel.

She had showered on set earlier, but now she was drenched in sweat again. She’d need to wash up once more when she got back.

“…Are you angry?” Zhong Jia’s lashes fluttered as she whispered the question.

Being bent over like this felt far more humiliating than simply lying back in comfort.

“Are you an idiot?” Xie Yingnian shot back.

There was real irritation in her voice. The woman before her had legs that suddenly went weak, on the verge of collapsing. Xie Yingnian pulled the foolish girl back into her arms. Zhong Jia drew in a deep breath to steady her emotions. “I’m not. I felt it. So… can we not break up?”