Chapter 360: I Can’t Do Anything…
A few more days passed. Yu Linna continued her writing life in Japan, learning Japanese in her spare time, and then writing her manuscript after a day of study. At first, she had stayed in a hotel, but after staying for a long time, the cost was also high. Then Miss Sakurai had suggested that she move into her house for a short stay. Yu Linna had agreed, so she had moved in with her luggage. From then on, there was one more person in Miss Sakurai’s house.
She studied Japanese during the day and wrote her manuscript at night. Sometimes Miss Sakurai had to go out, and Yu Linna would write her manuscript at home. Don’t look at Miss Sakurai as if she were very idle. In fact, when she was busy, she was still quite busy, mainly because she was troubled by matters of animation and games. In any case, she was already a supreme god author. Her works were a big IP in her home country.
Speaking of which, the mobile game character image that Yu Linna had previously drawn had officially completed its testing in the game and was launched in September. This mobile game was called Gun Girl, a game that sold on its characters. When it was released, it was also written in the promotional materials that Shion-sensei had personally been in charge of the character design and had also participated in the script creation. As soon as it was launched, it had attracted many people to play. Although the name of the game was always being changed, and was still being discussed when it was launched, it was finally on the market. Although the plot was a bit mediocre and the characters were stereotypical, the female characters were moe, and these characters were deeply loved by the players.
This game did not become a hit, but at least it attracted a group of players, and everyone was quite satisfied with it. In short, it was a game worth playing. And because of Shion-sensei’s participation, this game had more selling points. Everyone also began to pay attention to this Shion-sensei, whose fame had already dropped to the point where not many people paid attention to her. Everyone discovered that this author’s drawings were still very beautiful.
“The character design of this game is quite beautiful. The characters are very moe and cute, a bit different from the shoujo manga style in Shion-sensei’s previous illustrations. Has Shion-sensei’s art style improved?”
“I personally feel that he is more like he has transformed.”
“The character design is indeed beautiful. If only his novels could be written a little better…”
“At least he publishes two books a month. Other authors can’t do that. It’s not bad to have something to read!”
When Yu Linna opened Weibo, she could always see these comments. In general, she really hadn’t seen any comments about her in a long time. Ever since the failure of the Ballad of the Enchantress animation, her popularity had not been very good.
It had been too long since she had seen these good reviews about her.
She turned off her phone and continued to write her manuscript. As a new month began, she had to continue to work hard.
When she had handed in her manuscript to Chen Xi before, Chen Xi had unceremoniously rejected it, telling her that such a manuscript could not be published, and that it would surely lose money. This was the first time Yu Linna had been rejected since she had started her career. She had tasted a setback. After adjusting her mentality, she decided to continue writing.
She opened her computer, preparing to write her manuscript.
But facing the blank screen, she found that she couldn’t start. She didn’t know what words to type into the screen, let alone what to name the female and male protagonists she had envisioned. She had even forgotten the plot she had thought of.
She had only then discovered that she could no longer write a single word now.
She had persisted every day, worked hard every day. And then one day, she discovered that she couldn’t even write a decent word. She had always thought she could succeed, but found that she had lost completely. She had even lost herself.
Facing the blank screen, she couldn’t write.
Looking at the works written by others, at the stories they had written, she despaired. Such works, such content, she actually felt that she could never write them in her lifetime. For this, she felt extremely painful.
She had clearly been able to write before. Why now, could she not even write a single word?
A day passed like this…
When she called Sakurai Reina, the other party informed her that she would not be coming back tonight.
“I’m sorry, Little Linna. I have something I have to deal with. I can’t come back. You can just look after the house today. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
She answered like this.
Turning off the phone, looking at this house, this strange country, she felt a chill in her heart.
Now that things had come to this, what could she still write with her own strength? What else could she do? Besides writing and drawing, what else could she do?
Is it better to give up being a novelist?
This thought rushed into her head for a moment. She immediately shook off this terrible idea. How could she think of giving up? This was too absurd. She had never given up before. Why had she just had the thought that it would be fine to just give up like this?
What’s wrong with me…
She faced that blank screen. A day passed, and it was still blank.
What on earth am I supposed to write in there…
At this time, her phone vibrated. Yu Linna opened it and saw that the caller was Chen Xi. She pressed the answer button.
“Shion-sensei, where are you now?”
“In Japan. What’s wrong?”
“You haven’t come back yet? The exchange meeting is already over. Why haven’t you come back? Mr. Sato said he didn’t take you to the airport, so I guessed you might have stayed there. Shion-sensei, you have no need to stay in Japan. You should still come back when it’s time to come back.”
Speaking of which, that was right. A month had passed, and she was still in Japan, not having gone back. As her editor, Chen Xi would surely be worried. And Chen Xi had taken such good care of her. How could she bear to let her be alone in Japan?
“Sister Chen, I can’t learn anything at the exchange meeting at all. I’ve been here for a month, and I’ve learned almost nothing, and I’ve also wasted a lot of money.”
“Since you know that, then come back. My original intention was just to let you see the world. I didn’t plan for you to learn anything from it.”
“Mmm, I know. But I’m not going back. I want to learn a little more in Japan. I met Miss Sakurai Reina, that is, Yamada Yui-sensei. I want to learn a little something from her.”
“Shion-sensei, don’t be willful. Come back. There’s no point in you staying there. It’s better to come back to your home country. That way, you can write with peace of mind.”
“That’s impossible, Sister Chen.”
Yu Linna hugged her knees, sitting on the floor. In a strange country, a strange place, she felt no homesickness at all.
It was said that the Chinese are homesick, but she was not now. Even if she returned to her own country, so what? There was no one waiting for her to come back at home. What was the point of going back?
To continue to stifle my inspiration, to force myself to write?
Or to add a dog’s tail to a sable coat, to take out old stories and start a second part?
She would not do that.
But if she didn’t, what should she do…
“Sister Chen, I can’t write stories anymore. I’m like a helicopter that has lost its propeller. I can’t even fly to the sky.”
Yes, now, she didn’t even have the qualification to fly to the high sky. Her wings had been broken.
Where to go, what to do, she had no idea at all.
“Shion-sensei, what’s wrong with you?”
Chen Xi noticed that something was wrong with her and couldn’t help but feel worried.
“Sister Chen, I’ve been staring at a blank screen all day, and my fingers have never once typed on the keyboard. I feel like I can’t write anymore…”
Her slow bewilderment and helplessness were transmitted to her ears through the phone. Chen Xi frowned.
Writers are a very special group, and they are very prone to psychological problems and bottleneck periods. Shion-sensei was just one of them.
But she was also a very special one.
She had grown up lacking love, had also experienced poverty, knew the life at the bottom, and also knew that success did not come easily. This kind of person was often afraid of failure, afraid that everything they had obtained would turn to nothing. And Yu Linna was precisely this kind of person.
Because she was afraid of failure, afraid of losing everything she had obtained, she became timid and did not dare to move forward. The final result was that she could not take that step.
“Sister Chen, it’s useless for me to come back. I can’t write. When my value is gone, Wenqing will no longer need me.”
“Don’t think like that. You’re still young, aren’t you?”
“You don’t have to comfort me anymore. I know what I’m like. I’m just escaping from myself, not wanting to face what I should face. But I have no choice. I’m afraid. I don’t know if I should move forward.”
She didn’t know what to do.
She didn’t even know where she should go.
Because no one had ever told her what to do after she had everything, how to protect everything she had. She knew how a person should survive, knew that when no one could be relied on, she could rely on herself. But she didn’t know how to become someone else’s support.
“Shion-sensei, why don’t you still come back…”
“I don’t want to.”
“It’s useless for you to escape like this. Doing so will not do you any good at all.”
“Then you tell me, what on earth should I do!”
Her voice became very excited. That hoarse voice, and that voice that had reached the bottom of despair, made Chen Xi shudder. It was the first time she had ever seen such a Shion-sensei.
“I’ve told myself countless times to go and write novels and tell stories, but I’ve tried, I’ve worked day and night! I’ve racked my brains, checked every day, watched every day, thought every day, I’ve tried my best, but I can’t write! I really can’t write anymore. Even if I think about it again, it’s impossible for me to write a second Ballad of the Enchantress. I can never write a book of that level again!”
“I’ve tried hard, but in this world, hard work is just the basic requirement. The result is everything!”
“I can’t do it. I have no stories to write… you tell me, what should I write, what kind of person should I become? I really hope someone can tell me.”
Drip by drip, teardrops fell to the ground. This blonde girl just hugged her own knees, lonely and helpless. She had never known that writing novels could also be so painful, that persisting in her dream could also be so painful. She had never thought about it before.
Wanting to persist in her dream, wanting to walk a correct path. Although she thought so, she couldn’t do it, because no one had told her what to do.
“Shion-sensei, in this world, in the end, you can still rely on yourself. But occasionally, you also need friends. Don’t lock yourself in a small world where no one can see you. Do you know what you’re like? It’s as if you’re denying your own value.”
Chen Xi said these words with a heavy heart. She hoped that she could understand, hoped that she would listen.
This child was still young, after all, and needed guidance. If someone could guide her, Chen Xi hoped it would be herself. She wanted to help her, to show her a path, for no other reason than that Chen Xi was Shion-sensei’s editor. Just that.
