Speak in the language of cats here. v1c1p1

Mission 1: No Cat, No Life p1

I hate cats.

I hate that smug look they have, as if they’re fully aware they are the most graceful creatures on Earth.

I hate their haughty behavior, acting completely unashamed despite being utterly useless.

I hate their eerie, assassin-like silence as they sneak up to my feet without a sound.

And yet, there are more than enough people in this world who need such creatures.

And I, a self-professed cat-hater, am one of those fools.

Yes—in a way that is utterly beyond saving, I need cats.

***

Even after I finished my self-introduction, the buzz in the classroom showed no signs of dying down.

I suppose it can’t be helped, I thought. To most Japanese people, my existence as a Russian with silver hair and blue eyes must be an unacceptable, foreign element.

As far as my knowledge goes, the Japanese are a people who consider valuing group harmony their greatest virtue. They all act in fear of disrupting that harmony themselves, and often show an exclusionary reaction to those who do.

The murmuring in this classroom is likely a sign that I am being recognized as a threat to that harmony. In other words, a hostile reaction.

However, for my part, this was a rather desirable development.

If no one approaches me, I can secure that much more freedom of action in my daily life. Even now, I am in the middle of a life-and-death mission, and I want to avoid any unexpected interference in an emergency.

And yet—

“Hey, hey, what’s Russia like? Is it, like, wicked cold every day?”

“What does your dad do?”

“Do you like Japanese anime?”

“Whoa, the very air is different around her… She’s like a nutritional supplement you just admire…”

“Grazkaya-san, do you have any siblings? I bet your mom is a total knockout, too~”

“Please go out with me with the intention of marriage.”

During the first break, a horde of classmates swarmed around me.

I was assigned a seat near the center of the row by the window. Unable to escape, I was subjected to a relentless barrage of questions. There was even some scoundrel muttering disturbing nonsense under the cover of the chaos.

This was a problem.

At the same time, another piece of knowledge about the Japanese came to mind. Because they are an island nation, foreigners are a rarity. It seemed their curiosity had simply outweighed their exclusionary instincts for the time being.

In short, this was the kind of reaction one would give to a rare animal in a zoo.

However, I sensed no risk management on their part regarding the possibility that said animal might possess fangs or venom. It was as if they were complacent, believing themselves protected by the iron bars of a cage.

This, I supposed, was the detrimental effect of growing up in a peaceful country with no wars. If so, their awareness needed to be corrected, and swiftly.

“I’ll warn you all,” I said, looking up. The chirping chatter of the little birds stopped.

“I am a far more dangerous being than my appearance might suggest. If you approach carelessly, I cannot guarantee your safety. I recommend you interact with me from an appropriate distance.”

In my life until now, the appearance of a petite, sixteen-year-old girl has served as excellent camouflage. When infiltrating deep into enemy territory. When closing in on a target. And when escaping from enemy lands after completing my mission.

But the mission assigned to me now is not to kill someone.

It is to live as a part of this peaceful scenery and, in an emergency, protect my own life and survive. And to that end, I intend to be completely unscrupulous in my methods.

Since I don’t know what might happen during the mission, I want to avoid involving these unrelated girls as much as possible. Therefore, it was necessary to give them a warning so direct that it left no room for misunderstanding.

With this, even the dullest person should understand.

They should understand just how incompatible a being Anna Grazkaya is with them.

About two seconds after my confident declaration.

“”S-So coooool!”

“What’s with that handsome line! It was seriously like a scene from a movie!”

“Is this the legendary ‘Touch me and you’ll get burned’? I’ve never heard it outside of an otome game…”

“Aah, I should’ve recorded that! Please, say it again!”

“The gap is just… gulp.”

A chorus of squeals, an octave higher than before, erupted.

The squeals echoed off each other like tuning forks, swelling into an uncontrollable uproar.

“Wh—”

To be shaken by an unforeseen situation is to invite death. But in this case, I could only be bewildered.

Did these girls not understand the meaning of my words?

No, that couldn’t be right. My Japanese ability is near-perfect; I even have the seal of approval from Yuki, whose maternal homeland is Japan.

“…My words just now were intended as a warning. Was I not understood?”

“Huh? It’s that ‘a beautiful flower has thorns’ thing, right?”

“When you say something like that, it just makes us even more interested!”

It seemed they did, in fact, understand the meaning of my words. So why wasn’t the message getting through?

“Anyway, what do you mean by dangerous?”

“Like, you’ll explode?”

“Gahaha! No way!”

…I see. I was beginning to understand.

This situation was purely the result of the difference between the environment I belonged to and the one they did.

They likely perceived the kind of danger I was warning them about as something that only exists in the world of entertainment.

“…I am by no means speaking in jest or exaggeration.”

“Oh, come on~. I’d get it if you meant we’d die from your cuteness.”

“You know, my four-year-old cousin said something like that to me the other day. ‘You will die in three seconds,’ or something.”

“Totally! Kids get influenced by anime lines so easily.”

“I get it now. It’s the same thing, right? You just learned some cool-sounding Japanese and wanted to try it out?”

…Unbelievable.

By the time I realized my mistake, it was already too late. Their attitude toward me had become like that of someone doting on a child who was trying too hard to act tough.

“Apparently, the Russian nickname for Anna is Anya.”

When someone who had apparently looked it up on their smartphone said that, the other classmates began to repeat it.

“That’s so cute, it fits you perfectly~. Hey, Grazkaya-san. Can we call you Anya, too?” another girl asked. The way things were going was not to my liking, but I was used to being called by that name, and it didn’t really matter.

“Do as you wish.”

“Gah~. Everything you say is so handsome! I want you to hold me! No, I want to hold you!”

“I want to spoil you irresponsibly and give you an allowance! I honestly get how grandmas feel now!”

“I want to take her home and put her on the family altar…”

There seems to be someone mixed in who has been making some rather inappropriate comments for a while now.

(Honestly, the girls of this country are so naive.)

Or perhaps this is just the unique atmosphere of a school. I was reminded, belatedly, that this was my first time ever formally attending one.

As I sighed and answered their trivial questions one by one, I suddenly felt a familiar gaze on the side of my face.

I turned to see the girl in the seat next to me looking my way.

She was a healthy-looking girl with fluffy, soft-looking, semi-long hair and glowing pink cheeks. Her eyes, which looked gentle and kind, were narrowed cheerfully.

“We meet again. I didn’t know we were in the same class.”

The girl who had been watching me from the levee by the river yesterday. I knew she was a student at the same school from the uniform she was wearing.

“Eh? You mean, you actually noticed me?”

When I confirmed it, her eyes went wide as if she were truly shocked.

“Whoa, whoa. Kohana, when did you meet Anya?”

“And it sounds like some kind of fateful encounter… Lucky you, Koha-cchi.”

The moment they realized we knew each other, my classmates reacted with uniform surprise.

“So your name is Kohana.”

“Yep. Matsukaze Kohana. Nice to meet you… um, Anya.”

Kohana called my name, her smile blooming without a single cloud.

For some reason, looking at that smile, I felt a small pain deep in my chest. I reflexively looked away.

“Hey, Anya, do you like cats?”

Paying no mind to my reaction, Kohana asked with keen interest.

“You were chasing that stray on the riverbank yesterday.”

Hearing those words, my face instantly flushed hot.

It was from the memory of my shame.

That’s right. This girl, Kohana, had witnessed that… that disgraceful display of my pathetic defeat, a memory I wanted to erase from my mind this very instant. I had a desperate urge to tear at my hair.

“Huh? Anya, is your face getting red?”

“And you like cats on top of all this?! Seriously, Anya-san, you’ve got way too many cute traits going on!”

I focused my mind with all my might, trying to erase my agitation.

“…No, I don’t like cats. In fact, I’m not fond of them.”

“Really? You don’t have to be shy about it, you know.”

“It’s the truth. I’m allergic to cats.”

I tried to correct her by stating the facts, but Kohana’s happy smile didn’t change.

“That just proves you love them, Anya.”

What did she say?

Is she saying that I… of all things, am a lover of that creature?

That troublesome, detestable being that holds my very fate, my life and death, in its paws?

It was a misunderstanding that was far too offensive to bear.

“Wanting to touch cats even though you’re allergic… that must mean you love them more than anything, right?”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense. There’s usually no other reason… which means Anya is a total tsundere, isn’t she? Heheh.”

Tundra? No, that’s not right. Judging from the context of the conversation, it couldn’t possibly be about the climate.

…If I recall, it was a term from Japanese subculture. It means one’s attitude and inner feelings are contradictory.

“That’s not it. I truly… ugh.”

But arguing would only lead me in circles. Reluctantly, I swallowed my words.

That’s not the reason I need cats at all.

“…However, I never imagined a cat’s agility would be that advanced. To react instantaneously to that speed would require predictive accuracy on par with dodging a fired bullet… Moving after visually confirming the initiation of movement is simply too late.”

As if to shake off my inner conflict, I mechanically spewed out my thoughts.

I thought the phrasing might have been a bit detached from everyday life, but surprisingly, none of my classmates interjected. In fact, I felt a sort of atmosphere, as if they were watching over me with warm, smiling eyes.

“You’re right. Cats are super quick, aren’t they?”

Kohana’s reaction, on the other hand, was as laid-back as ever.

“But isn’t it kind of pointless to chase them? Cats will just keep running away forever if you chase them. But if you stay still, they might just come to you instead, you know?”

“What is the meaning of this incomprehensible ecology? It’s not a magnet… or could it be that, like some Eastern youkai, it can read minds?”

As I tilted my head in confusion, Kohana just laughed cheerfully.

“Hmm. It’s because cats are scared of people, but they love people just as much.”

And then she said something that sounded like a riddle.

I still don’t understand cats. In fact, this conversation seems to have only deepened the mystery. The desire to have nothing to do with them is strong.

But—even so, I still need cats.

***

During lunch break, I had Kohana show me to the school store, where I bought some bread, and we ate lunch together on a bench in the schoolyard.

On the way back to the classroom, we stopped by the first-floor restroom. But all the stalls were occupied, so we ended up using the one on the second floor.

“Whoops, the bell’s ringing! Let’s hurry, Anya!”

As the bell signaling the end of lunch break rang out, Kohana rushed down the stairs from the second floor to the first.

“Ah!”

It must have been because she was running. I saw Kohana’s back, ahead of me, lose its balance and pitch forward. Her foot missed a step, and her body was thrown into the air.

In that instant, I moved without hesitation.

I leaped from behind Kohana, kicked off the side wall, and used a triangle jump to get ahead of her falling position.

Then, in mid-air, I caught Kohana’s falling body from behind. We flew down to the bottom of the stairs with the acceleration of gravity.

Without losing my aerial posture in the slightest, I successfully landed on the first-floor hallway.

To cancel out the inertia from the fall, I slid for about a meter while still holding Kohana. The soles of my indoor shoes scraped against the linoleum floor, making a sharp squeaking sound.

The moment I stopped, the smell of burnt rubber from the friction wafted to my nose.

Every other student present was struck speechless, as if in a daze. The sound of the bell was still ringing in the suddenly quiet hallway.

“…Huh?! What was that just now?!”

“Are you two okay?! But, like, you just flew, right?!”

“Captain, a girl just fell from the sky!”

“And what’s more, a girl is princess-carrying another girl! Is this an incident?!”

The most stunned of all was Kohana herself, cradled in my arms.

She stared up at my face, as if she didn’t understand what had just happened.

“…H-Huh?”

“I’m glad you’re not injured,” I said with a nod. Realization dawned, and Kohana’s face turned bright red.

“Ah… Aaaaaah?! I’m so sorry, Anya! Thank you…!”

I gently set her down, and Kohana tentatively placed her feet on the floor. Her body was still a little wobbly.

“But wow, that was a surprise. I thought you were athletic during gym class earlier, but that was on a whole other level, wasn’t it…? And you’re so strong, even though you’re smaller than me…”

Kohana looked at me as I stood beside her, her cheeks still flushed with the afterglow of excitement and surprise.

“Anya, were you maybe a gymnast or something back in Russia?”

“…Something like that. More importantly, we should hurry. Class is starting.”

There are circumstances that prevent me from ever speaking to anyone about my origins and history.

As if to shake off Kohana’s question, I walked quickly down the hall toward the classroom.

“Oh… right. Hey, Anya,” Kohana said from beside me, as if she’d just remembered something.

“Was I heavy? I’ve been a little worried about it lately…” she said, looking embarrassed.

Does that mean she has concerns about her weight or body fat?

The weight I had felt was roughly just under fifty kilograms. Compared to her height of just under 160 centimeters, she shouldn’t be overweight, but I suppose this is the kind of delicate psychology unique to adolescent girls.

“It’s fine. Not a problem.”

Unsure of the appropriate response, I gave a safe, noncommittal answer.

“Really? Well, that’s good… haah.”

“Why the sigh? You weren’t injured, were you?”

“I still feel like I’m flying… I mean, that was a first for me.”

Kohana’s gaze as she looked at me was moist, as if she were in a dream.

“This is totally the kind of thing that would make me fall for you, isn’t it?”

Fall for me—The unexpected words caused a slight abnormality in my cardiopulmonary functions. My pulse quickened slightly above its normal rate.

This… what is this agitation in response to?

“Isn’t that how it goes in manga and stuff? If you were a boy, Anya, I might have thought you were my destined prince. Ahaha.”

Kohana laughed without a care in the world.

Seeing her innocent smile, I regained a bit of my composure. Right, it was merely a hypothetical, general statement. It wasn’t an issue concerning the reality of her and me.

Still wrestling with a subtle, lingering sense of unease, I returned to the classroom with her.

***

The final, sixth-period class ended, and the bell signaling the end of the school day rang.

As the classroom filled with a sense of liberation and the bustle of students packing up, two of my classmates came over to my desk.

“Hey, Anya. If you need a guide to this town, leave it to us, ‘kay?”

“Pfft, what’s with that weird character? It makes no sense—but for real, you probably don’t know any places to hang out yet, right? If you want, we could show you around the station and stuff on the way home.”

The tall one, at 175 centimeters, who was joking around with a strange little act, was Umeda Sayaka. The other, who always wore headphones and had light-colored hair, was Takesato Eri. From what I’d observed today, they seemed to be particularly good friends with Matsukaze Kohana.

Just as I’d feared, it had come to this. I felt myself being swept up into the community of Japanese girls, as irresistibly as an oncoming storm.

But it would be difficult for me to join their daily lives right now. My mission could be triggered at any time.

“I appreciate the offer, but…”

Just as I was trying to think of a polite way to refuse.

Thump—my heart gave an unpleasant pulse.

“Ah…!”

That was the signal.

Intense pain assaulted every corner of my body simultaneously. My consciousness began to fade from the agony tormenting my entire being. A series of arrhythmias pounded against my chest, and a cold sweat broke out, refusing to stop.

“Anya?”

“Are you okay? You look pale.”

Turning my back on the two girls who were looking at me with concern, I just ran with all my might.

Leaving the surprised voices of my classmates behind, I desperately clung to my fading consciousness.

—Mission start.