◎It was because I gave up on her back then◎
——Because a project at the company required her to go back and handle it.
That was the reason Yu Qinjiu gave. After that, she said “I’m sorry” to Ji Qingyou. Ji Qingyou didn’t understand why Yu Qinjiu was apologizing.
She asked her why.
“Because I just realized…” Yu Qinjiu’s eyes were red. Her fingers, hanging by her side, were pinched red from how hard she was gripping them.
“I didn’t have time to make a new house for Alps and Lollipop.”
“You won’t blame me, will you?” she asked.
The two little goldfish living in the castle were probably swimming happily in the water right now. But Ji Qingyou could only watch Yu Qinjiu, her voice soft. “No.”
Then she watched Yu Qinjiu walk away, disappearing into the crowd along with Ji Xiruan, whom she had met by chance at the hotel.
The crowd was thick, the light beams swaying.
As Yu Qinjiu’s figure slowly disappeared into the crowd, Ji Qingyou sat at the banquet, her mind full of the image of Yu Qinjiu leaving, and the words “I’m sorry” she had said. She pinched her own fingertips, as if squeezing her own heart, thinking over and over:
Why did Yu Qinjiu have to say sorry to her?
The one who should be saying sorry was clearly Ji Qingyou herself.
She knew Yu Qinjiu’s apology wasn’t because there was no new house for Alps and Lollipop. Thinking about Yu Qinjiu’s state before she left, Ji Qingyou was very worried.
Yet here she was, sitting properly in the guest seats, wearing the scarf Yu Qinjiu had given her, watching Qin Shuangchi and Yu Muzhou, waiting for Qin Shuangchi to call Yu Cheng “Dad” and Gu Xi “Auntie.”
She didn’t sit at the same table as Qin Bailan and the group of Yu family friends and relatives. She just sat silently in a corner before the ceremony started, letting Qin Bailan know she was there but not needing to embed herself in the laughter and chatter.
Other than that, she didn’t make a move.
Ji Xiruan sent her a WeChat message:
[She’s fine. I’ll stay with her for a while longer.]
[What about you? Are you okay?]
Ji Qingyou lowered her head, her chin buried in her scarf. [I’m fine.]
[Thank you for your trouble. Please stay with her a bit longer.]
[Li Nanli can’t make it over for now. She has almost no one left here to be with her.]
[When this is over, I’ll do anything you ask.]
After she sent it, Ji Xiruan didn’t reply for a long time. Ji Qingyou stared at her phone, as if trying to bore a hole through the screen. Then she remembered something important:
[What about you?]
[Are you okay?]
Ji Xiruan sent a voice message back. The banquet was too noisy, making it hard to hear. Ji Qingyou pressed the phone close to her ear, trying hard to make out the words. She heard Ji Xiruan’s relaxed voice. “Me? I’m fine. Miss Alps is fine too. Listen…”
Then another voice came through.
“Ji Qingyou, don’t worry about me. I…” Yu Qinjiu’s tone sounded a bit hesitant, her voice trailing off, her words a little blurry. “…just… sad…”
She couldn’t go on, her voice already showing signs of strain.
In the noisy, boisterous venue, the voice message was hard to hear. Ji Qingyou could only crouch down, trying to hear what Yu Qinjiu said next. But in the end, the last few seconds of the message were just suppressed breathing, like a fire victim whose oxygen tank had been pulled away.
After listening to the whole message, Ji Qingyou’s face still showed no expression. But she remained crouching, forgetting to get up, until Ji Xiruan’s second voice message came through.
She quickly tapped the screen, but her finger slipped.
She slipped so much she couldn’t even unlock the phone. She tapped repeatedly, forcefully, ten times, twenty times, thirty times. She lost count. When the phone finally unlocked, she opened the voice message.
It was Yu Qinjiu’s voice. Her emotions were well contained now, but her voice was still so soft it seemed ready to break.
“But it’ll be fine in a little while.”
That was all she said. There was no other sound.
It drained all the strength from Ji Qingyou. Her legs, numb from crouching, sent pins and needles up her spine, seeping into her organs.
Would it really be fine in a little while?
How long would it take to be fine?
She listened to Yu Qinjiu’s voice message over and over, repeating in her mind: Yes, it will be fine. If Yu Qinjiu leaves here tomorrow, she won’t be in so much pain.
If the fish tank enclosing her couldn’t protect Yu Qinjiu.
Then Yu Qinjiu had to get far away from here, and also away from her.
“Auntie, what’s wrong?”
A childish voice came to her ears. She looked up, her blurry vision focusing on a pure, beautiful little girl, who was crouching in front of her, curiously examining her.
With beautiful twin tails and a delicate princess dress.
For a moment, Ji Qingyou felt like she was seeing Yu Qinjiu at age five. The Yu Qinjiu who told her that clasping your hands together and making a wish would make it come true.
She opened her mouth, but couldn’t speak for a long time.
The little girl looked anxious. After fidgeting for a moment, she ran off somewhere, then came back holding a small box of strawberry cream cake.
“Auntie, do you want some!”
“It’s super yummy! My favorite! Strawberry flavor!”
The childish words trickled into her eardrums. Ji Qingyou stared at the cake in the little girl’s hands. After a long time, she lifted her face, half hidden in her scarf, and said, very, very slowly,
“You’re lying. Wishes don’t come true at all.”
—
In the end, Ji Qingyou didn’t eat that strawberry cream cake. She thought about just eating the cream directly, disrupting Yu Cheng and Gu Xi’s speeches, ruining this pre-wedding banquet. Or just setting the whole place on fire.
But she didn’t.
She couldn’t say why. Maybe her inner destructive urge wasn’t strong enough. Maybe she saw Qin Bailan laughing and chatting in the crowd. Maybe she just didn’t want to be the one to ruin this wedding, but she also didn’t want to stand in front of so many people and call Yu Muzhou “brother-in-law,” or talk to Yu Cheng and Gu Xi.
She said she still had things to do at the hospital.
Qin Shuangchi knew it was an excuse, but she didn’t stop her. She just gently patted her shoulder. “You need to take good care of Little Jiu. If she’s having a hard time…”
She paused, then forced a weak smile. “Say sorry to her for me.”
Ji Qingyou shook her head slowly, comforting Qin Shuangchi, who was getting married tomorrow.
“She won’t blame you, Sis.”
In the end, Ji Qingyou didn’t face the Yu family, didn’t sit calmly at a table with them. She just left silently, without a sound.
She truly could never form any connection with the Yu family.
Normally, such a bleak scene would need a rainy day to set the mood. But when she walked out, the weather was still beautiful. The sun was warm, but shining on her felt cold.
As if someone had kidnapped her body temperature.
She opened her phone, which felt as cold as ice. Ji Xiruan said Yu Qinjiu’s mood had completely calmed down and she was safely home. She asked hesitantly:
[Miss Alps says she needs to pack her things.]
[She’s leaving tomorrow?]
Ji Qingyou replied: [Yes.]
[She’s leaving.]
As she typed these words, her fingers trembled uncontrollably.
Ji Xiruan’s side showed “typing…” for a long time. After a few dozen seconds, she replied with just a very short sentence:
[So, are you going to the wedding or seeing Miss Alps off?]
Ji Qingyou’s trembling fingers froze at that moment. They hung in the air for a few seconds. It seemed she didn’t know the answer to this question. Finally, she replied:
[Thank you for everything today.]
Ji Xiruan didn’t say anything more. She just sent a “Good luck” sticker. Ji Qingyou replied with a “Good luck” sticker, offering her the same wish.
She didn’t know what to do with the rest of her time.
Logically speaking.
Ji Qingyou’s every day was scheduled very tightly. She rarely had time like this, with nowhere to go and nothing to do.
But on the day before Yu Qinjiu was about to leave.
She really had nowhere to go. She didn’t go to the hospital, didn’t go find Yu Qinjiu, didn’t go home. She became a person without a destination or a purpose… until the sunlight gradually faded, and the night began to replace the dusk. She walked from the cold winter into the warmth indoors, returning aimlessly to her safe house.
The place with her ideal study, the place where Yu Qinjiu had placed two carefree goldfish.
She suddenly wanted to see those goldfish.
But when she got to the door, she couldn’t bring herself to enter the password. That sequence of numbers was like a sign marking a split point, finally revealing its meaning at a specific moment.
The moment it appeared, it exhausted her.
In the end, she couldn’t press the password. Before she could, the door behind her opened. Light, slow footsteps sounded, then suddenly stopped.
The light scent of rose moisture drifted over. Yu Qinjiu’s voice came from a distance, a little low. “Ji Qingyou…”
She called her name, but said nothing else.
Ji Qingyou turned to look at her. Through the half-open door, she could see packed luggage inside, and Yu Qinjiu standing at the door, her face as pale as a porcelain doll.
Her hovering fingers curled back. She just said, “Do you need help?”
Yu Qinjiu stared at her for a moment, then lowered her head. Her voice was a little strained. “No, I’m almost done packing.”
“There are just some things I’ll have the agent deal with.”
“That’s good.” Ji Qingyou nodded. She turned and pressed the password. Each digit was difficult. When the lock clicked open, signaling it was unlocked, the stagnant air in her chest was released.
She turned around, smiled at Yu Qinjiu, a very soft smile. “Do you want to come see Alps and Lollipop again?”
Yu Qinjiu’s eyes reddened in that instant. She nodded.
“Yes.”
Alps and Lollipop were very well taken care of by Ji Qingyou and Yu Qinjiu. They swam happily in the well-maintained tank, as if they could go on like this forever.
The underwater world wouldn’t shatter.
Even if you threw a stone in, the ripples would eventually settle back to calm.
So, whenever she watched the carefree Alps and Lollipop, Ji Qingyou couldn’t help thinking, if only she and Yu Qinjiu were trapped in the same fish tank.
But in reality.
The remaining time slipped away, like the water in the tank, flowing in the shimmering light of Yu Qinjiu’s eyes.
They sat on the floor, side by side, looking up at the pure underwater world. Even though the heater was on, it was still so cold they huddled together, like two fish desperately trying to breathe on land.
The castle in the tank had been replaced by a one-bedroom apartment. Yu Qinjiu had spent the afternoon building the architectural model she had talked about before. Compared to the vast, empty castle, Alps and Lollipop seemed to prefer the compact apartment.
Maybe it was just Ji Qingyou’s imagination.
“Will we still keep in touch?” After a long silence, Yu Qinjiu asked softly.
Ji Qingyou didn’t think this was a difficult question. “What do you think?”
Yu Qinjiu hugged her knees. Most of her hair fell over her shoulders, covering her expression. Ji Qingyou heard her say, very hesitantly, “Probably.”
“Then we will.” At that moment, Ji Qingyou became firm.
Yu Qinjiu looked sideways at her, her tone suddenly a little childish. “Will we see each other again?”
Ji Qingyou looked away, unable to meet her eyes.
“London and Nanwu aren’t actually that far. You can fly there in eleven hours.”
“I suppose…” Yu Qinjiu nodded lightly, but said, “But you’re a doctor, and I’m an architect. Our jobs are both very busy. Maybe when I call you, you’re saving lives. And when you call me, I’m busy with a bid. There’s an eight-hour time difference between London and Nanwu…”
As she spoke, her tears gradually welled up. Finally, she lowered her eyes, lifted Ji Qingyou’s sleeve, and covered her own reddened eyes. Her voice was so soft it was almost inaudible.
“We’ll probably drift apart. Become ordinary friends who might not see each other for ten years.”
“Sometimes that happens.” Ji Qingyou couldn’t deny it. “But I’ll try harder than before.”
The air conditioner picked up at that moment, swallowing Yu Qinjiu’s breathing. After a long moment, she spoke, her voice thick with nasal congestion.
“Try what?”
Ji Qingyou leaned back against the wall behind her, tilting her head up slightly. She recounted in a calm tone, “Try to see you more often. Try to stay in touch with you. Try to make it so you can reach me anytime you want. Try…”
She paused slightly here, a hint of looseness in her tone, but she quickly regained her calm. “Try to make sure we don’t become a relationship that ends in silence.”
