“Seven days ago, a fire broke out in the night. Ah Yuan was burned to death. Seventeenth Miss Yan was sent to the Capital City to be dealt with by the Head of the Family.” Xunqi’s lips twitched slightly, and her hands, clasped around the Hand Warmer, grew a little hot. “With such sincerity on my part, would the Academy Head be willing to tell me her story?”
Yuan Fusheng suppressed a breath, then gave a wistful smile upon hearing this. “What do you think about it?”
“What do I think?” Xunqi asked herself. “What can I think? Does my opinion really matter?”
“Yes, your opinion matters a great deal.” Yuan Fusheng nodded. “Because you are the future Heir Apparent, the future Female Emperor. If you accept it, this path will be easy to walk. If you despise it, then this path will be blocked for thirty years.”
Xunqi pressed her lips together and smiled deeply. “Who is the person you love?”
Yuan Fusheng answered, “Yan Zhi’an.”
“My mother?” Xunqi’s eyes shifted slightly, her small face turning pale. In an instant, she understood even more. “She doesn’t like you?”
Yuan Fusheng smiled bitterly. “Yes, she doesn’t like me. Her heart holds only the people of the world, only the future of the Yan family. There’s no room for personal romance.” She wanted to tell Xunqi: Your mother isn’t someone who never loved me—it’s simply that her heart holds no such feelings. And you… are not her flesh and blood.
But things had come this far, and Yan Zhi’an couldn’t turn back. She couldn’t destroy Yan Zhi’an’s path. Clutching her chest in extreme sorrow, she said, “Yes. She doesn’t like me.”
“Does she love my father?” Xunqi blurted out.
This question stumped Yuan Fusheng. Not knowing how to answer, she could only deflect. “You should ask your mother about that. How would I know whether she loves someone else?”
“Academy Head, is this kind of life bitter?” Xunqi looked up, the gloom in her eyes turning to compassion. She walked over and took the Academy Head’s wrist. “Academy Head, I have never thought your feelings were dirty. I traveled a thousand miles just to understand.”
The charcoal fire in the room crackled, filling the space with warmth. Yuan Fusheng held Xunqi’s wrist in return, understanding dawning in her heart. Tears glistened in her eyes. “You feel for me, don’t you?”
Xunqi nodded. “In my heart, the Academy Head is gentle and beautiful, deserving of love. But my mother is the kind of person who has no love in her heart. She probably doesn’t love my father either.”
“Xunqi, the reason she doesn’t love your father is because she pities the world and its people. She disciplines the Yan family, she assists Her Majesty, and her heart holds all living beings. Her love is not for just one person. So I hid my own love. Xunqi, I have walked this path for over ten years, and I’ve never found it bitter. To stand in this world, one’s heart must hold more than love—one’s shoulders must bear responsibility. Her responsibility is to be a good minister, to seek the welfare of all living beings under heaven.”
Yuan Fusheng’s voice was soft and gentle, her gaze full of affection. “Xunqi, since you ask, I’ll tell you. Love has no right or wrong, but it must not put others in a difficult position. Do you understand? I love her—that’s my business, and it has nothing to do with her. If you’re asking, then yes, I love her.”
Xunqi’s heart ached terribly upon hearing this. It felt as though her heart were trapped in ice, freezing her until she trembled.
To live like the Academy Head… it was utterly miserable.
Yuan Fusheng led her by the hand to sit by the charcoal fire. “Warm yourself up first. How many days did you travel?”
“Seven days,” Xunqi answered obediently.
“You… you really are a Little Lunatic.” Yuan Fusheng said with concern, reaching out to touch her forehead. “Rest a day tonight. In a few days, it will be New Year’s Eve. Why not leave after the New Year?”
If she left tomorrow, she’d spend New Year’s Eve on the road, lonely and alone. Yan Zhi’an would be worried sick.
“I’ll head back tomorrow.” Xunqi shook her head, feeling much more at ease. Holding the Academy Head’s hand, she couldn’t help but feel a pang of regret. “Academy Head, I think my mother is like that with everyone. She seems kind, but I know there’s no one in her heart.”
There was no trace of her father anywhere in the Left Prime Minister’s Residence. If her mother truly loved him, she’d at least keep a Portrait. She had been to the Study, and there were no Portraits of any man there.
“What do you mean?”
“There’s no trace of my father in the residence,” Xunqi said.
Yuan Fusheng fell silent, faint shadows appearing beneath her eyelids. Even someone as cautious as Yan Zhi’an had moments of carelessness. She pressed her forehead and said bitterly, “As long as she treats you well, that’s enough.”
“I know. But I feel for her.” Xunqi lowered her head, her expression pained. “When others mention Yan Zhi’an, they call her a Divine Maiden incarnate. But ever since I came back, people have been sneering at her.”
Yuan Fusheng had moved past her initial shock and could now sense the girl’s confusion. She had traveled day and night just to understand.
Her decisiveness earned Yuan Fusheng’s admiration. She had to admit, Yan Zhi’an had raised her well. She said, “Xunqi, as long as you have love in your heart, that’s enough. Why does the world have rules? They exist to restrain people and provide convenience. But the rules of today demand that men love women and women love men—and for women to love each other is treated as a crime. Since when did it become mandatory for men and women to love each other?”
“Xunqi, remember what I said: have love in your heart and compassion for the world.”
Xunqi nodded. “I’ll remember.”
Yuan Fusheng stroked her forehead, a smile spreading across her face.
Xunqi didn’t dare linger. She stayed one night at the academy and rode back to the Capital City the next day.
She had come traveling day and night, and she returned the same way, riding for over ten days before reaching the Capital City.
By then, New Year’s Eve had passed, and the Imperial Court had reopened for business. A new year had begun. Xunqi entered the city and went straight home. Dismounting at the gate, Chen Qingrong came to greet her joyfully.
“You’re finally back! Was the trip smooth?” Chen Qingrong hurried over, took Xunqi’s small hand, and studied her face. “You’ve lost weight. Your mother is at the residence.”
“Why is she at the residence? Isn’t she at court?” Xunqi was puzzled. She glanced at the sky—broad daylight. Shouldn’t Mother be at the Government Office?
Chen Qingrong explained, “She’s waiting for you.”
Xunqi’s scalp tightened. Instinctively, she grabbed Chen Qingrong’s arm. “Is she very angry? Will she punish me?”
“Punishing you would be letting you off easy. Running off without a word like that—what was that about? They say, ‘While your parents live, don’t travel far.’ Did you listen?” Chen Qingrong patted her head. “She was so worried she couldn’t even eat. The Right Prime Minister even argued with her, saying she couldn’t control her own child. I don’t understand—what business is it of the Right Prime Minister’s?”
Xunqi just assumed her teacher was concerned about her.
Chen Qingrong escorted her to the door but didn’t go in herself. She instructed, “Kneel when you should kneel, cry when you should cry. Best to wail at the top of your lungs.”
Xunqi touched her own eyes, looking troubled. “I can’t cry.”
Seeing that this piece of mud couldn’t be shaped into anything, Chen Qingrong pointed toward the building. “You’ll cry soon enough when you get beaten.”
“But I really can’t cry. Should I carry thorns and beg for forgiveness?” Xunqi’s eyes lit up. “Should I get two Thorn Branches to carry on my back?”
Chen Qingrong looked at her own granddaughter like she was an idiot. Why was she so dense? She was practically handing her mother the stick to beat her with.
“Just get inside.” Chen Qingrong was thoroughly annoyed. She shoved the girl inside, deciding that out of sight was out of mind.
Xunqi was pushed into the house. The Maidservants inside were silent as mice. Upon seeing her return, they jerked their chins toward the inner room, then filed out, kindly closing the door behind them.
“Mother?” Xunqi stepped into the inner chamber, hid behind the Folding Screen, and peeked out with a radiant smile.
Yan Zhi’an sat by the window, holding a Letter from Yuan Fusheng. It mentioned the absence of a Portrait in the Study, and she had to think. A Portrait? Where was she supposed to get a Portrait?
She thought for a while. Xunqi grew anxious and called out again, “Mother, I’m back?”
“Back from your gallivanting?” Yan Zhi’an raised her head slowly. A small head peeked out from behind the screen—much thinner, a bit darker. It was easy to imagine how she’d spent the past month away: traveling day and night, eating and sleeping in the open, never having a proper meal.
Upon hearing the response, Xunqi eagerly scurried over. “I met Headmaster Yuan. She said she likes you.”
Yan Zhi’an’s eyelashes trembled, and her hands unconsciously tightened. She forced down that stirring of shyness and faced the girl coolly. “So what if she likes me? What does that have to do with you sneaking off to Jinling?”
Xunqi pouted. She didn’t feel wronged by the scolding and pressed on eagerly, “Do you like her?”
“Yan Xunqi!” Yan Zhi’an called her by her full name. “Gossiping about your elders—is that the discipline I taught you?”
“I won’t ask anymore.” Xunqi mumbled. Shamelessly, she squeezed onto the bed beside Yan Zhi’an and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. “Mother, how did I handle things? I think if it were you, you would have done the same. The Academy Head said you don’t love any one person because your heart holds compassion for all the world. I think she’s right.”
“That’s a fine piece of flattery. Don’t flatter me next time.” Yan Zhi’an brushed her off, her expression stern. “Your teacher has been pressing me every single day about when you’d return. I’ve served at court alongside her for years, and this is the first time she’s scolded me until I couldn’t talk back.”
