Chapter 4: How About Hugging Like This?

There was a mountain west of the capital city, with steep slopes that few people visited.

Xunqi had grown up on this mountain and knew every inch of it. She walked in front, while Yan Zhi’an followed, stopping and starting. She walked along the steep mountain path as if it were flat ground.

After the girl recovered, her naturally lively personality showed. Yan Zhi’an’s gaze swept over her for a moment before finally landing on the branches and leaves covering the mountainside.

Xunqi climbed the mountain as easily as an ordinary person walking on flat ground. In contrast, the group of guards following behind were left far in the dust.

Yan Zhi’an had also walked through the mountains in her youth, prospecting for mines, stopping and starting. She barely managed to keep up with Xunqi’s pace.

Around noon, the group reached the mountainside. Yan Zhi’an leaned against a tree and stopped, sweat forming on her back. In the dead of winter, she had actually worked up a sweat. When the wind blew, it felt cold.

She glanced at Xunqi. Xunqi stopped and handed her the water flask.

Yan Zhi’an took the flask, her gaze sweeping over those small hands, so delicate. She took a sip of water, caught her breath, and said, “Continue.”

In the wilderness, only the group walked, let alone birds and beasts.

They climbed for another half an hour until they reached a flat area. In the snow, a bamboo hut suddenly appeared. Just looking at it from a distance made one feel cold. It was clear that Xunqi hadn’t lived well over the years.

Yan Zhi’an’s gaze towards Xunqi held more pity.

Xunqi stopped and waited for Yan Zhi’an to approach. Then she pointed to a small mound behind the bamboo hut. “That’s the madwoman’s grave.”

“Mhm.” Yan Zhi’an responded, the fatigue in her eyes fading. Xunqi was a bit afraid of her, sneaking glances at her from two steps away. For a moment, she couldn’t discern her emotions. She was like a wooden dummy, unknowable in joy or anger.

The mountain wilderness was especially cold in winter. Entering the bamboo hut, a biting chill hit them. Even Yan Zhi’an found it hard to bear.

“I’ll go pack my things.” Xunqi called out and went into the inner room.

It was a small bamboo hut with three rooms: left, center, and right. The left was the kitchen. The center had a table, chairs, and a recliner. The rightmost was the bedroom.

The bedroom had two bamboo beds. Xunqi walked to her small bed and started rummaging. Yan Zhi’an followed her in, her gaze sweeping around. On a bamboo cabinet, she spotted a row of little wooden figurines.

The figurines were arranged from smallest to largest, from a toddler learning to walk to a graceful young maiden, carved with lifelike detail.

“Are these to be taken?” Yan Zhi’an reached out and touched the smallest figurine, her fingertip gently brushing over its brows and eyes. She smiled involuntarily. She looked at Xunqi, who was kneeling on the bed, her waist bent as she reached under the bed.

After rummaging for a while, she pulled out a wooden box. Opening it, it contained some copper coins, with some papers underneath.

Xunqi said, “This is what the madwoman left me. She said, for a woman to stand in this world, she needs a skill—embroidery, painting, calligraphy, or cooking. She must have a way to make a living and not rely on others.”

Yan Zhi’an thought that was right. Though women were weak, they should have the ability to survive.

Xunqi hugged the box and looked up again. Her raised face was as tender as a child’s, flawless as jade. Her solemn, unsmiling expression made her look even more like the Female Emperor.

Yan Zhi’an’s heart skipped a beat. The Female Emperor, Sima Shenrong, was right to be concerned. If she grew any older, the Imperial Clan would surely notice.

“Take them all. Come back next spring to pay respects.” Yan Zhi’an hid the worry in her eyes and looked up at the wooden figurines on the bamboo cabinet. This madwoman was also an extraordinary woman. But what exactly had happened back then? Was it the Female Emperor or Emperor Ming who had arranged for Xunqi to leave the palace?

The Female Emperor still wouldn’t say, so she couldn’t ask.

Xunqi packed up all her things, taking the wooden figurines with her. Then she locked the bamboo hut.

The group descended the mountain and returned to the Prime Minister’s residence as the moon rose over the willows.

Yan Zhi’an sent Xunqi back to her room. Xunqi was temporarily staying in her room. After returning, she placed the wooden figurines on the treasure shelf, taking down the rare and precious ornaments that had been there.

A maidservant stood by, silently watching her crude actions. Several times she wanted to remind her: Young Heir, these things are priceless. The fact that the Head of the Family kept them here means they are rare treasures of the world.

She opened her mouth, but was stopped by the Head of the Family. Instead, the Head of the Family instructed her, “Move these to my room.”

The maidservant carefully moved the treasures out. After she left, Xunqi put her box under the bed. But there was already a box under the bed. Puzzled, she dragged it out and opened it. Her eyes lit up. “So many pearls!”

“Do you like them?” Yan Zhi’an sat down on the daybed, leaning against a soft cushion, looking at her lazily.

Xunqi picked up one of the fist-sized objects and held it up to the lamp. “They’re so bright. I like them.”

“If you like them, take them. They’re a gift for you.” Yan Zhi’an stretched, playing with a jade rabbit ornament on the table, her tone casual and slightly cold. “If you don’t want to light a lamp at night, just take one of these out.”

Xunqi sat cross-legged, taking the pearls out one by one. She couldn’t help but glance at her mother. The woman was languid and relaxed, which only accentuated her beauty of ice and jade.

She had to admit, her mother was very beautiful. So beautiful she was like a jade person, as if anyone touching her would be desecrating a deity.

She narrowed her eyes and smiled, her heart stirring. She lowered her head and continued to play with the night-illuminating pearls.

After a while, Yan Zhi’an stood up, her skirt trailing on the floor. Xunqi looked up.

The Left Prime Minister stood in the lamplight, her features clear and cold, like the deep mist of the mountains. When the sun shone, the mist dispersed, revealing flawless, translucent jade.

Xunqi thought, if beauty was tied to power and wealth, then what was the point?

Because you held all the advantages of the world, standing at the peak of the mountain, overlooking everything below, with no rivals in sight.

“Alright, play by yourself. We leave for Jinling in three days. Make your preparations early.”

Yan Zhi’an left after saying this. Xunqi hugged the box. “So many night-illuminating pearls.”

The madwoman had said that the clearest, purest things in the world were the most precious.

Three days later, under a bright winter sun, dozens of carriages were lined up in front of the Yan family residence, stretching as far as the eye could see. The carriage in the middle was extremely luxurious. Phoenix top, pearl eyes, beaded curtains, and jade drapes.

Xunqi blinked. Her mother was truly extravagant.

Her limbs stiffened. Chen Qingrong walked out and stood before her daughter. A ray of sunlight fell on Yan Zhi’an’s brows and eyes, making her features radiant.

“I’m telling you, don’t argue with your grandfather. I know he can’t win an argument with you, but he’s old. And this matter is unreasonable on your part. Be patient. Zhi’an, when you go back, don’t provoke them. They’re all family. Give them money if they want money, and only turn hostile if they want power.”

“Also, Xunqi is timid. When you get angry, push her aside. Don’t let her see. You two just met. You should still pretend to be gentle.”

Xunqi leaned against a pillar, arms crossed, tilting her head as she watched this mother-daughter pair putting on an act.

Chen Qingrong gave her earnest advice, then turned and saw the girl standing there. She instinctively hid behind Yan Zhi’an. “She heard that.”

“It’s fine. She’ll have to pretend too in the future. Because if you don’t pretend, you die.” Yan Zhi’an was very calm and didn’t mind. On the contrary, she beckoned her over. “Time to go.”

Xunqi looked at her beautiful mother, let go of her arms, and ran over. Yan Zhi’an suddenly said, “I forgot to teach you how to salute. I’ll teach you tonight.”

The mother and daughter boarded the carriage. Chen Qingrong waved, smiling happily. Xunqi was puzzled. “Mother, why is the Madam so happy?”

Mother? Yan Zhi’an’s gaze fell on her small face. She instinctively rubbed her ears. Mother?

She suppressed the emotions in her heart and closed her eyes. “Because she loves freedom.”

Her mother was the youngest daughter of the Chen family, doted on by her family, and later married into the Yan family. Her father had been unreliable, indulging in romance and pleasure, ignoring household affairs, playing with her mother day after day for over a decade, until a cold took his life.

Later, her mother became a widow. She missed her mother and couldn’t bear to see her constrained by the Yan family’s tedious rules, so she had brought her to the capital.

Her mother loved eating, playing, and having fun, but hated managing affairs. She even found her daughter’s meddling annoying. With her daughter away from the capital, her mother was even freer.

Xunqi was stunned. She asked dryly, “What is freedom?”

The carriage wheels turned, and the carriage began to sway. Yan Zhi’an slowly looked up at her, pondered for a moment, and said, “In this life, don’t count on that.”

Xunqi didn’t understand. The madwoman hadn’t taught her. She didn’t know what freedom was.

“Mother, what is freedom?”

Yan Zhi’an withdrew her gaze, paused for two breaths, and smiled lightly. “It’s doing whatever you want, walking freely across the world.”

“Oh. I won’t have it anymore?” Xunqi was puzzled. The Yan family was so rich, couldn’t they buy freedom?

Yan Zhi’an reached out and tapped her smooth, full forehead. She remained silent, but there was more pity in her eyes.

Power and freedom were inherently contradictory.

Xunqi was tapped on the head and found it strange. “Can’t money buy it?”

“I can’t answer that question. When you grow up, you’ll understand on your own.” Yan Zhi’an couldn’t answer. Seeing that her hands were empty, she handed her her hand warmer. “Hold this. Don’t freeze.”

Her voice was soft, her tone gentle, her features like moonlight in the mountains. Xunqi felt she was being mysterious.

Money makes the world go round.

The carriage bumped along. After noon, Xunqi yawned. Yan Zhi’an put down her book, opened a hidden compartment, and took out another book. “I’ll read to you.”

The book had been prepared days ago. She had guessed Xunqi would get sleepy, so she had prepared a book to read to her.

She flipped through the book and read aloud.

In the quiet afternoon, Yan Zhi’an read clearly from the historical records. Xunqi rolled her eyes and yawned. “Can I sleep?”

Yan Zhi’an: “…”

“No.”

“What if I insist?”

Yan Zhi’an handed her the book. “You read to me. That way, you won’t be sleepy.”

Xunqi looked at her with a face of utter despair. “I don’t see any motherly affection in your eyes. Only pity that shows up from time to time.” She felt her mother treated her with a faint sense of distance, like a guest. She seemed approachable, but was in fact polite and aloof.

“Hm?” Yan Zhi’an reached up and touched her own eyes. This was her first time being a mother. She didn’t know what a loving gaze looked like.

For a moment, she was stumped.

What to do?

Yan Zhi’an thought for a moment, then silently reached out and pulled the girl into her arms, gently patting her back. “How about this?”