The person before her clearly hadn’t expected her to say that. The fingertips that had been toying with her lips paused.
Ye Chengxing caught a whiff of the white peach sweet scent.
In her daze, she thought that this distance seemed rather perfect for a kiss.
But in the next second, Ye Chengxing watched as Li Jia withdrew her hand and straightened up.
Li Jia repeated her words very slowly: “You came back to see me?”
After repeating them, her voice grew faint. “I’m doing just fine now. Now that you’ve seen me, you can go back.”
“You can leave freely, can’t you?”
In truth, she wasn’t entirely sure if Ye Chengxing could leave whenever she wanted, so she had pointed it out deliberately. After saying this, Li Jia observed her impassively.
She knew this person in front of her all too well, especially her instinctive micro-expressions. In an instant, she judged that Ye Chengxing could indeed leave this world at will.
Realizing this, the tension that had gripped her heart upon hearing Ye Chengxing’s words eased somewhat.
As Ye Chengxing listened to Li Jia’s voice, she recalled the sight of her standing in the doorway earlier, a hint of hesitation in her expression.
She really wanted to ask: Are you truly doing well?
If you really are doing well, then why do you look so… heartbreaking and sorrowful?
Ye Chengxing didn’t speak, and neither did Li Jia.
After saying those words, Li Jia had looked away. But even with her gaze averted, her peripheral vision couldn’t help drifting toward Ye Chengxing.
Then she noticed Ye Chengxing standing up.
As Li Jia glanced over from the corner of her eye, Ye Chengxing likewise noticed Li Jia’s averted gaze.
The person who hadn’t looked away from her since they met was now the one turning aside.
Ye Chengxing thought that Li Jia clearly didn’t want her to leave—why was she pushing her away?
It seemed… like she was afraid of something?
As expected, a lot had happened five years ago. She needed to remember it quickly.
Li Jia had looked away, so Ye Chengxing simply stepped right into her line of sight.
“You make a good point.”
Hearing Ye Chengxing’s words, Li Jia let out a soft hum.
Though she had decided to push her away herself, her fingertips still clenched tightly into her palm despite herself.
Ye Chengxing watched her—clearly so deeply invested yet pretending not to care—and thought, You’re quite the tsundere, aren’t you?
“But what if I don’t want to leave?” She drew a little closer.
Before Li Jia could speak again, Ye Chengxing glanced around the room. “I’d like to stay here for a while. Is that okay?”
“After all, losing that chunk of memory is still bothering me.” Here, she curved her eyes and smiled at Li Jia, while gently placing her hand on Li Jia’s, slowly prying apart the fingertips digging into her palm one by one. “Maybe staying here for a bit will help me remember.”
Li Jia glanced at her, then lowered her eyes to the hand separating her fingertips.
As if scalded, she abruptly pulled her hand back. “If you want to stay… then stay.”
Ye Chengxing took in her reaction and found it truly odd. Li Jia’s response was overly intense. The more she observed, the more she sensed the fear hidden beneath the surface—fear that went beyond mere apprehension.
What exactly was she afraid of?
Ye Chengxing genuinely wanted to recover those lost memories as soon as possible. What she’d just said to Li Jia wasn’t entirely an excuse.
She could feel that ever since she’d walked in and seen everything here, those deliberately forgotten memories had begun to loosen.
Staying here for a while might really jog them loose.
“Any room is fine?” Ye Chengxing looked at Li Jia. Seeing her nod, she continued, “Then I’ll pick one myself.”
With that, Ye Chengxing headed up the stairs to the second floor.
There were plenty of rooms here—some on the first floor too—but after saying that, she subconsciously went upstairs. By the time she realized it, she was already standing in front of a room on the second floor.
Ye Chengxing blinked. She didn’t even know what the room looked like inside, but she’d already decided: this was the one.
“This room it is.”
She pushed the door open, gave the interior a cursory glance, then turned back to Li Jia.
Li Jia eyed the room she’d chosen and stayed silent for a long moment before finally responding with a sound.
The air grew quiet for a few seconds. Suddenly, she opened the room next door to Ye Chengxing’s. “I’ll be staying here tonight too.”
Ye Chengxing glanced at the room she’d opened and curved her eyes. “Alright. It’s getting late—you should rest early too. Good night.”
After hearing her say good night, Li Jia paused. “…Good night.”
With that, she turned to enter her room.
But at that moment, Ye Chengxing spoke again. “Li Jia, what are you afraid of?”
By the time her voice fell, however, the other woman had already gone inside and shut the door.
Ye Chengxing stared at the closed door and thought perhaps she hadn’t heard.
If she hadn’t heard, then so be it. She’d find out eventually.
Just like how, with so many rooms available, she’d chosen to open the one right next to hers.
Ye Chengxing withdrew her gaze, entered her own room, and closed the door.
Li Jia had actually heard Ye Chengxing’s question.
What are you afraid of?
She was indeed afraid.
But how could she tell her—
That she feared herself?
The self with extreme possessiveness.
The self who, no matter how she tried to learn, could never love like a normal person.
Even now, she was at best putting on a show of normalcy. The real her had nearly gone mad the moment she confirmed Ye Chengxing had returned.
She wanted to hold her, kiss her, make love to her.
She wanted her gaze forever on herself, never leaving; she wanted to hear her say she loved her.
But the methods she could think of were no different from five years ago.
Others’ love was whole, but hers was still so flawed and abnormal, only bringing exhaustion and trouble.
Her love wouldn’t fade with time—it only grew more frenzied with Ye Chengxing’s absence.
To the point that, the instant she saw her, those long-pent-up emotions burst free.
Before she lost all restraint, all she could do was push her away.
Thinking of this, Li Jia raised her hand and slipped her fingertips into her mouth.
Her mind replayed the sensation of Ye Chengxing’s fingertips slowly prying hers apart.
Her fingertips had touched hers—so warm.
But regrettably, such a brief contact carried hardly any of her scent.
Li Jia was never gentle with herself.
After several repetitions, her eyes rimmed red.
She withdrew her soaked fingertips.
As she pleasured herself with her hand, she couldn’t help wondering what Ye Chengxing was doing right now.
Resting? Or lost in thought?
The knowledge that “Ye Chengxing was right next door” didn’t ease her at all—instead, it made her ache more.
No matter how she tried to relieve it, she couldn’t reach fulfillment. She bit her lip.
In the quiet of the night, her thoughts surged.
She had let her go, but Ye Chengxing had come back of her own accord.
She had returned willingly.
So…
The force of her bite on her lip increased unconsciously until she tasted blood and barely regained her senses.
No.
She couldn’t do that again.
She sat up, her mind and body both suffering unbearably.
After struggling for so long, not only had it not improved—it had grown even harder to bear.
Li Jia opened her door. Though the rooms were well soundproofed, she kept her movements and sounds as quiet as possible.
She stared at the closed door next door for a moment, then climbed the stairs to the third floor and entered a room she always kept locked.
She remembered the placement of every item in this room perfectly.
Li Jia opened a drawer and took out the pale pink vibrator inside.
A small, round one.
At first, it had still held traces of the scent she daydreamed about endlessly.
But with the passage of time, even that had faded.
Her fingertips trembled slightly. After quickly disinfecting it, her other hand reached down, parting herself.
Her loose hair swayed in an arc with the motion. The instant she pressed the control button, she bit her lip and gripped the table.
She had arrived.
Yet the sense of dissatisfaction only intensified.
Her gorgeous lips were stained an even more vivid hue by the beads of blood. The fingertips clutching the table had turned her knuckles white from the pressure.
Her crumbling reason told her she couldn’t treat Ye Chengxing that way again.
But… getting a little closer without disturbing her should be fine, right?
With that thought, Li Jia stood and left the room, locking it behind her.
She truly couldn’t hold back anymore.
The corridor was silent as she descended to the second floor.
Ye Chengxing’s room door remained quietly shut, just as it had been before she went upstairs.
Li Jia approached the door.
It was late now—Ye Chengxing was probably asleep?
Even if she couldn’t see her, just staying outside her door felt slightly better than being in separate rooms.
Each room had its own bathroom and shower, and based on past habits, Ye Chengxing rarely came out at night.
She wouldn’t knock, wouldn’t make a sound—just linger outside for a while.
She’d return before dawn.
With that in mind, Li Jia inched closer to the door.
The thing she held was quiet too; Ye Chengxing wouldn’t know.
She missed her so much.
This vibrant version of her, the one who smiled.
Recalling her every gesture, her body grew even more aroused.
Unable to resist, Li Jia lifted her top. She had started at the door’s edge, but before she knew it, she was leaning against the door itself.
Yet she had to mind the person inside—no sounds, no big movements.
She bit the corner of her clothing, her fingertips grazing her front.
But it was always just short of something; there was no release.
Only mounting frustration.
Why was it still not enough…
Her eyes nearly brimmed with wetness.
But then, unexpectedly, the door behind her opened from within.
Her weight had been mostly on the door, so as it swung inward, she nearly lost her balance.
But more important than stumbling was this: Li Jia hastily released the fabric from her teeth, trembling as she smoothed her clothes.
Yet, contrary to expectation, she didn’t fall.
The person behind her instinctively reached out, pinching her waist. A woman’s soft, inquiring voice sounded in her ear: “Li Jia? Are you okay?”
