Chapter 29: How Can I Marry You?

Shen Yuezhuang and A Sang had been holed up in the room since the morning. They didn’t even come out for dinner. They even made a point of telling Uncle Yang not to mind whatever noises came from their room, and not to open the door.

Uncle Yang was, of course, worried. He sent someone to listen from a distance. The servant returned.

“I couldn’t hear clearly. I just caught things like, ‘Where do you think you’re going, demon!’ ‘Living Thunder God!’ ‘Wrongful Death Prison!’ ‘Daddy, save me!'”

That was enough! That was plenty!

They had been possessed!

Uncle Yang was old and experienced. He immediately had a few strong men surround that courtyard, and he prepared some black dog blood and a black donkey hoof just in case.

After all, they belonged to the palace. He also sent a young servant at full speed to the Precious Flower Temple to send word, and to invite a few masters to perform a ceremony and drive away the evil.

The butler waited from dusk until the moon was high. Finally, just before the city gates were about to close, the carriage from the Precious Flower Temple arrived.

The carriage entered through the side gate and drove all the way to the front of the courtyard, which was on high alert.

Uncle Yang breathed a sigh of relief and hurried to greet it. “Master! You’re finally here. I…”

But unexpectedly, when the carriage curtain was lifted, it was Liu Yun who descended!

“Master?!”

Liu Yun hummed in response, lifting her eyes coldly to look into the depths of the courtyard.

When Liu Yun received the butler’s message, she had just finished the day’s trivial tasks.

The day before was the Late Emperor’s death anniversary. Today was when the Marquis of Yongding came on behalf of the three armies to kowtow to the gods. Both were major events that could not afford a single mistake. Liu Yun had worn herself out for two days. Only now, with a little more free time, had she learned of Shen Yuezhuang’s “possession”!

Liu Yun naturally didn’t believe in ghosts and spirits. She had asked enough questions when she arrived, and had already guessed what Shen Yuezhuang was up to. Calmly and steadily, she ordered everyone to withdraw, taking the black dog blood and black donkey hoof with them. Then she looked at the courtyard door, which was locked from the outside.

“Uncle Yang, open the lock.”

Uncle Yang looked hesitant. “Master, we don’t have the key.”

“???” Liu Yun’s confusion was written all over her face. “You don’t have the key?”

The butler nodded. “Little Miss Shen asked me to lock it and throw the key inside. She said she’d throw it back out when she woke up tomorrow.”

Liu Yun: “…”

Fine. She’s learned her lesson. She knew it would be embarrassing, so she locked herself in!

Liu Yun took a deep breath, walked forward slowly, and asked, “Did she tell you what she was doing inside?”

“No.” The butler followed half a step behind. “Little Miss Shen said she and A Sang had serious business to discuss. She also said not to come over no matter what sounds we heard.”

“Serious business?” Liu Yun scoffed. “What serious business could those two have?”

Her master clearly didn’t believe in ghosts and gods. As a good servant, it was naturally important to follow her master’s lead!

So, the butler began to seriously think back on their behavior over the last couple of days. He frowned, considered for a moment, and said, “…Perhaps Little Miss Shen was studying how to snatch food from right under A Sang’s nose?”

Liu Yun: “…”

But regardless, without the key, they couldn’t get in. Seeing Liu Yun frowning at the lock, the butler immediately said, “I’ll go find a rock to break the lock.”

“No need.” Liu Yun hesitated for a moment, then took off a gold hairpin. She fiddled with the lock for a bit, and the chain fell to the ground with a clang.

The butler was a little stunned. Soon, he couldn’t help his instinctive praise. “Master has a good hand!”

—

In the room, the two were drunk out of their minds.

A Sang was slumped over the table, with three empty jars beside her.

Shen Yuezhuang held a rolled-up book, swaying unsteadily. Half explaining, half-acting, she pointed at A Sang and said, “You’re Gao Cuilan from Old Gao’s Village, captured by Zhu Bajie and locked in a room. Right, you, you just stay there, don’t move!”

She struggled to make out the words on the page. After staring for a long while, she added, “I’m your dad, and I brought the Monkey King here to save you. And then, and then the room you’re in is locked…”

Saying this, Shen Yuezhuang walked to the closed door, talking to herself.

“Old man, go get the key!”

“If there was a key, we wouldn’t need you.”

“Hehe, This Old Sun was just teasing you!”

Shen Yuezhuang gave the door in front of her a hard push.

This door, to prevent her own embarrassment, had been bolted by her when she was sober. But right now, Shen Yuezhuang’s mind was filled with the scene of Sun Wukong using his Golden-Hooped Staff to break open the lock.

She rolled up the book, stuck it into the back of her waistband, and began to search around.

A Sang, seeing her searching about, couldn’t help but ask, “Miss Shen… urp, what are you looking for?”

Shen Yuezhuang was almost in tears from anxiety. “My Golden-Hooped Staff is gone! I can’t find my Golden-Hooped Staff, I can’t open the lock, and if I can’t open the lock, I can’t save you! Oh, my daughter!”

She sobbed as she hugged A Sang’s head. A Sang’s brow furrowed tightly too. She turned her head, and suddenly her eyes lit up. Pointing at the door latch, she grinned, “Isn’t that it?”

Shen Yuezhuang looked completely bewildered. “It’s so small?”

A Sang said with certainty, “You must have shrunk it!”

Hmm, makes sense!

Shen Yuezhuang pulled out the door latch. The door opened, revealing Liu Yun, who was walking towards them.

Shen Yuezhuang stared suspiciously at the two women, one behind the other, and mumbled, “Strange, why are there two Miss Gaos?”

Liu Yun didn’t let the butler follow her in. After all, this wasn’t something a normal person would do; there was no need for an extra person to watch the joke.

She walked to the door alone. Seeing Shen Yuezhuang staring at her with a vacant gaze, before she could figure out what kind of madness this was, she asked coldly, “Well now, who is this? Lu Zhishen or Chang’e?”

And inside, A Sang, who had been led through this scene many times, called out right on cue, “Daddy, I’m over here!”

With that, Shen Yuezhuang was instantly certain: her Miss Gao was the one inside!

She immediately turned, her legs giving way as she collapsed onto A Sang. “My good daughter!”

Liu Yun simply couldn’t figure out what scene they were acting out. The display of “fatherly love and filial piety” lasted only a moment before Shen Yuezhuang forcefully shoved A Sang’s shoulder.

“All you know how to do is snatch your dad’s fish balls!”

Liu Yun: ……

So they really were studying how to snatch food from the tiger’s mouth!

Shen Yuezhuang shoved A Sang’s shoulder, but since A Sang was slumped on the table, the push only sent herself staggering back two steps, nearly falling to the ground.

In the end, it was Liu Yun who caught her by the back of her collar, lifting her up and setting her down gently on the floor.

Something was stuck in the back of her waistband, digging painfully into Liu Yun’s calf. She reached down to feel it—it was the door latch from earlier.

Liu Yun was about to pull it out and toss it aside, but Shen Yuezhuang grabbed it, trapping Liu Yun’s wrist along with it.

“Give me back my Golden-Hooped Staff!”

Liu Yun: “……”

I’m begging you, why don’t you go beg the gods to give you back your brain!

Liu Yun pressed a hand to her forehead. She brushed one hand lightly past Shen Yuezhuang’s ear. “Alright, I’ve put it in your ear.”

With her other hand, she quickly threw the latch out the door.

Shen Yuezhuang felt her ear and finally relented. She leaned against Liu Yun’s leg for a moment to recover, then tilted her head back, continuing her chaotic yet strangely sequential script.

She slowly got down on her hands and knees and said to Liu Yun, “Come on, it’s my turn to carry you back to Cloud Stack Cave.”

Cloud Stack Cave, Old Gao’s Village?

A flicker of amusement flashed in Liu Yun’s eyes. She knelt, pressing lightly against her back with one knee. “Like this? How are you going to carry me?”

Pressed to the floor, Shen Yuezhuang heard this and smoothly climbed to her feet. “Then you carry me.”

There was no room for refusal. Shen Yuezhuang climbed onto Liu Yun’s back herself.

Just getting on wasn’t enough. Shen Yuezhuang patted her shoulder, urging, “Hurry, get going!”

Liu Yun took two perfunctory steps. Shen Yuezhuang asked, “Are we there yet?”

“Where?”

“Cloud Stack Cave! Aren’t you supposed to marry me? And you’re asking me!”

Shen Yuezhuang leaned her head on Liu Yun’s shoulder, her every breath a thick scent of osmanthus wine.

However, in late spring, the scent of osmanthus was somewhat out of season, just like the smile fading from Liu Yun’s lips and her ridiculous question.

Her voice was so soft it could have been carried away by the night wind as she gazed at the half-blooming white magnolia tree in the courtyard.

The jade-white petals were stark and bright against the inky blackness of the night!

With no one around, Liu Yun let out a sigh that was almost imperceptible. It was partly a question to the other, and partly to herself. “How can I marry you?”

The night wind was mournful, and Liu Yun’s tone was even more so.

Hearing this, Shen Yuezhuang’s brow immediately furrowed. She slapped Liu Yun across the face with a “pah!”

“Stick to the script!”

Liu Yun: “……”

Shen Yuezhuang’s slap wasn’t strong, but a slap to the face is more about humiliation than pain.

All the sorrow in Liu Yun’s heart turned into a cold, sharp blade. She let out a cold laugh, her eyes fixed on Shen Yuezhuang.

“Someone like you? Who would dare marry you?”

“What?!”

Shen Yuezhuang was instantly enraged. She almost stood up on Liu Yun’s back, her voice full of disbelief and indignant fury as she shouted, “You don’t dare marry me?!”

The commotion was so loud that even Uncle Yang outside the courtyard heard it. He even peeked his head in, saw his mistress actually carrying Shen Yuezhuang, and his jaw nearly hit the floor!

Inside, the half-drunk A Sang also propped her head up to look, her voice booming, “Daddy, who doesn’t dare marry you?! Your daughter will… Urp.”

A Sang, aka Gao Cuilan, sounded less like a delicate young lady and more like a hero from Mount Liang about to hijack a birthday convoy. The hero’s voice was loud, but her tolerance for alcohol was not. The moment she opened her mouth, the stench of wine filled the air.

Liu Yun reacted instantly, taking a few quick steps to stand under the magnolia tree. Over there, the butler had called two young maids, who came in to help A Sang out.

Not wanting to suffer any more embarrassment, Liu Yun faced the tree trunk as if she were facing a wall, avoiding the butler’s probing gaze.

But Shen Yuezhuang was clearly shameless. Being carried out wasn’t enough for her. She clung to Liu Yun’s shoulder, her head nearly buried in the white magnolia blossoms.

“Why don’t you dare marry me, you demon? Have you figured out This Old Sun’s identity?!”

Over there, it was as if a switch had been flipped in A Sang. She suddenly broke free from the maids’ hold and picked up the “Golden-Hooped Staff” that Liu Yun had secretly thrown out.

“Dad, I found your Golden-Hooped Staff for you!”

Liu Yun: “……”

She was terrified of people who got this fatally into character!

Liu Yun endured the most agonizing few minutes of her life. Finally, after the maids had helped A Sang leave, she composed herself and turned to Uncle Yang, whose head was practically bowed to his chest. She did her best to keep her voice steady.

“Uncle Yang, have someone prepare the room next door.”

Before Uncle Yang could even reply, Shen Yuezhuang protested. She tightened her grip on Liu Yun’s shoulders and said, each word clear and distinct.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“If you ascend to the heavens, I will chase you to the Dou Niu Palace! If you descend into the earth, I will follow you… follow you to the Prison of Wrongful Death!”

Shen Yuezhuang was likely exhausted from her antics. Her voice grew softer and softer, until it was nearly a whisper in her ear.

Liu Yun’s heart stirred. The night wind rose again, and a white magnolia blossom drifted down, landing with ethereal grace on Liu Yun’s shoulder.

So bright!