The Farm Girl and the Executioner (Rebirth) 114

Chapter 114: Confessing to You

When Lin Shuang woke up the next morning, she still looked listless.

Seeing that she had no energy, Jiang Huaizhen said to Old Madam Jiang, “I’ll take her to the city to see a doctor.”

The family’s money tree was not to be lost in the old woman’s eyes. She urged her to go quickly.

Jiang Huaizhen hitched the carriage and helped Lin Shuang get on.

Ping’er chased after them, her face full of worry. She asked Jiang Huaizhen, “Big sister, can Auntie come home at night?”

Jiang Huaizhen thought for a moment and said, “She can. You stay at home with Grandma and don’t run around.”

Ping’er quickly said, “I know.”

Jiang Huaizhen did not take her to the clinic but went back to their home in the city. She knew that Lin Shuang’s illness was a mental one. With so many people at home, and the workers, she couldn’t release her emotions and would feel even more suffocated.

After they entered the city and returned to their courtyard, Lin Shuang indeed relaxed a little, but she still held onto Jiang Huaizhen’s sleeve and wouldn’t let go. When she went to feed the horse, she also followed.

After they had finished these things, Jiang Huaizhen finally settled her in her room, got some water, wiped her face and hands, and then asked warmly, “Shuang’er has something on her mind. Can you tell me?”

Lin Shuang looked up at the person squatting in front of her, her eyes darting away, and then she lowered her head.

Jiang Huaizhen held her hand and pressed it against her cheek, asking softly, “Are you not saying it because it’s hard to say, or because you’re afraid?”

Lin Shuang finally replied, “I’m afraid…”

“Afraid of what?”

Lin Shuang looked at her gentle eyes, and her eyes reddened. A few large tears rolled down.

Jiang Huaizhen’s heart ached. She knelt on the ground, looked up, and kissed the tears that were falling, coaxing her softly, “Huaizhen is here. Shuang’er, don’t be afraid.”

Only then did Lin Shuang sob, “I’m afraid you won’t want me anymore.”

Jiang Huaizhen looked at her red eyes, gently hugged her, and then kissed the tip of her nose, her lips.

“We are a couple recognized by the yamen. For me, a woman, to have your love is already something I couldn’t ask for. How can I not want you?”

Lin Shuang still lowered her head and said nothing.

Jiang Huaizhen was silent for a while and said, “Or does Shuang’er feel that the matter of past and present lives is too strange to tell me?”

Hearing this, Lin Shuang suddenly looked up and looked at her in surprise.

“What are you talking about…”

Jiang Huaizhen said, “After your parents died of the plague, you have barely left the village. You can be said to have been watched by the villagers as you grew up. Other than not being liked by Lin Mancang and his wife, there is nothing that can’t be said. And those things that you can’t say, I’m afraid that only the explanation of a past life can make sense.”

She had never left the village, so how could she have learned to read, how could she have known how to identify medicinal herbs? The words about her maternal grandfather were even more untenable.

Jiang Huaizhen was afraid that she had already had her doubts, but she had just been holding it in and not saying anything.

Lin Shuang was a little guilty, but she still said stubbornly, “That’s all your speculation.”

Jiang Huaizhen pursed her lips. “Then am I right?”

Lin Shuang hesitated for a moment, her nose twitched, and her eyes also reddened. “If it’s about my past life, will you dislike me?”

Jiang Huaizhen shook her head. “A fate that is beyond your control. As your partner, I can’t even feel sorry for you enough. How can I dislike you?”

“Even if I was a concubine and was married to a dead person in a ghost marriage?” Lin Shuang looked at her with a pitiful expression.

Jiang Huaizhen’s heart ached, and she held her hand tightly. “You must have suffered a lot. I only hate that I can’t suffer for you.”

“If… I’m saying if, I also abandoned you in the end?”

Hearing this, Jiang Huaizhen’s body indeed stiffened.

The color on Lin Shuang’s face instantly faded at her reaction.

Seeing this, Jiang Huaizhen quickly held her face and said, “You had your reasons. It must have been my fault for not being able to make you stay.”

“No…” Lin Shuang’s tears fell. “I was too weak… Huaizhen, I felt too much pain at that time. It was my fault. I left you all alone in that world.”

Her words, and the bloody wrist and the scorching fire in the dream, were suddenly linked, and it burned Jiang Huaizhen’s heart and lungs until blood came out.

Lin Shuang continued, “If you had the memories of that time, you would definitely hate me, hate me for being like those people in the past, only caring about my own feelings and abandoning you without exception…”

“Because you love me now, because you are not the you of your past life, you tolerate me with the love of this life… you tolerate my badness to you in my past life…”

“I don’t deserve to be your wife… I shouldn’t have kept you…”

Jiang Huaizhen looked at her tear-streaked face and her chattering little mouth, straightened up, and blocked her lips with a kiss.

The words of crying and self-blame were blocked in her mouth, and only a little whimper and a low sob were left between her lips.

She kissed her lips, licked her teeth, and then sucked on her tongue, so she couldn’t say those words that would make them both sad.

Lin Shuang hugged her neck and was so weak from her kissing that she could only swallow the words in her mouth.

“What happened in the past life is in the past. Now you are mine. When we were by the river before, you said that in this life, you would die after me, even if it was just half a quarter of an hour, even if it was just an hour, that would be enough.”

Jiang Huaizhen pressed her forehead against hers, her thumb rubbing her lips, which had been reddened and swollen by her biting, and gently caressed them.

“We still have to live to be eighty, to be a hundred. How can we be trapped in this little thing and not be able to get out…”

“Huaizhen…” Lin Shuang sobbed. “Don’t be so good to me. I’m so bad…”

“You’re not bad. You’re the best person in the world to me, the person who loves me the most…” Jiang Huaizhen took her hand and placed it on her heart. “Here, it can’t be controlled. It can’t stand to see you unhappy, can’t stand to see you cry. As soon as you’re sad, it hurts so much.”

Lin Shuang could no longer hold it in and threw herself into her arms again, hugging her tightly, her face full of tears.

What had she done to deserve this?

What had she done to deserve to be loved so passionately by such a person?

When she had finally cried enough, she lifted her head from her embrace, sniffed, and finally made up her mind.

She made up her mind to tell her everything.

“Huaizhen, after I died in my past life, I was reborn into that rainy night.”

“That day, it was your first execution. I was waiting for you.”

She faced her and told her everything about her past life, bit by bit. Including how many kinds of medicine she had to drink every day, how many times she had to soak in the medicine, what kind of work she had to do, how Old Madam Qin had instructed Matron Lou to torture her, and how her knees had been broken by Qin Chuan’s two children, and she had been put in a coffin and buried underground.

“Huaizhen, I didn’t die.”

“I was lying in the coffin, and all I could smell was the stench of a corpse. I was so scared, and my knees hurt. My whole body hurt… I thought I was going to die.”

“But I didn’t die… because you came.”

“Huaizhen, you saved me twice… you dug open the coffin, carried me home, fed me, applied medicine for me, and took good care of me. But I… I… I’m sorry, Huaizhen. I didn’t know that you would care about me. I just felt that living would be a burden to you, and I didn’t want you to suffer for me. And… and… I was in too much pain…”

“You wouldn’t want to know what I was like at that time. I was short and small, my skin was rough, my eye sockets were sunken, my hair was dry and yellow, and my two legs were broken. I was not a human and not a ghost, and I couldn’t take care of myself at all… if you had seen me at that time, you wouldn’t have fallen in love with me…”

Jiang Huaizhen finally matched her words with the dream from before. She didn’t know that her beloved woman had suffered so much in her past life and had been persecuted by so many people. Hearing her say these things, she was already in tears.

She was not such a superficial person. She didn’t care about her appearance. She only cared about the suffering she had endured and hated herself in her past life for not being more persistent and for not having snatched her back on the day of her chongxi marriage and cherishing her. At the very least, she should have saved her before her two legs were broken. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have been in so much pain, and maybe she wouldn’t have sought death.

“When I was at the Qin residence, I regretted more than once why I didn’t go with you back then. But regret is useless… Fortunately, the heavens gave me a chance to start over. In this life, I got my wish and was taken away by you.”

“And… I was very lucky to have fallen in love with you and to be loved by you…”

Jiang Huaizhen couldn’t control her tears and hugged her with all her might, crying, “It’s alright… it’s my fault… it’s my fault…”

She didn’t dare to tell Lin Shuang about the scene she had dreamed of. If she knew that in the end, she had burned the whole house down and had died with her, she would have been even more guilty, and she would have lived in guilt for the rest of her life.

Having said the biggest secret that had been buried in her heart, Lin Shuang felt completely exhausted. She slowly broke free from her embrace and looked at her. “Now you know how unbearable I was in my past life. Not only was I stupid, but I was also ugly, and everyone could oppress and bully me… and in the end, I even left you all alone in this world… are you still willing to have me now?”

Jiang Huaizhen reached out and wiped the remaining tears from the corners of her eyes, bit by bit, and said softly, “You know how stubborn I am. Once I’ve decided on a partner, I can’t change it. No matter if it’s a thunderbolt from the heavens or a ghost or a god blocking the way, nothing can shake me.”

Hearing her low and gentle voice flow past her ears, Lin Shuang couldn’t hold back her tears.

Jiang Huaizhen looked at the endless stream of tears and sighed. “I’ve always known you have a lot of water, but this is too much.”

This one sentence, with its double meaning, instantly made Lin Shuang break into a smile through her tears. She raised her fist to hit her.

Her tears finally stopped.

Jiang Huaizhen held her fist, opened her palm, and kissed her palm.

Only then did she straighten her legs to stand up.

But who knew that she had been kneeling for too long, and her legs were numb? Her right foot went numb, and she almost fell to one side.

Lin Shuang quickly supported her and said with red eyes, “Who told you to squat here for so long? Sit down, and I’ll rub them for you.”

Jiang Huaizhen sat down on a nearby chair as she was told and let her lift her skirt and rub her numb knees.

Seeing her rubbing halfway, she couldn’t help but reach out and lift her chin. In her eyes was a pitiful face. She couldn’t help but lower her head and kiss her again.

Lin Shuang’s mood had calmed down a little by now. She wrapped her arms around her neck and began to respond to her kiss.

After a long time, the kiss finally ended.

Lin Shuang said, “Huaizhen, let’s not have any more contact with the Qin family, okay?”

“I just want to live a good life with you, and with Grandma and Ping’er.”

Jiang Huaizhen smiled gently. “Alright. I’ll listen to whatever Shuang’er says.”

With that, she hugged her.

And behind her, where Lin Shuang couldn’t see, the gentleness in her eyes quickly cooled, with a hint of coldness.

In her past life and in this life, those who had hurt the person she held in her heart had all gotten away with it.

How could there be such a good thing!