Chapter 77: Transformation

◎Who are you looking at through me?◎

Chen Nanyun’s plan to adopt Xu Yan ultimately fell through, but fortunately, she asked around among her old friends, and one of them had a family member who happened to want to adopt a daughter.

It was quite a coincidence—the person adopting Xu Yan turned out to be Su Dai’s Big Auntie, the one who would go on to become an official.

Su Dai had taken her father’s surname, so Big Auntie was surnamed Xu as well. The moment she first saw Xu Yan, she felt the girl was both pitiable and somehow fated for her family. She brought her home right away and kept her name as Xu Yan.

That was the day Chen Yi saw Xu Yan again, when she was brought to her new home.

Chen Yi was staying at Xu Auntie’s house, with Chen Nanyun there to keep her company. Her palms were slick with nervous sweat; for the moment, she couldn’t decide whether her own fanning of the flames had changed Xu Yan’s life for better or worse.

The door swung open, and Xu Yan trailed behind Xu Auntie. She wore a brand-new outfit and had just washed her hair, leaving her long locks tied back like shimmering silk. She was only a little girl, but when she spoke, her manners were impeccably polite. If Chen Yi hadn’t known that Xu Yan had no memories from before, she might have thought Xu Yan was the reborn one between them.

“Chen Yi,” Xu Auntie said. “You’ve met Little Yan before, right?”

Xu Yan remembered the little girl standing in front of her. She nodded slightly, her entire posture stiff with unease.

Chen Yi stepped forward and offered the gift she had prepared ahead of time—a beautifully wrapped box of snacks. She had packaged the box herself and handpicked every treat inside.

“Here,” Chen Yi said. “This is for you.”

Xu Yan glanced at Xu Auntie, the woman who had brought her home that day.

Xu Auntie saw her hesitation and felt a pang of sympathy. She ruffled Xu Yan’s hair gently. “Go ahead and accept it. It’s fine.”

“This is Chen Yi’s mom, Chen Ayi. You’ve seen her before too.”

Chen Nanyun presented Xu Yan with a welcome gift of her own: a delicate silver bracelet.

“Silver wards off misfortune and brings good fortune,” Chen Nanyun said. “Little Yan, from here on out, you’ll grow up safe and sound.”

Chen Nanyun slipped the silver bracelet onto Xu Yan’s wrist. Chen Yi watched the whole thing without blinking.

Thinking Chen Yi was jealous, Chen Nanyun pulled her into a hug. “You little cheapskate, what are you staring at? Don’t we have one just like it at home?”

“Mom, you’re so mean!” Chen Yi protested.

“I’m just saying Sister looks pretty in it.”

Now little Xu Yan wore the bracelet that Chen Nanyun—Chen Yi’s mom—had given her. Chen Yi’s mind raced wildly for a moment, flashing back to the previous life when Chen Nanyun had fastened a bracelet on Xu Yan. The meaning had been entirely different then: a mother-in-law welcoming her daughter-in-law.

Xu Auntie chuckled that Chen Yi was nothing but a little face-connoisseur. She led Xu Yan off to show her the room. Before Xu Yan’s arrival, Xu Auntie had specially arranged for a cozy children’s bedroom to be cleaned and prepared, complete with a desktop computer sitting on the desk.

Xu Yan had never seen a computer before.

Xu Auntie patiently explained every item in the room to her.

“Little Yi, why don’t you keep Sister Xu company for a bit?” Xu Auntie said. “Your mom and I are going to start on dinner.”

For once, the two future female powerhouses were in the mood to roll up their sleeves and show off their cooking skills.

That left Chen Yi alone with Xu Yan.

“Do you want to open this up and take a look?” Chen Yi gestured toward the gift box in Xu Yan’s hands. “It’s full of good stuff to eat!”

It was only after they had gotten together in her past life that Chen Yi learned Xu Yan didn’t care for spicy food and preferred sweeter flavors. She loved chocolate, but only if it wasn’t too bitter. She enjoyed spicy strips now and then, but not often—snacking like that always struck her as too self-indulgent.

But things were different now.

Chen Yi watched as Xu Yan carefully unwrapped the package, revealing the treats she had stuffed inside with her own hands, piled high.

“Welcome!”

The three words were scrawled across a small card, followed by a big, grinning smiley face.

Xu Yan murmured a quiet thank you. After a pause, she posed her first question to Chen Yi.

“Do you know me?”

Chen Yi froze for a second.

Xu Yan clarified. “You said my name earlier.”

With no way to tell the truth, Chen Yi settled for a white lie. “I had a friend in kindergarten with the same name!”

Xu Yan blinked, then let the matter drop.

Chen Yi ventured a tentative question of her own. “Are you happy coming here?”

Xu Yan’s parents hadn’t treated her well, but they were still her parents, after all. Chen Yi worried she might be heartbroken over leaving them—or feel abandoned now that they’d given her up. The thought twisted her up inside.

On one hand, Xu Auntie’s adoption seemed like a pure win for Xu Yan’s future. Chen Yi knew the woman’s character well: Xu Auntie appeared stern on the surface, but before she had a daughter of her own, she had doted on her niece Su Dai endlessly. She would surely treat Xu Yan with the same love.

On the other hand, Chen Yi feared Xu Yan herself might not actually want this.

Xu Yan was just a kid right now, the same as Chen Yi.

What say did children have in such decisions? They simply drifted along with whatever the adults chose.

Chen Yi gazed at Xu Yan, brimming with anxiety.

Xu Yan rarely opened her heart to anyone, even at the tender age of five. She had already learned to bury her true feelings deep inside.

Her big sister had told her plenty before she came here.

Not to be scared.

But her sister didn’t understand—Xu Yan wasn’t scared.

It was better this way than being left behind time and again, scrambling home on her own each time. This was simply a new place. Still, she felt tense and out of place. What if she remained the unlovable one here too? Would they discard her next? Xu Yan had no answers.

To keep from being abandoned again, she needed to become sensible and mature. Useful. That was the lesson her parents had drilled into her over the past five years—and the one she believed in utterly right now.

Was she happy? Xu Yan couldn’t say. The weight of the snack box in her hands brought a flicker of joy and novelty, but mostly it filled her with unease.

Why were they being so kind to her? She hadn’t done anything to deserve it.

“I don’t know,” Xu Yan admitted honestly. Then she turned the question back. “Are you happy?”

Chen Yi’s smile stretched so wide her eyes nearly vanished. “Happy! I’m super happy!”

“Then… will you miss your mom and dad?” Chen Yi asked.

Xu Yan shook her head slightly. “I don’t know.”

She didn’t like them much, but staying by their side had become habit. Finding her way home every time was pure instinct—a fear that lingering outside would turn her into a true stray, with no safety at all. Yet home hadn’t offered safety either.

She glanced around at the unfamiliar surroundings and studied the strange little girl before her.

Strange.

That was Xu Yan’s first impression of Chen Yi.

Over the next ten years, it never really changed.

By fifteen, Xu Yan had blossomed into a striking young woman. Under Xu Auntie’s care, she had been raised like a proper lady from a great family. Xu Auntie often encouraged Chen Yi to drag Xu Yan out for wild adventures, but Xu Yan seldom joined in. Freed from her old family, she still held herself to impossibly high standards.

Everything had to be perfect. Whatever task landed in her hands, she handled it flawlessly.

Chen Yi was half a year younger but had spurted up in height, now standing shoulder-to-shoulder with her. In this life, she had come to accept Chen Nanyun’s habit of dressing her up—after all, Xu Yan had done the same to her countless times in the past.

Reborn into this second chance, Chen Yi pursued paths she had never dared imagine before: picking up new tech skills, dabbling in photography, and diving headfirst into the esports world early on. In her previous life, she had wanted to compete but lacked the nerve—and the window of opportunity had closed with age. This time was different. She could blaze the trail for female esports players.

Through the years of watching Xu Yan grow up by her side, Chen Yi had slowly come to terms with one reality: the Xu Yan standing before her wasn’t the Xu Yan she had known.

Or more precisely, not the Xu Yan from her memories.

Even if they were the same person at their core, Chen Yi’s interference had rewritten their lives from the start. She couldn’t keep judging this Xu Yan through the lens of the past. It wouldn’t be fair to the flesh-and-blood girl living in her world now.

And yet Chen Yi often couldn’t help herself.

The older she got, the more her dreams filled with glimpses of that other world—the life she and Xu Yan had shared without the gift of rebirth.

Each time she woke from those dreams, a sense of disconnection washed over her, like she had stepped from one lifetime into another.

She even found herself wondering again and again: perhaps the Bodhisattva hadn’t reborn her to end up with Xu Yan in this life after all. Perhaps it was to bear witness to her growth—to be the companion who helped her through the mud and showed her the vastness of the world.

Ten years of companionship had transformed Chen Yi’s feelings for Xu Yan beyond the simple love from her rebirth memories. They were the best of friends now, the best of family. Chen Nanyun and Xu Auntie had grown close over the years, which meant the two girls saw each other all the time.

Sharing a bed happened often enough.

Some nights, with the lights off, they’d huddle under the covers and talk. Chen Yi would share her dreams; Xu Yan would outline her life plans.

If Chen Yi’s brains gave her an unfair edge—like cheating with hacks—then Xu Yan was the phoenix finally rising from the ashes, granted the perfect platform to spread her wings.

Brilliant by nature, Xu Yan now had Xu Auntie’s support: the finest education, endless opportunities to try her hand at anything.

At just fifteen, she was already famous as a prodigy, her talents in leadership, business acumen, and artistic sensitivity shining through for all to see.

Politics like Xu Auntie’s held no appeal for her. Instead, she felt a keen curiosity about Chen Nanyun’s line of work.

Chen Nanyun had spotted it early on. She even remarked to Xu Auntie once, “You know, Little Yan might end up taking over for me someday.”

Chen Yi figured that if life kept unfolding like this, it would be more than good enough.

But what she never realized was that Xu Yan harbored a peculiar question deep in her heart all along.

This was also why the word “strange” had never left her assessment of Chen Yi.

At times, Xu Yan could keenly sense it: although Chen Yi was looking right at her, that gaze pierced straight through her body, as if fixing on some other soul.

Xu Yan had kept this nagging doubt buried deep in her heart.

She had never breathed a word of it to anyone—not even Chen Yi herself.

But every so often…

Xu Yan gazed at the girl sleeping beside her, wrapped around her like a koala.

In the dim night, her eyes grew shadowed and profound.

Her fingers trailed lightly through the other’s soft hair, ghosting along the delicate curve of her cheek before hovering uncertainly just above her closed eyes. Xu Yan’s lips pressed together.

Who, exactly, was Chen Yi peering at through her?

If only—

Her fingertip drifted lower, pausing near those lips as a storm of emotions surged wildly in her chest.

If only she could look at no one else.