Chapter 79

◎Another Her.◎

IF Arc

005

-The Truth-

Ever since they met, whenever something came up, Chen Yi had always stood in front of her.

“It’s okay, Xu Yan. I’ll protect you. As long as I’m here, I’ll always be by your side,” she would always say.

At first, Xu Yan didn’t believe those words.

But after all these years, Chen Yi had always followed through.

“Why—?” There was no real need, Xu Yan thought. She could handle many things on her own.

“Why?” Chen Yi beamed at her brilliantly. “Because you’re Xu Yan.”

Sunlight streamed through the school corridor, falling on the girl and outlining her crisp uniform with a golden edge. In that instant, the world brightened with her smile.

Xu Yan gazed back at Chen Yi.

She desperately wanted to ask whether it was because she was Xu Yan, or because…

She kept the rest of her question buried in her heart.

“No more of that from now on,” Xu Yan told Chen Yi.

Chen Yi didn’t understand. Now it was her turn to ask those three words: “Why?”

Xu Yan couldn’t quite explain.

She simply didn’t want things to continue like this.

She had a subtle intuition that if they kept going forward, letting her relationship with Chen Yi stay the same and allowing it to grow unchecked, what awaited her might be an abyss of no return.

Before she figured out the strange, unspeakable question in her own heart, Xu Yan wanted to cool things off first.

“I can handle things like this myself,” Xu Yan said.

Chen Yi reflected on those words for a moment.

Did Xu Yan think she was being nosy?

Fair enough. Girls their age all had their own ideas and strong sense of pride. Especially Xu Yan.

“Alright,” Chen Yi agreed. “But if you really run into danger and need help, you have to tell me.”

Xu Yan promised she would.

And with that, their high school lives began.

Chen Yi gradually noticed something: Xu Yan seemed to be deliberately putting distance between them.

Before, the two had been practically inseparable, to the point where they could have shared a single skirt. But now, Xu Yan was busy with Student Council matters at school, and vanished the moment class ended. After school, she was off preparing for competitions and couldn’t spend time with Chen Yi.

Chen Yi inexplicably felt like the daughter she had raised was suddenly hitting her rebellious independence phase.

This was probably for the best, Chen Yi told herself. This was a key time for Xu Yan’s growth. She should try new things, have her own dreams and goals, and strive for them.

But sometimes Xu Yan’s withdrawals and dodges felt a bit too obvious.

She was hiding something in her heart.

Chen Yi had asked once, but Xu Yan hadn’t said anything, and Chen Yi couldn’t force it.

She’d talk to Xu Yan properly after a while.

That was what Chen Yi thought.

Lately, she had signed up for a Dota tournament, representing the district in the national competition. If they won, they’d even face off against international players. As one of the youngest female competitors, Chen Yi wasn’t favored in the event.

But in reality, she had already made a name for herself just in the city qualifiers.

Insane mechanics, razor-sharp game sense, strategies sneaky as hell…

Chen Yi blew up overnight in the gaming community.

The internet back then wasn’t as advanced as it would become, but forums, BBS boards, and blogs were buzzing with discussions about her.

Even after she returned to school post-tournament, fans showed up at the gates to intercept her.

It was Chen Yi’s first time dealing with something like that.

The fan handed her a bouquet of flowers and a letter, confessing their admiration for her right in front of everyone. Though Chen Yi was an old hand with memories from two lifetimes, being put on the spot like that in public still made her blush. She accepted the gifts with a flushed face and said thank you.

That evening at home, Chen Yi wanted to chat about it with Xu Yan on QQ, but Xu Yan wasn’t online.

Xu Yan had been off at her own competition those past couple of days.

Not wanting to bother her, Chen Yi didn’t mention it.

Who knew that the next day at school, the rumors had already spiraled out of control.

It started with the innocent “A fan showed up at school with gifts to confess to Chen Yi,” but evolved into “A girl confessed to Chen Yi, and she accepted.”

Chen Yi was completely dumbfounded.

Amid the bewilderment, she found the whole youthful drama kind of intriguing.

A bit novel.

Xu Yan returned that day, and the two ate lunch together in the cafeteria. They were still in line waiting for the lunch lady to dollop food onto their trays when someone popped up from the side of the queue and greeted Chen Yi. “Yi Jie, heard you won the tournament—congrats! Oh, and, happy love life!”

Xu Yan had been reading her book with her head down. At those words, her page-turning paused.

Chen Yi sighed helplessly. “Thanks, bro. Also, I’m not dating anyone.”

The guy gave her a knowing look, like “I get it, I get it.” “No worries, Yi Jie. We won’t snitch to the teachers.”

Chen Yi wanted to bang her head on the nearest surface.

“I’m not—”

“Next!” the lunch lady finally called.

Chen Yi grabbed her tray and went to get her food first, with Xu Yan following. Once they sat down, Chen Yi heard Xu Yan ask, “Are you dating someone?”

Chen Yi: “No way!”

Xu Yan picked up her chopsticks and looked at Chen Yi.

Chen Yi explained, “Yesterday after the win, a fan chased me down to school with flowers and a letter.”

“That’s it?”

“She did say she liked me,” Chen Yi told Xu Yan. “But not like that.”

“And what kind of ‘like’ is that?” Xu Yan asked.

Chen Yi was stumped for a second, then continued, “Anyway, I’m not dating anyone, and I have nothing going on with her. Xu Yan, don’t worry—I’m not interested in romance.”

Having Xu Yan was enough for her.

Xu Yan’s chopsticks stabbed into her rice.

“You don’t want to date?”

Chen Yi: “Nah.”

Chen Yi had long since decided: in this life, she wouldn’t force anything. Being childhood friends, staying as pals, and growing up together with Xu Yan—that was plenty. She couldn’t fall for anyone else, and her feelings for Xu Yan weren’t just simple “like” anymore. The thought of dating the current Xu Yan even stirred up complicated emotions in her.

If the emotions from her memories were pure romantic love for Xu Yan, then after this life, familial love, friendship, and the deepest yet faintest affection had all converged on her.

As long as Xu Yan was happy, that was enough.

Chen Yi truly hoped for that.

Maybe this was why the heavens had given her those memories—to bring her into Xu Yan’s life.

Dating Xu Yan, who knew nothing of it all, while carrying those memories felt unfair to Chen Yi.

She feared her love wouldn’t be pure enough.

Chen Yi picked up the chicken leg from Xu Yan’s bowl, deftly separating the skin from the meat. She kept the skin on her own plate and gave the rest to Xu Yan.

“What about you?” Chen Yi asked curiously. “Do you want to date?”

Chen Yi had pondered one question countless times: If Xu Yan ended up with someone else in this life, how would she feel?

But the answer never came clearly.

Xu Yan didn’t give an answer either. She didn’t respond to Chen Yi’s question and simply said, “I’m not interested in anyone else.”

From childhood to now, there had only ever been one thing she wanted.

Xu Yan looked at Chen Yi sitting across from her.

“Mom says we’re having dinner at your place tonight,” Xu Yan said. “To celebrate both our wins.”

Chen Yi: “Sounds good.”

She had no objections—in fact, she welcomed it.

That evening at dinner, everyone celebrated the two girls’ victories and successes in their respective fields.

Chen Nanyun specially opened a bottle of plum wine they had made themselves two years ago during a trip to the mountains.

Chen Yi’s eyes lit up at the sight.

“Wanna drink?” Chen Yi asked.

She nodded vigorously.

“Alright then.”

“Just a little sip—no getting wasted,” Chen Nanyun said. “Little Yi, Yan Yan—congratulations.”

Chen Yi’s tolerance was poor; even a small amount made her drowsy. Chen Nanyun helplessly asked Xu Yan to take her daughter upstairs to rest in her room.

The bedroom door had barely opened when Chen Yi hugged her, acting spoiled as she called out “Yan Yan” and cupped her face, staring at her silently.

Her gaze held a thousand unspoken words.

A moment later, Xu Yan could no longer hold back the surging emotions.

She raised a hand to cover Chen Yi’s eyes, leaning close to her ear, her voice low and thick with feeling.

This was the girl who had grown up with her, her sun, her light—the one who had sparked her possessive desires bit by bit, like the night outside the window, seeking to devour all light.

“Little Yi,” Xu Yan said, her heart twisting in pain. “Tell me—who are you really looking at through me?”

Why couldn’t it just be her?

Chen Yi, drunk and fuzzy-headed, blinked in confusion, her lashes brushing against Xu Yan’s palm.

She giggled foolishly.

Leaning in obediently, she nuzzled Xu Yan’s cheek.

“I’ve always been looking at you, wifey. Only you—really.”

Xu Yan nearly lost control, her hand almost going slack.

She assessed Chen Yi’s state and realized this was a perfect chance to clear up the question that had lingered in her heart for so long.

Composing herself as usual, she wrapped an arm around Chen Yi and asked in a voice that bordered on seductive, “Why call me wifey?”

Chen Yi’s eyes widened, her drunken haze deepening.

“What else should I call you if not wife?!” She grabbed Xu Yan’s hand. “We’re married and wearing rings!”

“Eh—” Xu Yan’s hand was bare, and Chen Yi panicked at once. “Wife, where’s the ring?”

Xu Yan said, “I just took it off.”

In truth, she had never worn a ring.

Xu Yan was incredibly sharp—too sharp, in fact. Chen Yi’s circumstances matched her earlier suspicions almost perfectly. Perhaps the first time they’d met, Chen Yi hadn’t mistaken her for someone else at all. Even Chen Nanyun often brought up how Chen Yi had suddenly insisted on going to Y County all those years ago.

Those reasons, which had seemed somewhat acceptable for a young child back then, now struck Xu Yan as forced. During their time together, Chen Yi had never once mentioned a fabricated kindergarten friend from Y County.

Maybe Chen Yi had gone there just to find her.

Or rather—

To find the other her.

How unfair.

Emotions surged like unrelenting waves.

In that instant, jealousy took form as an invisible claw, seizing Xu Yan.

Chen Yi didn’t want to date, yet she carried memories of falling in love with another version of her.

But what about her?

What was she supposed to do with her own desires?

She stared at Chen Yi. The moment Chen Yi touched the bed, she fell asleep, her lips slightly parted in a way that sparked an urge to bite them. But she couldn’t. Xu Yan’s body burned hot, the sharp pain of a high fever crashing over her in that moment.

—!

Her body swayed, and she collapsed onto the bed as well.