9. Recollections in Black and White p3
…
“Another explosion…?”
Nudd was brought back to reality by the loud explosion.
He calmed his racing heart and clenched his fists. He seemed to have been dreaming about the past.
Come to think of it, it had been since then. Since he built up his defenses, drawing a line between himself and others. And it was also the reason why he became extremely averse to being in the spotlight and why his heart wouldn’t stop pounding. He knew. It was a scar hidden deep within his heart.
He pinched his cheeks, forcibly dispelling his drowsiness. He suppressed his anxiety and tightened his grip on the hilt of his sword.
(I-it’s okay. They won’t find me, they won’t find me.)
He chanted. He tried to fill his anxious mind with words. He hunched his shoulders, concealed his presence, and peered through the bushes.
He was hiding in the shadows of the fort’s backyard.
More immediately, it was the place where he had the mock battle with the little girl. Currently, most of the training equipment for the Imperial soldiers had been cleared away, and the area was empty. All he could see were bushes and trees floating in the darkness. Those scattered around the perimeter of the backyard made the bleak scene seem even more desolate. There was nothing moving in this space to disturb the quiet air.
And there was nothing that could harm Nudd.
He felt a slight sense of relief, but exhaled cautiously.
(Damn it. I can still hear it.)
He trembled in one of the bushes scattered around the edge of the backyard. He glared resentfully at Fort Balaboa. The battle between the Imperial soldiers and the assault force was probably still going on. The intense sounds of battle, which had reached their peak with the recent explosion, had subsided, but they were still continuing in different locations.
Looking at the opposite side, the fort wall blocked his escape route.
It towered imposingly, as if rejecting his weakness.
(Damn. Why is that wall so high?)
The backyard faced the eastern magic room.
Looking out the window from the corridor, he could see the ocher ground from the third floor. Coupled with his desire to leave the fort, Nudd had abandoned the defense of the eastern magic room. And he was waiting in a corner of the battlefield for the storm to pass.
—Anyone. Anyone, please help me.
Nudd desperately prayed to God, to the great heroes.
(The Six Wings will come, right? It’ll be alright, right? Damn, please, please. Anyone, please do something…!)
For him, the option of defending the magic room was out of the question.
He worked his tongue in his mouth, producing saliva, and swallowed. If he had stood his ground in that corridor, the assault force would have come rushing in. He wasn’t ready yet. He hadn’t yet gained enough experience or time to face the exposed hostility, nor did he have the ability to stand on the front lines, nor the resolve to be impaled by spears.
No one should expect anything from him. They shouldn’t expect anything from a youngster like him. Justifying himself, he covered his ears, closed his eyes, and left the corridor. Even if it meant abandoning the magicians stationed in the magic room.
No, he denied it to himself. He hadn’t abandoned them.
—What difference would it have made if he had stayed there?
(This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.)
And he continued to ask himself endless questions with no answers.
—Why was he so unlucky? He was tormented by the gap between the future he had envisioned and reality. Ever since he was assigned to Fort Balaboa, he had been plagued by misfortune. The commotion surrounding the little girl, the surprise attack by the assault force. If his life had gone as planned, he should have graduated from the officer’s academy and then quickly climbed the ladder of success.
Things had been going smoothly until he was assigned to the battle where the “Strongest of Mankind,” Eileen, would be dispatched. He had been on the track he had dreamed of. Nudd gritted his teeth. Just what gear had gone wrong, that he was in such a shameful situation, like a deserter?
He clicked his tongue in frustration and looked back.
“…Sleeping so soundly.”
There was a small figure in the bushes.
A little girl was lying there with her eyes closed.
Her closed eyelids lacked any light. If she just stayed silent, she would have a promising appearance. Her wounded form gave the impression that she would break if touched. He wanted to compare her to a doll or a fairy, probably because her existence felt unreal. A child with beautiful, snow-white hair tied in a single braid, completely out of place on a battlefield.
Seeing her, he couldn’t help but recall the recent events. The fierce battle with the heavy knight. The series of battles in which she ran through the corridor and finally defeated him. This little girl had the courage to face a giant without fear. She also had the ability to launch a fierce, reckless attack. She was different from someone who trembled in the shadows like a helpless child.
Protecting the magic room by herself. No, trying to protect it.
—Could an ordinary person do such a reckless thing?
Nudd was filled with regret at the self-deprecating thought that crossed his mind.
(I should have left her alone. Why did I carry someone like this all the way here… Damn it.)
Nudd didn’t have any favorable feelings towards the little girl before him.
He couldn’t. She was the embodiment of a bad omen, almost like a grim reaper. After all, his misfortunes had begun after he picked up this jinx. He couldn’t think of her as anything other than a harbinger of the misfortune that had ruined his life. He wouldn’t mind if she died by the roadside.
She was also an impudent child who preached to him condescendingly. Yet, did he carry her because he couldn’t completely hate her? It was a phenomenon similar to a momentary lapse of judgment. Was it due to the strange passion emanating from her, or was he confused by the atmosphere that didn’t match her appearance? He couldn’t tell.
He ruffled his dirty brown hair and pulled himself together. It was a fruitless thought. It was wiser to prioritize his own safety now.
(No one’s come yet, right…?)
Nudd again searched for enemies through the gaps in the bushes. There wasn’t much cover here. He could quickly detect any approaching Imperial soldiers or members of the assault force. It was a perfect location for a fugitive who feared both sides. Currently, fortunately, no one had appeared in the backyard. That was probably because their target was the magic rooms inside the fort. Not even his fellow Imperial soldiers would approach a place unrelated to their objective.
He consciously slowed his ragged breathing. He put his hand on his chest, trying to calm his racing heart. He prayed that this burning sensation in his chest wasn’t guilt.
If his fellow soldiers saw him like this, they would call him a coward and eventually behead him. Desertion in the face of the enemy was a serious crime. That was the first thing he learned at the officer’s academy. But there was a clear difference between a real battlefield and the knowledge he had accumulated at his desk.
Nudd’s heart was easily broken by that difference.
(Is this… what it means to have no talent? …That I don’t have the aptitude to stand on a battlefield?)
His only complaint about this place was the lack of light.
The only light came from the stars and moon, or the flames from the fort’s windows. The backyard was filled with a deep silence. It was unsettling to be alone and afraid. The silence of the surrounding darkness was so deep that even the sound of his heartbeat seemed loud. However, it was also proof that this was a perfect hiding place.
After confirming his safety for the time being, he sat down on the ground. He forced out the breath he had scraped from the depths of his lungs. The air escaping from his mouth swirled irregularly.
And in that moment, his true feelings slipped out.
“…I don’t want to die.”
“Hah, is that so? You spineless coward. Disappear.”
An unexpected reply to his monologue.
Who, who, who? A chill like an electric current ran through him. Driven by an animalistic sense of danger, he rolled out of the bushes.
That was the turning point. He leaped to the other side of the watershed. In an instant, color exploded. —A roaring sound.
“Gah!”
The darkness that filled his vision was torn apart and dyed crimson.
The crimson of raging flames, not blood. Flames erupted from the bushes where he had been a moment ago, and a moment later, a scorching wind blew. The heatwave that struck the surroundings caressed his face, and Nudd grimaced.
He screamed and rolled away to escape the approaching flames.
He managed to dodge just in time. It was a very clumsy evasive maneuver, but it was a miracle that he had been able to react to the surprise attack at all. The embers that grazed him testified to the intensity of the fire. After a feeling like his insides were rotting, an illusion that he was burning from the edges followed. It would have been more than enough to burn a person to death. If he had been hit directly, he would have been turned into a human torch.
As he rolled, Nudd saw the culprit in his spinning vision.
It was right next to him.
Next to the grass where he had been hiding. That couldn’t be.
Until just a moment ago, there hadn’t been any sign of a person, let alone a presence.
His thoughts raced. Such speculation was roughly interrupted. The flickering flames revealed the attacker’s form.
“Hey, is that really it?”
A giant swung down a greatsword wreathed in flames.
His ferocious face was framed by sooty blond hair. Adorned with those strands escaping from his iron helmet, and with a neatly trimmed, golden beard, he looked like a human with a lion’s head. His physique surpassed Nudd’s. His massive body, which seemed to be twice the size of an adult man, even felt cramped, as if he had squeezed himself into sturdy iron armor.
The giant was muttering something like a monologue.
“Captain Galdi… no. That was my own decision, and I just dragged him into my selfishness. This outcome is my responsibility. But he was a great commander, worthy of the Laptenon flag. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have… your power. He was able to go peacefully to the Star God’s side, wasn’t he?”
However, it couldn’t reach Nudd’s panicked ears.
He hurriedly stood up, and the words “No way” unconsciously escaped his lips. His teeth chattered. His legs seemed to be giving way.
Even Nudd knew the name of that giant.
He was a member of the assault force. A soldier of the Laptenon Kingdom army. And his massive body, holding a greatsword that seemed as tall as he was—with characters like wriggling earthworms carved on the blade—These characteristics belonged to only one person. The worst possible answer emerged.
The lion-like giant shrugged and looked down. The blade of his greatsword scattered sparks in the night.
“That’s why it’s different. This isn’t a memorial for the captain who was killed by some nobody. It’s not because… you sniffed out prey. It’s about taking responsibility. That’s why those damn Imperial soldiers… will drown. There’s no substitute for that. Don’t laugh. You understand, don’t you?”
Bogart Ramholt muttered to himself and readied his greatsword. His eyes, fixed on Nudd, seemed to grip his heart. As if resonating with his fighting spirit, an eerie violet light ran through the characters inscribed on the broad blade. An ominous aura emanated from the faint glow that shimmered through the still-burning flames. The dense presence of death, closing in on him, seemed to be clothed in light.
No, besides that, the presence unique to a strong person was also intense.
It was stronger than that of the monsters at the officer’s academy.
In other words, he was far superior to those he had looked up to back then.
(Why?)
A pathetic voice leaked from Nudd’s mouth.
Just facing him, he felt like collapsing under the pressure of his presence. However, his legs wouldn’t move, as if sewn to the ground.
(Why, why is someone like this here…!? Shouldn’t the magic rooms be the top priority!?)
It was unreasonable. He wanted to scream out of frustration.
But he couldn’t speak. Only his teeth chattered. His legs, his hands, his heart, wouldn’t stop trembling.
Here, Nudd had to face the culmination of his continuous misfortune.
