Chapter 15
[Lin Xiaoshuang had a heart full of secrets, buried under the snow of the long winter night.]
[Like stars twinkling behind the clouds, like a night-blooming cereus blooming in the silent night, quiet and cautious.]
[She was afraid of being discovered, yet she longed to be discovered.]
[—If, that person was Li Xia.]
[If one day, Li Xia noticed.]
[Lin Xiaoshuang wanted to tell her—you, surrounded by a galaxy of stars, I have gazed at you from afar for a very, very long time.]
Finished again, so short!
Jian Xin closed the notebook in her hand, pushed it gently to the left, and nudged her deskmate’s elbow.
The English teacher, with her light green portable amplifier hanging from her waist, slowly paced through the aisles between the rows of seats, calmly explaining the questions on the recent monthly exam paper.
Yan Lu took back the notebook and calmly covered it with her exam paper.
The next second, their eyes met.
Jian Xin mouthed silently at Yan Lu, the shape of her lips clearly saying—Write faster!
Yan Lu nodded, opened the small notebook hidden under the exam paper, and secretly began to write.
“Let’s look at the next question. Tell me, what’s the answer?”
The muffled voice from the amplifier suddenly came from behind them. Yan Lu tensed up and completely covered the notebook with her exam paper.
Only a few scattered students responded to the teacher’s question in low voices, but this didn’t stop her from continuing with the paper.
“That’s right, the answer is ‘dog’,” she said, quickly analyzing the grammar, then added faintly, “This one is very simple, it’s been on the test many times. It’s not right to still be getting it wrong.”
Jian Xin glanced at her own exam paper.
Yep, wrong.
How very not right.
—But she didn’t care.
Jian Xin propped her chin on one hand, stared blankly at the paper for a while, then suddenly picked up a pencil and began to doodle listlessly on a piece of scratch paper.
It wasn’t until the bell rang and the teacher left the classroom that she regained some energy. She excitedly leaned over to look at the small notebook that her deskmate had kept firmly hidden under her exam paper. “How much have you written?”
Yan Lu pulled the paper back a little.
Jian Xin took a look and couldn’t help but let out an “ah.” “How come you’ve written less than a page?”
Yan Lu: “Teacher Liang kept walking around…”
Jian Xin: “She doesn’t bust anyone. What are you afraid of?”
Yan Lu: “…”
Seeing that Yan Lu wasn’t replying, Jian Xin smiled and placed the little drawing she had just made in front of her. “Look!”
Yan Lu tilted her head and glanced at it. “What’s this?”
“Can’t you tell?” Jian Xin pointed to the two crooked pencil-drawn heads on the paper. “This one, with the bob cut, is Li Xia! And this one, with the pigtails, is Lin Xiaoshuang!”
The one with the bob cut had a big, crooked, toothy grin, presumably laughing.
The one with the pigtails had two fried-egg eyes and a downturned mouth, probably crying.
“…” Yan Lu opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but then stopped, then wanted to speak again.
“Alright, I know it’s not good. I’m a music student, so it’s normal to have no talent for drawing,” Jian Xin said nonchalantly, reaching to take the scratch paper back.
Yan Lu suddenly laughed out loud. Before she could retrieve her “masterpiece,” she quickly tucked the piece of scratch paper into her English book.
“It’s good!” she said, putting the book in her schoolbag.
“You’re too kind, telling such a blatant lie!” Jian Xin smiled, then suddenly realized something. Her expression changed, and she put her hands on her hips. “Yan Lu, you’re not planning to keep this drawing to laugh at me later, are you!”
“How could I?” Yan Lu couldn’t help but let the corners of her mouth lift.
“You’re smiling!!” Jian Xin now understood completely. “You just want to keep this thing to laugh at me!”
“You’re a music student. It’s normal to have no talent for drawing, right?”
“…” That’s true, but when someone else says it, why does it sound so wrong?
Forget it, forget it. If you dare to draw it, don’t be afraid of being laughed at!
Instead of dwelling on this, she might as well continue to press for updates.
“Hurry up and write, I’m waiting to read it!”
Jian Xin said, taking out her MP4 player and giving one earphone to Yan Lu. She then plopped her head on the desk, closed her eyes, and went to sleep.
After the evening self-study session ended, Jian Xin went home with her monthly exam results.
Huang He, her mother, sat in the brightly lit living room and carefully read her report card.
The ten o’clock chimes of the clock sounded ethereal, making the faint smile on Huang He’s face seem a little ambiguous.
Jian Xin had always found the sound of this old-fashioned grandfather clock to be rather spooky, and that feeling reached its peak the moment Huang He looked up at her.
“Well, well, your grade ranking has improved a lot this time. It’s even in the single digits!”
“…”
“Why do I remember you making a study plan for yourself during the mid-terms?”
“A plan is just for show,” Jian Xin said, pursing her lips and avoiding her gaze. “No one actually makes a plan to follow it, right?”
“Not changing your deskmate anymore?” Huang He asked.
“I’ve recently started to think this deskmate is pretty nice. There’s no need to change!” Jian Xin said with a giggle. “Aiya, Mom! Don’t be so passive-aggressive. Didn’t I improve? Even a mosquito is meat, and even a small improvement is a win!”
“Look!” She plopped down next to her mom and started counting on her fingers. “Piano, music theory, sight-singing, and vocal lessons—how many private lessons do I have each week? And my academic scores still improved! You should be praising me!”
Huang He: “I’m not praising you.”
Jian Xin: “…”
Huang He: “And I’m not scolding you either.”
Jian Xin breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s fine then!”
“When your dad gets back from his business trip, you can tell him about your grades yourself. I’m not going to speak up for you,” Huang He said, glancing at the peeled and sliced apple on the table. “Eat the fruit and go to bed early.”
“You didn’t even scold me. How would Dad dare to scold me?” Jian Xin said with a grin, picking up the bowl of apple slices. “Mom, let me tell you about my deskmate!”
“Go ahead if you want to.”
“She was super quiet at first, but now that we’re more familiar, she’s willing to talk a little more!”
“Do you know how we got to know each other? Because of a meal…”
“She’s a boarding student, but her family only gives her enough money for lunch each month. How could I just stand by and watch…”
Jian Xin chattered on and on, following her from the living room to the bathroom, her voice full of excitement.
However, in the end, Huang He just patted her head. “A little help is a favor, a lot of help is a burden. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help others, but if you go too far, once you get tired or it becomes inconvenient and you want to stop, the other person might resent you.”
Jian Xin: “…”
What’s with that? Adults just love to pour cold water on things, acting as if they can see through everything!
Yan Lu had a good personality. She was well-behaved and quiet, and her courage was even smaller than her usual speaking voice. She was easy to get along with and never argued with her. It wasn’t difficult to be around her at all.
Besides, the meal fees had to be paid in advance each month. Once the money was in the card, it would be a waste not to eat it, and eating more wouldn’t make it more expensive.
She was just sharing a dinner with Yan Lu every day. How could that be related to “a lot of help is a burden”?
Sigh, if I had known Mom would be such a killjoy, I wouldn’t have said anything…
Oh well, I should just wash up and go to sleep!
*
The first ray of morning sun fell, warm and bright on her body.
Jian Xin cracked open an eye.
The familiar enclosed window, the familiar blue plumbago, the familiar swing chair, all gave her a familiar sense of helplessness.
Very good, she was still on Yan Lu’s balcony.
The Corgi named Xin Xin had, at some point, quietly fallen asleep beside her, its head resting on a fluffy slipper it had dragged from somewhere, the whole dog sleeping with its limbs splayed out.
Jian Xin looked at Xin Xin beside her and suddenly felt a little dazed.
Isn’t it strange? I, a person who is afraid of dogs, am no longer afraid of this Corgi at all.
Is this right? Is this supposed to be my life?
Sometimes she really suspected that Yan Lu’s duck had secretly violated the ancestral decree that no animal could become a spirit after the founding of the nation, and had gained some mysterious power that human science couldn’t explain.
If she had to say, there was some enmity between her and Yan Lu—after all, if it weren’t for resentment, Yan Lu wouldn’t have disappeared from her world so completely back then.
So completely that every means of contact she could think of had become useless overnight.
That person had even been willing to throw away her author account, which had a stable income, just to sever all ties with her.
Jian Xin had never seen someone so resolute.
Now that she was appearing in this body from time to time, perhaps it was really this duck getting revenge for its owner.
This explanation was absurd, but no matter how absurd, it wasn’t as absurd as a living person intermittently turning into a duck.
Maybe I should try begging for mercy, try to struggle a bit?
It’s a desperate measure, but it’s worth a try! It’s not like going in the wrong direction will make things worse!
“Quack ahh—” Great Duck Spirit, let me go!
“Quack quack quack quack—quack quack quack—”
Whether human or duck, it’s really not easy to go through this world.
“Quack quack quack quack quack quack quack—”
Since it’s not easy for anyone, why bother repeatedly making things difficult for a stranger who has lost her job and been in a car accident, just because of some old love and hate?
“Quack?” It’s not necessary, right?!
Xin Xin’s ears twitched slightly with the sound of the quacking.
It was sleeping soundly when it was suddenly woken up by a series of sharp quacks. It immediately grunted in dissatisfaction, twisted its butt, kicked its little legs, and landed two big kicks on the butt of the duck who was studying the supernatural.
Jian Xin was kicked back to her senses by these two kicks, the entire duck hopping back half a meter.
Xin Xin tilted its neck, closed its eyes, and went back to sleep in a different position.
Grievance, if you have to ask, it’s extreme grievance.
There are so many small animals that can be kept as pets in this world. Why did Yan Lu have to get a weak and powerless Call duck?
If this woman had gotten a goose, then she and Xin Xin would have had a fighting chance!
Jian Xin bent her neck and sighed, curling up by the flower pot and continuing to sleep.
A little after ten in the morning, Yan Lu came out of the bedroom with her long hair disheveled.
Hearing the noise, Jian Xin got up and followed her to the bathroom door, tilting her head up to look at her as she washed up.
After Yan Lu finished washing up, she saw the little duck still watching at the door. She simply crouched down, stroked its soft chest, and asked with a smile, “What’s wrong, Cauliflower?”
Jian Xin flapped her wings. “Quack—”
She wanted to say, nothing, she was just bored.
“Hungry, are you?” Yan Lu said, rubbing its head and walking towards the kitchen, muttering to the duck, “Don’t worry, don’t worry, I’ll cut up some fruit for you right now.”
Before Yan Lu had finished cutting the fruit, Xin Xin came running over, wagging its tail.
One duck and one dog stood together, both looking up at their owner in the kitchen.
Soon, both little ones were eating their first meal of the day.
Yan Lu turned on her computer and, as usual, played some light music with a soothing melody.
The sunlight outside was not yet glaring. She watered the flowers on the balcony for a while, then went back to the study, took a book from the bookshelf, and sat down on the swing chair on the balcony to read.
Jian Xin couldn’t help but turn her head to look at the balcony.
For a moment, she had a very strange feeling.
—The person before her, so at ease, seemed completely out of place in the world she was familiar with.
Flowers and the morning sun, a swing and books, were things that most busy people didn’t have time to appreciate.
It seemed that Yan Lu had been doing very well these past few years.
That’s good…
At least, much better than her.
Yan Lu hadn’t been reading for long when Xin Xin, having finished its breakfast, came over with its leash in its mouth and started pestering her on the balcony.
“Xin Xin wants to go out and play, right?” Yan Lu smiled and crouched down, clipping the leash on.
She had just stood up when Xin Xin dragged her out of the study and hurried to the front door.
“Mommy hasn’t changed her clothes yet!” Yan Lu hung the leash on the doorknob and went back to the bedroom to quickly change into a dress.
Xin Xin was yapping at the door, urging her on. Yan Lu put on her shoes while coaxing it, “Alright, alright, I’ll be ready in a minute. Why are you always in such a hurry to go out and play every day?”
When the door opened, Jian Xin subconsciously walked into the living room to take a look.
Yan Lu waved at her. “Cauliflower, want to come along?”
“Quack.” No, I’m lazy!
Jian Xin flapped her wings, turned, and waddled back to the study with her butt in the air.
Xin Xin had taken Yan Lu away, and the house was once again left with just one listless duck.
Yan Lu had left in a hurry and hadn’t even turned off the music playing on her computer.
Jian Xin hesitated for a long time, looking at the computer screen.
She knew it was rude to snoop on someone else’s computer, but she was just too curious.
—Even after a night’s sleep, she was still very curious about what was going on with that song yesterday.
Some things, if you have the chance to verify them but don’t, will really make you itch all over.
With the eleven o’clock chimes, the little duck flapped its wings, flew onto the chair, jumped onto the desk, and, with its little orange webbed feet, began the arduous task of controlling the mouse.
—Duck it, no one ever told her that a mouse could be so difficult to use one day!
A duck’s webbed foot is really not made for fine motor control!
“Quack quack quack ah!”
Have you ever fought for your life just to find a playlist?!
Jian Xin swore to the heavens that she would never do this again in her life—it was just too difficult!
Why does Yan Lu have so many playlists?!
[Modern Pop], [Ancient/National Style], [Indie Gems], [Mood Unclear], [Afternoon Tea], [Untitled 1], [Untitled 2]…
[Reader Recs], [Friend Recs], [For Reading], [For Zoning Out], [For Sweet Moments]…
Wait, wait—
Why is there a [For Heartbreak]?!
After a Herculean effort, Jian Xin finally found last night’s playlist in the vast sea of music by comparing the tracks—[1].
Emmm, [1]?
What a perfunctory playlist name. It took this duck forever to find it.
This was a local playlist. The songs in it were at least a decade old, and every single one was a song they had once listened to together…
More importantly, every song in this playlist was named in the format of [Artist + Song Title].
She scrolled down to the songs starting with the letter “J”.
A long string, filled with her name.
*
[Dusk sprinkled a pinkish-purple glow over the world.]
[They stood on the high bridge over the lake, letting the cool evening wind mess up their hair.]
[Li Xia looked at the purple clouds on the horizon and suddenly sighed, “If one day, we have to go our separate ways, will you find a better friend than me?”]
[“I won’t.”]
[Lin Xiaoshuang’s voice was very small.]
[Li Xia smiled, a smile that outshone the purple clouds of that day.]
[She said, a lifetime is so long, we haven’t even graduated from high school yet. How can you be so sure?]
[“I just won’t.”]
[There was a hint of stubbornness in Lin Xiaoshuang’s words.]
[At that moment, Lin Xiaoshuang was thinking.]
[If one day, they were far apart, she would collect all the little things about Li Xia, hide them in a place no one knew, and look at them from time to time.]
[Thus, when they met again, she would be able to recall those past memories with Li Xia as if they were family treasures.]
[Li Xia would be very pleased to hear that, right?]
[But she didn’t know if, by then, she would be brave enough to say the words—]
[Li Xia, my world, I only want it to revolve around you.]
