Chapter 33

Si Yunqin took a sip of wine, then said with righteous indignation, “This isn’t meddling in court affairs. It concerns me personally, so of course I have to ask clearly. Otherwise, how would I know if I’ve been played for a fool? That would be a loss.”

Shen Yanxin let out a soft laugh. “That’s somewhat reasonable. Unfortunately, I don’t know either.”

Si Yunqin pouted at that, picked up a piece of appetizer with her chopsticks, and with a flick of her eyes began asking about other things.

Shen Yanxin seemed unusually easygoing tonight. She didn’t refuse Si Yunqin’s questions and answered whatever she could.

Watching Si Yunqin slowly get drunk, Shen Yanxin made no move to stop her.

“Empress Dowager, you’re so young. Why are you so willing to play mother to someone?” Si Yunqin asked, puzzled.

At her confusion, Shen Yanxin leisurely refilled her own cup, then pinched the rim between her fingers and lifted her eyes to look at Si Yunqin. This girl probably didn’t realize that no one else would dare ask such a question.

Of course, a sober Si Yunqin probably wouldn’t have dared either.

Just moments ago, they had been discussing how to reform the current official examination system, and now she was suddenly curious about this.

Listening to her, Shen Yanxin realized that this girl clearly already had ideas in her mind, but the plan she had given was only vague hints, nowhere near complete.

Thinking of this, Shen Yanxin smiled inexplicably. What a headache of a person—clearly capable, yet hiding her abilities and unwilling to show them.

But she was also smart, knowing how to protect herself. If there was any weakness, it was probably only her love for drink and loose lips.

“Hey, you haven’t answered me yet. Why are you laughing to yourself?” Si Yunqin grumbled, dissatisfied that Shen Yanxin was staring at her with a smile instead of answering.

“Do I look like a joke?” Si Yunqin propped her head on her hand and asked, very unhappy.

“Luo’er is my elder sister’s child. Naturally, I must protect him and keep him from being bullied.” Shen Yanxin rarely told her the truth.

Si Yunqin nodded with a look of sudden understanding. “Oh, I see. You must have a very good relationship with your elder sister.”

Shen Yanxin seemed to recall her elder sister. She sighed softly, then forced a faint smile. “Yes, to me, she was the best elder sister.”

“Mm~” Si Yunqin nodded along inexplicably. “That’s why I said there’s no way you could have liked the old emperor.”

This time, Shen Yanxin didn’t cold-shoulder her. Instead, she reached out and flicked her on the forehead. “With words like that, you could lose your head. Aren’t you afraid I’ll punish you?”

Si Yunqin leaned aside, resting on the windowsill, gazing at the moonlight outside. The chirping of insects made the night feel especially quiet.

After a moment, she turned her head to look at Shen Yanxin again. “What I hate most about this world is how human life is worth no more than a weed. It’s utterly cheap. With just a word from those in power, a life can be taken lightly—no need for reasons, not even the law.”

Shen Yanxin felt a stir in her heart at her words. She pressed her lips together and said, “When the Son of Heaven breaks the law, he is judged like a commoner.”

Si Yunqin let out a disdainful snort. “Do you really believe that? Is it the same for you killing someone as for a commoner killing someone?”

Shen Yanxin thought about it. “Of course not. Commoners and I have different statuses—how could it be the same?”

“That’s why I said I don’t like it. I’m not saying it’s your fault alone. It’s just an inevitability of history. Like me, like Fengyu—we don’t like it either, but we still enjoy the privileges that come with our status.” Si Yunqin smiled at her. “It’s the same for everyone. No difference.”

“What do you think the world should be like?” Shen Yanxin was curious about the kind of world she envisioned.

Si Yunqin leaned lazily against the windowsill, her eyes a little hazy. She tried hard to recall her past life, but many memories were blurry.

“Forget it. It’s useless to talk about it anyway. It’s not something that can be achieved overnight. You can’t do it, I can’t do it either. The conditions aren’t there.” After saying that, she yawned, her eyes tear-streaked.

“You can work toward it. Do what you can.” Shen Yanxin tried to persuade her.

Si Yunqin shook her head, but then she remembered something else.

“Empress Dowager, do you want my help?” Si Yunqin asked directly.

Shen Yanxin didn’t evade and nodded directly. “Too bad the Empress isn’t willing, is she?”

Si Yunqin raised her index finger and wagged it at her. “It’s not that I’m unwilling. It depends on what you want it for.”

“Then what do you think I want it for?” Shen Yanxin was genuinely curious tonight about what else Si Yunqin had in mind. This girl was easiest to draw out when drunk, even if it wasn’t quite fair.

She felt that Si Yunqin was different from anyone she knew. Though she sometimes seemed the same, her actions and decisions were subtly unique.

But it wasn’t the arrogant aloofness of someone who thinks the world is drunk while they alone are sober.

Hearing that, Si Yunqin frowned again, covered her mouth, and burped. Shen Yanxin watched her, inexplicably finding it a bit cute. The corners of her mouth lifted as she poured her another drink.

“You’re just trying to get me drunk. On purpose.” Si Yunqin looked at her as if she had seen through her, pouting and giving a humph. Shen Yanxin didn’t bother to deny it.

She pushed the wine cup in front of Si Yunqin. “Don’t you think this wine is good, Empress?”

Si Yunqin took a sip without ceremony. “It’s actually quite good.”

Shen Yanxin chuckled. “I’ll have Lan Xi send some to your palace later.”

“Ugh, trapped again.”

Shen Yanxin listened to her muttering. If she was drunk, she was still clear-headed enough to know she’d been trapped. If she was sober, she dared to say such things to her face.

It seemed she’d have to let the Empress drink less in the future—too much alcohol led to trouble.

But then again, if she hadn’t gotten drunk, the Grand Tutor would never have discovered this pearl.

“So, Empress, what do you think it is I want?” Shen Yanxin normally didn’t care about what people thought of her, but today she truly wanted to hear Si Yunqin’s opinion.

After being in that position for so long, sometimes even she didn’t know whether she was Shen Yanxin or the Empress Dowager of Great Zhao.

It was after Si Yunqin entered the palace, seeing her reminded her of her former self, and she slowly began to find herself again.

“I hate people like you. I ask one question, you don’t answer, then you ask three back. In the end, I’m the one who can’t answer, and it’s my fault.” Si Yunqin said disdainfully.

After being scorned, Shen Yanxin seriously reflected on herself. It did seem to be true. But as the regent, she had long been accustomed to it. She couldn’t reveal her thoughts at any time, surrounded by wolves eyeing her from all sides. One misstep, and those lurking beasts would tear her to pieces.

The aristocratic clans, the Yuwen family, the men of the world who couldn’t stand a woman in power—all were wolves at her side.

“For what? How would I know? Entrusted by the late emperor to guard the Yuwen family’s domain? To protect Yuwen Luo for your elder sister? Or, on a grander scale, for the people of the world and peace under heaven? Those are the things you think about, nothing more.” Si Yunqin burped again as she spoke, her face flushed red, her eyes growing more and more hazy.

“I don’t know either.” Shen Yanxin pressed her lips together. She felt she was drunk too, or else why would she be talking about this with Si Yunqin?

“Stinky… it’s all your fault… getting me drunk.” Si Yunqin’s tongue was starting to slur, and she began complaining about her own burps.

Shen Yanxin looked innocent. “But the Empress drank it herself.”

Si Yunqin raised her hand to press against her. “Don’t shake. I’m dizzy.”

“Already drunk?” Shen Yanxin felt the little Empress really didn’t have much tolerance.

“You… you’re the one who’s drunk.”

“What was I just saying?” Si Yunqin asked her dizzily.

Shen Yanxin was at a loss between laughter and tears. “I wouldn’t know that.”

“Oh, I remember. I was saying you’re not good enough.” Si Yunqin wagged her finger at Shen Yanxin.

“I know. You want me to assist the little emperor, right?”

At that question, Shen Yanxin paused, then finally nodded. “Yes.”

“No fun.” Si Yunqin pouted, giving her a look that said “you’re not good enough.”

Shen Yanxin didn’t get her point. “Assisting a child emperor isn’t fun enough? Luo’er respects you. If you’re willing, you could even get involved in court affairs like me in the future.”

“And then end up like you—if I do well, history will praise me as a capable regent empress dowager; if I do poorly, it’ll be ‘women bring disaster to the nation.’”

Hearing that, Shen Yanxin found herself momentarily unable to refute.

“Assisting some child emperor? Boring. What I want to assist is a female emperor. The men of the world always say women are inferior to men, but are you inferior? Or do you think I’m inferior to your courtiers?”

“Bullshit! If you go back a few thousand years, it was a matriarchal society. Then came the patriarchal society, where they locked women up in their chambers and told the world women were useless.”

“Pah.”

Si Yunqin said angrily. Listening to her outburst, Shen Yanxin could now feel the dissatisfaction in her heart at being looked down upon.

The person across from her was lying on the table, still muttering curses, but her voice was growing softer.

Shen Yanxin shook her head and called Lan Xi in. “Take the Empress back.”

“Yes.” Lan Xi called someone to help support Si Yunqin back to her room. Given her state, she probably wouldn’t bathe. Lan Xi tucked the blanket over Si Yunqin before quietly withdrawing.

When she returned, she found Shen Yanxin still drinking by herself. Lan Xi bowed slightly. “I have already sent Her Majesty the Empress back to rest.”

“Did she curse the whole way?” Shen Yanxin asked with a smile.

Lan Xi shook her head. “She was very quiet on the way.”

“Oh, her.” Shen Yanxin slowly shook her head and drank another cup, but didn’t finish the sentence.

Lan Xi understood Shen Yanxin’s attitude toward Si Yunqin and knew that she held considerable goodwill toward her.

“Your Majesty, aren’t you retiring?” Lan Xi asked.

Shen Yanxin waved her hand. “Prepare the water.”

“Yes.”

After finishing the last of the wine, Shen Yanxin got up to go bathe. Her steps were slightly unsteady, showing she too was a little drunk.

Lying in the hot water, Shen Yanxin thought about what Si Yunqin had said. In her daze, she actually felt the girl was right—that she herself hadn’t been thinking big enough.

When she finally came out of the bath, she rubbed her head and couldn’t help laughing at herself for being lectured by a fifteen-year-old. After all, she had been governing affairs for years.

Yet her mind kept drifting back to Si Yunqin’s words, and the more she thought about them, the more she yearned for it.

Before falling asleep, Shen Yanxin suddenly thought—what Si Yunqin wanted was nothing less than a world where everyone is born equal. That really was hard to achieve.

And indeed, as she said, it wasn’t something Si Yunqin or she herself could accomplish.