Tsukiyuki Kazo strolled to the window, gazing out at the fireworks blooming in the night sky, his eyes filled with profound loneliness.
“My regrets don’t only involve my lover. She married later, supposedly to a man who loved her more than I did. They had three sons and a daughter. In that sense, she got a happy ending. But the thing I regret most… is my grandmother.”
Without realizing it, Gao Sijin’s attention had completely focused on Tsukiyuki Kazo. The bitter smile of this man, who appeared to be the crème de la crème, was somewhat heartbreaking. There were so many things he could never confide to anyone in the clan, and an outsider like Gao Sijin had become his confidant.
This was the saddest part about being someone who always keeps up perfect appearances.
“At the time, I could never have imagined that parting with my grandmother at Sapporo Okadama Airport would be our final farewell. My mother died in childbirth delivering me. Growing up, my grandmother was my only family. She was like a real mother to me; she cooked for me, bought me new clothes, and gave me lots of pocket money. All the other kids envied me.”
“She was a good grandmother,” Gao Sijin said with emotion.
“Thank you. Even today, I still dream about her. I don’t know what she saw in her final moments. I was in Tokyo back then. I left for Tokyo at sixteen, and by the time she passed when I was twenty-six, in those ten years, I never once returned to Sapporo to visit her. I did ask her if she wanted to come to Tokyo, but she always refused. The elderly fear loneliness more than we imagine. Her world was already frozen on that street. Neighbors would greet her when they saw her, students would call her ‘Grandma Ono.’ If she came to Tokyo, there’d be no one around her except me. And I was someone who toiled away at work all day long. So, she preferred to stay in her hometown.”
As an outsider, Gao Sijin glimpsed a shadow of his own future.
Because of his demanding job and the noble Tsukiyuki name, Tsukiyuki Kazo was still rushing around handling clan affairs when his grandmother was on her deathbed. He lived in a mansion ordinary people could scarcely dream of and drove cars that many could never afford even after a lifetime of struggle. Yet, he had lost the most precious time with his family, time that no amount of money could ever buy back.
Gao Sijin felt that Kazo was a man of conscience, for his eyes were filled with sorrow. The kinder a person is, the more adept they become at hurting themselves. A heartless person would have long since turned all that grief into lust or desires, casting it from their mind and filling the void with material things.
“I only made it back for the second seventh-day ritual. The Tsukiyuki Clan actually didn’t want me to go back. There was a project I had to personally oversee, requiring me to stay in Tokyo. But I had to go back. I’m an unfilial son, but I’m not an animal. It was already five in the evening when I reached Sapporo. I spent two hours rushing and managed to just catch the wake. Then came the funeral hall and the monk performing rites for my grandmother. The Tsukiyuki Clan thought I shouldn’t have left and had quite a few complaints about me. But at least I allowed my grandmother to drink the Water of the Last Moment. I saw it as a small redemption for my failure to accompany her in her final years.” (Water of the Last Moment: A ritual where family members moisten the lips of the deceased with cotton dipped in water.)
As he recounted these memories, Tsukiyuki Kazo didn’t display any hysteria. He maintained absolute rationality.
He was a fully qualified adult, having complete control over his emotions, yet his heart seemed to be weeping bitterly.
Gao Sijin could clearly feel this oppressive atmosphere.
“Mr. Tsukiyuki Kazo, I need to leave the Tsukiyuki Clan. I must return to China. Please, show me a clear way out.”
“You didn’t stay with Rio because you were pursuing her?”
“I was kidnapped by her! Abducted from Bincheng in China and brought here. I don’t belong to the Tsukiyuki Clan at all. Everyone speaks a language I can’t understand, and my experience is very similar to yours, sir. Back home in China, I have family waiting for my return. There’s absolutely no way I can stay in a place like this.”
But Gao Sijin’s plea was met only with Tsukiyuki Kazo shaking his head repeatedly.
“As someone who has been through a lot, I understand how you feel. But you say Rio kidnapped you? Why would she kidnap you?”
“How would I know? If I knew what she liked about me, I’d have changed it long ago.”
“Sorry, then I probably can’t help you. My status within the Tsukiyuki Clan is the lowest. Men like us, who marry into the family… even the servants probably look down on us in their hearts.”
“I can endure being looked down upon. But the moment I think about never seeing my closest family again, a terrible fear grips me. Please, show some compassion and tell me how I can escape this place. Or just give me a suggestion.”
“First of all, don’t ever think about seeking asylum at the embassy. Knowing Rio, the moment you step onto that street, you’ll be captured immediately. Our Tsukiyuki Clan has an office on that very street.”
“Then what should I do?”
Tsukiyuki Kazo shook his head and turned to look out the window dejectedly.
The moonlight tonight was exceptionally bright, but that moonlight did not belong to this sorrowful man.
“I’ve said so much to you because I see a bit of my past self in you, but honestly, I don’t know what you should do. I can only wish you success in getting what you want.”
Even though Tsukiyuki Kazo hadn’t provided any actual help, Gao Sijin still bowed to him.
“Thank you very much.”
“No need to thank me. To be honest, I have a selfish reason too. If you ever truly find a way to gain your freedom, please visit my grandmother’s grave for me. Her name was Ono Chinami. I’ll tell you the location of her grave later.”
“Alright.”
After leaving the guest room, Gao Sijin’s heart remained very heavy.
His own aunt had once suffered from leukemia; the hospital even issued a critical condition notice at the time. His cousin was also tormented by a chronic illness. When they had seen his uncle off at the cemetery, his cousin had said to Gao Sijin:
“The next person you see off will probably be me. If that really happens, take good care of my mom for me.”
Gao Sijin could never forget these memories. He worked hard at writing partly out of interest, but also out of a hope that his family could live happily.
Though Tsukiyuki Rio was undeniably the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life—her looks and aura completely outpacing the current superstar celebrities by miles—Gao Sijin had his own family. He had a place he had to return to. He absolutely couldn’t allow himself to become intoxicated in the tender embrace of a beauty.
A life of luxury and fine clothes could never compare to the longing for home and freedom. He feared that Tsukiyuki Kazo’s regrets might one day replay themselves in his own life.
Returning to the Tsukiyuki Clan’s family banquet hall, he saw Tsukiyuki Rio walking towards him in her wooden geta. She wrapped her slender arms around his neck in a hug. Even though they had only been apart for a short while, she seemed as if they’d been separated for ages.
“Gao-kun!”
Facing this girl before him, Gao Sijin spoke in a flat tone:
“Rio, your father is a good man.”
“I know. After all, he’s my father,” Tsukiyuki Rio giggled. “What did Father say to you?”
“Nothing much. He just apologized to me for what happened during the day.”
