Chapter 472: Recovering Memories

The memories that had once been tampered with by Tsukiyuki Rio began to recover. Gao Sijin recalled Gu Xiarui again, their innocent middle school romance, and felt a sense of loss and disorientation. The more beautiful the memories, the happier he had been, which only made his current situation feel more oppressive.

“Let’s go, Sijin. We don’t have much time.”

Walking to the elevator again, Gao Sijin smiled lightly. Uzuki noticed that his smile was tinged with weariness.

“Even if you want to forget the memories of the past, it’s probably impossible to erase them now.”

“For Sijin, some memories, if forgotten, would bring complete relief.”

“But forgetting the past is a betrayal of oneself. Even if those memories aren’t pleasant, I must remember them.”

Most school romances don’t last. Later, Gu Xiarui proposed studying abroad, while Gao Sijin stayed in the country. In fact, his father, who worked in real estate, had once offered to sponsor Gao Sijin’s studies abroad, but he refused. He simply couldn’t understand how his father could say such a thing. At that time, his uncle-in-law was bedridden with a brain tumor, even using the toilet in bed. His aunt was undergoing endless chemotherapy, enduring unimaginable pain. His cousin quit his Japanese company job, left his girlfriend, and returned home, shuttling between home and the hospital every day.

Gao Sijin saw all of this and knew he absolutely couldn’t leave home. He had to do whatever he could for the family, even if it was just housework or caring for his bedridden uncle-in-law. It was better than doing nothing and walking away. There’s a rural saying: “A nephew is like a dog, leaving right after eating.” Gao Sijin didn’t want to be an ungrateful wolf. By staying, he could give the family a sliver of hope.

“It’s all in the past…”

The elevator rose slowly.

15th floor, when Gao Sijin was 15, his uncle-in-law passed away.

17th floor, when Gao Sijin was 17, his maternal grandfather also passed away. His mother threatened suicide, took all the savings his grandfather left behind, mortgaged his aunt’s house to the bank for a loan, and ran off to the South to start a new life. That same year, Gao Sijin graduated from high school.

18th floor, Gao Sijin left home and went to the South, far from his hometown. His aunt gave him the little money she had left for travel and living expenses. That was the first and last money Gao Sijin asked for during his university years. To survive, he worked hard and earned money. He even once begged his father for a little money, wagging his tail like a dog. Each time, his father bestowed some money from a condescending height. Gao Sijin would quickly repay it after earning it, even though his father didn’t actually lack money.

20th floor, Gao Sijin started writing. Even though no one paid attention, he still enjoyed it tirelessly. In the fictional world, fate could no longer toy with him.

21st floor, graduation. He came to Bincheng…

“From here on, it’s another section of tampered memories.” Uzuki squeezed Gao Sijin’s hand and said, “Sijin is truly amazing, and I genuinely like him too!”

“But, aren’t his books just worthless internet garbage?”

Gao Sijin smiled bitterly.

Opening a door labeled “Tampered,” the memories inside were completely different from Gao Sijin’s original ones. After graduation, Gao Sijin didn’t write full-time, because this involved a very realistic problem: he couldn’t make a living from writing. So he came to Bincheng, found a decent-looking logistics job at a state-owned enterprise, which was fairly easy. Gao Sijin worked from eight in the morning and could leave at three in the afternoon.

“Xiaohe…”

A slender woman in a secretary’s uniform came into Gao Sijin’s view. Then, he saw Yu Qingxue. She was a blind date arranged by Director Zhang on a snowy night. And so, at the entrance of a French restaurant, he saw her in a stylish trench coat with a high ponytail.

She was the first splash of color to enter Gao Sijin’s eyes after Gu Xiarui initiated the breakup. She seemed crazy, yet she constantly touched his world-weary heart.

“So this is the real memory…”

22nd floor, Gao Sijin was kidnapped on his 22nd birthday. Accustomed to no one celebrating his birthday, he was abducted by Yu Qingxue to a villa, with Feng Xiaohe and Feng Xiaona also involved. Not long after parting with Yu Qingxue, he experienced a real kidnapping. After arriving in Tokyo, Gao Sijin went through many things: Katakura Hayabusa and his human trafficker father; Tsukiyuki Uzuki and her mafia mother; and being captured by Tsukiyuki Rio in the deep forest, his memories forcibly tampered with…

“Uzuki, I remember everything…” Gao Sijin sighed sincerely. “So I was never an international student at all, I’ve been played with all along… haha, hahahaha…”

His bitter laughter was filled with anger and distortion. He’d been kept in the dark the whole time, unable even to return home. The meticulously crafted first encounter was also full of irony. The girl he met in the library wasn’t a gift of fate, but a carefully designed trap.

“I’m sorry…”

“Why apologize? Without you, I would never have uncovered these truths myself…”

“But precisely because you uncovered the truth, it only adds to your suffering…”

Gao Sijin’s smile was like crying, his eyes completely dimmed. These 22 years of life were filled with failure and pain. He had once thought he was excellent; now even his achievements were fake. He had no talent; he was just sand among the masses.

“Uzuki, my brother once asked me, what is the meaning of living?”

“The meaning of living…” Uzuki hung her head. “I don’t know the meaning of living either…”

“The first sentence of Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus says: There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.”

He stood dejectedly at the window of the 22nd floor, gazing outside. Beyond this Memory Hotel was an unknown world covered in mist. Tomorrow, the sun would still rise as usual, but that light might not reach Gao Sijin’s heart.

“Sijin, do you really wish to remember your memories forever?” Uzuki bit her lip. Having witnessed Gao Sijin’s memories, her face turned pale.

“Of course I want to remember. Even if it’s painful, I will still remember forever…”

There may not be many truly happy things, but I must still hold onto the memories.

“Alright, I understand.” Uzuki put her hands together, and a strange, heartwarming feeling surged up.

So sleepy… Gao Sijin slowly closed his eyes.

Volume 4: Collapse