Chapter 52: Starry Night Heart-to-Heart (Part 2): I’ll Plant a Qian Flower for You Part 1

No one knew why, but there were always so many words she wanted to say. That head lay on the window sill like a potted plant, making one wish they could grab it and toss it away.

Mu Qian Tan leaned against the bed’s edge and slowly shifted her body without even glancing at her. “Don’t be so dead set on clinging, hurry up and roll back.”

Shang Shan wrapped her arms around herself and buried her face. “Then I’ll sleep here. I’m not here to find you—I’m here to sleep.”

Her eyes closed, but her ears perked up, listening to the movements inside the room. The woman seemed to walk over. The chair leg scraped against the ground as she sat down with a creak.

Her heart pounded. Then, from overhead came that familiar cold voice. “Dead?”

Shang Shan quickly shook her head. “No.”

Mu Qian Tan pulled open the drawer, took out an incense stick, inserted it into the censer, and lit it. “I’ll give you the time of one incense stick.”

Shang Shan immediately raised her head. “Master, why are you wearing a mask?”

“This question is passed.”

“Ah?”

“Skipped. Next one.”

She crossed her hands and rested her chin on the back of her hand. Shang Shan asked, “Then why did you come to the Trial Field to find me?”

“Scram.” Mu Qian Tan gripped one side of the window, about to slam it shut into the sill. Shang Shan hurriedly waved her hands. “I won’t ask!”

She had at least saved her little life, but she still worried that she would close the window at any moment. Shang Shan looked around, found a stone to pad under her feet, leaned her body a bit further into the window, steadied her grip, and then said, “But if you don’t tell me, I’ll just keep overthinking it.”

Mu Qian Tan opened the Trial Demon Ghost Record from the Trial Field, wanting to see if there was any information on that Mud Demon. She casually asked, “How did you overthink it?”

Shang Shan propped up her chin and said seriously, “That day, I saw you from the audience and didn’t think much of it. Then we ran into each other again at the Trial Field, and you said you wanted to follow us. So I started wondering, why?”

“Then I guessed that after we argued, you felt bad about it and wanted to apologize to me but were too embarrassed, so you disguised yourself to get close to me.”

Mu Qian Tan scoffed. “That’s definitely overthinking. Daydreaming.”

She recalled how, when she went to find a beehive to catch the Spotted Cicada, this Brain-Damaged Dragon had asked her those few questions by the stream. At the time, she thought her disguise was flawless and didn’t think much of it, but it turned out she had been probing and confirming even then.

Shang Shan said, “But shouldn’t you apologize to me? What you said that night was really too much!”

Mu Qian Tan reached out to pinch off the incense. “Time’s up.”

“Hey, don’t!” Shang Shan protected the incense. Her long, wavy hair spilled onto the desk, covering one corner of the Demon Ghost Record.

She gazed at the flickering incense tip, her cheek pressed against the back of her hand, her lips puffing out a soft pout. “I always say you should apologize, but actually… I’m not that hung up on those three words ‘I’m sorry.’ It’s just that… um, how should I put it?”

She licked her lips. A rare light of contemplation shone in her eyes, as if she were searching for the right words.

After a moment, she slowly spoke, word by word, like her tongue was cradling something fragile, slow and cautious.

“You see, Qin He and I are good friends. If I do something wrong, I’ll apologize to her. If she does something wrong, she’ll apologize to me.”

“We do that because I value her, she values me, and we both care about each other. I feel the same way about you, but you don’t feel that way about me.”

“Also, whether it’s making friends, or master-disciple, or whatever else, it’s all just different relationships between two people. Some are complicated, some are simple. Some require a lot of care, some can be willful. But one thing they all have in common is…”

She withdrew her hand from protecting the incense and covered her face with it, inhaling the sandalwood scent from her palm. “If your hearts aren’t aligned—one serious, the other casual—it’s hard to make it last long-term.”

Though her head didn’t work well on a daily basis and she didn’t deliberately ponder interpersonal relationships, she was strikingly perceptive about the essence of shattered emotions.

Li Biyuan suddenly said, ‘I have a sentence I don’t know if I should say or not.’

Mu Qian Tan said, ‘Don’t say it.’

Li Biyuan said, ‘Right now, in front of you, the Female Protagonist is just like that… that little girlfriend acting coquettish with her boyfriend. Don’t roll your eyes. Let me show you: Aiya, why aren’t you coaxing me yet? Do you even care about me? Please respond to me already!’

Mu Qian Tan said, ‘Even the Brain-Damaged Dragon knows relationships between people are complicated with all sorts of types, and all you can think of is romance. Closed-Eyes Li, that’s a sickness. Needs curing.’

Li Biyuan said, ‘…Oh… What did you call the Female Protagonist? Wait, what did you call me?’

Mu Qian Tan said, ‘Close your eyes, close your mouth. Don’t spy on us. Don’t make a sound.’

‘…’ Li Biyuan quickly said, ‘Got it, Sister Tan. Off to eat instant noodles.’

Mu Qian Tan brushed the black hair from the edge of the Demon Ghost Record with the back of her hand, revealing the ferocious face of a demon. She flipped the page and said flatly, “What if I don’t want it to last long-term with you?”

The stars in the sky gradually multiplied, twinkling brightly as the black night sky transitioned to deep blue.

Shang Shan fell quiet for a moment, then slid her hand down to cover the lower half of her face. Moments later, her black-and-white eyes stealthily rolled upward to peek over. “Then will you throw me away?”

Mu Qian Tan said, “Yes, toss you into the lava.”

Li Biyuan nearly choked on her instant noodle broth. ‘Hey hey hey! Sister Tan! Please, don’t say stuff like that! That’s a spoiler!’

Shang Shan murmured, “Lava? That sounds so hot.”

Mu Qian Tan said nothing and flipped through a few pages of the book.

The chirps of insects rose and fell in the deep mountains. Fireflies danced over, brushing past the window sill and hiding in the girl’s black hair, twinkling like stars.

Her fingertip traced circles on the desk. Her little brain turned it over for a long time before she came up with a guess. “If you decided to throw me away, then why did you take me in at the beginning? Also, you hate me so much—is it because you think I’m just a kid?”

Mu Qian Tan automatically ignored the first half of the sentence and only answered the latter. “How old are you to still be acting like a kid?”

Shang Shan said, “Probably fifteen.”

“Probably?”

“Yeah, I’m not too clear on the exact time I was born.” Shang Shan seemed to sink into memories. “I only remember it was a cave, pitch black, nothing to see, but there were tons of gold, silver, and treasures. They smelled really good. After I ate all the treasures and came out of the cave, it’s been exactly fifteen years until this year.”

“Oh, and one more thing!” Thinking of something, the girl’s eyes suddenly lit up. “When I was still in the cave, there’s one thing I remember very clearly. Before I was even born, I heard my mom say to me that sooner or later, I would meet my fated one.”

Mu Qian Tan was slightly stunned. She suddenly recalled how, when she had just brought her back from that small village town, she hadn’t wanted to at first, but changed her mind because of that line about fate.

She hadn’t understood before why she was so easily persuaded or why she was so fixated on that phrase. Turns out her own mother had prophesied it.

This counted as stumbling into it by accident.

“What else did your mom say?”

“She also said she loved me.”

“Do you believe it?”

Shang Shan said in surprise, “Huh? Why doubt someone else’s love?”

The incense stick had burned more than halfway, ash falling and giving off a faint chill. Mu Qian Tan lowered her eyes. “She loved you but left you, ignoring you for all these years. How could you not doubt that kind of love? Whether it even existed is questionable.”

Shang Shan said, “She definitely loved me. She just had things to do, or maybe she’s no longer in this world. Otherwise, she definitely would have come to find me.”

Mu Qian Tan said, “Ridiculous.”

When a child can’t get their parents’ love but craves it desperately, it’s easy for them to deceive themselves, even coming up with excuses their parents themselves couldn’t think of, just to absolve them.

In the end, they just don’t want to believe they were the ones abandoned.

The girl didn’t respond. Mu Qian Tan continued, “Love is something you can clearly feel, and it needs actions to show it. Just paying lip service means the other person has nothing but smooth talk—they won’t do anything real for you.”

Shang Shan blew on the desk, fogging it up.

She mumbled, “Then is there anyone in this world who loves me?”

She asked this question full of smugness, thinking she could list a long string of names. But upon reflection, the ones who truly deserved the word “love” were few and far between.

She wiped the fog away with her palm and lifted her head with a hum. “If not, whatever. I’ll just love others. Loving and being loved are the same.”

Hearing this, Mu Qian Tan let out a soft sigh.

Not the same. Far from it. What you give and what you get are never equal.

She didn’t agree but didn’t refute it either. She just said, “Up to you.”

The incense had burned out completely, the ember extinguished. Shang Shan swallowed, afraid she would chase her away, and quickly continued the topic. “Oh, and one more thing. I want to tell you something.”

Mu Qian Tan said, “Speak.”

Shang Shan said, “I want to tell you what I was mad about in the cave. It was mainly because that sister had just finished speaking, and you immediately wanted to kill her without even thinking of trying to find another way. Life is precious, but you didn’t seem to care.”

Mu Qian Tan lifted an eyelid. “You all went looking. Did you find another method?”