Chapter 33: 33 Chapter 33 Part 1

◎The only reality in her illusory world◎

Before she turned eighteen.

Yu Qinjiu felt her life was already perfect enough. Her family was wealthy enough. Everyone she loved was healthy. She had a father who was busy with work but always brought her gifts when he came home. A brother who doted on her and always put her first. A beautiful, gentle mother who didn’t restrict her…

And a Ji Qingyou who was connected to her life, who needed her care and would always unconditionally side with her. A Ji Qingyou she could rely on, a Ji Qingyou she unknowingly developed a crush on and started liking.

When did she realize she had a crush on Ji Qingyou?

Was it when she saw Ji Qingyou’s slightly furrowed brow while explaining problems to others, yet she patiently explained the same problem to her for the eleventh time? Or was it when she was sad and upset, and Ji Qingyou, who was terrified of heights and had never ridden a roller coaster, accompanied her on one over a dozen times? Or was it because every time Yu Qinjiu couldn’t sleep, Ji Qingyou, who usually only said a few words, would repeatedly sing her a very strange song? And every season when the plane tree fluff flew, Ji Qingyou would gently blow away the fluff that got into her eyes? Every time, no matter where they went, Ji Qingyou would always wait for her up ahead?

Yu Qinjiu couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment.

She only knew that when she realized she wanted Ji Qingyou for herself, that panic was already right under her eyelids. It had lingered in her adolescent mind for a long time.

And she always remembered that day.

A sweltering summer day. The playground was crowded with people. Halfway through PE class, Yu Qinjiu wandered around and found Ji Qingyou lying on a bench in the volleyball court.

Sunlight filtered through the tree shadows, creating halos of light on the quiet girl’s face. Her eyelashes were long, her fair, almost translucent skin showed the boundary between light and shadow. Milky white wired earphones extended from her ears, hidden in her black hair that had caught the soft light. One was in her ear, the other had fallen onto the grass.

Ji Qingyou was sleeping.

But not very peacefully. Perhaps the sunlight was too bright.

Why didn’t she find a bigger tree?

Noticing this, Yu Qinjiu frantically searched her belongings, finally taking off the big bow she used to tie her hair.

Her soft, long hair was tousled by the wind, falling over her shoulders.

She carefully crouched down, holding the bow high. The butterfly-shaped shadow fluttered in the wind, flowing over Ji Qingyou’s face, blocking the harsh light.

Yu Qinjiu didn’t remember how long she had crouched there.

She only remembered that the second she picked up the white earphone that had fallen on the grass and put it in her own ear, Jay Chou was singing in the MP4,

/And I can no longer tell/

/Are you friendship or a love I missed/

She also remembered that for the rest of that PE class.

Jay Chou sang “Dandelion’s Promise” and then “Iron Box Peninsula.” Then Mayday sang “Elope to the Moon” and “Suddenly I Miss You So Much.”

She didn’t think much of it at the time. But later, every time she replayed this scene in her mind.

She realized that Ji Qingyou’s MP4 only had Jay Chou and Mayday in it. Before that day, she had always thought Ji Qingyou’s earphones would only have that one bitter song, “Later.”

She also realized that when her legs were so numb she had to sit cross-legged on the ground, she accidentally pulled the earphone cord. Ashin’s line, “Fifty billion people in this world miss each other every day,” was cut off midway.

The music faded. The bell for the end of class rang. Birds flew by. The noise of the crowd swelled.

Ji Qingyou opened her eyes. Her eyelashes fluttered. The beautiful butterfly shadow passed through her bright, moist eyes. Her gaze lingered on the bow above her for a moment, distracted.

But the next second, she gently closed her eyes again and called out very, very softly,

“Yu Qinjiu, is class starting?”

What kind of person was Ji Qingyou? In simple terms, she was extremely insecure. It was very difficult for her to fully trust anyone.

Yu Qinjiu had seen her wake up countless times from naps. She had also seen her jerk awake the moment someone passed by, her whole body tensing up.

Someone like that would find it very hard to fully trust others.

But much later, Yu Qinjiu discovered that when Ji Qingyou was woken up by her, as long as she knew it was her, she wouldn’t have that defensive reaction.

This key point was discovered too slowly. Yu Qinjiu even suspected that Ji Qingyou herself hadn’t noticed it at the time.

Because if Ji Qingyou had looked at her at that moment.

She would have seen Yu Qinjiu panicking and unable to speak the moment she opened her eyes. She would have also seen her heart racing, so fast that she blinked frantically to hide it. So fast that it didn’t slow down for the entire four consecutive math classes that afternoon.

Later, during those long four math classes.

Yu Qinjiu recalled all the songs she had heard in the MP4. She thought through all the lyrics and came to a conclusion that would shape her life.

Some people say that the highest form of love is being willing to take a bullet for the other person on the battlefield.

But she felt that taking a bullet for Ji Qingyou was something she would do without even thinking. It was purely her instinct.

So, to summarize, before she turned eighteen, Yu Qinjiu was already satisfied with her life. So she had planned out a perfect future for herself.

If Ji Qingyou liked her, she would fight side-by-side with her. After they went to university, if they were in different cities, they would have a passionate long-distance relationship. She would get her brother to sponsor their long-distance expenses. If they were in the same city, they would have a sweet campus romance. When they were financially independent, they would come out together. If their families didn’t accept it, they would persist until they did. With Sister Qin and her brother leading the way for them, it shouldn’t take much effort.

If Ji Qingyou didn’t like her, she would pursue her. She would enlist her brother and Sister Qin to help. As long as Ji Qingyou was single, she still had a chance. But if Ji Qingyou started liking someone else before her, she would just play the villain and break them up! Wait, that wasn’t right either. Why should she be the villain? She was the female lead. Besides her, no one else could be the other female lead.

In just four math classes, she had already figured out the whole plan. She even decided to confess after the college entrance exams, because she couldn’t affect Ji Qingyou’s studies.

But.

But.

But.

The turning points in life usually come without warning. Three “buts” marked the collapse of all of Yu Qinjiu’s life plans, even completely destroying the first eighteen years of her life.

After the graduation ceremony ended that day, she kissed Ji Qingyou while drunk. In her original confession plan, there was no kiss.

She felt she should be a person with boundaries.

But the alcohol was probably going to her head. She couldn’t control herself. She kissed Ji Qingyou before even confessing. Afterwards, she lost consciousness and never got to confess.

Before her body collapsed, her chaotic thoughts were left with only one sentence:

So soft. I need to kiss her again tomorrow.

Like all promises in the world, they get cancelled before they can be fulfilled.

She didn’t make it to the next day.

That very night, Lin Yingxiang got into a car accident. She was rushed to the hospital, unconscious. Yu Muzhou, who was studying in another province, hurried back. He held the sobbing Yu Qinjiu tightly.

She always remembered.

Yu Muzhou was beside her, his broad shoulders looming over her, repeatedly telling her, “Brother is here. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

Ji Qingyou panicked and rushed her to the hospital. Yu Qinjiu cried and hugged her. Ji Qingyou stiffened for a moment, her rapid breathing slowly calming down. Ultimately, she gently patted her shoulder and said,

“Yu Qinjiu, don’t be too sad.”

“If you’re too sad, you’ll end up in a hospital bed yourself.”

At that time, Yu Qinjiu didn’t even have the courage to grieve too much, because the doctor said her emotions couldn’t be too intense, or she would easily end up in the same situation as last time.

There were too many people in the hospital. She couldn’t cry until she was convulsing like last time.

So she could only clutch Ji Qingyou’s sleeve tightly, bury her face in Ji Qingyou’s neck, and silently let her tears fall. If the pain had stopped at that moment, at least she could have clearly felt it, like a knife cutting into her, piece by piece, bleeding profusely.

But it could still be healed.

At least Yu Muzhou and Ji Qingyou would protect her. Her wounds could heal. Lin Yingxiang could also wake up from this car accident and slowly recover.

The plan was temporarily put on hold.

But Yu Qinjiu hadn’t given up.

Her grief began to subside the moment Lin Yingxiang woke up. She went to the hospital every day, looking at the slogan “Carrying hope, setting sail for health,” wishing for Lin Yingxiang to get better day by day.

Maybe she was too sincere.

Or maybe she clasped her hands together every time she made a wish, counting down three seconds.

Or maybe Ji Qingyou also made wishes every day, stacking on top of hers, making this wish slowly come true.

Lin Yingxiang’s condition was indeed improving.

But after she woke up, she rarely spoke. She just stared gloomily out the window. She didn’t want to talk to anyone who came into the room, except Yu Qinjiu.

When Yu Qinjiu appeared alone.

Lin Yingxiang would quietly watch her, touch her face, and then cry, looking at her. Her expression was contradictory, full of despair, and struggle, and some emotions Yu Qinjiu couldn’t understand at the time.

It was very hard for Yu Qinjiu to understand what was going on. But Yu Muzhou comforted her. At least Lin Yingxiang’s condition was improving. Everything else could wait until she was discharged.

Yu Qinjiu thought he was right.

But at that time, Lin Yingxiang was very mean to Yu Muzhou. Every time he appeared, she would scream and throw everything at him.

Yu Qinjiu didn’t understand. Every time she tried to speak up for him, Yu Muzhou would just stand in front of her, meekly pick up everything that had been thrown, and say, with bruises on his head,

“Mom, you need to eat more so you can get better.”

If Yu Qinjiu’s thoughts had been bolder at the time, she would have noticed that Lin Yingxiang’s hand gripping the sheets had turned white with veins. She would have also noticed that Yu Cheng rarely showed up at the hospital during those two months. She would have noticed that the nanny at their house had been replaced… and many more details.

But at the time, she was only focused on accompanying Lin Yingxiang at the hospital.

Because besides her, Lin Yingxiang didn’t want to talk to anyone. Even when facing her, she was always in tears. Yu Qinjiu suspected that Lin Yingxiang had developed depression from the car accident. But she didn’t know why.

Until.

“Until” is a scary word. It means the next turning point comes, unexpectedly in life.

It was the day before Lin Yingxiang was to be discharged from the hospital.

Yu Qinjiu returned to her empty house. At that time, Yu Cheng was supposed to be at the company. The nanny wasn’t supposed to be home. Yu Muzhou was supposed to be in the hospital corridor, sitting quietly, accompanying Lin Yingxiang.