Chapter 33: 33 Chapter 33 Part 2

But there were people in the empty house.

Two people, lying in the bedroom of Yu Cheng and Lin Yingxiang. Beneath the bed where their wedding photo hung.

The rustling sounds of skin and blankets rubbing together. A few words she struggled to understand. Maybe it was because when she saw that scene, all her senses had already failed her.

She recognized both of them.

One was Yu Cheng. The father who had called her his little princess since she was young.

One was their family nanny. The nanny who had made her countless bows by hand.

Yu Qinjiu was already completely numb. She couldn’t tell if the world was real or an illusion. She couldn’t control any of her actions.

According to what happens in TV shows, she should have rushed in and made a huge scene.

But she didn’t.

Like a useless loser, she fled in panic. She admitted, at that moment, she was very sorry to Lin Yingxiang. So she stopped herself before going down the stairs.

Like a wooden stake nailed alive to a fire scene, she could only watch helplessly as the world around her collapsed. She should have cried, but the panic of the collapse bound her tears. She was left with only a shriveled body, burning away the first eighteen years of her life.

In the sun-drenched stairwell.

She stood for a long time. The empty house grew quieter and quieter. But she started hallucinating, the sound of skin and blankets rubbing together never leaving.

Until.

Another turning point arrived.

Yu Muzhou, who should have been at the hospital, was carrying a bag. As he climbed the steps, he looked up and met her eyes. His gaze shifted, landing on the slightly ajar door, then back to her wooden expression.

She spoke, calling him “Brother,” but the tears kept falling. No matter how she wiped them away, they wouldn’t stop. It was like there was a machine in her lungs squeezing out all her tears, squeezing out all the air she had left.

At that moment, Yu Muzhou seemed very distant.

He pulled out a tissue and handed it to Yu Qinjiu. But unlike in the hospital, he didn’t say “Brother is here.” He just silently sat on the step beside her, rubbing his temples, his back hunched.

Like a sieve full of worries.

Every word he said let something leak out.

Every word shattered another piece of Yu Qinjiu’s first eighteen years of life, until everything was completely shattered.

“You know now?” was his first sentence.

Yu Qinjiu couldn’t understand. She couldn’t say anything.

Yu Muzhou laughed again, a self-deprecating laugh. “They’re inside, aren’t they?”

That was his second sentence, showing he knew everything.

Yu Qinjiu felt the whole world was unfamiliar. She didn’t even know what expression she should be wearing to face this.

She tried to make a sound, but nothing came out.

It was as if her throat was blocked, leaving only a tiny gap for her to breathe. But even then, she was still thinking, so this is what it feels like when Ji Qingyou has an allergic reaction. Watching helplessly as all the air in her lungs disappeared.

Yu Muzhou looked at her. Perhaps he had long anticipated this day. He said calmly,

“The day Mom got into the car accident, it was also because she saw them inside.”

That was his third sentence.

Yu Qinjiu started hallucinating. She felt the bow tied on her head had come to life, fluttering its wings, stirring the air around her, turning the world upside down.

It flew slowly, landing on her neck, refusing to leave.

When Yu Muzhou said his fourth sentence, the butterfly had stayed on her neck for a long time. It couldn’t be driven away, and it refused to leave. Her neck began to itch for no reason.

As he said this, Yu Muzhou himself started to cry. He said,

“That woman inside is my biological mother.”

On that exceptionally hot summer day, Yu Qinjiu stood in the stairwell for a very, very long time. Yu Muzhou sat beside her, holding his head, crying for a long, long time.

How strange.

He knew everything, yet he cried harder than she did.

He knew everything, yet he still called Lin Yingxiang “Mom.” He still went to the hospital every day. He still treated Yu Qinjiu as his most beloved little sister. When Lin Yingxiang got into the car accident, he said “Brother is here”…

He knew everything.

From that day on, the fluttering butterfly never left. It often appeared on Yu Qinjiu’s neck.

When the butterfly appeared, as long as she didn’t block it with something, she would feel a terrible itch in that spot. She would frantically scratch and rub at it, trying to drive away the terrifying butterfly, trying to regain control of her body.

But she couldn’t.

Just like the moment Lin Yingxiang woke up. Besides crying, she couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t even tell her, because she didn’t know where to start.

What could she say to lessen the harm to her?

That the adopted son brought home by her father, the one claimed to be a friend’s son, was actually her father’s illegitimate son?

That the nanny who had held her since she was born was her father’s lover?

That her father had reunited with his “first love white moonlight” after marrying her mother, believing they were true love?

That her father had never loved her mother?

How could Lin Yingxiang say these things to the innocent, carefree her? How could she accept them herself?

Yu Qinjiu didn’t remember how that day ended.

She only remembered that she was eventually found by Ji Qingyou, who had rushed back from her grandparents’ house. She was trembling all over, falling into Ji Qingyou’s soft, delicate embrace.

She only remembered that Ji Qingyou dropped the soda she had brought for her on the ground. The clear liquid soaked the floor, making a faint cracking sound, like a silent shattering.

Ji Qingyou anxiously called her name, again and again. Finally, she carried her on her back. On that hot summer day, Ji Qingyou was sweating profusely, her collar almost soaked through.

Just before she lost consciousness.

She vaguely saw that the butterfly on her neck had multiplied into countless others, dancing in the sky, flickering in the hazy light, dense and thick, gently flapping their wings, slicing her once-solid world to pieces.

Every word of her future plans began to crumble.

Yu Qinjiu didn’t even know what attitude or expression to wear. She didn’t know what was left of her life, her future.

Eighteen years of life turned into a mirage in that one day.

Too many things happened that year. So many that none of Yu Qinjiu’s carefully laid plans could be fulfilled.

Her strong-willed aunt flew back from England, forced Lin Yingxiang to divorce Yu Cheng, neatly took half of his assets, and took Yu Qinjiu, whose neck had been cut to pieces, back to England with her.

On the plane to England.

A pretty flight attendant handed Yu Qinjiu a glass of green pomelo juice. She took a sip, and the tears began to fall uncontrollably, like thin strings connected together, dripping into the cup, creating ripples one after another.

The illusory world began to shatter.

Returning to reality.

That day she was carried to the hospital by Ji Qingyou on her back and woke up in the hospital bed, she opened her eyes in a daze. There was a lonely figure by the bed, silhouetted against the light. Slender shoulders. A very straight back.

It was very blurry.

But she knew it was Ji Qingyou.

Ji Qingyou was watching her, for a very long time.

The second she opened her eyes, she held her hand tightly, giving her the strength to face everything. She brought a sense of security, a soft, clean scent. She gave her the most stable, gentle hug. When she couldn’t bring herself to speak about what she had seen, she said softly,

“I’ll be here, Yu Qinjiu.”

That day, Yu Qinjiu cried for a very, very long time in Ji Qingyou’s arms. She poured out everything she had seen, laying all her pain bare in front of Ji Qingyou.

She understood.

Even if all her future plans had collapsed.

Ji Qingyou would still be the only reality in her illusory world.

—

When the announcement came over the plane’s speakers that they were encountering turbulence and would have to land at the nearest airport, Yu Qinjiu woke up from this long dream.

It started that summer day when she was eighteen.

Until now.

This dream had always stayed with her.

It was hard to forget.

But every time, it would end in the same scene.

In the dim hospital room. Illusory butterflies drifted around her. Ji Qingyou held her tightly, their soft hair intertwined.

In countless reconstructions of such scenes.

Yu Qinjiu fantasized that she, too, was a fragile butterfly. The gentle Ji Qingyou was not afraid of her, nor did she deceive her. She held her, protecting her almost-broken back, and said, word by word, sincerely, beside her,

“I’ll be here.”

Would she be?

She would.

Even if they were separated for ten years, Ji Qingyou often appeared in her dreams like this, saving her from that day, driving away the butterflies that lingered around her, quietly and gently accompanying her.

But after ten years.

Yu Qinjiu still had to separate from Ji Qingyou.

Li Nanli came to the airport to see her off, confused. “Why hasn’t Ji Qingyou come to see you off? Why did you say your two-month vacation was cut short?”

Yu Qinjiu sat silently, burying her face in her scarf, only her eyes showing. Just like when she left Nanwu ten years ago, Li Nanli couldn’t read the emotions in her eyes.

“Because pain doesn’t just disappear. It just gets transferred.” She said this with great difficulty.

Of course, she wanted to stay in close contact with Ji Qingyou, even wanted her to stay by her side forever. Even if, compared to ten years ago, they had each grown ten years older and had the power to control their own lives.

Everything was still the same.

It was hard for Yu Qinjiu to heal herself. She couldn’t get through the hot summer days in Nanwu City peacefully. The pain that clung to her life couldn’t be cured. Even after ten years, she still couldn’t face Yu Muzhou and Yu Cheng calmly. She couldn’t truly stay and be separated from Lin Yingxiang. She couldn’t make Lin Yingxiang return to this place because of her.

Two days ago.

Yu Muzhou had found her. Just like ten years ago, he knelt and begged her. If she would just show up at the wedding and call him “Brother,” it would make the gossip in the company about him being an “illegitimate son” disappear. He said she should think about Qin Shuangchi.

Yu Qinjiu’s face was wooden. She was tired. She told Yu Muzhou to get lost. She didn’t agree to such an ugly request.

But the rejection didn’t lessen her pain.

All night long, she kept her eyes open, her thoughts falling into a web woven from terrible imaginings. She tried to seek Salist’s help. She also suddenly wanted to go back to Lin Yingxiang’s side, like a helpless child needing her mother’s embrace.

But she just lay silently on the cold bed, trembling, unable to stop the palpitations. Her chest and back ached together. In the end, she sadly realized she couldn’t even bear the burden of her own health, let alone change the situation.

She thought of that night when Ji Qingyou hadn’t gone back to eat the New Year’s Eve dinner with her family. Instead, she had accompanied her in the heavy snow to find the alcohol. Suddenly, she understood. Maybe she was wrong. She shouldn’t have come back. If she hadn’t appeared, Ji Qingyou’s life would have remained calm, just like it had for the past ten years.

Ji Qingyou would have slowly gotten used to dealing with Yu Muzhou without her around. If Yu Muzhou had any conscience, he wouldn’t have made Ji Qingyou suffer the same pain as her.