Chapter 44: Nian Nian
The house was no different from before. There were a few more childish traces. The marker on the bedroom doorframe, the small toys that were thrown in a corner, and the crookedly drawn family portrait that was in the center of the living room.
The furnishings were also a little old. The years had left their marks on the floor. The wooden boards in the corner were soaked with water, and the corners were slightly upturned. The chandelier above his head had a much lower wattage, and the light that was falling was dim.
After looking for a while, the few boxes of small and dense medicines under the coffee table had attracted his attention.
Su Yu glanced at Su Xi, who was busy in the kitchen. He squatted down and flipped through the few boxes of medicine. The tedious and complicated proper nouns, he had looked them up online. They were all psychiatric drugs that did not give a good first impression.
He pursed his lips. The only thing he was glad about was that the medicine boxes were all empty. It seemed that she had not touched these things for a long time after she had finished them. She had stopped taking the medicine, which seemed to mean that her illness was about to get better.
The sound of footsteps in the kitchen was approaching. He coughed twice to clear his throat and stood up casually. He looked around, as if he had been looking at the house from the very beginning.
“The dumplings are ready…”
Su Xi was wearing an apron and was patting the grease on her hands. The her now was no longer like the her of the past, who had thick bangs. Instead, she had generously exposed her smooth forehead. When she was busy, she would tie her hair into a neat and clean bun. Her fair and beautiful face was only the size of a palm.
Her skin was not as good as before. There were faint wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, and her skin was dehydrated and a little rough. She should have been as delicate and precious as a lily, but she was stained with the smell of domestic bliss.
She wiped the sweat from her temples, and her wet hair was on her flushed cheeks. She thoughtfully reminded him.
“Hurry up and eat. It won’t be good if it gets cold.”
Su Yu was sitting at the table, and he had swallowed. A large bowl of hot and steaming dumplings was in the bowl. For him, who had been bumpy for more than half a day and had not had time to take care of his food and clothing, the temptation was not small.
He poured a circle of vinegar around the rim of the bowl. It was very hot, and he picked up his chopsticks and stirred it.
The girl across the table was staring at his movements. Perhaps she was annoyed that he was slow. She let out an impatient “tsk” and took a soup spoon and put it in his bowl. She scooped a spoonful of dumplings with soup and put it in her bowl.
Su Yu raised his eyes, his expression confused. “Hmm?”
She was silent, and she used her chopsticks to poke open the dumplings in the spoon. The pink and tender meat filling was scattered in the fresh and white soup. She raised her head and glanced at Su Yu. In front of him, she had swallowed it with the skin and the meat soup.
She was too eager to prove herself, and she was in a mess. She had forgotten that the soup was still scorching hot. She had instantly furrowed her brows, and the corners of her lips were curled. Her cheeks were flushed, and her fragile mouth was in a fiery pain. It would probably be even more painful to swallow.
But she was stubborn again, and she was gritting her teeth and was not willing to. She really wanted to prove something in front of him.
She was so anxious that she was at a loss. It was not until he had reached out his hand and had stopped in front of her. His joints were well-defined, and his palm was spread with a tissue. After hesitating for a while, she had opened her mouth and had spit the things on his hand.
“I…”
Before she could finish her words, she had seen the cold water he had handed her. She had immediately stopped and had held the cup and had gulped it down. The bottom of the cup had landed on the table, and only then had she let out a sigh of relief.
Su Xi looked at Su Yu, who was looking down and was nonchalantly wrapping the filth that she had spit out from her mouth with a tissue. The corners of his lips were still curved into a smile.
In an instant, a red cloud had risen on her cheeks.
“Why are you eating so fast?”
Su Xi was blushing. After a long while, she had squeezed out this sentence.
“Anyway, I didn’t poison it this time…”
“Oh, I know.” He had scooped a spoonful of soup and had taken a small sip. “It tastes pretty good.”
She was gritting her teeth, and she was both shy and annoyed. She couldn’t figure it out. Why could he pretend that nothing had happened?
In the sleepless dreams of the night, they had had countless reunions. Anger, cold eyes, curses… they had probably all appeared. But it should not be like this now.
She could see herself in his eyes, and his attitude was even as gentle as before. There was not a single bit of blame. The thoughtfulness was scattered with a coldness that made her hands and feet cold. The huge gap was pulling her down.
The extreme disappointment was about to drown her. The tip of her nose was sour, and even her breathing was a little heavier.
She would rather be choked and questioned with anger than to encounter this result. His gentle tone was as if it had invisibly cleared the relationship between the two of them, whether it was clean or dirty.
So her guilt, her self-blame, her regret… all seemed to have been in vain. The experiences that had made her toss and turn and unable to sleep, now that she looked at them, seemed to have become a small stone that had been thrown into the sea, and not a single wave had been raised.
Su Xi had understood this very well since she was a child. Love and hate were the best medium for two people to be entangled. If he had really been so indifferent to the past and had treated her as if nothing had happened, then perhaps… they had really come to an end.
Her heart was clenched, and a wave of a sad and dejected emotion was surging, and the joy of their reunion after a long separation was only a few scattered points.
She had already gotten used to this kind of life. She had endured the criticism behind her back, and she was also used to being alone. The future life was long, and she thought she could always get over the hurdles with a little pain.
But why was it always like this? When she was at the bottom, she was given a bright hope. What followed was always a despair that was so painful that her eyes were dark.
She was in a daze, and her hands were restlessly rubbing under the table.
“The little guy seems to know me. Has she seen my photo? Is Nian Nian her nickname?”
Su Yu put down his bowl and chopsticks, and his voice was gentle.
Su Xi’s heart was trembling, and she couldn’t make a sound when she opened her mouth. After a long while, she nodded in a muffled voice.
Her left hand slowly held her right thumb, and she suddenly became stable.
She had never been a person who would just wait to be killed. The more desperate she was, the more she would resist.
How to hold him tightly was a difficult problem. But she had already had a plan when she had confirmed that he was still alive.
To act pitiful, to gain sympathy. That was the pain of being crushed and tormented by life for all these years.
And even more so, it was that innocent and cute child. The accident of the past had now become the biggest bargaining chip.
Her blood was flowing in her veins. This was a fact that could not be erased. She knew very well the gentleness and weakness in his personality, and he would definitely not turn a blind eye. In terms of scheming, she had thought a lot in secret, and she had never been bound by means. Whether it was dirty or poisonous… as long as it could achieve her goal, then there were no taboos.
As long as she could tie him up, and hold him, it would be fine, just like before…
But was this… really good?
Her eyelids were raised, and she had glanced at him. She had seen that his expression was calm, and his eyes were clear, as if they were containing the gentleness of the mountains and rivers.
He had looked back at her and had smiled.
“Her full name? The little guy didn’t tell me…”
“You go.” She had suddenly opened her mouth, and her expression was serious.
“Hmm?”
Su Xi had exhaled a turbid breath, and her chest was heaving. She had repeated it again, and she had bitten her words.
“I’m used to being alone. I’m sorry for what happened before. Now you’re free. Before I regret it, you should go. Let’s just pretend we’ve never met, and that nothing has happened.”
“I’ve spent some effort to come here. Are you going to drive me away now?”
He had raised his head and had pointed to his forehead.
What did he mean?
She was stunned. The touch was very short and light, and it was not even intimate. But it was as if it had pierced through the city wall that she had been stubborn about for four years.
Her palm was on her forehead, and there was a lingering warmth.
The tears, while her slightly grown-up eyes had not reacted, had overflowed from her red-rimmed eyes, and they had dripped down her small and exquisite face.
She had glared at him with red eyes, and she just felt that the gentle eyebrows and eyes that she had been tired of looking at were suddenly annoying.
She hated him, and she was annoyed with him, and she was still smiling wickedly…
How could he be like this? How could he be like this…
A child would always cry when they wanted to. She couldn’t. So these past few years, she had gotten used to secretly wiping her tears.
The suppressed, the aggrieved, the longing to pour out… these emotions had rushed up like a floodgate, and it had been pouring with rain.
She was choking, and she was looking at him. She had said the name that she had gotten with her blood when she had put down the fruit knife on her wrist in the hospital room, word by word, seriously.
Su Nian Yu.
