Chapter 53: Ren Dongliu (From the Past) – Love Always Fills Not Enough and Can’t Be Emptied… Part 3

But soon, that fleeting lightness weighed down on her again. She looked at Ren Beng standing not far away and felt only strangeness. Though she still remembered the first time those eyes had looked at her—Ren Dongliu hadn’t forgotten the hot tears in Ren Beng’s eyes, the boundless affection mixed with guilt and remorse. She tried hard to summon even a spark of warmth from those three emotions… Her nails dug into her fingers until they left bloody marks, but it was all in vain. She could describe those expressions precisely with words, yet she couldn’t immerse herself in them at all…

It made her feel like she was taking a surprise exam, dragged into the testing room without warning. No matter how skillfully she wielded her pen on the paper, how brilliant her answers were, or how they outshone everyone else’s scores, it was all just superficial trickery—answers for the sake of answering. They had nothing to do with the heartfelt content she wrote.

Just like now… Ren Dongliu watched as Ren Beng approached and reached out a hand toward her… She placed it gently on Ren Dongliu’s head, trembling… almost afraid to apply any pressure, as if cradling a priceless treasure… Her fingers trailed from Ren Dongliu’s temple across her cheek…

“You’ve grown up…” Ren Beng said, her voice choked with barely suppressed sobs.

But Ren Dongliu… She couldn’t respond with the same lump in her throat. She couldn’t even utter that single word “Mom” that she’d practiced in front of the mirror over a hundred times the night before.

She felt dazed, helpless, bewildered, awkward, lost, confused, muddled, hazy…

Countless words to describe her swirling thoughts flashed through Ren Dongliu’s mind… only to vanish one by one…

None… not a single one. All language failed, stripped of its power to capture her state of mind.

On the contrary… the reflection of herself in Ren Beng’s eyes grew more ethereal.

They were so close now, in an environment where real touch was possible, with no transparent glass barrier between them. Yet it was this very reality that made everything feel even less real to Ren Dongliu.

She desperately wanted to ask Ren Beng—

The indifferent you in prison, and the tearful you now—which one is truly my mother?

“Call her Mom…” Ren Yu came over and nudged Ren Dongliu’s shoulder. “You silly child… Your mom’s back…”

M—o—m.

—”Mom.”

By now, Ren Yu was wiping away her tears while pulling a ring-shaped keychain from her bag. She said to Ren Beng—

“The yellow one is the key to Mom’s place. The silver one… is for the school district apartment. Kai Kai got into No. 69 Middle School—it’s a top high school feeder for Huaqing. From now on… you can live there with Kai Kai. And take this too.”

It was a bank card, already loaded with money by Ren Yu.

Ren Beng blinked, unsure if she should accept the keys and the card in this situation.

“Take them,” Wen Yang said as soon as Ren Yu hesitated. “This apartment was for Nan Jia from your sister, but the kid’s still too young to need it right now. You and your daughter can stay there—it’s close to the school. Here, she’d have to take the bus every day, sometimes missing the first one, no time for a midday nap, rushing off right after lunch. Living there, it’s convenient, plenty of time. And the card—it’s your sister’s wish.”

Before Ren Beng could respond, Ren Yu stuffed the keychain and card into her hand.

“Sis… just take it.”

Then Ren Yu pulled Ren Beng a bit farther toward the kitchen and whispered—

“This is Mom’s idea too. You need to spend more time with Kai Kai now. Living under the same roof as mother and daughter… it’ll get better with time.”

Once she finished, Ren Yu dragged Ren Beng back over. She looked at Ren Dongliu and said—

“Kai Kai, Little Aunt’s got everything set up for you there. Pack your books in a bit, and tonight you go stay with Mom. Be good… okay?”

Ren Dongliu nodded obediently, looking every bit the sensible girl.

Then she went back to her room to pack her bag.

The bag was already packed. Ren Dongliu just found that previous scene a bit awkward. Now… listening to the voices outside, the whole family immersed in the joy of Ren Beng’s release—no one bothered to delve into her feelings. They probably thought blood ties were unbreakable; even after seventeen years apart, recognition would instantly ignite the heat in their bones.

But humans were complex creatures. All emotions had to be taught; they didn’t arise from nothing. Behind those deep feelings and tears lay every second of daily life—and right now, that life was a blank slate. Ren Dongliu found no thread to connect to it.

Her emotions were too passive. She was being pushed forward.

It was less her choosing to reunite with her mother and more her escaping Wen Yang—and the latter felt far more convincing.

—

These fragmented, tiny, simple moments seemed so ordinary, yet they were tangled in intricate, insoluble threads.

Under a clear sky, the blue horizon stretched endlessly.

Ren Dongliu spoke in a light tone, occasionally rising and falling with emphasis, finishing her story to Xiang Yu just as her brows furrowed.

Xiang Yu listened quietly, not interrupting once. Only when Ren Dongliu’s brow creased did she reach out… and smooth it away.

She touched her brow, scraped her nose bridge, pressed her temple, and gently stroked along, her fingertip sliding to the little black mole at the corner of Ren Dongliu’s eye.

“Do you like it that much?” Ren Dongliu asked. “You always touch it.”

“I do. It’s pretty.”

“Xiang Yu… your mouth’s getting sweeter.”

Ren Dongliu turned her head away, not letting her touch anymore.

“Don’t you like it?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because it makes me look… not like a good girl.”

“What’s a good girl?”

Xiang Yu smiled, then reached out to turn Ren Dongliu’s sideways body straight. She leaned in and quickly pecked her lips.

They were on the school rooftop, a place empty of people, with only the constant wind.

“I didn’t think you were cold to your mom. On the contrary… you love her a lot.”

“How would you know?”

Ren Dongliu pursed her lips—a habit she didn’t know when she’d picked up. Every time Xiang Yu gave her a light, dragonfly kiss like this, she unconsciously did it. But if Xiang Yu deepened it with her tongue, afterward she’d lick her lips instead.

“You told me.”

“Lies. I don’t even know myself.”

“You didn’t say it outright, but your actions did. Remember the first time I saw you?”

“In the bathroom, you played the hero…”

“No, in the office. When that bully’s mom was forcing you to apologize. You were so stubborn then. Your grandma pressed your neck, but you wouldn’t bow. I thought… this girl’s got spine. But then… you apologized. Because the mom was about to go after your mother… She yelled—’Ren Beng!’ And right then… your reaction was instant. You said—’Sorry, I was wrong,’ ‘It was my fault, I apologize,’ ‘Sorry,’ and turned away…”

As she spoke, Xiang Yu couldn’t resist pecking Ren Dongliu’s lips again.

Ren Dongliu did the same, pursing her lips as she pulled away.

“Your face went completely pale, eyes red like a rabbit’s—on the verge of tears but holding back desperately. You were so proud… so dignified. I watched you walk out, bow low to that woman, groveling with apology after apology—’Sorry, I was wrong’…”

Xiang Yu’s throat tightened. Her hand went to the back of Ren Dongliu’s neck, gently rubbing—

“Sometimes, love doesn’t need words. It shows in what you do.”

“You say you don’t love your mom, that you feel nothing for her. So tell me… why did you apologize then?”

“I just wanted to end it quickly.”

“If so, why not apologize from the start? You took the woman’s scolding, your grandma’s too… Only after all that did you apologize to ‘end it quick.’ Does that logic hold?”

“Xiang Yu, don’t think you know me so well.”

Ren Dongliu swatted her hand away and twisted her body back. She rested her arms on the rooftop railing, gazing into the distance—profound but aimless.

Suddenly, a weight on her shoulder—Xiang Yu’s arm draped over, pulling her into an embrace. She tilted her head, brushing Ren Dongliu’s temple.

“Xiang Yu—”

“Zhao Yu-jie’s here.”

Ren Dongliu had just started to struggle but froze at the words.

After a moment, when she turned to look, Xiang Yu’s lips curved in a blatant grin.

“Go find Wei Zhi.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m not letting you come to my place anyway.”

“Really?”

“Liars swallow a thousand needles.”

Ren Dongliu thought Xiang Yu deserved a punch. She raised her hand but let it fall weakly, finally grabbing the collar of her white T-shirt under the school uniform and yanking hard.

Then she shoved her away and walked off the rooftop.

…

At the end of school, they went home together.

Ren Dongliu sat on the back of Xiang Yu’s bike, naturally wrapping her arms around her waist.

Xiang Yu deliberately braked on flat roads, creating jolts so Ren Dongliu couldn’t brace against the momentum, bumping against her back repeatedly.

“Xiang Yu… do that again, and you’re not coming to my place…”

“Finally telling the truth.”

Ren Dongliu pinched her waist.

…

This wasn’t Xiang Yu’s first time staying over at Ren Dongliu’s or meeting Ren Beng. The initial awkwardness of these sleepovers had long faded.

Looking at Ren Beng’s kind smile, so eerily identical to Ren Dongliu’s face—a near one-to-one copy, down to the little black mole at the outer corner of the left eye.

Listening to Ren Beng’s gentle, soft tone, Xiang Yu realized her voice matched Ren Dongliu’s in many intonations and rhythms.

The phrase “miracle of blood ties” suddenly popped into Xiang Yu’s mind. It sounded so wondrous yet warmly logical. Her thoughts wandered: mother, womb, ten months of pregnancy—from a single embryo to a living being that could cry, laugh, sense the real world.

The word grew sacred. Blood flowing through veins, the beating warmth—this was nature’s gift, humanity’s enduring legacy.

When Xiang Yu turned back to Ren Dongliu, for some reason… the emotion in her eyes made Ren Dongliu’s heart race too.

While Ren Beng went to the kitchen to cook, Xiang Yu grabbed Ren Dongliu’s hand and whispered—

“I’m really envious you have a mom.”

Then Xiang Yu let go.

Ren Dongliu lingered in Xiang Yu’s words for a long time, unable to snap out of it. She wanted to say—I’m different from you; you had ten years with your mother, but I didn’t. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Compared to Xiang Yu’s complete loss, with only ten years of memories to look back on, her own case of losing and then regaining her mother was merely a lack of experience due to time. In that regard, she had far more than Xiang Yu.

Two kinds of emotions tugged at Ren Dongliu, and whether she took a step forward or back, it was equally difficult for her.

Fortunately, Ren Dongliu didn’t dwell in that troubled mood for too long. She heard the sound of the range hood turning off, and when she looked up, she saw Ren Beng coming out with the dishes. She said, “Dinner’s ready.”

For once, three people sat at the dinner table. Ren Beng sat on one side by herself, while Ren Dongliu and Xiang Yu sat on the other.