Chapter 35: Swan
“Mu Qing, Mu Qing. What are you dawdling for? The graduation ceremony is about to start!”
Wang Yao knocked on the bathroom door and had been making a fuss for a long time. “You’re giving a speech today. Don’t be late. There’s not much time left.”
“Wait a little longer. I’ll be right there.”
He Mu Qing was hiding in a narrow corner of the wall. She was looking down at the screen, and the messages between the two of them were still from yesterday.
The weather forecast said it was raining heavily in the capital. It was so heavy that he had to break his promise again.
…
“Mu Qing, I’ll be a little late tomorrow…”
“Huh? How late?”
“Maybe… I’ll be late for your graduation ceremony.”
“Why? You promised me.”
“Qian Ge got caught in the rain and has a fever. I’ll take care of her first. Don’t worry. I’ll be right there.”
“You… how can I believe you again?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Su Yu, I’ve really lost to her. For the second time.”
…
Later, she had forgotten when the messages had stopped. The light from the screen in her bed at night had really made her eyes sore and painful. When she had woken up in the morning, her eyes were still red and swollen. She had put on a very, very deep eyeshadow and had looked at herself in the mirror as usual, and she had found her old shadow.
The screen had dimmed. She had pushed open the bathroom door, and Wang Yao had rushed up.
“Wow, you’re so beautiful. Your eyeshadow is also… so queenly. I feel like I’m going to be charmed by you.”
Wang Yao had looked her up and down at her particularly heavy makeup. Her long and narrow eye tails were alluring, and she had sighed that her style had changed so much that she almost didn’t recognize her.
She had smiled, and the makeup on her face had made her look mature. “Stop fooling around. I stayed up late yesterday. I’m just using makeup to cover my face.”
“Is that so? I have to say, I’m really reluctant. I saw you crying in your bed at night. It made me cry a little too.”
“Let’s go. We’re almost late.” He Mu Qing had lowered her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. The classmates in the class have been waiting for a long time.”
…
The rain had been taken away by the capital, and Jiangnan was a bright and sunny day.
The principal was talking endlessly on the stage. The sadness of parting and the excitement of about to enter the society were mixed, and a blurry and indistinct emotion was in the atmosphere. It was like the ambiguity between a couple, and also like the raw and rusty rust. It was brewing in the enclosed space of the hall.
He Mu Qing and a group of people were standing in front of the podium, facing the countless figures below. She had seen Wang Yao standing in the black and white, distinct crowd, and she was winking at her. She had curled her lips and had smiled, and then she had quickly suppressed it, and she was the same as the surroundings.
She was wearing a formal dress, a black-and-white bachelor’s gown. Her hair was tied in a bun, and her fresh, young, and innocent look was hidden under the bachelor’s cap. The high and powerful song was encouraging the confidence of those who wield power and pointing at the country. Her youthful and vibrant self had encompassed the mature confidence that a girl of her age should have, like a swan with its neck held high, and she was graceful and elegant.
Her soul was like a half-dry and half-wet, unshaped concrete embryo. On this day, the construction period was completed and it had completely solidified. She had merged into the crowd, and then she had grown up.
The crowd had dispersed in a rain of scattered bachelor’s caps. She was in a daze on the spot. She was looking at the people who were in groups or were walking alone, and they had formed a stream of people. She suddenly didn’t know where to go.
Wang Yao had rushed over from behind and had pulled her. “The class is going to have a party later to celebrate. Go back and change your clothes. We’re about to leave.”
“Yao Yao, I… we’ve graduated.”
“Yes, we’ve graduated. We’ve crossed another important stage of our lives. We don’t have to lose our hair for our thesis and experiments anymore!”
“Yeah, yeah. It’s good to think of it that way.”
He Mu Qing was as if she had been comforted by this sentence. She had nodded. “Do you think I’m particularly timid?”
“Timid?”, Wang Yao had frowned and was confused. “You’re not timid at all. Weren’t you always with me when the dorm had a power outage? But you just don’t have your own opinion. You’re a little too obedient. You’re the child of other people’s families in my mom’s mouth.”
“Why?”, she had frowned, and she was a little unconvinced. “Why do you all say that about me?”
“I’m not saying it’s not good. You’re so self-disciplined even in college. You’re the only one in our class. But it’s not good to be too obedient either. You don’t have your own opinion. You… you have something in your heart but you don’t dare to say it. And you don’t dare to go forward after you’ve said it.”
“You’re too by the book. I have to say, a person can’t live too full. You’ll tire yourself out.”
“Alright.” He Mu Qing had smiled and had rubbed Wang Yao’s face. “You have to be good after you graduate. Don’t be so unkempt all day. You can go to the party first. I’ll go to the bathroom.”
“Alright then. I’ll wait for you in the dorm.”
Wang Yao had nodded and had left first.
…
He Mu Qing had watched as Wang Yao had slowly walked away. The huge hall was suddenly empty. She had gone against the crowd and had walked to an empty corner. She had sat down by the side of the audience.
The chaotic and noisy sound of people around her had slowly moved away from her. She was a little tired. She was sitting alone, and the corner was very dark.
She was inexplicably a little sad. Those words were not wrong, but they seemed to have just happened to have hit her sensitivity.
She didn’t think there was anything wrong with thinking more about the consequences of her actions. But why did the unreasonable people in the end win a full pot? Was it right to be ignored for being by the book? He had always said that she was a childish ghost who had not grown up and needed to be taken care of. But now that she had really grown up, he had ignored her instead.
She would always think, with a touch of hope, that he might not love that person so much. After all, he was a soft-hearted person, and she just happened to like him like this.
So how good should that person be? She could just so righteously ask him for the things she couldn’t get. She really couldn’t do this. Then… she might as well be his retreat.
She really had no opinion. So she was always submissive. She had cried out in her third year of high school, and now she felt tired. But in the end, she had gotten through it.
He Mu Qing had taken out her phone from her pocket and had found him in her contacts. She had dialed the number.
The ringtone was slow, and she had counted down a few seconds in her heart.
The voice on the other end was hoarse, and the panting was heavy. “Mu… Mu Qing…”
“Hey, where are you?”
She had lowered her eyes, and the tips of her feet were lightly rubbing against the ground.
“I…”
The sound of the phone had suddenly been cut off, and there was a busy tone. The sound of his voice had come to an abrupt end. He Mu Qing had wrinkled her nose and was about to dial again.
“I’m at your school.”
“You’re at school? Where?”
Her fingertips were on the screen, and she was stiff. She had turned her head in a daze.
Their eyes had met.
She had seen the gentle and calm eyes, as if she had seen a dark and black charcoal that had suddenly lifted a patch of a spark.
Her expression was as if she had been awakened from a dream. He Mu Qing had slowly stood up and had suddenly run over. She had opened her hands and had held the warm and lively him.
“Why are you so late? It’s all over.” She had hit Su Yu’s chest, and her eyes were red. Her deep and dark eyeshadow was a little smudged, and her tone was both fierce and annoyed. “You liar. I really want to bite you.”
“You two, you two…”
Wang Yao, who had come back halfway to get something, was stunned on the spot. Her mouth was so wide that she could fit an apple in it. “Didn’t you tell me that you two were just ordinary friends?”
“Did I say that? Maybe I forgot.”
He Mu Qing had suddenly thrown away those gloomy and hazy things. She had wrapped her arms around his neck, and her smile was brilliant. She was more like a hot and proud swan than when she was on the stage. She had raised her long and snow-white neck and had stood on her tiptoes and had lightly kissed him on the forehead.
