Chapter 42: Healing
“You’ve been recovering very well during this time. The effect of stopping the medication is also very good. You should pay more attention to rest in your daily life. When you feel bored, you can talk to people more. It’s very helpful for regulating your mood.”
The female doctor in a white coat adjusted her glasses, her tone joyful. The wrinkles at the corners of her eyes were squinted, and the smile on her lips could not be closed. “If you have any problems, contact me immediately. Based on your good recovery, I will appropriately extend the time of the next consultation. I believe you will slowly get better in the future.”
“Okay, thank you. I’ve been troubling you all this time.”
The girl across the table raised her head, her face fair and gentle, her voice frail and low. Her hands, which were under the table, were a little uneasy, and her fingertips were scraping against her palm. Her fair and tender skin was slightly sweaty.
“It’s okay. It’s what I should do. Now that I think about it, you’ve really changed a lot. You’re not at all like the person you were before…”
Su Xi was a very special case, and her condition was also very serious. When she had just taken over, she had felt very troubled when she had seen the girl’s psychological state after she had woken up. It was almost a situation where she had to rely on tranquilizers to prevent her from self-harming as long as she was awake.
Later, she had watched as the little girl had walked out of the quagmire. A mental illness is hard to cure. The effect of medication or persuasion was only a very small and auxiliary effect. It was like a fragile wooden branch that had been picked up casually. The only person who could really help her through her psychological obstacles and walk into a normal life trajectory was herself. Fortunately, she had really succeeded.
The doctor slowly put down her pen and felt a sense of a relieved and gratified feeling. Her tone also tended to be as peaceful as when she was chatting with her family, and it was as kind as an elder’s instructions to her children.
“Is Nian Nian in kindergarten now?”
“Yes. She cried for a long time on the first day. Then she cried for a few more days.”
Su Xi nodded, and the corners of her lips curled up when she thought of this. Her round and dark eyes were curved into a crescent moon, and she was smiling brightly.
“I think she’ll be a little crybaby in the future too. But her teacher likes her very much. She praises her for being cute, and her chubby face is like a little steamed bun. She always secretly gives her snacks. She even complained to me when she came home that she was going to get fat again.”
“Good, good. It’s all very good.”
The woman also nodded happily. She looked at the girl in front of her, who was clearly in her prime, but she had already begun to touch a new stage of her life. Although it was difficult, it was full of hope. It was as if the sky, which had originally lost the sun, had fallen into a dark night. At the darkest moment, a bright lamp had been lit. Her life was full of ups and downs, and the road ahead was blurry under the dim light. But at least she was not without a direction.
But when the sun had fallen, was that despair really so easy to write off?
The woman had no answer. The facts were always pessimistic. But people often pinned their hopes on optimistic fantasies. She pushed her glasses, and her dim yellow eyes looked at the girl’s frail and beautiful back. She pushed open the door, and the lush sunlight poured into the house through the window.
Her light-colored hair was a faint gold, like a long hair that had been drawn from a golden thread. She was a porcelain doll with a snow-white skin. It was just that her thin spine was slightly hunched, as if the fragile feeling of being shattered in an instant was tightly gripping her heart.
She will definitely get better, she thought from the bottom of her heart.
…
The cold white walls were intertwined with the clear and square porcelain tiles under her feet. Su Xi was walking down the steps one by one, her eyes lowered. Her dark black eyelashes were covering the emotions in her eyes. When she had walked out of the consultation room, she had suddenly changed into a different person. The fine lines had spread from the bottom of the porcelain to her beautiful face.
She had received a phone call at a corner. The other side’s innocent, warm, and soft voice was very familiar. She had let out a light breath, and the corners of her lips were curved up, and her voice was happy.
“Xiaozhi, what’s wrong? Did you get Nian Nian? I just came out of the hospital. I’m going to buy some groceries now. Thank you for your hard work today. You can stay for dinner after you get home. Nian Nian should miss you very much.”
“It’s not good. Nian Nian… is gone.”
The arc of her lips froze, and her breathing quickened. A cold air was poured into her lungs, and the cracks were along her thin and straight nose and were up. They had almost crossed her entire fair and beautiful face.
“Wh-What?”, she had subconsciously thought that she had misheard, and she had wanted to confirm it again.
An Zhi on the other end of the phone was so anxious that she was about to cry, and her voice was trembling. “I was a little late because of the traffic jam. When I got there, their class had already been dismissed. It was… the teacher who liked Nian Nian very much told me that the child had been picked up by her father.”
With a click, her heart pounded a few times.
Su Xi’s knees went weak, and her slender and bony legs could barely support her body. Her back was against the wall, and her fingers were on the brick seam as if she were not afraid of pain.
A gray and dark shadow was on the snow-white wall and was magnified. Her body was small, and the black shadow was as if it were waving its sharp claws and fangs like a long-dormant monster, and it was crazy. Some things that were deep in her bones were beginning to stir again.
Was she really better?
The blood, the madness, the obsession of the past… it seemed that just taking some medicine, doing a few psychological counseling sessions, and listening to those people’s not-so-painful comfort and guidance was enough to cure her. Everyone around her was eager to see her reignite her hope for life, to value life, to cherish the future, and to live in the present.
So she had really become that way. Her family was ecstatic. The doctor had taken her as a very successful case and had attributed it to her own efficient and powerful healing process. She had even been taken as a faith by other patients that they would one day be able to return to a normal life…
Only she knew that she did not deny that the efforts of her family and the doctor during this period had had an effect. But a person who was dark and damp to the core was probably not so easy to get better.
But in the end, she was still normal. Because no one would agree to give a baby in a swaddling cloth to a person with a serious mental disorder to take care of. Fortunately, lying was a trick she had long since been familiar with. Once again, she did not need much of a psychological burden, and she had deceived everyone.
“How could that be? Did you make a mistake? I’ve taught Nian Nian not to go with strangers. I’ll be right there. You can look for her again, An Zhi. Please…”
The voice on the other end of the phone had stopped, and it was as if it were in a difficult position. After a long while, An Zhi’s tone had become strange, as if this had also made her feel incredible.
“That teacher said that Nian Nian said she knew him and had to go with him. She seemed to have even cried…”
The phone had been cut off with a click, and the sound in her ear was like a tide, and it was gradually getting farther and farther away.
Su Xi was leaning against the wall as if she had lost her bones, and she had slowly fallen to the cold and icy porcelain tiled floor. Her face was so pale that it was almost transparent, and her features were blurry.
The dark black screen had fallen to the ground, and the cracks were spreading like a spider’s web.
…
The setting sun was like blood, and it had burned the entire sky like a raging fire.
The old and dilapidated neighborhood was scattered, and it was blocking the crooked and winding, narrow alley that was extending to the darkness that the blood color could not reach.
An Zhi was holding her chest, and her rushed breathing was in a mess in her chest. Her flushed cheeks, and her shadow was stretched long behind her in the sunset. The feeling in her heart was far stronger. The illusion that had been swept into the dust by her had been found out again, and it was slowly persuading the reason that had been bound by the common sense.
She had turned a corner of an alley, and a wall with a cracked skin was covered with dark brown roots, and they were spreading along the ground and were becoming thicker and thicker. The roots were intricate, and the trunk was twisted and was on the wall, and it was propping up a tall and large tree. The lush and green canopy had broken through the sky.
A gust of a wind that was mixed with a blood color had suddenly and fiercely blown. The branches and leaves were rustling and were swaying, and the dust was raised. A few birds with dark black feathers had let out a strange cry and had flown away. The next second, the alley had suddenly and almost strangely fallen into a silence.
An Zhi had withdrawn her gaze from the end of the alley. When she had turned around, she had inadvertently glanced, and her heartbeat had suddenly become out of sync. Her eyes were dark and black, and she had heard the child’s particularly innocent voice. Her tone was excited, as if she had found some long-lost treasure.
“Auntie An Zhi! I’m here…”
A white shirt and black pants, a dejected and handsome figure, and delicate and handsome eyebrows and eyes. Everything was gradually and slowly overlapping with the illusion of that day. It was what she had been thinking about. The gentle and jade-like look that had made her heart flutter was now a sourness that was welling up in her eyes.
She had slowly raised her hand and had stopped by her lips. Her voice was hoarse, and it was trembling.
“Su… Su Yu?”
