Chapter 19: If, Part 2
“Bang bang bang.”
The sound of knocking was muffled in a cloud of mist. Her ears were unclear. She just felt that her body was very heavy, and she was about to fall into the deep part of a quagmire.
The nerves that had been numbed by the drug had suddenly jumped. A pool of stagnant water had turned into a wave, and a very light ripple had spread. Everything was different.
She was in a coma, and then she had died of suffocation. She had already had a psychological expectation before she had done it. But Su Xi’s hand, which was on the floor, had trembled. Her mother’s cry on the phone had entered her ear.
She would be saved. Su Xi had suddenly thought.
The next second, a pair of washed and clean white sneakers had appeared in front of her. Her slender and fair ankles were very familiar… every scene was as familiar as if she had personally experienced it.
Just that little bit. She had a vague premonition that she would still not be able to die this time.
But why? Was it just because of that somewhat sloppy and ordinary name?
Su Yu… why was he called such a name? His surname was Su. What was her surname? Oh… she and that man had the same surname. She couldn’t die. What about Nian Nian? She was still in kindergarten. Wait… why did a kitten have to go to school? No… it was already dead. The car had run over a life that was sustaining her to live.
So strange. Her memory was as if it had been divided into two by a sluice gate. As if it were pitying her that she was about to die, it had opened the sluice gate with great mercy. The fragmented and absurd memory fragments had flooded her like a tide.
Her vision was sometimes bright and sometimes dark. The darkness and the light were fighting.
She had counted her heartbeat a few times. Sure enough, a pair of shoes had come into her view. They were not white, but black. Her wrist was not thin, and it was tensed with a powerful and strong muscle. Everything was reversed.
He had called her name, again and again. It turned out that her name was Su Xi, and she had the same surname as him.
Anyway… someone had saved her, and she had not died. She was really lucky. God had tried every means to torture her, but he was not willing to let her die. He was extremely stingy, and he was even more reluctant to raise her with gentleness.
It would be fine if someone loved her, or if she could fall in love with someone.
Had she ever, at some point, unprecedentedly hoped that someone could save her, hold her hand tightly, and give her a little light in place of life, to let her live, even just once?
Yes. Su Xi had remembered. There were two times. The first time, he had not been able to come. Now it was the second time.
The fantasy had come true. She was so happy. It was as if a missing piece of regret in her heart had been filled. She was grateful for this grace before her death.
She should have been happy, but her eyes were filled with tears. They were hot and wet. She was crying hard.
She seemed to have fallen in love with a person whose name was even ordinary in the mouths of others. She had to hold on to him tightly.
Oh… but she was about to die now. She couldn’t even see his appearance clearly, or touch his cheek.
What a pity. She had taken so many pills. She was about to die.
To give her a little hope when she was in despair, and then to cruelly crush it. God had played with her like this again and again, as if he would never get tired of it. So she was like a startled snake, and she had avoided all good intentions, for fear of being disappointed again.
Her breathing was so difficult. She couldn’t catch her breath. Her hand was on his knee, and it had fallen heavily.
A loud bang!
“Su… Yu.”
With her last bit of strength, she had called his name.
…
“Su Yu!”
The light had rushed into her retina. She had suddenly sat up from the bed, but her body was still in the powerlessness of death. She had soon fallen back again, and she was lying on her back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
She had been in a daze and had been choked. She had bent her waist and had coughed repeatedly. Her nose was a little stuffy. The air conditioner had been on at a low temperature all night. It seemed that she had a little cold.
Her coughing had subsided. Su Xi had leaned against the bed cabinet and had sat up. Her hand was on the pillow, and it was wet. A large patch of a dark color was on the white pillowcase. She had rubbed her eyes and had only then found that the watery color in her eyes had not yet faded.
Why was she crying like this? Was she reluctant to die or what?
No, she was still alive. Su Xi had glanced at the pile of review materials on the table. She had rubbed her face and had let out a long breath. Her fingers were in her hair, and the cold sweat on her back had dried and was cold.
A dream… it was good that it was just a dream.
She was relieved. She had slowly straightened her waist. After a while, she had bent down again. Her legs were curled up, and she was hugging her knees, and she was counting her fair and tender toes.
She had suddenly missed him. There was no reason. She just missed him. What was so good about him? He had just sent her off with a few phone calls a week. But she had forgotten him in her dream and had remembered him again. How could she have fallen in love with him for the second time in a muddle? Fortunately, it was just a dream. As she was thinking, she was a little afraid.
But the gaokao was tomorrow. It was not good to be too distracted.
She had gotten out of bed, had made the bed, and had turned off the air conditioner. She was only wearing a set of an old-fashioned pure white underwear, and a pair of short pants. Her graceful and beautiful curves were all wasted, and it was a little pitiful.
She had rinsed her mouth and was walking around the house in her slippers. She had opened the refrigerator. A few cabbages, two or three green peppers, a small piece of meat… a little bit of the dream had coincided with reality.
Her breathing had quickened, and the refrigerator door had slammed shut with a loud bang. She had almost been so scared that she had jumped up. After a long while, she had opened the door again. She had looked at the vegetables, and her stomach had been in a turmoil again. She had taken an apple and had washed it casually. She was shaking the water from her hands. She had turned on the TV, and it was the morning news. The monotonous and mechanical tone, she had turned it off after a few seconds.
She had suddenly remembered something. Su Xi had suddenly stood up from the sofa and had run to the entryway. She had looked out through the peephole. It was empty. She had unlocked the door. Before she could react, she had felt something very heavy fall down. It was on her instep, and it was between her two legs.
She had covered her mouth and had let out a cry. She had leaned back. She had seen the back of the person’s head hit the ground hard. He had woken up at once, and he was rubbing the back of his head and was slowly opening his eyes with a grin.
In an instant, it had all matched up. The very blurry sound of knocking from last night’s dream, it was really… him.
He was caught off guard. Su Yu had had a bad fall, and his sleepiness was all gone. He was supporting his stiff and sore waist, and his bones were still hard. He had stood up with great effort and had met the shocked girl’s eyes. He had been scraped by the hot and scorching gaze, and it was as if he would be burned. He was staring at her, and he was as if he would swallow him.
He was a little uncomfortable and had rubbed his eyebrows. He had pointed to the bag at his feet, and his tone was a little uncomfortable. “I’ve been busy recently and have forgotten. I only remembered the gaokao yesterday. I was in a hurry and had booked a ticket to come back. In the end, there was only one for the night. I had been knocking on the door for a long time, and I had even been scolded. I had just fallen asleep outside. I’m sorry… just…”
The little girl had not waited for him to finish. She had suddenly pounced on him, and her movements were so panicked that they were a little rushed. She had not held back her strength, and it had hurt his chest. His helpless hands had touched a large patch of a snow-white and smooth skin. He had gritted his teeth and had closed the door.
“Su Yu… Su Yu, it’s really you.”
She had been calling his name, again and again. She was like a dazed and yet strong and vigorous little deer. He had wanted to open his mouth, but she had kissed him, and she had even bitten his neck. The smell of their bodies was intertwined, and they could not be separated.
Later, she had cried, and it was very hard. Her tears were like an open floodgate, and they could not be stopped. His shoulders were soon a large wet patch.
After a long while, they had separated. Su Yu’s neck was both wet and red, as if he had been bitten by a mosquito. He had said with some embarrassment, “Good luck with the gaokao.” She had said, “I love you.” Whether it was in a dream or in reality, once or twice… no matter how many times.
The two of them were disheveled, and they were both talking nonsense, and they were also saying absurd things that were not related at all. There was a strange and absurd feeling of a dream, and there was also a strange harmony in reality.
God could not play with her again. From now on, she would always hold his hand tightly.
