Extra 3: Su Xi
There was something that had been bothering Su Xi all along. She had not gone to school with him. Perhaps this was very common for them. Even An Zhi, who was always sensitive because of her simple mind, did not quite understand. She thought she was being stubborn.
An Zhi had kindly comforted her. Compared with the past, the present and the future were more important.
Su Xi had said that was right. Why should she be entangled about these things? Even if it was raining heavily, everyone outside was holding an umbrella, and they were crossing the mud and the puddles to live a good life.
But these words could only make others feel at ease, but they could not comfort her. She, this person… was far from as indifferent as she seemed.
All the concessions she had made to make things go in a good direction were just because she had grown up.
But the her of the past was not such a carefree and rational person. When she was a child, she had not experienced hardship and suffering, so she was looking forward to everything. She would not let go of the things she cherished too easily, especially about him.
The warm and yellow light was on in the bathroom. The water in the bathtub was prepared for her by him. The crystal-clear water droplets were jumping with a delicate and beautiful curve and were falling into the water. The white and flowery water mist was permeated with a color, and a sense of peace of mind with a temperature.
The days when she had lost his news were very hard. The day-after-day waiting without seeing any hope had made her mad and obsessive. Her behavior was excessive, and she was unscrupulous in her actions.
Even though reality had told her that everything was fine, the past was still often like a persistent curse, and it was wrapping around her. The dark and white, old and dilapidated movie-like color blocks, the narrow and small house of her childhood, the hysterical quarrels and roars…
So many, many times, the disappointment after seeing hope had made her sensitive, fragile, and not confident.
She had always longed for a confirmation, to solemnly tell her that the ray of light that belonged to her had been lost and had been found.
…
Su Xi was wiping her wet hair and had gently entered the study. She was wearing a slip and an underwear, and her shoulders were thin. A slight gully was alluring.
After she had gone to university, her taste in clothes had become much more fashionable. Her roommate had laughed at her for wasting a beautiful face, and her clothes were all of a taste that was ten years out of date. Although she had heard that the other party was being kind, her heart was still bitter at that time.
In the end, she was still self-conscious in her bones. She did not fight for anything, and she did not snatch anything. In fact, she did not dare. This was the result of her experience since she was a child.
“Aren’t you asleep yet?”, Su Xi had looked at Su Yu, who was at his desk and was typing on the keyboard, and had casually asked.
“I’ll go to sleep in a while. I have a project. I’ve been busy with work recently…”
“What about Xia Qiange?”
When she had said it, her hand was already on the doorknob behind her, and she was ready to leave. The relationship had not yet reached that point. She did not want to make things difficult for him.
“She’s asleep.”
Her hand had fallen down again. She had walked to the table and had rubbed his shoulder.
“You’re secretly working on these things again. Aren’t you afraid she’ll be angry if she finds out?”
“Then you just don’t tell her.” Su Yu had smiled and had said, “Aren’t you about to graduate? You can’t still live at school. This house now… is a little small.”
“Do you know I’m about to graduate?”, her heart had suddenly beaten faster.
“Of course I remember…”, Su Yu had stopped his movements and had pushed aside the clutter on the desk. He had thought for a moment. “Next week? I can’t remember clearly.”
Su Xi had nodded and was sitting on his lap. “Yeah, it’s next week…”
“Your hair is not even dry.”
He had taken the towel from her hand, and the soft fabric was gently rubbing in her hair. A dark fragrance was floating in his nose. “I heard from An Zhi that there will be a graduation ball. She also complained that she couldn’t go because of a business trip.”
“I see…”
Su Xi was biting her lip, and his breath was on the top of her head. It was warm and was brushing the back of her neck. Her collarbone was as deep as a knife, and her shoulders were round and powerful. She had swallowed, and she had suddenly said, “Su Yu, will you be my date for the ball? No one wants to be my date.”
He was behind her, and she could clearly see the pale blue and white vein on the side of her neck, which was tensed with her rapid heartbeat. She had agreed. “Okay. I still remember a little bit.”
Su Xi was in a daze. She had not expected that he would be so decisive. She had shaken her head and had said with a smile, “I was just kidding. You’re busy with work. I’ll just ask Mu Qing and Qian Ge to go with me.”
“Su Xi.”
Her heart had tightened, and her back was straight. She was like a student who was being punished by a drill instructor. “Wh-What’s wrong? I was telling the truth. I wasn’t lying to you.”
Su Yu had put down the towel and had lowered his eyes. He was holding her. “I’m sorry.”
“Huh? Wh-Why are you apologizing?”, the fabric was on her body, and it was gently rubbing. It was rustling in her ear.
“It takes a process to get to know each other. You have to change to adapt to each other. But… the one who has to give in doesn’t have to be you…”
“So… just consider it as me compensating you. Okay?”
Su Xi had not expected the result to be like this. She had lost it, so she knew very well that this kind of happiness was hard to come by. Compared with these, she could become mature. But occasionally, the expression of love still made her heart sour and numb.
She had reached out her hand, which was a size smaller than his, and had raised his hand. She had pressed it against her cheek and had nodded heavily.
…
“Xixi, are you going to the party tonight? Have you found a date? I’ve had… a few people ask me about you.”
“Who knows…”, Su Xi was on her tiptoes, and she had pretended to be thinking for a while. Her brilliant smile had betrayed her thoughts. “Anyway… you can just reject them all for me.”
The final graduation defense had ended today, and the ball would start in the evening. They had left the building, and the people from the same class were gathered together and were making a fuss. They were in high spirits, and their words were filled with a reluctance to part.
Su Xi had walked down the long flight of stairs, and behind her were a few rows of a teaching building. She had turned her head and had looked at it deeply. She had been thinking of saying goodbye. This place had once again become the starting point of her future from the end.
The sky was getting dark, and the crowd was surging. The sound of people talking was blurred and indistinct in her ear. She had looked down at her phone, and there was still no reply. He had clearly said that he would come and pick her up. She had been staring at the screen for a long time, and she was a little depressed.
He… would he not come?
Su Xi’s thoughts were in a mess, and she was following a few of her female classmates and was walking towards the school gate. A few boys were chasing after her from behind. They had said that the classmates wanted to have a dinner party. Some of her roommates were a little crazy, and they had immediately pulled her and had agreed.
The man at the head was quite handsome, and he was very sunny. He was touching his neck, and he had stammered a few words in front of her. He had asked her about her date for the ball.
“I have a date. The dinner party… I have something to do today.”
She had shaken her head and had refused.
“Are you stupid? This…”, her roommate was staring with wide eyes, and she had thought that she was joking.
Su Xi had turned her gaze sideways and was looking at the crowd. She could always see him at first glance. So the noise in her ear had faded, and the crowd was no longer crowded. She was staring at him, and the two of them were looking at each other for a long time.
He and a group of people were standing there, and they were waving at her with their right hand. He was in a black shirt and black pants, but he was conspicuous. His figure was tall and slender, and his temperament was proper. It was as if a dim and distant light had suddenly been turned back. It had swept away her depression.
She was a few steps away from the stairs. She had suddenly run towards him, and she had left the stunned people behind her. She had just bumped into his arms, and she had held his waist tightly. It was as if she would be melted by his body temperature, but she was also willing.
Su Yu had grinned, and his chest was in a muffled pain. He had wanted to speak, but he had been silenced by her happy and resentful gaze. He had just patted her back and had held her tightly in return.
“Who is this? Is he your boyfriend? You’ve never said it.”
Her roommate had chased after her and had asked on behalf of the stunned crowd.
Su Xi had wrapped her arms around his body and had stood on her tiptoes and had kissed his neck.
“He’s not my boyfriend.” She had raised her chin, and her smile was like a flower.
“He’s the father of my child.”
…
He was the father of her child.
This sentence had later become Su Xi’s catchphrase when she had introduced Su Yu. She had described everything with a proud and happy look.
After her work had stabilized, she had also seriously taken on the responsibility of being a child’s mother. She did not want this life, which was intertwined with the blood of the two of them, to repeat her own mistakes. She had wanted to give this child everything she should have.
But Nian Nian had later grown up and had entered a rebellious period. The class had found the medical report that had been submitted when she had entered the school from somewhere. In it, there was a column about her mother, and it was clearly written that she had a history of a mental illness. She had been laughed at by her classmates, and she had come back and had been in a bad mood in her room.
Su Xi was meticulous. She had seen it and had asked her what was wrong, and if she had had a fight with her classmates. She had asked her to tell her if she had anything, and not to keep it to herself.
Nian Nian was still young, and it was the first time she had experienced these things. She had a rebellious and a herd mentality, so she had blamed Su Xi for it. She had rushed out of the door and had shouted at Su Xi.
“You psycho. What do you know? I don’t have a mother like you. They all laugh at me for having a madwoman for a mother.”
It was a moment of anger, but it was like a knife that had stabbed into her heart, and it had cut a big opening, and it was a bloody mess.
She was in her thirties, and she had always been a calm and composed person. She was just in a daze, and her eyes were red. She had not been able to speak for a long time.
She had raised her head and had not wanted to cry in front of her child. But her vision had gradually become blurry, and she had almost been so dizzy that she had been hit by this reckless and angry word.
Su Yu had seen this in Su Xi’s parenting notebook the next day. He only remembered that Su Xi’s mood was not right that day. She had been in her room alone and had not eaten, and the lights had been on all night.
The pages of the notebook were wet, and the words had also been soaked by the tears. It was blurry and was written: “Nian Nian had a fight with me today. That child has always been very good. She called me a psycho. I know she was bullied. But how can she say that about her own mother? Her father has never cursed me like that.”
Su Yu had closed the notebook and had taken a breath. He had cursed “little bastard” and had punished Nian Nian for not eating for a day. He had also taken a day off to accompany her and had not eaten.
“A person can’t predict what kind of family they will be born into. That’s not something they can decide. How can your mother be a madwoman?”
He had stopped Su Xi, who had come to mediate, at the door. He had said to the not-so-convinced little girl in the room, “She’s not stupid at all. She knows what love is. So she doesn’t want you to be like her. Because she loves you.”
“Your mother is smarter and kinder than anyone else. It’s just that… her life is not so good.”
Su Xi had heard all of these words outside the door, and she had cried again… for a long time. The little girl had spent all her pocket money to buy Su Xi a not-so-big cake and had apologized to Su Xi. The pocket money was not much, and the decorations were also handmade by the little girl. The appearance was not very good, but she was still with wet eyes, and she was smiling, and she had eaten it all.
Su Xi was choking and was saying, “You are my child. I will always love you. I don’t blame you.”
Finally… she would no longer easily fall into the past, which was like a persistent curse. All the darkness had been scattered like a passing cloud.
She had gotten a lot in her love, and it was not just the happiness of the present. And there was no “if.”
No matter what, he was a person she had been looking for all her life.
God… had finally blessed her once.
