Extra 2: Gu Zhi
Auntie Jing had no children in her life. She had only loved one man. They were in love with each other. In college, in the eyes of their classmates, they were a talented man and a beautiful woman, a match made in heaven. It was a perfect match.
It was just a pity that she had not been able to get what she wanted in this life. She was thinking of him before she died.
The man’s surname was Gu. He was destined to marry a woman he should marry for the sake of his family. The day they broke up was very calm. The man went back to marry a rich young lady to inherit the family property. She continued to study and found a good job. They went their separate ways and were happy.
The man was powerful and influential, and he was no longer controlled by his family. The two of them, who thought they were rational, had met again by chance. The dead ashes had been rekindled, and a handful of dry firewood had been added, and it had burned into a raging fire.
For the man, she was willing to be a mistress and be despised by others. But she was not trapped by love. She restrainedly loved a man who could not marry her openly, and she bravely pursued her heart.
It was not until the man had died in a car accident that her world had collapsed with a bang.
Her heart was broken, and she was as if she were dead. But she had still stayed in Qingchuan and had opened a pet hospital. There was a kind of an obsession of wanting to hold on to him. No one knew her. From beginning to end, she had no name and no status.
She knew that the man had left a daughter. She had secretly seen her a few times. She looked a bit like the man. She had phoenix eyes, and a charming mole was at the corner of her eye. She was born beautiful.
The man’s personality was gentle and humble, and he was neither servile nor overbearing. He treated people like a warm moon, and his bones were hot. He had deeply attracted her.
But the child was the opposite. Her skin was gentle and soft, but her bones were flowing with a cold and aloof blood. The look in her eyes was hidden with a coldness, like a cold-blooded animal that could not be tamed. It was flicking its poisonous tongue, and it was wary of everyone.
The girl had later found her. The two of them were close, so she had seen clearly the pits and hollows that others could not see from a distance. The girl was as if she had found an outlet to vent. She was not holding back. She knew that she was the man’s mistress, who was kept in private. So she had unscrupulously exposed the cold and fierce monster in her heart.
She had tried to persuade her, but she also knew very well that the bad seed had long since been deeply buried, and it had taken root and had sprouted.
An orphan could barely make any friends. The family’s disputes had destroyed the kinship. And her existence had crushed the girl’s understanding of love.
As for love and affection, the precocious girl was naïve. She was fumbling in the darkness and had formed her own set of cognitions. She had used this to protect her own shell, but it had a twisted and deformed shape.
She was still the man’s child. At first, she had been subjected to all kinds of curses and contempt. But she had still treated the girl as her own daughter. She had watched as she had made mistakes, and she had gone astray. She had fallen into the darkness bit by bit, until she had made a big mistake.
The girl had imprisoned a person… who she had loved to the bone, just because she did not believe in her bones. She had stubbornly believed that there was no love in this world that would not betray.
That period of a sunless day was as if she had fallen into a demon.
She had wanted to wake the girl up. She had hardened her heart and had cursed the other party that she would never get love in this life. In the past, the other party would not have listened. But the girl, who had woken up from a serious illness, had become cowardly, and she was fragile… so these words had become the sharpest knife, and they had deeply and painfully pierced her.
She had watched as the girl had cried in pain, and she was crying her heart out in the hospital room. She was completely unlike her old self, as if she had changed into a different person.
She could hardly tell the good from the bad. But in the end, she was still filled with guilt. She had wanted to take back her words, but she didn’t know where to start.
It was drizzling on the day of Auntie Jing’s funeral. Not many people had come. There were a few, and many were still old customers from the pet hospital who had a good relationship with her. Most of them were not relatives.
Gu Zhi was in a black dress, and a thin gauze was covering her face. Her hair was tied up. She, who was not holding an umbrella, was a little abrupt in the crowd. She was all alone, and the ends of her hair were wet and were drooping, and they were rolling down her snow-white neckline.
Her face was plain and solemn, and her face was pale. She had read the eulogy word by word and had turned and had walked through the silent crowd and had left the scene.
The rainwater that was rolling down from the eaves was trickling. The sparrow with its wings soaked had left without saying goodbye. The cold wind was biting, and the sound of footsteps behind her was busy. The leaves were falling in the wind, and the wind was raging. Her face was so scared that it was pale.
The people who were coming in and out here were all mourning a woman she didn’t know how to describe. Before Auntie Jing had died, she had held her hand and had said some words to her. Auntie Jing had said sorry. She had hurt her at that time.
Gu Zhi had then understood. The woman was still guilty before she had died. She had shaken her head and had told Auntie Jing that she had understood a lot, about love…
“Am I not like myself?”, she had caressed Auntie Jing’s old and wrinkled cheek and had asked with a blank look.
“Of course not. And it’s not important.” Auntie Jing had shaken her head. She had held Gu Zhi’s hand with some difficulty and had said with a smile, “The current Gu Zhi, who knows how to be considerate and has feelings, should get these. There is no true or false. What can make you happy is the truth.”
The rain seemed to have gotten a little heavier. Gu Zhi had woken up from her memories and had covered her heart. She was suddenly so uncomfortable that she couldn’t breathe. A fierce wind was attacking, and a thicker and more viscous darkness was pressing down. Her thin and slender body was swaying in the rain.
The monster in her heart was a slave, and it was using desire as a bait. It had led her to spend all her effort to imprison the so-called love. But she had been devoured by it bit by bit. The pain was like breaking a bone, and the bitter pain of gritting her teeth, and the regret, and the unhappiness were poured out from inside…
It was as if she had forcefully held a rose, and her palm was covered in blood.
She had taken a wrong path, and she had not been in awe of love. She had been subjected to a cruel and extreme punishment. When she had suddenly looked back, the person she had loved was in a place where the lights were dim, but the person was gone and the lights were out.
The people she had loved would leave her one by one. This was the evil sin she had to atone for.
There was no one left. This time… she had really lost.
She was standing in the rain, and she was crying her eyes out. She was heartbroken, as if she had gone mad.
This was the second time. She was scared, and she was as helpless as a child.
She had stumbled and had rushed into the curtain of rain. Her expression was dazed, as if she had lost her soul. The next second, she had bumped into an umbrella, and her cheek was on his warm chest. She was in a daze and was shaken. She had raised her eyes and had met his pair of a calm and deep-colored eyes.
“Why are you here?”
“Is the orphanage very busy?”
“No.”
“You haven’t been at home these past few days. You would always come on the weekends. I called you, but you didn’t answer. I only knew about Auntie Jing’s matter after I had asked Gu Chuan.” Su Yu had shaken the umbrella, and the rainwater had slid down from the surface of the umbrella and had wet his shoulder. He was staring at the woman’s wet and red eye tails, and the mole was so red that it was dazzling. “Nian Nian has come back from school and misses you very much. She drew a picture for you. Do you want to move over and live with us in the future?”
Gu Zhi had stared at him in a daze. He was wearing a black shirt, and his shoulders were covered in dust. He had been in a hurry to get here, and his breathing was rushed.
She was in a storm and was holding him tightly. She was afraid, and she was trembling as she snuggled in his arms, and she was asking for and was craving for love and warmth.
She was on his heart, and she was saying again and again, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
God had punished her that she was destined to be separated from the person she loved in this life, and she had to suffer the sin of not being able to get what she wanted.
But he had always been a variable in her life. From his wet eyes, and he had been bullied and had been injured, and he had been in pain and had called her “sister.” At that moment, it was very, very short. Her soul had trembled, as if some missing thing had been filled. It was something she had never felt before, and it was mixed, and it was glued together.
She had once found her lost self. It was a pity that it was only for that one moment.
Afterwards, with a single thought, she had fallen into a madness.
She was thinking, so… she had already gotten it, and she had thrown it away. Now… he had picked it up and had given it back to her.
…
It was another cool autumn. The orphanage had been renovated inside and out. The children had new tables, chairs, and beds. They had also bought new winter clothes for the change of season. The half-grown children were running around in their new clothes, and they were playing “drop the handkerchief” on the well-tended lawn. Some were playing hide-and-seek, and some were gathered around to listen to the new Chinese teacher tell a story…
It was lively everywhere, and there was a new scene.
Perhaps it was because her health was a little worse, but her sleep was not very good. But this was also a common problem for people of this age. She would go to bed early, and she would also get up early. The children were all very well-behaved, and they would never be noisy too early or too late.
Gu Zhi would naturally wake up at six or seven every morning. A few more children had come to the orphanage these past two days, so she had temporarily come to live here.
She had pushed open the door of the room. At this time, most of the children were not yet awake. But she had seen a little girl holding a very thick book and was sitting on a bamboo chair, reading with difficulty. She was very serious. It was one of the new children.
“What are you doing?”, Gu Zhi had sat down on the side and had asked with a smile.
“I can’t sleep. I’m reading.”
The little girl had turned over the title page and had shown her the title of the book. Her appearance was delicate and pretty, but her eyes were cold. The inside was dark and black, and there was no warmth. She was not like the other children, who were innocent and naive. She looked a little precocious.
She had nodded and had praised the little girl. “You’re reading such a profound book. You’re so amazing.”
The little girl had pursed her lips, and they were parting. She had slowly opened her mouth, and her voice was childlike. “Grandma Gu, I don’t like it here. I want to go home. But they all say that my parents are dead. Then… will no one care about me in the future? And no one will love me.”
“Of course not.”
Gu Zhi was braiding her hair for her. She had touched her head and had said with a smile, “You will definitely meet someone who loves you in the future, and who is also worthy of your love.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know either. But he will definitely be there. Now or in the future. You have to be patient and wait slowly…”
“I don’t understand.” She had shaken her head.
Gu Zhi had smiled. “You’ll understand in the future. But you must not wait until you regret it before you understand.”
…
Gu Zhi had said hello to the gatekeeper, and the other party was also familiar with her habits. He had come out and had unlocked the lock. She had left the iron gate and had walked towards a small hillside in the suburbs.
It was the time for the sweet-scented osmanthus to bloom. The sweet-scented osmanthus trees on the hillside were in a patch. The wet and damp mud on the ground was dark and black, and the green and lush forest leaves were rustling in the morning breeze. A cluster of a flower bud was on the slender and long flower branches, and it was bending the branches. It was clear that it was about to bloom.
She was old, and a few steps had made her a little out of breath. She was holding the armrest of a long chair, and she had slowly sat down. Her somewhat hunched back was on the wooden back of the chair, and she had gently closed her eyes. The birds were chirping and were flapping their wings, and the sunlight was shining through the forest leaves and was on her wrinkled forehead.
She had recalled a lot. This winding and tortuous, and self-tormenting, but also a day of a sudden retrospective glance, had finally returned to a plain and simple state on an ordinary morning in the desolate and bleak autumn. She had engraved these memories in her heart. The dark and trivial stories were like a needle, and they were showing a bitter pain, and then they had gradually returned to the warmth of the dawn. Now that she thought about it… the obsession and the love at that time were actually quite different.
She had let out a light cough, and someone had slowly sat down on the other side of the long chair. A somewhat old hand had covered hers. The corner of her eye had caught a glimpse of a gray and white temple hair.
She had taken the handkerchief and had gently covered her lips and had smiled.
She was never flawed, and she was lonely. Because love was always by her side. As long as she waited, time would bring everything.
