Qiu Shuxue didn’t move, keeping about a foot of distance between them. Luo Qingmeng stood there for a moment before taking the initiative. She placed her fingers at the sides of her skirt and bent down. Right in front of Qiu Shuxue, she took it off. When it reached her ankles, she slightly lifted one of her legs. She clutched the fabric in her hand, unsure where to drop it.
Qiu Shuxue hadn’t expected her to do this. The two of them stared at each other silently in the darkness, but Luo Qingmeng looked as if she were standing in the corner as punishment, utterly at a loss.
Qiu Shuxue stared until her eyes turned red.
She wanted to touch her, yet she also wanted her to keep going.
In the quiet stillness, it took Luo Qingmeng a long time to move. She shifted her hand behind her and placed it on the bookshelf, resting it on some book without really looking at which one. She was afraid it might be something sacred, and that her own shameless actions soon after would dirty and defile that sanctity.
Luo Qingmeng said, “Do you want it in front or from behind?”
“Just in front of the bookshelf.”
Luo Qingmeng’s cheeks grew hot, and she didn’t dare look at her. “No, I mean… facing you like this, or should I turn around?”
Time seemed to crawl by. Without words, the room felt oppressively quiet. Her movements were slow as Luo Qingmeng continued unfastening the small hidden buttons. She stood right in front of Qiu Shuxue, lifting one foot to step lightly out of her nightgown. The entire wall behind her was lined with bookshelves. There was something shameful about it, but she stood there before her, pale and beautiful, her whole body tinged with a faint flush.
Luo Qingmeng’s eyes darted to the window, then to the door. She couldn’t stand still any longer and stepped forward. Her fingers hooked around Qiu Shuxue’s neck as she pressed her lips upward. Qiu Shuxue responded to the kiss, urgent and fierce, her teeth pressing hard—harder even than at the bookstore.
“Front first.”
Luo Qingmeng let out a muffled grunt. It hurt a little, but she didn’t resist. When they parted, she rested her jaw on Qiu Shuxue’s shoulder and panted softly.
Qiu Shuxue said, “Be more proactive, okay?”
Luo Qingmeng’s legs trembled with shame, barely able to hold her up. Her voice quivered as she said, “Lower your head.”
But Qiu Shuxue didn’t. For some inexplicable reason, they ended up in a standoff. Luo Qingmeng had no choice but to step back. She was shorter than Qiu Shuxue, and her legs shook as she stood on tiptoe.
Finally, Qiu Shuxue leaned down to kiss her. “Aren’t you trying to placate me like this?” Luo Qingmeng’s hands trembled as she placed them on her head. The arrangement of books on this wall looked just like the bookstore.
Suddenly, Luo Qingmeng felt an odd sense of happiness and fulfillment.
If she laid a book on the floor, it would be like throwing one outside into the pattering rain, where the water would soak it through.
The rain outside fell softly and gently, resiliently silent against the glass. Inside the room, the only sound was Luo Qingmeng biting her lip with soft hums.
Her eyes grew slightly wet, her toes straining and trembling. Qiu Shuxue pressed one hand on her shoulder, her mouth brushing lightly against her, while her other hand moved like turning the pages of a book.
Her eyes closed. It was as if they really were in the bookstore, back when Luo Qingmeng hadn’t broken up yet and Qiu Shuxue was still just their regular customer. They’d lingered there too long, their eyes met, sparks ignited in an instant, and they simply began.
Luo Qingmeng rested her hands on her shoulders and couldn’t help asking, “You… when exactly did you first notice me? At the bookstore?”
Qiu Shuxue’s mouth was full of her. She swallowed from her throat even as she responded with a muffled hum.
“Was I dating someone back then?”
Another soft hum.
It hurt where Qiu Shuxue touched her, and Luo Qingmeng felt like crying. Still, she murmured silently in her heart, I’m sorry… I’m sorry.
Back then.
How could the moon know it was the moon?
Gazing at its reflection in the water, it saw only the muddy figure in the ditch.
Only now, looking in a true mirror, did it realize its radiant, pristine glow.
~~~
She’d gone too far the night before—Luo Qingmeng didn’t get up until ten. She tried to climb out of bed, but Qiu Shuxue tugged at her from under the air-conditioned blanket.
Luo Qingmeng persisted in crawling free. Qiu Shuxue kept pulling at her until Luo Qingmeng kicked her lightly with her foot. Once she was out, she patted Qiu Shuxue to wake her. She wanted to strip the bedsheets and duvet cover and throw them in the washing machine. “This is the same set from last time.”
“I’ve been sleeping at your place before.” Qiu Shuxue said.
“That doesn’t matter.” Luo Qingmeng pulled them off and went to grab the detergent.
Qiu Shuxue climbed out of bed, still naked. She wrapped her arms around Luo Qingmeng’s waist and nuzzled her ear gently. “Sister, what if we got together?”
She seemed drunk, having forgotten what she’d said the night before, and now she was asking again. Luo Qingmeng said, “Impossible. Don’t even think about it.”
“Why not?”
“Why? Why do you keep asking why? Who made you so young and wayward? Who… If you hadn’t gotten tangled up with Li An, I…”
“I didn’t get tangled up with him.” Qiu Shuxue said softly. “If I didn’t, and I was just another victim too… couldn’t you… like me? Couldn’t you?”
Using every trick in the book, Luo Qingmeng bit her lip hard and shoved her away with an elbow. “Impossible means impossible.”
Luo Qingmeng said, “I’m heading out. If you take the day off, stay inside. I don’t know when I’ll be back. If you’re not here when I return, I won’t wait for you anymore.”
Qiu Shuxue lay on her side, watching her without a word. Luo Qingmeng felt a chill on her back and turned to her. “What?”
As Luo Qingmeng packed up herself, right before leaving, she spent a few silent minutes in the kitchen making food for Qiu Shuxue—stir-fried three dishes, cooked rice, and simmered some porridge. She’d completely forgotten her own vow never to cook for Qiu Shuxue again.
She didn’t eat with her, wanting to wrap things up quickly and get back sooner. Before heading out the door, she reiterated, “If I come back and you’re gone, I won’t wait for you.”
Qiu Shuxue silently went to the kitchen to serve the dishes, her back to her as if she were angry. After a while, she turned again to look at Luo Qingmeng. Her expression was heartbroken, like she was in real pain.
Seeing that, Luo Qingmeng felt a little sorry for her and added, “I’ll definitely come back anyway.”
Qiu Shuxue still didn’t seem happy.
“Really?”
Luo Qingmeng thought to herself, I’ve coaxed you like this, even cooked for you on a whim, and you actually cried last night for real—how are you still not happy?
What right do you have?
“I might buy some things on the way back. What do you want to eat?”
Qiu Shuxue didn’t reply. Luo Qingmeng pursed her lips. She didn’t want to be nice to her anymore. Qiu Shuxue was getting used to it—soon, whenever she tried being nice, she’d have to check Qiu Shuxue’s mood first.
Take it or leave it.
Luo Qingmeng left straightaway and was about to close the door.
She doubled back. “Hang the bedsheets up to dry.”
She took the subway over. After getting off, bag on her back, she wondered if Qiu Shuxue was upset, if she’d been too harsh with her words.
Deep down, when she’d said those rejections, she hadn’t really meant them that firmly—it was just her mouth running ahead. Now, thinking back, it felt awful, deeply uncomfortable.
Would Qiu Shuxue be sitting at home eating and crying at the same time?
Luo Qingmeng was dressed quite modestly. Qiu Shuxue had gone wild the night before, leaving her sore all over. Her carefully tended skin was marked up now, and walking still felt off.
When she arrived at their company, Luo Qingmeng wasn’t sure how to get in. Big companies had access control at the entrance—you needed an employee card.
Luo Qingmeng wandered outside for a few minutes and approached the security guard. She gave herself a fierce pep talk and lingered at the entrance for a while. The guard ignored her to take a call. She kept at it a bit longer until he finally let her in.
Luo Qingmeng was terribly nervous. She’d made a special effort to dress up that day, but watching the suited elites striding inside, she still felt out of place. Suddenly, she thought of Qiu Shuxue’s usual style: a white shirt, long pants, hair casually tied back—cool, stylish, and beautiful.
Luo Qingmeng thought, I definitely look like a nagging wife today.
So what if I do?
She’d own it completely.
Luo Qingmeng called Li An again, but no one picked up. At reception, she asked for his floor. They called his department, but Li An wasn’t in the office.
Luo Qingmeng didn’t wait and headed straight up to his floor.
Li An had just returned from a meeting, dressed in a full suit. He was grinning and joking with a female colleague when he spotted her standing at the door. He froze, not recognizing her at first. She wore a white chiffon blouse with long pants underneath, her figure full and curvaceous with a slender waist. She had on glossy high heels, her hair pinned up elegantly with a clip—radiating poise. She looked nothing like that shrew threatening divorce and to ruin him.
Her face turned toward him, fair with a rosy glow, her eyes bright and intense—more striking than any of his colleagues inside.
Luo Qingmeng didn’t go in. She stood at the door, quietly watching the people working inside. She pursed her lips. They were all just working stiffs, but this environment… standing there made her feel inferior. Qiu Shuxue must look stunning working here too.
Li An stared at her, breathing heavily. He snapped out of it and dragged her toward the stairwell corner. Luo Qingmeng slapped his hand away. Li An started cursing at her. “Are you crazy? Who told you to come here?”
He was terrified of being seen and kept shoving her toward the stairs. Luo Qingmeng wouldn’t budge, rooted to the spot. She said, “Give me the money!”
Her voice was loud. Passersby glanced over slantwise. Luo Qingmeng raised it even more. “If you don’t give me the money, I’m not leaving.”
