Chapter 33

Qiu Shuxue spoke with great skill. She didn’t say that she herself had been the one seducing this woman on the verge of becoming a married lady. Back then, she had relied on being younger than Luo Qingmeng to tempt and tease her in all sorts of ways, sneaking plenty of candy by her side.

She nipped at Luo Qingmeng’s ear and said, “I kept circling around you, dropping this hint and that hint, but you never noticed. Does that mean you don’t love me all that much?”

“That’s not…” Luo Qingmeng wanted to refute her, but she didn’t know how to put it. At the time, she truly hadn’t felt any “love” for Qiu Shuxue.

“Then do you love me?” Qiu Shuxue asked her.

Back then, how could she possibly have fallen for Qiu Shuxue?

Luo Qingmeng had never really secretly crushed on anyone. In her youth, there had been fleeting adolescent stirrings, but they never lasted. Within a day or two, she would spot the other’s flaws and snap out of it fast. Even with Li An, she knew he didn’t love her and she didn’t love him. The two of them had simply compromised for the sake of living… comforting themselves by fabricating ties, letting affection grow over time until they became companions in old age.

Qiu Shuxue’s tone turned sour as her words danced lightly into Luo Qingmeng’s ear. “Every time I tiptoed around you so carefully, you always treated me like a total stranger… It actually made me pretty sad.”

Luo Qingmeng’s heart ached as she listened. She had indeed run into Qiu Shuxue often at the bookstore. “It’s not that I didn’t recognize you. I just didn’t dare to.”

Qiu Shuxue let out an “oh.”

“Not daring to recognize me… that hurts too, you know. I’ve bought so many books from you. Couldn’t you tell I wanted to get to know you?”

She went on about more heartbreaking moments. Once, on Christmas, she had prepared a gift for Luo Qingmeng, but Luo Qingmeng hadn’t taken it. Instead, the gift had sat all alone on the checkout counter until she specially returned it the next day.

Qiu Shuxue said, “It was especially sad. You didn’t even open it. You still don’t know what it was, do you?”

“I don’t know… I thought you’d forgotten to take it.” Luo Qingmeng had known it was hers, but she hadn’t wanted to invade a customer’s privacy.

“A scarf,” Qiu Shuxue said.

Luo Qingmeng let out a soft “mm,” feeling even more guilty. She wanted to ask but didn’t dare, afraid it would hurt Qiu Shuxue even more—especially since she had gone off and gotten married to Li An.

She had come that close to becoming Li An’s real wife.

As she spoke, Luo Qingmeng suddenly remembered something. “That day… I only looked at the photo album because I saw a strange number calling him.”

“Oh.” Qiu Shuxue said no more.

Why had Luo Qingmeng been so sure there was another woman? Before that, whenever she went on dates with Li An, his phone would always ring with calls. It wasn’t that Li An was some gentleman respecting her boundaries—he was just incredibly busy, always working late into the night. She had suspected him of seeing someone else back then, but Li An had been upfront about it: someone was chasing him, and he’d turned her down.

He had even said he liked women like Luo Qingmeng. The others were too young, too unserious. He wanted to settle down properly. He wasn’t getting any younger, and he didn’t want to let someone as wonderful as her slip away.

Luo Qingmeng had harbored doubts in her heart, but his sweet words had always swayed her. Back then, she had often wished that someone would pursue her.

The more she thought about it now, the more pitiful Qiu Shuxue seemed. She had ignored her secret crush, failed to respond to it, and even mistaken her for the other woman. Her chest tightened with sour regret. She wanted to apologize for treating her like a mistress, but the words stuck on the tip of her tongue. Instead, her fingers brushed against Qiu Shuxue’s lips and gently covered them, signaling her to stop. Qiu Shuxue drew her fingers into her mouth.

Qiu Shuxue always wanted to swallow her whole.

Luo Qingmeng’s fingers stung from the bite. She turned to face her and whispered, “Do you want more?”

“Aren’t you all out of energy? Can’t you keep going?” Qiu Shuxue asked, though her eyes roamed over her endlessly.

Luo Qingmeng lay back slowly, parting for her as she said, “Please enjoy.”

Qiu Shuxue leaned down until their noses touched. “I’m bullying you, sis.”

Luo Qingmeng replied, “Then I still have to say thank you.”

She said thank you.

Qiu Shuxue sealed her lips fiercely. With Luo Qingmeng’s unconditional indulgence, she grabbed more fruit and ate it from wherever she pleased on her body. Luo Qingmeng climaxed hard.

Why say thank you?

All the stars in the sky have their grades. The brightest are called first-magnitude stars, while those that shine with all their might but barely register at the limit of the naked eye are sixth-magnitude stars.

Luo Qingmeng had known since high school that she was one of those sixth-magnitude stars—no matter how hard she tried to shine, no one would notice.

She had always wanted to stand out a little, but she was inevitably forgotten. Her parents didn’t love her. Her classmates barely knew her. She was utterly ordinary, and wiping her from anyone’s memories of youth wouldn’t leave a gap.

She thanked Qiu Shuxue for noticing her amid that cold winter.

She was especially thankful.

That day, Qiu Shuxue took Luo Qingmeng’s book with her.

At night, she flipped through it, but she couldn’t get into the content. She didn’t care for this kind of mawkish secret love. Plenty of people had openly pursued Qiu Shuxue during her teenage years; she had received love letter after love letter.

A line of secret admirers could have stretched for blocks.

But she was deeply interested in Luo Qingmeng. She loved reading her notes, learning the plot from them—and Luo Qingmeng’s life too.

She had never realized how fun it could be to peek into someone’s world. Luo Qingmeng seemed so lost to her; whenever she felt down, she would rally herself with forced encouragement.

Yet Qiu Shuxue saw it as a cry for help.

Li An didn’t understand her at all.

When Luo Qingmeng lost her book, she had asked Li An to check at the office in case someone had taken it by mistake. He never even brought it up. Luo Qingmeng had been deeply disappointed, moping at work for days.

Qiu Shuxue walked into the bookstore carrying the book to return it. She said she had an identical copy and had mixed them up by accident. As compensation, she wanted to treat her to dinner.

Luo Qingmeng shook her head with a gentle smile. “No need. I’m just glad it’s back.”

Qiu Shuxue said, “The books you recommend are wonderful.”

Luo Qingmeng looked up at her, her smile deepening. “Thank you.”

And that was that. Qiu Shuxue wanted to tease her. “Do you even know my name?”

“Qiu Shuxue.”

In that moment, Qiu Shuxue glimpsed her true self—the one scribbling on the pages of books, dancing lightly in the soul of the woman named Qiu Shuxue, beat by beat. She had pulled an all-nighter to finish that book just to understand one person. Even after intruding on her life, it still didn’t feel like enough.

Luo Qingmeng probably didn’t remember.

Qiu Shuxue remembered it vividly. That simple exchange of greetings had marked the start of their acquaintance. Sometimes Luo Qingmeng would leave her little signals on the recommendation board.

“It’s so cold outside. Come on in; you can browse in the reading room.”

“Japanese literature has such a special flavor in winter.”

“Dream of the Red Chamber truly is a classic among classics. Don’t you think?”

Qiu Shuxue would come inside, then read the recommended books right there by the shelves. She never bothered with the reading room and its dog-eared old volumes. Luo Qingmeng would sneak glances at what she was reading, smiling softly whenever she bought one of the recommendations.

Luo Qingmeng would slip her candies, bubble stickers, hair ties—and once, even a little plastic ring like the kind kids played with.

Qiu Shuxue always felt like she was buying one book but walking out with a bag full of gifts. She wanted to test how much Luo Qingmeng cared about her, so she would deliberately linger her gaze on the desk trinkets, and sure enough, they would end up tucked into her bag.

She even felt like they were dating.

But they weren’t.

Luo Qingmeng didn’t see it as love at all.

It frustrated her to no end.

Still, she thought that even without dating, things were already this good between them. If they did start dating, how much better would it get? Would Luo Qingmeng hold her, kiss her, stay glued to her side? Would she say, “Shuxue, you like kissing me? Then kiss away.”

That was probably too bold for her. She was so timid, so shy.

But Qiu Shuxue hadn’t expected this.

Luo Qingmeng turned out to be… far more sensual than she had imagined.

She would blush with shyness on her cheeks, inviting and coaxing her. “Baby, Mommy will feed you.”

Their relationship heated up quickly after that. Luo Qingmeng stopped feeling so awkward. On mornings when she had time, she would cook breakfast. Qiu Shuxue would help by washing clothes, tidying the room, and taking out the trash.

Sometimes Luo Qingmeng felt like her own apartment was pointless; living together like this was far happier than renting alone.

In the mornings, Luo Qingmeng headed to work. In the afternoons, she went to Star Continent Plaza to sign the contract. Since it was a new store, they needed to arrange group training for the staff.

Luo Qingmeng was familiar with the process, but she had never actually interfaced with the central warehouse before. There was a lot she needed to learn hands-on.

The store manager recommended a friend to guide her, and once that was settled, Luo Qingmeng felt less anxious.

It was just tiring running between two places.

These days, the two of them were inseparable, stuck together like glue. Every day, Qiu Shuxue came to pick her up, and Luo Qingmeng walked with her.

She savored every moment of it.

She savored it deeply.

It felt just like the start of a proper romance, one aimed straight at a shared future.

The store manager stopped by a few times and couldn’t hold back from asking, “Have you decided? Are you sure you want to be with her? She’s younger than you, right? Feels like she might not be ready to settle down.”

Luo Qingmeng had told her before that she wouldn’t get together with Qiu Shuxue. Now she said softly, “I’m still thinking it over…”

But the next words defended her. “She’s twenty-five. That’s not so young.”

If she had to score it, she was ninety percent set on being with Qiu Shuxue. The remaining ten percent came from various external factors—nothing more than a lack of courage.

The store manager sighed. “I knew it.” She still had a poor impression of Qiu Shuxue. “That girl’s a total psycho, and she’s so young—she’s got you wrapped around her finger. What if she gets bored of you later? Have you even thought about that? Last time, she even claimed she wasn’t the other woman. Doesn’t she realize how much misunderstanding that’s causing?”

Luo Qingmeng had considered this point too—whether Qiu Shuxue was deliberately making her misunderstand. But she really had misunderstood, and there was no helping it.

The store manager figured she’d said too much and might upset her, so she patted her shoulder. “Sorry…”

Luo Qingmeng busied herself with the work at hand, but her gaze flicked toward the door. She was worried that Qiu Shuxue might show up and throw a jealous fit again. She said, “It’s also that I’m not very confident…”

“But once I move over there and get a new job, I should be a lot more carefree, just like you, store manager. It should get better then. If that day really comes, I’ll let go. I think not letting go just means I’m not brave enough—I’m scared that if I leave her, I won’t meet anyone else. But once I’m as successful in my career as you are, I won’t be afraid of anything. I’ll be confident enough to love myself and love others too.”

The store manager listened as she praised her, and she smiled. “You, always spouting such profound stuff. You’ve got that whole bookish air about you. If only you weren’t so reserved—you’d be shining bright.”

Luo Qingmeng smiled faintly at the thought of something, pursing her lips. Qiu Shuxue had said she shone bright in her eyes.

The store manager shook her head with a laugh. “Thank you. I’m thrilled that at my age—over thirty—I can still be your idol.”

Luo Qingmeng smiled. “You really are amazing.”

The two of them chatted for a while longer before Luo Qingmeng said softly, “She’s actually not some psycho nutcase. That day, she was just looking out for me. Sure, she has a few quirks, but… she’s actually pretty obedient to me…”

The store manager tapped the table. “Luo Qingmeng, snap out of it.”

“I’m pretty clear-headed.”

Luo Qingmeng really was clear-headed. It was just that when she thought of Qiu Shuxue, her chest ached with a sour tightness. She knew she liked Qiu Shuxue.

Once she’d finished up the store tasks, Luo Qingmeng had to deal with house matters. She was torn between moving or not. She still wanted to live near Star Continent Plaza—mainly because it was too far here, and it wasn’t on the way with Qiu Shuxue. It took Qiu Shuxue an hour each way to drop her off and pick her up.

But she hadn’t figured out how to tell Qiu Shuxue yet.

These past few days, she’d sold off a bunch of secondhand stuff. The cardboard boxes alone fetched over thirty bucks at the downstairs recycling machine. She’d specially bought fried chicken to share with Qiu Shuxue, but she still hadn’t dared mention moving.

She was agonizing over it here, and she hadn’t figured out how to reply to the landlord’s message either. She just kept agonizing.

On Saturday evening at six-thirty, Luo Qingmeng had just eaten an early dinner and was about to head out for the night shift when she suddenly got a call from her mother.

The moment she heard that voice, it felt like a lifetime had passed. She didn’t even register if her mother’s voice had changed—her heart just froze, and she couldn’t react.

“Qingmeng? Is that you?”

Her mother wasn’t even sure if it was her, afraid she’d dialed the wrong number. Luo Qingmeng managed a response, and her mother informed her that her grandfather had passed away that morning. His body had just been brought back.

Luo Qingmeng’s mind blanked for a moment before she vaguely recalled her grandfather—a tall, stern old man.

Her mother was only notifying her now, which meant she’d probably only just remembered she had this daughter.

Luo Qingmeng was still spacing out when her mother abruptly asked, “How have you been?”

Her mother’s tone was cold too, laced with a hint of probing—like long-buried concern suddenly flaring up after years without contact.

Luo Qingmeng hadn’t been in touch with her family for nearly three years—not even a holiday greeting. She didn’t know how to answer. Her heart felt stuffy and strange, a feeling she couldn’t quite pin down. For a brief moment, she thought maybe she just wanted to be remembered, so she wouldn’t die alone and adrift with no one to even collect her body.

Luo Qingmeng didn’t answer her mother’s concern. Instead, she asked, “How’s Grandma?”

Mom said, “She’s been crying nonstop, but she’ll manage.”

“Mm, hanging up…”

“Qingmeng.”

Her mother said something more to hold her back, but by the time Luo Qingmeng snapped out of it, she’d said she understood—though she hadn’t caught a word of it. As she hung up, she realized she didn’t even know how her grandfather had died.

Rural funerals moved fast, so Luo Qingmeng had to head home that very day.

She’d originally planned to send a text saying she was heading home early.

But after thinking it over, she decided against it.

Funerals couldn’t be delayed, and her grandmother had always been decent to her. She packed her things and prepared to leave.

Luo Qingmeng called the store manager first. The store manager told her to go handle it—there was no rush on this end. Xiao Tang could cover the night shift.

Luo Qingmeng had Chen Xin come over to man the register. As she rode the escalator down, she booked a high-speed rail ticket. Luckily, it wasn’t tourist season. By the time she reached the first floor, she was drafting a message to Qiu Shuxue, hesitating over whether to hit send.

She took the subway home, grabbed a couple changes of clothes—her hometown in April was much warmer than here, so she picked a thin long-sleeve and a short-sleeve shirt.

On her way out, she paused at Qiu Shuxue’s door, hung the bag she was carrying on the doorknob, and stuck the note she’d written on top.

Going back for a trip wasn’t a bad idea. She needed to think about that remaining 10%. She could feel herself more invested than in her last marriage. Last time, she hadn’t liked Li An at all, but this time she really liked Qiu Shuxue. Once she threw herself in, she’d lose her clarity. Breaking up for real would hurt so much—she’d keep replaying why Qiu Shuxue didn’t like her back, and she might end up groveling.

Luo Qingmeng grabbed her bag and left. The elevator arrived, but she didn’t get in. She turned back.

About the other woman thing.

Luo Qingmeng decided she had to say it after all. Keeping it bottled up felt awful. If Qiu Shuxue only liked her because of some idealized filter…

That filter would shatter eventually, right?

Luo Qingmeng always said she didn’t like younger girls, didn’t like being called “sister,” but with Qiu Shuxue, she always made exceptions.

Even so, she stuck to her own pace. Work came first. Qiu Shuxue’s place was too far from her job, and the drives wore her out. It made Luo Qingmeng feel sorry for her, and over time, that guilt would build. Their love would become unbalanced again.

Luo Qingmeng peeled off the note, grabbed a pen, and squatted by Qiu Shuxue’s door. She set a postcard on her lap and wrote earnestly, word by word—not as curt as the first note. She left room in every phrase. Then she stuck it on with one of the store’s bubbly stickers.

After that, she transferred money to Qiu Shuxue via Alipay, adding the note: 【Sorry for spending so much of your money before. Family funeral—heading back home.】

Qiu Shuxue had stayed a bit late at work that day, planning to swing by and pick up Luo Qingmeng on the way for some late-night snacks. She’d specially ordered clams and mantis shrimp from the supermarket, looking forward to chilling at home with TV and food.

She’d just taken a latte from a colleague when Alipay pinged—thirty-two thousand yuan incoming. She immediately knew it was from Luo Qingmeng.

Qiu Shuxue froze for a few seconds, then grabbed her phone and bolted out. Xiao Ninghe glanced her way. “Where are you going?”

Qiu Shuxue didn’t reply. She charged straight out of the office.

Qiu Shuxue drove home. When she arrived, the neighbor’s door was shut. She punched in the code to open Luo Qingmeng’s place, but it was empty—she’d already left. All that remained was a gold Old Phoenix Auspicious gift bag hanging from her doorknob and a postcard stuck to it.