Chapter 4

Luo Qingmeng struggled but couldn’t break free, feeling deeply uncomfortable in her spirit. Her body always resisted Qiu Shuxue, but Qiu Shuxue wasn’t in a hurry. Every time she broke free once, Qiu Shuxue would coax her once. “Here, sister, yes, sister, you’re so cute.” She coaxed her like that and even rewarded her with a kiss.

The twenty-eight-year-old Luo Qingmeng was being coaxed by her slightly younger sister. She bit her lip and broke down crying, tears streaming down endlessly no matter how much she wiped them away.

In the end, her vision blurred.

Luo Qingmeng was still sobbing. She was so ashamed she couldn’t move, mustering her last bit of strength to press one hand over her eyes.

She let out low whimpers, on the verge of cramping up from the tension.

Qiu Shuxue leisurely caressed her while sitting sideways, her fingertips teasing out strand after strand. “How are you so cute?”

Qiu Shuxue leaned down to kiss her, but Luo Qingmeng turned her head away to avoid it. Qiu Shuxue leaned in closer, and Luo Qingmeng suddenly reached out to push her away. She struggled to sit up, her feet hitting the floor as she frantically searched for her shoes without knowing where they’d gone.

Luo Qingmeng ran barefoot toward the door.

“Sister.” Qiu Shuxue called out to her. “Your clothes.”

Luo Qingmeng realized she’d been clutching her skirt the whole time. Her face flushed crimson with shame all the way to her ears. She quickly dropped the hem and rushed out. She reached her own door and madly pressed her fingerprint. As soon as it opened, she darted inside.

Everything that had happened that day assaulted Luo Qingmeng’s mind. She’d been quiet since childhood, only having nodding acquaintances at school with few real friends. At home, though she was the eldest sister, she wasn’t close to her siblings. So forget doing something like this with a woman—she’d never even held hands with one.

Luo Qingmeng’s face burned red as she leaned her back against the door, her mind filled with the scenes from moments ago.

“Am I that obvious?”

“You’re so perfect.”

Luo Qingmeng could have struggled, but… but when Qiu Shuxue called her perfect, she just melted like that. She craved affection so badly.

Luo Qingmeng ran into the bedroom and wrapped herself tightly in the blanket, burying herself completely. Her fingers clutched at it as she wondered why she’d lost control, crying harder with every thought… She’d never been like this before. At the start of her relationship, when Li An took her to a hotel, she’d insisted on paying for her own separate room. Even holding hands made her tremble. Li An had even teased her on purpose: “Acting like this, do you like women or something?”

Like women? Impossible.

But she’d really not wanted to do it with Li An at first, and now she’d gone straight to this with Qiu Shuxue. It was too, too frightening.

Do I like women?

Luo Qingmeng felt numb from head to toe. She’d never imagined doing anything with a woman. The education she’d grown up with was all about men and women together. In the small, closed-off town where she’d once lived, there wasn’t even a word like “homosexual.”

She’d had no idea about men with men or women with women before, thinking the world was just men and women pairing up… For something like this to happen to her.

Luo Qingmeng had no idea what was going on. Her mind was in complete chaos. Even more confusing, she didn’t know if Qiu Shuxue had done something to her, because just thinking about those scenes from before made her feel that restless heat again.

Was it… because summer was coming soon?

~~~

Luo Qingmeng got out of bed at seven. The place wasn’t far from the bookstore where she worked—a forty-minute commute. She didn’t need to head to the mall quite so early for her shift, so she slipped out quietly that morning, not wanting any interaction with Qiu Shuxue. As she passed her door, she thought of her former status as the original wife and refused to act defeated. She immediately straightened up, chest out.

A woman couldn’t always hunch her shoulders and slouch.

The bookstore opened at nine, so she needed to arrive twenty minutes early to tidy the shelves and check the online bestseller lists to set up the day’s recommendations.

But… Luo Qingmeng was all flustered.

“Sister Meng? Sister Meng?” The part-time college student next to her called out to her several times.

Luo Qingmeng snapped back and looked at her. “What’s wrong?”

“You wrote the character wrong. It’s Atonement, not Atonement Penalty.”

“Okay, thanks.” Luo Qingmeng erased the character and rewrote “sin” correctly. Her handwriting was beautiful; sometimes when she was in a good mood, she’d copy a passage to post at the door to draw in customers. But today, she had no mood for it.

Distracted as she was, she kept thinking about one thing: her body had been completely exposed to Qiu Shuxue yesterday, even touched by her. It made her deeply uncomfortable and uneasy, leaving her with lingering fear even now.

Luo Qingmeng glanced sideways and saw Chen Xin copying notes on the blackboard, her writing crooked and messy. She walked over, took the board, and wrote it herself.

【Everyone has flaws. In the West, they say everyone bears original sin. Since there are flaws, imperfections, and original sin, then one must atone. Whose sin? Of course, one’s own sin. —Atonement】

With no customers around, Chen Xin went to wipe the windows while Luo Qingmeng placed the free reading books in the lounge. She flipped open a novel, couldn’t resist, and sat down to read a couple of pages.

“Atonement isn’t done to earn God’s forgiveness—it’s for oneself. By discovering one’s mistakes and facing them head-on, a person can change because of it.”

Luo Qingmeng read for three minutes.

For some inexplicable reason, she felt like she needed to atone too.

She couldn’t keep reading. Clearly… it was those two who needed to atone.

It was the weekend, and people came and went busily. The lounge filled up with young folks, and Luo Qingmeng refilled the beverage machine’s water several times.

Qiu Shuxue didn’t come to buy books today. Luo Qingmeng checked the calendar on the counter several times—it was definitely the right date.

Chen Xin, who worked with her, was getting ready to clock out and reminded her, “Sister Meng, don’t forget you’re covering my shift tomorrow.”

“Mm, got it.” Luo Qingmeng nodded.

The store had just one customer left. Luo Qingmeng waited for them to leave while Chen Xin packed up outside. Seeing someone enter, she looked up and said, “Sorry, we’re closed. The lounge is shut too.”

“I’m here to pick up my reserved books.”

“Which ones? I’ll have my coworker get them for you.”

“World History. I reserved a set.” The person outside named a few titles.

Chen Xin walked in. “Okay, just a sec. Are you taking them now? They’re pretty heavy and thick—you might not be able to carry them easily…”

“I’ve got a car.”

Chen Xin went inside and spoke to Luo Qingmeng. “Sister Meng… the person who reserved the books is here.”

Luo Qingmeng kept her head down and pushed the calendar back. For no reason, her cheeks heated up. Chen Xin added, “The one who ordered those World History books.”

The store’s last customer had picked their books and came over. “Cashier, ring me up.”

“You go help her get them.” Luo Qingmeng took the customer’s books and scanned them. “42.9. Want to sign up for membership?”

“Is there a discount?” the customer asked.

“9.8% off normally, 8.8% on member days. The lounge has free tea and water. Rack up enough points and you can redeem little gifts.”

“Sure.”

Luo Qingmeng had him give his phone number. Her fingers flew, inputting the info rapidly. She bagged the books. “Have a good one.”

Chen Xin came from the back warehouse hugging a stack of books—all thick, heavy hardcovers. When they’d arrived, Luo Qingmeng had even remarked that whoever ordered them must be loaded; each one cost over three hundred.

And this customer was buying a whole set—worth more than half her monthly salary.

Qiu Shuxue took one of the books. Luo Qingmeng reached out to help take some from Chen Xin’s arms. Then Qiu Shuxue stood in front of her and pulled out her membership card. “I’ve got membership. Card or account?”

Chen Xin finished carrying them and headed to the break room to take off her apron. Luo Qingmeng regretted it deeply—she should have gone for the books and let Chen Xin handle the register.

“Phone number.”

Qiu Shuxue rattled off a string of digits. Luo Qingmeng’s fingers quickly entered them, glancing at the accumulated points. “Just pay the balance. Twelve hundred.”

“Okay.” Qiu Shuxue handed her the payment code.

Luo Qingmeng scanned it.

With a beep, she handed over the receipt. Qiu Shuxue took the slip of paper and asked, “When do you get off?”

Luo Qingmeng said nothing, lowering her head to sort the cash drawer and balance the till. It had mostly been scan payments today—no issues.

Chen Xin came out of the break room and hung up the “Closed” sign. Qiu Shuxue glanced over, picked up the books, and said, “I won’t hold up your closing time.”

Luo Qingmeng went to the break room to change out of her uniform. She took off her apron, thinking of Qiu Shuxue’s outfit that day—a long white trench coat, very casual, and seemingly designer.

After what they’d done, why had Qiu Shuxue come?

To look down on her? To savor the feeling of dominating her?

Like in those TV dramas, where the mistress rises to power and flaunts it in front of the original wife, swishing her hips and swaying her waist.

Luo Qingmeng was furious. She slammed her apron onto the chair, pulled on her coat, and replayed yesterday in her mind: Qiu Shuxue holding her hand, spinning her around while kissing her lips.

Once they were soft, she’d said, “So beautiful, so beautiful, sister.”

“Crazy,” Luo Qingmeng muttered under her breath. “She’s sick.”

She buttoned her coat and came out. Chen Xin handed her the keys and glanced at her. “Sister Meng, what’s up? Your eyes are red. Oh, right—last time Xiao Man and them said you got married.”

“Congrats, Sister Meng.”

The words stabbed right into Luo Qingmeng’s chest. She shoved her hands in her pockets, her coat collar turned up to hide her flushed, angry face.

Chen Xin chattered on without a response, sensing she wasn’t doing well. “What’s wrong? Caught a cold?”

Looking up again, she spotted Qiu Shuxue. With seven books in total, she was heading for the elevator. Chen Xin enthusiastically went to help, the two of them each carrying three, with one left on the floor.

The pair were about the same age and looked full of youthful energy standing together. Chen Xin turned and called out, “Sister Meng, come on up.”

Chen Xin’s expression was puzzled. Luo Qingmeng picked up the remaining book. In the elevator, it was just the three of them. Chen Xin was chatty, keeping a conversation going with Qiu Shuxue.

Luo Qingmeng stood in the corner, eyeing them sideways. Chen Xin kept chatting with Qiu Shuxue, who smiled and replied to her. Luo Qingmeng couldn’t quite catch what they were saying, but she just couldn’t stand the sight of it. She couldn’t help pulling a stern face and sneering to herself inwardly.

She’d had her own days at twenty-four or twenty-five, too.

“Huh, Sister Meng, so you two live together?” Chen Xin turned her head to look at her.

“Huh?”

Luo Qingmeng hadn’t thought of how to reply for a moment. She let out an “mm,” then realized she’d messed up. Chen Xin had divided the books, handing one to her and giving the other two entirely to Qiu Shuxue. “Hey, why don’t you take Sister Meng home along the way? The subway’s packed at this hour.”

“I can get back on my own.”

“Let me give you a ride.” Qiu Shuxue agreed right away.

Chen Xin headed out on the first floor. Luo Qingmeng had meant to follow her, but she was still holding the books and didn’t make it in time. The elevator doors closed, and in just a few seconds, it reached the underground first floor.

Qiu Shuxue’s car was parked pretty close by. She placed the books on the rear roof, took out her car keys and pressed them. She stuffed the books into the back seat. Luo Qingmeng put her book in as well, then turned to leave.

But Qiu Shuxue grabbed her directly.

“What are you doing? Let go.” Luo Qingmeng glared at her. “Don’t—don’t touch me.”

Luo Qingmeng acted extremely disgusted, even grabbing her own sleeve and pushing at her through the layer of fabric.

Qiu Shuxue said, “Why be so disgusted? If you hate them that much, just toss the books. You even carried them all the way for me.”

Luo Qingmeng choked.

Those books looked so pristine that she couldn’t bear to get even a speck of dirt on them. The moment they arrived, she’d moved them straight into storage and kept them safe. She’d even envied them for a good long while in her heart. She held books in deep reverence; otherwise, she wouldn’t have taken the job at the bookstore. She kept pushing at Qiu Shuxue repeatedly and said she didn’t need her meddling.

Qiu Shuxue seemed to misunderstand her meaning. She grasped Luo Qingmeng’s wrist and said softly, “Alright, I’ll take care of you. Let me drive you home—as a thank-you for carrying all those books for me. Okay? Thanks.”

“I don’t want your ride.” Luo Qingmeng stubbornly refused, still unwilling to agree.

“. . . Then how about I give you a book? Would that work?” Qiu Shuxue noticed her eyes flickering. Luo Qingmeng hadn’t even realized she’d started to waver a little, even though she was convinced a few books wouldn’t make her feel anything toward Qiu Shuxue. Luo Qingmeng snapped, “One book—what’s one book even worth?”

“I’ll give you the whole set . . . to celebrate your divorce.”

Qiu Shuxue said, “Congratulations on your divorce.”

Luo Qingmeng deflated like a punctured balloon. “You—you think a few books will . . .”

“Will let me drive you home.” Qiu Shuxue gripped the car door and gently maneuvered her into the passenger seat. Luo Qingmeng’s body retreated backward, and she opened her mouth but couldn’t get a word out.

Qiu Shuxue leaned in close right away. She sat on Luo Qingmeng’s lap and cupped her face. “Don’t be mad anymore, okay? Even when you’re angry, Sister, you’re so pretty. You were full of charm at work today. I stood outside the bookstore staring in a daze for ages—especially when you were looking at the calendar. You looked just like a painting.”

Luo Qingmeng wanted to tell her to get lost.

Her ears shamefully went soft. She hadn’t even known she looked pretty while working at the bookstore—after all, it wasn’t a real job, just something pretty lousy. Earlier, Li An had even humiliated her, saying she had no prospects for advancement.

Qiu Shuxue pulled over the seatbelt and gently buckled it for her. She said, “That apron tied so sexy, with the little bear on it.”

“Don’t touch me . . .” Luo Qingmeng pushed hard at her.

Qiu Shuxue bit her lower lip, her gaze on Luo Qingmeng’s eyes growing even more infatuated. “I can tell . . . Sister really likes being complimented by me.”

Luo Qingmeng’s tightly pressed lips trembled. “I do not.”

So annoying, so annoying—why was it like this? She hated Qiu Shuxue.

“That same expression you had in the elevator just now . . . it was just like you were jealous.”

Luo Qingmeng averted her gaze, but Qiu Shuxue followed, continuing to coax her. “If you don’t like me like this, I can hold back. I won’t kiss Sister—but you have to say it out loud and reject me.”

Luo Qingmeng parted her lips to speak.

Then, she kissed her.

Luo Qingmeng’s eyes widened slightly. How could Qiu Shuxue do this? She hadn’t given her any time to react or kept her word. Luo Qingmeng let out a muffled hum and couldn’t help wanting to vent her temper. It was like her tear ducts had lost control—with just a kiss, unable to resist, she wanted to cry.

She let out a “wu” and hurriedly squeezed her eyes shut again before the tears could fall, letting Qiu Shuxue kiss her wantonly.