Chapter 9: Crimson Pill

Early Saturday morning, Chu Susu’s car pulled up at her family home’s doorstep.

It was a standalone little villa located in the fourth ring of the Imperial Capital, with a few plots of land nearby planted with vibrant flowers, forming a pretty little garden. Vines twined around the gate, providing a natural touch of decoration.

She didn’t rush to get out. Instead, she unlocked her phone, planning to scroll through Weibo for a bit, as if that could delay the inevitable.

[@BetaUrsaeMajoris: Dear ones, before heading out, be sure to check today’s #AstrologyFortune# oh. Rising sign…]

“BetaUrsaeMajoris” was that astrology blogger she had followed on the day Xia Zilu had come making a scene. Right now, the account popped up on her home feed, having just posted the daily horoscope.

Chu Susu had previously looked up that string of English letters—it was the name of a star, Beta Ursae Majoris in Chinese, which suited an astrology blogger quite well.

She quickly found her own zodiac sign in the post and glanced at it.

“Rising Gemini still under the influence of Mercury retrograde, things won’t go smoothly lately, prone to arguments and conflicts with close ones…”

As if that wasn’t inevitable. Chu Susu thought indifferently. For others, going home meant family reunion; for her, it always meant unavoidable fights.

She casually liked the post, pocketed her phone, and rang the doorbell.

Through the gate, she could faintly hear voices from the living room on the first floor—probably the family happily watching TV together.

The one who came to open the door was a well-maintained middle-aged woman with a head of curly hair. The instant her eyes met Chu Susu’s, her smile froze on her face.

Before the woman could say anything, Chu Susu brushed past her, heading straight into the entryway to change shoes. She left the woman standing there, not even lifting her head as she perfunctorily called out, “Auntie.”

This was her stepmother, Li Yan.

Li Yan was choked up by that. The tone of that “Auntie” made her sound like some housekeeper.

She took a deep breath, suppressing her displeasure, and called out lightly to her son in the living room, “Your Susu-jie is back. Come say hi.”

A twelve- or thirteen-year-old boy was sitting on the sofa, glued to the TV. A soccer match was live-broadcasting, right at the exciting moment with a goal about to happen—he didn’t want to tear his eyes away for even a second.

“Chu Yifan.” Li Yan raised her voice.

At that, the little boy had no choice but to hop off the sofa and unwillingly call out, “Susu-jie.”

But Chu Susu didn’t even glance at them. She just headed upstairs on her own, which pissed Li Yan off no small amount.

In front of the kids, she didn’t say much. She just stared at Chu Susu’s retreating back, frowning.

Look at that skirt of hers—so short. It ought to at least cover her knees, right? There’s a little brother at home; what if he sees her thighs? How bad an influence would that be on a child?

Sigh, when her dad got back, he was definitely going to lecture her again.

Chu Zhen had gone out that morning for some urgent business talks and wouldn’t be back until lunch.

Li Yan had given the family maid the day off and personally busied herself all morning, preparing a lavish spread of dishes.

She helped Chu Zhen hang up his coat as he asked, “Mom and Dad still sleeping?”

“Yeah, they got up early. Let them sleep more. We won’t call them for lunch.”

“And Qingyang?”

“She had to pick up a shift last minute.”

A moment of silence followed. With his back to her, Chu Zhen muttered from his mouth, “Chu Susu is back?”

“Mm.” Li Yan said, “Lunch is almost ready. I’ll go call her in a bit.”

The father and daughter hadn’t seen each other since nearly half a year ago. He’d forgotten what it was about, but it had ended in a huge fight and them parting on bad terms. This time, Chu Zhen had asked her to come home for a meal not just to question her about the video, but also in hopes of mending relations.

He was a businessman, suave and slick with everyone outside, but with this daughter, he was used to being overbearing. He could never bring himself to lower his face, and whenever he opened his mouth, it was never pleasant. Saying something nice was harder for him than climbing to the heavens.

The moment he saw her, Chu Zhen’s face darkened, and words of reprimand spilled out: “You’re getting more and more unruly! Locking yourself in your room the second you get home—someone even has to come call you for a meal!”

Chu Susu yawned, wearing a camisole nightie and barefoot as she came down the stairs. Exhaustion was written all over her delicate face.

She was used to her dad’s attitude toward her by now— in one ear and out the other. She mumbled “mm-hmm” twice in response, then swept a glance over the dishes on the table.

Braised fish, hairy crabs, garlic shrimp… every one appetizing in color, aroma, and taste.

Chu Susu paused for a moment, standing there silently for a long time. Chu Zhen noticed and launched into another tirade: “Knowing you were coming, your Li Auntie specially prepared all this food. Sit down and eat already!”

She stayed quiet for a long while, then gently set down her bowl and chopsticks. Her fair fingers slowly clenched into a fist, the nail-less fingertips digging hard into her palm.

Across from her, Li Yan deboned the fish for her little brother Chu Yifan, then peeled shrimp for her little sister Chu Tingting—the atmosphere was harmonious.

Seeing this scene, it was like a thorn suddenly stabbed into Chu Susu’s heart. It took her great effort before she softly said:

“I’m not eating. You guys go ahead.”

Chu Zhen frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m not eating.”

With a “pa,” Chu Zhen slammed his chopsticks down, scaring the two kids beside them into instant silence, nearly choking.

“I’m not eating,” Chu Susu calmly repeated for the third time.

Chu Zhen was tall, and with middle-aged spread, he shot to his feet in an instant, full of imposing pressure. He jabbed a finger at Chu Susu, straining to hold back his rage: “Come with me.”

Having seen them quarrel many times, Li Yan probably knew this was the prelude to another family war. “Alright, Lao Chu, don’t scare the kids. Susu, is it that Auntie’s cooking isn’t to your taste? At least sit down and eat a little together.”

“What taste or no taste—such dramatics. Don’t interfere; she’s just spoiled.” Chu Zhen said coldly. “You guys eat properly. I’ll talk to Chu Susu alone.”

Behind her, her little brother and sister wore varied expressions, but Chu Susu ignored them and followed her father into the study on the first floor.

The door had just closed when Chu Zhen slammed his phone down in front of her, cutting straight to the chase: “This video—you?”

She knew he’d ask about this.

“Yes.” Chu Susu said. “What? Didn’t you already know? I’m a lesbian.”

With every word she said, Chu Zhen’s face grew uglier by a shade.

“Absurd.” He seemed too furious to speak properly, pacing back and forth in the spacious study, his whole body trembling as he muttered the word over and over. “Absurd! Absurd!”

She could see the disgust and utter inability to accept in Chu Zhen’s gaze.

He was heartbroken, still harboring hope that he could persuade her back to the “right path”: “Do you know the whole family will lose face because of you? When I go out to do business, everyone will be poking my spine behind my back saying, ‘This guy’s daughter is a lesbian!'”

“Yifan and Tingting are still in school. What if their classmates hear some rumors and bully them? Kids are most afraid of things like this.”

“You mixing with some no-good woman and causing this disgrace to the family. If your mom knew down below, do you think she’d be happy?”

Chu Susu had stayed silent the whole time. Only now did she lick her dry lips, giving a half-smile, mockingly interrupting him:

“May I ask what family honor you even have?”

She clapped her hands, as if suddenly remembering: “Oh, right. My mom died just a year ago, and you found another woman. In a few years, you married her into the house and had two kids. What can I say—in fickleness and vigor in old age, I really am disgracing the family. I need to learn more from you…”

“Shut your mouth!”

The more she said, the uglier it got. Chu Zhen’s face turned ashen, and he slammed a heavy palm on the redwood desk, cutting her off: “I’m your dad—how dare you talk to me like that?!”

Chu Susu leaned against the wall, lowering her head.

Chu Zhen felt she didn’t treat him like a dad; likewise, how had she ever felt he treated her like a daughter?

His chest heaved violently—he was clearly pissed off badly: “I’m telling you, from now on, no more contact with those women. Cut them all off clean. Uncle Zhao has a son about your age. Go meet him in a couple days.”

Chu Susu had no idea how many times she’d said this already: “I like women.”

And Chu Zhen’s response was the same as always: “You haven’t even been with a guy properly—how do you know you don’t like them?”

“I just know.”

“You’re a girl—what can you even do with a woman? Absurd! Can you get married? Have kids? Form a healthy family?”

“My family is already like this. You think marrying a man would make it healthy?”

“Being gay is not normal!”

“What’s not normal is you.”

Her clear rebuttals clashed with Chu Zhen’s roars, the argument dragging on endlessly.

“Even if you don’t think about us, have you thought about your grandparents? If they found out…”

At those words, Chu Susu recalled earlier when she’d gone upstairs and snuck into her grandparents’ room.

Grandma was old and struggled with recognizing people and remembering things, but in her daze, she’d opened her eyes and, seeing Chu Susu, joyfully said, “Susu baby, you’re back!”

Chu Susu was never afraid to come out to anyone—except them. She didn’t dare imagine if her grandparents found out, would they say to her, like Chu Zhen, “You’ve lost all our face”?

Looking at her with her head bowed in silence, Chu Zhen said nothing more.

The argument ended the same as always, drawing a temporary close with her slamming the door as she stormed off.

“Don’t eat the meal. Reflect on yourself properly!”

Chu Susu stood with her back to him, listening to the clanging sound without a word.

She locked the study door behind her, stayed silent for a few seconds, then squatted down and hugged herself, burying her head in the gap between her arms and thighs.

Her usually upturned eyes now drooped slightly, her gaze blankly flickering. Suddenly, a few teardrops fell onto her nightgown.

The wet spots spread and expanded, forming several damp little circles.

Chu Susu closed her eyes and told herself that she was twenty-five years old now—she shouldn’t be as fragile as a little girl.

But her heart still felt like it had been sliced open with a bloody gash. Tears poured out like unstoppable blood.

She cried even harder.

She had heard even harsher words and endured even worse attitudes before. No matter what Chu Zhen said or did, she thought she had grown numb to it all, unmoved and uncaring.

Yet when she saw that table of dishes, Chu Susu couldn’t help feeling a twinge of sadness.

No one remembered that she didn’t eat seafood.