Volume 9: The Acidity of the Setting Sun
Chapter 10: Yes or No (Part 3)
The aftereffects of Mulan’s epidemic had not yet completely disappeared. Walking on the streets, one could still see stylishly dressed young men and women wearing masks. Next to the cash registers in the convenience stores, besides chewing gum and redacted, there were also disinfectant alcohol and disposable gloves. Lu Li was lucky back then; he was able to leave the isolated island-like Mulan City early. And to whom did he owe his luck?
“Jingyi. Can I still call you Jingyi?”
“…Of course you can…” Chu Jingyi didn’t look at him when she spoke. She was deliberately not looking, afraid that if she saw Lu Li’s face, the belief that was already on the verge of collapse would crumble completely.
“I thought you never wanted to speak to me again.”
Lu Li gave a self-deprecating laugh. He suddenly found that he didn’t know how to talk to this young woman anymore. Talk about hobbies? But he and Jingyi had no common hobbies. Talk about aspirations? But he and Chu Jingyi were not people of the same world. It turned out that the love between them had relied entirely on Chu Jingyi’s unsparing affection. Once this girl withdrew, Lu Li was surprisingly unable to find any common ground between them.
He vaguely remembered a scene in the bookstore last year. He and Chu Jingyi had both reached for the same collection of horror novels by Hanmo Ding-Jin. If he hadn’t been reborn, he wouldn’t have thought to go to the fiction section, let alone go to the bookstore, and there would have been no chance encounter with Chu Jingyi. Without that chance meeting that day, would Chu Jingyi have sat in the seat behind him on the first day after the classes were reassigned?
The two of them were like two parallel lines that had only intersected because of a small twist of fate.
“That’s what I was thinking,” Chu Jingyi finally answered after a long time, as if she had thought it over repeatedly. “Lu Li, actually, I’m not angry at you anymore.”
“Then why have you been avoiding me at school?”
“Because these days, I’ve encountered things that are more worthy of my concern. Our relationship is like a small boat; it really can’t withstand any storms. Even among family members, there can be deceit and plotting. What more between you and me?”
Lu Li didn’t understand what she was trying to say and quietly waited for her to continue.
“My uncle was sent to Africa a while ago to fight the epidemic.” Chu Jingyi’s smile was a little sad. “They say it’s to fight the epidemic, but I know it’s just sending him to his death. My uncle used to dote on me so much. He would come to see me every New Year and give me all sorts of new clothes. He would also send me little gifts every now and then. He even said that if I were to get married in the future, I must have him as a witness, and he would give me and my husband a big red envelope. He was tall and thin, loved to smile, and never argued with anyone.”
“…Who sent your uncle to Africa?”
“My father.”
The image of that kind-faced middle-aged man appeared in Lu Li’s mind. Underneath that smile, was he a father or a politician?
“Dad said that Uncle was bought off and had been looking for a chance to harm us. I know Dad wouldn’t lie to me, but Uncle wouldn’t lie to me either. Who on earth is lying? Or did someone get something wrong?” Chu Jingyi’s eyes reddened. “Lu Li, do you know?”
“I…” Lu Li actually had a rough guess. Chu Xiaodong had just said a while ago that he was going to investigate the Yan family, and soon after, he sent Jingyi’s uncle away. But he didn’t want to tell Chu Jingyi such a heavy and dark story. Those stories didn’t deserve to tarnish this young woman in the slightest.
Chu Jingyi didn’t expect Lu Li to give her an answer either. She continued, “Dad also said that Uncle was planning to tamper with our plane. He was caught by my dad when he was trying to bribe the crew. Mom and Dad had a fight, and then Dad sent Mom back to my maternal grandfather’s house. The day they argued on the phone, I hid in the stairwell and listened, crying until my eyes were swollen, because that was the first time I had seen them argue since I was born. I felt like the harmonious and warm family of the past ceased to exist after that day. Be it Mom and Dad, or you and Baili, everyone seemed to suddenly leave me, leaving me alone to wait.”
Lu Li’s heart trembled. So, so much had happened these past few days. No wonder Auntie Chu hadn’t called him again to urge him to come for the New Year. And what about Jingyi? How did this delicate flower, who had lived in a greenhouse, feel when suddenly faced with such a drastic change?
“Jingyi, I’ve always been here. I won’t abandon you…”
Chu Jingyi shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “Lu Li, don’t lie to me anymore. You can’t take me with you. Dad has told me everything. We are actually people living in two different worlds, right? You can’t let go of Baili, Hupo, or Sister Meng, so you can never take me away. Lu Li, I suddenly don’t want to grow up. The world after growing up is so cruel. We are all people with two hands, two legs, and one head, so why can’t we be together even if we like each other? We are clearly blood-related kin, so why would we want to harm each other? It’s really… really so cruel…”
She was sobbing uncontrollably. The surrounding pedestrians all turned to look. Lu Li put his arms around Chu Jingyi, and she shrank into his embrace as if she had suddenly found a support, letting her tears soak his shirt. Lu Li held Chu Jingyi, unable to find any words to comfort her.
“I think, as long as flesh and blood haven’t connected, it won’t be heart-wrenchingly painful when they’re severed.” She cried for a long time, and her voice became hoarse. “From now on, I want to be a sensible adult. I don’t need my parents’ protection, I don’t need Lu Li’s companionship. I can also survive in this cruel world.”
Lu Li understood why Chu Jingyi had been deliberately avoiding him.
“Then am I still your boyfriend?” As Lu Li spoke, he felt a bitter taste in his mouth, not emanating from his throat, but from his heart.
The word “yes” has only one syllable, while “no” has two. If spoken, “yes” is clearly more efficient. Lu Li could find ten thousand absurd reasons to prove she would say “yes,” but Chu Jingyi had only one reason.
“…No…”
Although she said “no,” Chu Jingyi still nestled in his arms, as if experiencing a final moment of warmth.
“What if I can get your father’s consent to marry you in the future?”
Chu Jingyi’s arms around Lu Li’s tightened quietly. She said, “Lu Li, you can’t lie to me anymore. My father won’t agree. The Chu family has held high office for four generations; they are at the pinnacle of this cruel world, while you have only just climbed from the abyss to the foot of the mountain. How many years would you need to marry me? Ten years? Twenty years? A hundred years? One generation or two? Lu Li… you are a wise old man, but not the Foolish Old Man who moved the mountains.”
“What if I can do it?” Lu Li said firmly.
“…” Chu Jingyi raised her head. That pair of watery autumn eyes was once again offered to the young man, but she said nothing. She was afraid that once she made a promise, she would suffer the torment of lovesickness for all eternity.
“For now, at least, let’s end it here.” She gave a sad smile. “What’s being severed now is just flesh and skin, not muscle and bone, right? Without a cheap, picked-up Chu Jingyi like me, you still have An Baili, who only has eyes for you; Wen Hupo, who ran away from home for you; Sister Meng, who dotes on you; and… and Chen Jianing, who came specifically to pick you up…”
Lu Li’s heart trembled. And what about her? What did she have left for herself?
Chu Jingyi’s words were filled with sorrow, lingering affection, a bitter resolve, and the most obvious jealousy. This was probably the most conflicted moment in this girl’s life.
