Volume 9: The Acidity of the Setting Sun
Chapter 4: Quarrel
Lu Li looked at her reddened eyes, his heart filled with pity. He wanted to take the Silly Goose’s hand, but to his surprise, she pushed his hand away. “Don’t touch me!”
She stared at Lu Li, forcing herself not to cry. “Are you going to try and lie to me again? What kind of trick are you going to use to coax me this time?”
Lu Li defended himself, “I didn’t lie to you…”
“You didn’t lie?!” Chu Jingyi grew even angrier. “What is the real relationship between you and your sister? You’ve been lying to me since last year, haven’t you? Do you remember what you promised me at the amusement park? In the end, only a few days passed and you completely forgot our agreement! Lu Li, I am dumber than you, I’m a fool who gets spun in circles by a couple of your words, but even a fool has her own temper!”
“I…” Lu Li found himself powerless to refute her. Every word the Silly Goose said stabbed at his heart. “I’m sorry.” He wanted to say he promised this was the last time, but as the words reached his lips, he suddenly realized, wasn’t this what scumbags loved to say the most? So, without even realizing it, he had truly become a scumbag…
“I don’t want to hear ‘sorry.’ You said it yourself, apologies become cheap when you say them too many times.” Chu Jingyi was far calmer than usual at this moment, even though she looked extremely agitated. “That day, I spent a long time mentally preparing myself, thinking about how to give you your birthday present, because you are the most, most, most important person in my heart. I’ve thought countless times about growing old with you, Lu Li, but why do you have to bully me time and time again? Is it because I’m dumb?”
Lu Li said with difficulty, “You are also the most important person to me… I don’t want to bully you…”
“You have too many ‘most important’ people! Chu Jingyi is just an insignificant one among them!” Chu Jingyi cried, tears streaming madly down her beautiful face and falling to the corners of her lips. “In your heart, is Chu Jingyi the cheapest one, the one who can be coaxed with just a few words, the one it doesn’t matter if you lose? A girlfriend you picked up by chance, not needing any cherishing at all? But I really saw you as my whole world!”
“Lu Li, this past week, I’ve thought about so, so many things. Chu Jingyi probably hasn’t had this many thoughts in her entire life as she has this week. I was wondering, in the days I spent with you, was there more happiness or more sadness?” Chu Jingyi choked on her sobs. “I finally realized that when I was with you, happiness and sadness were split half-and-half. I remembered all your joys and sorrows, but did you ever notice my sadness?”
Lu Li was speechless.
“Some people say that first loves don’t last long, because first love is an immature love. But I once naively believed that we would definitely be able to walk hand-in-hand to the end of our lives.” Chu Jingyi wiped her tears. Lu Li wanted to wipe her face for her, but she pushed him away. “Lu Li, if one day, when I’m with you, there is always more sadness than happiness, would you still let me stay by your side?”
This question was impossible to answer. No matter which answer he gave, it would be unacceptable to Lu Li. Lu Li said softly, “It hasn’t reached that point, Jingyi. We can still talk about this for a while, right?”
Chu Jingyi kept shaking her head. “But it has already reached this point. Lu Li, I originally couldn’t bring myself to say it. I kept thinking that maybe tomorrow I would forgive you and revolve around you like in the past. But after tomorrow comes another tomorrow. Every time I see you, I remember everything I heard that day. Lu Li, I’m so, so sad. I cried until my tears ran dry that night. My mom was so worried she called my dad, my uncle, my grandpa, but I just told them I accidentally fell. At that moment, I wished so much that it was all a dream, that you were still the person I loved the most, and I was still your girlfriend.”
“I asked myself, do I really love you that much? Can I go to Baili’s extent? But I don’t know the answer at all. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to accept the answer to that question…” She said a lot, her logic all jumbled, but Lu Li understood what she meant.
At this moment, Lu Li was like a rider pulling desperately on the reins at the edge of a cliff. Unfortunately, it was already too late; he was about to plunge into the abyss.
“Jingyi, calm down, okay? Let’s sit down first…”
Chu Jingyi just kept shaking her head. “Lu Li, let’s break up. Maybe I don’t love you that much.”
These words struck Lu Li’s heart like a bolt of lightning. He said in a panic, “Jingyi, don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“I’m not. This is the answer I’ve come to after thinking for a long time.” Chu Jingyi took a deep breath, her tears gradually stopping. “Lu Li, let’s break up.”
Break up.
Had Lu Li ever been dumped by a girl? It seemed he never had; it had always been him rejecting others. He never thought the achievement of being dumped for the first time would be accomplished by this little girl, Chu Jingyi.
“I thought about whether I could forgive you, but I can’t. Chu Jingyi isn’t an object; she won’t just hang on you forever, drifting along with you.” The young girl’s voice was a little choked. “I’m a person too. I have my own parents, a university I want to go to, a life I want to live. I can’t be like Baili, like Hupo, and follow you without a care for anything else. I just want an ordinary love, where two people rely on and love each other and head toward marriage together. But I’ve already compromised so much for you, accepted Baili, accepted Hupo. Why are you still not satisfied?”
Lu Li was questioned by a little girl whose psychological age was less than half his own until he had lost all face. That’s right. After the Silly Goose pointed it out, he finally realized that he was the most despicable one. Hadn’t it always been like this? He had just been immersed in the land of tenderness woven for him by the girls, unwilling to admit it.
“Jingyi… you’re right.” Lu Li nodded. He wanted to hug the Silly Goose again, but his hands felt as if they were filled with lead and he couldn’t lift them. Chu Jingyi was a perfect girl, and Lu Li was a despicable scoundrel. He squeezed his throat, forcing himself to speak. “But, Jingyi, I really do hold you in the most important place in my heart. I don’t want to break up with you. I don’t think our feelings will disappear so easily.” Still as shameless as ever.
Chu Jingyi didn’t refute her. She just lowered her head again, her expression unreadable.
“Let’s not talk about breaking up for now. You might be emotional right now. Can we talk again after you’ve calmed down?” Lu Li’s voice was trembling. “After the College Entrance Examination is over, give me a definite decision then, okay? I don’t want to lose you. Not at all.”
“And what if you do?” the Silly Goose asked woodenly.
“…”
“If I really don’t love you anymore, what will you do?” she asked.
Lu Li could hear that the girl was worried about him, worried he would do something stupid. Even at a time like this, she was still worried about such things.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do. I feel like nothing would have any meaning anymore,” Lu Li said truthfully.
Chu Jingyi was silent for a long time. Lu Li’s words had struck a soft spot in her heart, making her hesitate about her own decision again. Thinking of a distraught Lu Li, she mumbled, “Mm… then let’s wait until after the College Entrance Examination. Before that, let’s both focus on studying… Don’t let relationship matters affect our studies… Lu Li, you said it yourself, life isn’t just about love, right?”
After speaking, afraid that she would soften at the sight of Lu Li’s expression, Chu Jingyi turned and left, not giving him another chance to speak.
Lu Li watched the young girl’s back disappear into the sunset, his whole body going limp on the bench under the osmanthus tree as if all his strength had left him. He thought with a dizzy head: If this is also part of the Price, then it’s truly more terrifying than death…
