Chen Nannan didn’t have the habit of locking her doors, not even her bedroom.
She usually lived alone in the apartment anyway, and in all the time since moving in, she’d had hardly any visitors.
So the idea of closing a door hadn’t even crossed her mind.
Shen An twisted the knob effortlessly, and his gaze swept over Chen Nannan’s private boudoir.
“Shen An!”
Chen Nannan’s furious cry came from behind him. By the time he turned, she was right there, shoving at the door to close it again.
“There’s nothing to see.” She muttered with a pout, her small hands braced against the lock.
Shen An’s lips quirked up. Just as the door started to shut, he slid his foot into the gap to block it.
“Shen An!!!” Chen Nannan grabbed at his shirt, trying to yank him away.
“Just a peek. It’s not like it’ll cost you anything.” Shen An ruffled her hair and flashed a light grin. “I’m not a burglar or anything. Relax.”
“You’re worse than a thief.”
No matter how hard Chen Nannan tugged, she couldn’t budge him. Crossing her arms, she glared at him in annoyance.
“That’s a bit of a slander against me,” Shen An said affectionately, pinching her soft cheek. He pushed the door open and strode right inside.
Sigh~
Chen Nannan couldn’t stop him, so she followed along. Her bright eyes fixed tightly on his back, on guard against him doing anything weird.
As soon as they stepped into the room, a faint, ethereal fragrance wafted over them.
It wasn’t the heavy scent of perfume but a blend of various subtle aromas that had lingered in the air for a long time.
Chen Nannan’s room matched the overall style of her apartment—cute and cozy.
But compared to the more restrained living room, the bedroom felt downright indulgent.
Expanses of pink were everywhere: the bedsheets, stickers on the bookshelves and desk chairs, even her computer keyboard glowed with adorable pink hues.
It caught Shen An off guard. He hadn’t realized her girly side was this explosive.
“Tsk~ tsk~ tsk tsk tsk~”
He let out sounds of amazement as he looked around.
Chen Nannan trailed behind him, covering her face in embarrassment, too mortified to show herself.
The room wasn’t large; one could take it all in at a glance.
But Shen An deliberately dragged it out, slowing his steps. This only made the shame bubbling inside Chen Nannan even harder to contain.
Finally unable to bear it, she grabbed his sleeve and urged him on. “Are you done looking yet?”
Shen An turned back with a grin. “No wonder Senior Sister didn’t want me checking out your room.”
“Tch, you’re way too familiar already,” Chen Nannan grumbled. “I’ve never seen a ‘guest’ like you before.”
“I thought Senior Sister and I were already super close. Turns out I’m still just being overly familiar, huh?” Shen An clutched his chest, feigning heartbreak.
Chen Nannan’s cheeks flushed hot. “Even so, you can’t! What, do you go snooping in every girl’s bedroom when you visit their place?”
“As a matter of fact,” Shen An chuckled lightly, “if she doesn’t mind, I’d be more than happy to.”
“Hah! As if any girl would be okay with that.” Chen Nannan didn’t buy it. “You must’ve coerced her or something.”
“Am I coercing you right now, Senior Sister?”
Shen An blinked innocently.
“You’re twisting my words.” Chen Nannan turned her head away, her lips pouting. “I didn’t even let you in here.”
“Hmm~” Shen An changed the subject, drawling lazily, “It’s a really cozy style. Aside from a few spots that surprised me, it mostly matches what I imagined for your room, Senior Sister.”
“Ew, gross.” Chen Nannan shoved his shoulder irritably.
What kind of imagination?
What does this guy think about all day?
“Actually, I wanted to get to know you better this way, Senior Sister,” Shen An said softly. “Everyone’s personality is unique, but it shows up in the details—especially in how they decorate their space.”
“And your own bedroom? That’s packed with your personal flair. Checking it out gives a real glimpse into who you are.”
Chen Nannan let out a helpless laugh. “Nonsense. Don’t you know me well enough already?”
“I think you know me better, Senior Sister.”
Shen An turned to face her, gently wrapping his arms around her waist. “As for you, I feel like you’re still hiding behind a veil—like peering at a flower through the mist, all blurry.”
“There’s nothing to hide~” Chen Nannan squirmed a little, not quite comfortable.
After all, this was her bedroom.
An embrace like this, steeped in the room’s intimate atmosphere, couldn’t help but send subconscious signals through her mind.
And… it just didn’t feel quite right.
But she only fidgeted for a moment and didn’t push him away.
“There is. I just found out how girly you really are, Senior Sister. I always figured you for the artsy, literary type.”
Shen An leaned down, inhaling the scent of her silky hair to heighten the intimacy.
Chen Nannan blinked in confusion, tilting her head with a grin. “Do I really strike you as the artsy type?”
“But you love stargazing.”
“What’s that got to do with being artsy?”
“Hmm, maybe the moon’s the symbol for artsy girls, so stars get lumped in too.”
Chen Nannan saw right through his bull immediately. She lifted her chin and pinched his cheek. “Are you done looking?”
“All done.”
“Then can we go now?”
“I want to lie down for a bit.”
“No way!” Chen Nannan erupted in embarrassment.
“But your bed looks so soft.” Shen An scooped her up and plopped down on it with a thud.
He didn’t hold back at all—any opening, and he’d dive right in.
Before Chen Nannan could protest, he buried his face in her chest and murmured, “Just like your body.”
Hiss…
Sitting on her bed in her bedroom, pressed against her breasts, whispering something so embarrassing.
Chen Nannan felt like she might explode.
But instead of shyness or panic, a sudden calm washed over her.
A razor-sharp, rational calm.
She sighed, stroking his hair. “Didn’t we already agree on this before?”
Shen An sighed too. “Can’t we loosen up a little? It feels too strict.”
“I’ve already been pretty lenient with you.”
Chen Nannan smiled, narrowing her eyes. “You have to give me some time too.”
“I feel like… you’re always pushing me.”
Her intuition was spot on.
Shen An’s voice grew husky. “I just want to hold on to what I want.”
“But… don’t you think you’re holding on too tight?” Chen Nannan said patiently. “Some things slip away faster if you grip them too hard.”
The flirty atmosphere vanished in an instant.
Even Chen Nannan realized her words had landed heavy.
She hesitated, a touch of anxiety creeping in. “I mean… we still have plenty of time.”
Shen An slowly unwound his arms from her waist and looked up. “I don’t think I’m holding tight. It’s just that you’re always trying to pull away, Senior Sister.”
“I…”
Chen Nannan bit her lip, whispering, “I’m a little scared.”
“It’s okay. Everyone’s a coward when it comes to love,” Shen An said gently. “Including me.”
“But if we keep standing still, we’ll be cowards forever.”
“Don’t you want to be brave, Senior Sister?”
Chen Nannan tugged his ear, grumbling, “I can be brave, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to go wild.”
“I’m not going wild. I’m just acting spoiled.”
Shen An narrowed his eyes.
“Weird,” Chen Nannan said with distaste.
“Fine then.”
Shen An spread his hands. “Guess it’s time for me to change how I approach things.”
“Hey, I’m not blaming you.”
Chen Nannan pursed her lips. “Don’t always act like you’re quitting if things don’t go your way.”
“But I keep not getting any response from you, Senior Sister. It’s frustrating for me too.”
Shen An shifted slightly, sitting on her quilt.
Chen Nannan shoved him off, snatched up the quilt, and glared. “You’re just too greedy.”
“Uh~” Shen An looked a bit awkward. “Wouldn’t it be weirder if I wasn’t greedy?”
“So tell me, do you like me?”
Chen Nannan casually grabbed a pillow nearby and hugged it.
“Like can mean a lot of things. Which kind, Senior Sister?”
“Like is like. No need for categories.” Chen Nannan narrowed her eyes. “Can’t you just answer straight?”
“I like holding you. I like the feeling of being close and affectionate with you.”
Shen An thought for a moment and smiled.
“That might not be real like,” Chen Nannan said, a sour note in her voice as she pouted. “You’re just lonely.”
“You’d feel the same ‘like’ hugging anyone else.”
She sighed, a bit melancholic. “Truth is, I don’t even know what I feel for you.”
“You like me?”
Shen An brushed back her long hair.
Chen Nannan stayed silent.
“You don’t?”
Shen An asked softly again.
“I don’t know…” Chen Nannan sounded irritated.
This question had been nagging at her for a while.
If she didn’t like him, why had she let him kiss her?
Sure, the mood had played a big part back then.
But mood needs chemistry. Without that, no amount of atmosphere would work.
But if it was like…
Chen Nannan still couldn’t say for sure.
She didn’t know what made her so uneasy. She had this weird gut feeling that if she really fell for him, she’d get hurt.
Badly hurt.
But that wasn’t his fault…
She blamed herself.
She was cautious and sensitive about love—better nothing than getting stabbed in the heart.
“But… I kissed you,” Shen An said innocently.
“No, no, that’s not it.”
Chen Nannan waved her hands frantically. “I just… I mean…”
“Hm?”
“It’s just… I feel like you don’t really like me. Like, me specifically.”
Chen Nannan struggled with the words. “Like you said yourself—you like holding me, being affectionate, but… it’s not like it has to be me.”
“But it does have to be you.”
Shen An replied without hesitation.
“Can you swear to that?” Chen Nannan’s expression turned serious all of a sudden.
Shen An froze.
Why did he have to swear an oath again? Did they all love this routine?
“I…” He was about to speak when Chen Nannan covered his mouth.
“It’s actually meaningless. Even if you swear, it might not be sincere.”
Chen Nannan’s irritation grew heavier. She tugged at her own hair. “I’m… I’m not saying you’re hypocritical or trying to deceive me… It’s just…”
This unease wasn’t some vague illusion.
She felt that perhaps the current Shen An, the Shen An right now, did like her.
But what about the future Shen An?
With so many girls around him, he would eventually grow tired of her.
Shen An narrowed his eyes and grasped her wrist. “Isn’t Senior Sister overthinking this?”
“Maybe.” Chen Nannan didn’t deny it. She lay back down directly, staring blankly at the ceiling. “Maybe my issues are the more serious ones.”
She was prone to anxiety, overly worried about the future.
She wanted a lover who could stay by her side for a lifetime.
A lover who would support her forever, who would rely on her as she did on them.
She didn’t want to search slowly, to grind in gradually.
She was afraid of searching, afraid of the grinding process, and even more terrified of separation.
If a flower was destined to wither, no matter how beautifully it bloomed, Chen Nannan would choose not to plant it at all.
That was her personality.
It had always been hidden beneath her sunny, carefree exterior.
Until Shen An drew closer, step by step, until he was too near for her to conceal it any longer.
Moreover…
Chen Nannan suddenly said in a wistful tone, “Do you think that because you kissed me, you now have an obligation to take responsibility, to treat me as your girlfriend?”
“You don’t need to hide your true thoughts. You can say it straightforwardly.”
Shen An’s mouth twitched. “How could that be?”
Ha~
If it weren’t true, she wouldn’t have sensed that subtle shift in his emotions.
Her attentiveness in matters of the heart was like a magnifying glass—a double-edged sword that could wound both her and the other person at any moment.
That was her judgment.
She believed Shen An didn’t like her that much. It was just the stirrings of puberty, an infatuation with his senior sister, an… aspiration toward women in general.
Because she treated him well, took good care of him.
Plus, they had grown quite close.
And that kiss…
She admitted she was moved; otherwise, she wouldn’t have drawn nearer to him.
But she feared it was she who was deeply smitten, while he was driven more by hormones, by some misplaced sense of duty.
That was the tangle, the contradiction gnawing at her.
She sought a purer, more Platonic love.
One bound solely by their hearts, the most genuine emotions, untainted by anything else.
Silence. More silence.
After a long while, her voice finally sounded.
“Shen An…”
“I’m here. Is Senior Sister going to sleep?” Shen An said softly.
“You…” She turned her head with some difficulty, looking at him. “Don’t you ever feel that actually, we might not be right for each other?”
The smile on Shen An’s face froze instantly.
He scratched his head. “But… we haven’t even started yet, right?”
“No. From the moment we met, it had already begun.”
Chen Nannan was somewhat stubborn. “The bond between people forms the instant they meet.”
“Whether it becomes friendship, romance, or remains as strangers—it’s all destined from that first encounter.”
“Senior Sister, that sounds a bit too fatalistic.”
Shen An shook his head.
“But that’s how I think.”
Chen Nannan sat up, her voice low. “I feel… we shouldn’t start.”
“It might be better if we just stayed normal friends.”
Shen An listened silently, his eyes narrowing in surprise.
Chen Nannan’s sensitivity and stubbornness exceeded his expectations.
The confrontation came so directly, so swiftly.
“If Senior Sister is upset because I entered your room without permission, I can apologize.”
Shen An grew serious as well. “And I promise that next time, without your consent, I won’t do anything you consider excessive.”
Chen Nannan pressed a hand to her forehead. “You said the same thing last time.”
“I…”
“It’s fine, Shen An. This isn’t your fault, really.”
Chen Nannan emphasized repeatedly. “This… it’s a problem between us.”
“But I… we… didn’t we kiss?”
Shen An said in a dazed manner.
“I said, that’s not the issue!”
Chen Nannan’s voice suddenly rose. “Don’t dwell on that kiss. That… that one doesn’t count.”
Yes.
She was deeply irritated by this very problem.
She always felt that Shen An’s sense of responsibility stemmed from that kiss… and nothing more.
She didn’t want that kind of responsibility. She wanted him to simply like her, purely and truly.
It was contradictory, perhaps…
No, it was definitely contradictory.
Even Chen Nannan felt the contradiction within herself.
She took a deep breath and lowered her head. “We’re not right for each other. At least, not now.”
As the words left her lips, her heart trembled.
These were her truest feelings.
No probing, no coercion.
Yet why, after saying exactly what she most wanted to say, did it feel so bitter?
Even…
A little painful.
She couldn’t help but clutch her chest.
If she could, she would have covered her ears too.
Because she felt she had hurt Shen An.
His response, when it came, might be words that would leave her wracked with guilt, words she could never forget.
