058 Crystal Slime
“Department V, meeting over here.”
“Coming.”
The company’s IT guy, Brother Wang, came over with his shiny bald head and called out. Everyone from Department V started walking towards the conference room.
“Engineer Qin, Engineer Qin, you forgot your notebook.”
Qin Ren was walking with a sleepy, swaying gait when Cheng Siyu’s voice came from behind. He turned around and saw his little sister-in-law with a notebook tucked under her arm, fumbling for a gel pen.
Actually, there were many gel pens in the pen holder on the desk, but for some reason, very few of them worked.
So Cheng Siyu was trying them out one by one on a piece of paper, unable to find a working one after a long search.
“Forget it, let’s go.”
“You’re not bringing a notebook to a meeting?”
“Trust me, you won’t need it.”
Qin Ren was an old hand at this. For a big meeting, important matters would be sent to the group chat. For a small meeting, there was nothing to record.
If there was something really important, it wasn’t for them, the basic employees, to worry about. Anyway, the department head would take notes and then send them to the department group chat.
The so-called bringing a pen and paper to a meeting was just a principle, at most to show a so-called attitude.
So Qin Ren yawned and pulled on Cheng Siyu’s sleeve. Cheng Siyu put down her notebook and followed him. But when they got to the conference room door, Yun Wanhe glanced at the two of them walking side by side, a trace of displeasure flashing in her eyes. She directly asked Cheng Siyu.
“Little Cheng, where’s your notebook and pen?”
“Ah…”
“Go get them.”
“Oh…”
Cheng Siyu looked at Qin Ren with a wronged expression, then turned to go. Halfway through, Qin Ren put his hand on her shoulder and turned her back, then chided Yun Wanhe.
“Don’t be like that, Sister Yun.”
“Who’s being like that…”
Yun Wanhe’s lips pouted. She huffed but didn’t insist. After all, it wasn’t the first time Qin Ren had talked back to a superior. What if he yelled at her again?
She was a department head, after all. Being yelled at by her junior every day, didn’t she have any face to lose?
————————
While the meeting was going on, there was no one at the workstations. So no one noticed a puddle of transparent, glue-like slime squirming from the corridor into the office.
To use an analogy, this puddle of slime was like the symbiote in Venom before it possessed a human. When footsteps occasionally sounded nearby, it would stop moving and spread out even more, its texture becoming thinner, making it look like a puddle of water spilled on the floor.
When the nearby footsteps disappeared, it would continue to squirm.
…
About half an hour later, the meeting ended. Back at his workstation, Qin Ren was still incredibly sleepy, but it wasn’t lunchtime yet. Napping in broad daylight, he wasn’t afraid of anything else, just the trouble if one of the company’s directors happened to wander by.
What can relieve worries? Only coffee.
Actually, Qin Ren, who was used to drinking coffee, was already quite immune to its stimulating effect. He had wanted to buy a Red Bull, but Red Bull was too expensive. For a person who was raising three girls at home, every little bit he could save on details like this was a win.
So Qin Ren took out a stick of Nescafé Extra Strong from his drawer, flicked it in his left hand, and picked up his mug with his right, ready to make a cup.
“Huh?”
However, as soon as he stood up and picked up the cup, Qin Ren felt it was heavy.
“When did I get water…”
Qin Ren looked into the cup. It was full, not hot, not cold, just warm. He was frowning in confusion when he saw a string of small, snot-like bubbles rising in the water.
“???”
Has the water come to life?
Half of Qin Ren’s sleepiness dissipated. Only then did he belatedly feel the faint heat of the Stigma on his collarbone.
“What are you doing, Brother Ren? Counting tadpoles?” Zhou Chi asked from the opposite side, picking his nose.
“I’m… going to the bathroom.”
It was the first time Qin Ren had encountered a Demonic Scion at the company. He muttered randomly and walked out.
“Going to the bathroom?”
Zhou Chi looked at his back, puzzled.
“Why are you taking a cup to the bathroom?”
He couldn’t help but think of the news he had seen before, about an Indian selling drinks on the street who would add urine to the cups when the customers weren’t looking. His thoughts drifted for a moment…
————————
Qin Ren went to the bathroom and easily found a clean stall.
He remembered interning at a state-owned enterprise before. In comparison, the bathrooms in a super-A-grade office building like the IFS Center were several times cleaner, especially with the current smell of disinfectant, which clearly indicated it had just been cleaned. Qin Ren could sit on the toilet lid with confidence. Then he looked at the full cup of “water.” Two vague, oval-shaped little beans had grown, slightly protruding from the water’s surface, resembling two eyes.
“Goo-goo-goo~”
“…”
A gurgling sound came from the cup. From experience, Qin Ren already knew that this was not water come to life, but a slime.
Slimes, as common a Demonic Scion as vampires, were something Qin Ren had often encountered before.
Swamp Slimes, Poison Slimes, Lubricant Slimes, Silicone Slimes, White Turbid Slimes, and the Carrion Slime that had caused his breakup…
The types were quite diverse, and their habits were also different. Most were harmless, kind, and timid.
For example, the Crystal Slime in the cup in front of him was the more timid type.
“Are you here to find me?”
“Goo-goo-gee~!”
A string of snot bubbles rose in the cup. Without asking, Qin Ren could guess that this slime, like the one-legged pigeon Tie Zhu from the other day, was here to report the latest news on Yu Ling’er.
But the difference was that although Tie Zhu could only “coo-coo-coo,” it could deliver a message by carrier pigeon. A slime, on the other hand, couldn’t conveniently carry a medium, so it was much more troublesome to communicate effectively with Qin Ren.
And so, in the stall Qin Ren was in, many identical, fist-sized, sticky water balls soon squeezed in from under the door. He didn’t know when these clones had formed. Including the one in the cup, a total of one to two hundred water balls began to merge in front of Qin Ren.
“Hurry up, please. I still have to work.”
Qin Ren glanced at the time, but he couldn’t rush it too much. He had to wait for it to merge into a complete human form before it could speak.
About five minutes later, a slightly transparent, somewhat bluish female body outline appeared. Not only did it have a nose and eyes, but all other physiological features were also present. And it had even cheekily struck a pose with a figure that met the aesthetic standards of human males.
Voluptuous and long legs, a peach-like roundness below the waist, and a chest that was, by visual estimation, about the same as Yu Yourong’s.
It was just like a 3D model. Some details were still missing. For example, the two large rabbits on her chest had no eyes and were smooth. And below, it didn’t have the camel toe shape of a normal human girl.
In addition, perhaps this slime didn’t have much experience in transforming into a human. It hadn’t mastered the amount of mass to condense. Although the proportions were fine, the overall height was a little too tall, about a head and a half taller than Qin Ren, giving him a feeling of the eight-foot-tall lady from Resident Evil 8.
“Goo…?”
“…”
At first glance, everything was fine, except that this thing’s brain was as transparent and clean as its body. Among its facial features, it had somehow forgotten to create a mouth. And it was still foolishly wringing its fingers, looking at Qin Ren innocently and anxiously, not knowing why it couldn’t speak.
“You idiot.”
Qin Ren pointed below her nose.
“Don’t you see that you’re still missing something important?”
“Gee…”
A certain brainless slime actually held its chin and looked as if it were thinking, which made Qin Ren’s eyelids twitch.
“Gee!”
Suddenly, it understood. Then, for some inexplicable reason, it became shy. Its entire light blue body gradually turned pink. And then with a “pop,” the rabbit sisters on its chest each grew a cardamom-like eye.
“Gee…” It closed its eyes, its pink eyelashes also drooping, shyly.
“Not that!”
This slime’s brain, if you said it was simple, it seemed to be filled with a lot of completely unnecessary knowledge. Ten thousand alpacas ran through Qin Ren’s mind. He put his hands on his hips and held his forehead.
“It’s a mouth! How are you supposed to talk without a mouth?!”
“Goo!!”
Qin Ren was a little loud. The timid slime was so scared that its body trembled. It took half a step back, twisted its ankle, and then fell heavily into Qin Ren’s arms. Splat. It fell into two halves.
“…”
This strange yet somewhat comical scene was a bit of a black comedy, leaving Qin Ren not knowing what expression to make.
Fortunately, it was a body condensed from multiple clones, so it wasn’t sticky or wet. Qin Ren subconsciously squeezed it. The surface felt as smooth and comfortable as human skin. The cross-section… was a little rough, but also dense, a bit like torn soft rubber.
It had to be said that the touch of the inside and outside was quite similar to those onaholes…
Of course, you could only say it was similar. After all, Qin Ren had never really used one of those things. It was just that back in his freshman year, someone in the next dorm had bought one, and everyone had gone to touch it a few times out of curiosity.
“Goo-goo-goo…”
The slime that had fallen into two halves let out two aggrieved cries, and then, much faster than the first time, it condensed into two smaller girls.
About the same age as Luo Yao, very pretty. Their skin color had returned to the original light blue, and their long hair was soft and smooth, just not separated into individual strands, so it was like real silk.
And their facial features were finally complete. Their moist lips parted, and Qin Ren, sitting on the toilet, heard the two naked little girls on his left and right speak at the same time, their timid voices carrying a hint of childishness.
“Exorcist…” said the little girl on the left.
“We found her…” the little girl on the right picked up.
“Shh—”
Qin Ren made a hushing gesture. After all, this was the men’s restroom. If someone who suddenly came in heard such a clear female voice, explaining it over the phone wouldn’t be enough.
“Quieter… tell me in detail…” Qin Ren pointed to his ear.
The two little girls looked at each other, then timidly moved closer. Their soft, cool bodies, one hugging Qin Ren’s left arm, the other his right, stood on their tiptoes, which were like crystal. Their tender lips pressed close to Qin Ren’s ear.
“That person…”
“We found her…”
“Under the locust tree…”
“In the clouds…”
“No. 85 Qingfang Road…”
“Dirty…”
“Stupid…”
…
The two voices poured into his brain, one from the left, one from the right. Qin Ren felt like he was listening to Jay Chou’s song “Dragon Fist.” But from the messy information, he still managed to sort out the most crucial information, which could be roughly summarized as:
[The destitute Yu Ling’er has appeared at No. 85 Qingfang Road]
And where was No. 85 Qingfang Road?
Qin Ren had originally found Yu Yourong at the Golden Arches near Longhu Residential Community. The address of that Golden Arches was No. 81 Qingfang Road.
So was this fate…
Qin Ren didn’t think so. He thought about how both Yu Yourong and Luo Yao had wandered around his home because they had sensed the “wisp of spiritual energy” in his house. Now that Yu Ling’er had come here after being released from the police station, it was most likely for the same reason.
…
“Brother Ren! Brother Ren, are you done yet!”
“!”
A loud shout from Zhou Chi suddenly came from outside the bathroom door. This startled even Qin Ren, let alone the two slimes. They immediately clung to Qin Ren’s arms, trembling. The particularly fragile and delicate parts of their bodies could be seen melting like latex, continuously dripping thick, light blue liquid onto the floor.
Qin Ren subconsciously stood up, making some noise. Zhou Chi heard it and came over to knock on the door.
“Brother Ren? The client is looking for you. Hurry up.”
“Damn it, I know! Can you just get lost?!”
Qin Ren was in a panic. He looked at the two translucent, pretty slime girls behind him, recalled his experience from the last time this happened, and then pinched half of the almost-melted little bottom of one of them.
“Mmm~” The slime closed its eyes. While melting, its whole body turned pink again.
“Relax.”
Qin Ren instructed in a hushed voice. Then, that half of the little bottom slowly peeled off, turning back into one of the water balls that had originally formed the body.
“Goo-gee-goo-gee…”
The little thing was a bit nervous and scared. Qin Ren gently placed it back into the mug as if he were holding a piece of tofu, then mercilessly stuffed the remaining parts of the two little girls into the toilet and pressed the flush button.
Whoosh—
“Phew…”
Qin Ren did this with his eyes closed. Even though he knew that the one in the cup could continue to replicate clones and then construct an identical entity, even though he knew that the two flushed down the toilet were just disappearing shells, even though he had done such things before during his exorcism days…
But an exorcist was still a human, after all. People have hearts. Some things, no matter how many times you do them, you just can’t get used to.
But it was a good thing it was a Crystal Slime. Flushing it down was like flushing a few basins of clean water. If it had been a Carrion Slime or something…
Tsk tsk tsk, that would have been a pure, bloody B-movie.
The kind that even Quentin would be greatly shocked by, but not understand.
————————
In the end, when Qin Ren came out, Zhou Chi saw the puddles of water in the stall and thought the toilet was leaking. Besides teasing Qin Ren about the cup in his hand, he naturally didn’t notice anything else unusual.
“Hey, you can go home now. Where do you need to go? I’ll take you.”
“Goo-gee…”
As it was getting late, Qin Ren took advantage of others going to dinner and quietly asked the Crystal Slime that had been in the cup all afternoon. The little thing looked very reluctant, its body spinning around in the cup.
“You like this cup?”
“Gee~”
“…”
Mmm…
Speaking of which, after years of exorcism, Qin Ren had never really thought about getting a unique little pet after retiring. At this moment, looking at the Crystal Slime in the cup, this thought suddenly came to him. He casually opened a small red paper box on his desk with the character “喜” (happiness) on it.
Inside were some wedding candies from a colleague’s wedding a few months ago.
Originally, there were many kinds: chocolate gold coins, White Rabbit creamy candies, corn soft candies, and so on.
But Qin Ren would eat one every day when he was bored. Now, all that was left were strawberry-flavored Alpenliebe milk candies.
Qin Ren had always felt that strawberries were delicious, but strawberry-flavored things were all disgusting, including Alpenliebe.
So, making do, he unwrapped one and threw it into the cup.
“Goo-loo-loo~”
The Crystal Slime happily let out another string of small bubbles. The strawberry milk candy melted quickly, and in the blink of an eye, the full cup of slime turned pink, even deeper than when it was shy in the bathroom just now, as if a human had gotten drunk.
“Goo~ goo~” It even hiccuped.
“Hahaha…”
Qin Ren found this interesting and, for the first time, felt a different kind of affection for the creature that was the slime, the same kind of affection he had for Tuantuan. He thought it would be nice to raise one. He could play with it in the office, and maybe it could keep Yourong and Luo Yao company at home.
“How about I give you a name?”
“Gee~”
Qin Ren thought for a moment. He had already named Tie Zhu and Goudan. What else…
Cuihua?
Erya?
Tietuo?
Qin Ren considered for a while. The image of its pink body and the sticky drops that fell when it melted just now gradually appeared in his mind.
“From now on, your name will be Mizhi!”
Qin Ren thought this was a good one.
“How about it, Mizhi?”
“Goo-gee~~~”
***
Translator’s Notes
-
Eight-foot-tall lady (八尺大人): A reference to Hachishaku-sama, a figure from Japanese internet folklore (a creepypasta) who is an exceptionally tall female spirit that preys on children. She is also a prominent antagonist in the video game Resident Evil Village.
-
Jay Chou’s “Dragon Fist” (周董的那首《龙拳》): A famous song by the Taiwanese artist Jay Chou. The part being referenced is likely a section with rapid-fire, overlapping lyrics that can be hard to decipher, similar to how the two slimes are speaking to Qin Ren.
-
Mizhi (蜜汁): The name “Mìzhī” (蜜汁) literally means “honey juice.” It’s also a pun. “Mì” (蜜) sounds like the English word “me,” and “zhī” (汁) means “juice” or “sauce.”
