Chapter 38: “Are You Going to Die If You Get a Little Closer to Me?” Part 1

That night, Chen Xuebing half-dreamed and half-woke as she got up to go to the bathroom. Halfway there, she was suddenly struck by the sight to the right of the yurt.

It was the dead of night—

Almost no light, only a bit of moonlight filtering through the seams of the felt cloth.

Those two women who claimed they were Chinese heading for a divorce had clearly been sleeping far apart before bed, like enemies meeting on a narrow path.

But now, fast asleep, they were secretly holding each other tightly under the moonlight, hidden from everyone.

One was skinny and small, curled up on the inside, while the other was on the outside, wrapping her own body tightly around her partner.

Chen Xuebing only glanced once, and inexplicably broke out in goosebumps.

At that moment, Wangwang, who had noticed she was gone, stumbled over sleepily and hugged her from behind, a bit scared.

Then she turned her head and saw the two of them too.

Wangwang rubbed her eyes and asked in bewilderment, “Didn’t these two say they were going to get divorced?”

Xuebing thought for a moment, saw Qiu Yiran’s missing leg, and said very seriously, “We need to find a way to help them out.”

With that, they exchanged a glance.

Then, in perfect sync, they looked away.

Chen Xuebing tiptoed over—she wanted to tuck Qiu Yiran’s hand, which was outside the quilt, back inside. After picking it up, she considered it seriously for a moment, then very “accidentally” placed Qiu Yiran’s hand on Li Wuhui’s waist.

Fu Wangwang followed her, circling around the two of them—she pulled out the quilt that had been between them, then thickly covered both of them with it.

Doing these weird things in the dead of night had Wangwang and Xuebing breaking out in a sweat.

After finishing their separate tasks.

This pair of newlywed wives naturally put their heads together, looking down at the sleeping divorcing wives, pondering with brainwaves whether they could go even further.

But before they could reach a conclusion.

The two sharing the same quilt suddenly leaned into each other very naturally in their sleep—

Qiu Yiran had been curled up, but after the quilt was put over her, she burrowed straight into Li Wuhui’s arms.

Her hand wrapped around Li Wuhui’s waist, unconsciously tilting her head up, her forehead almost touching Li Wuhui’s chin.

Li Wuhui seemed to be guided by some muscle memory, naturally adjusting her position to accommodate Qiu Yiran.

She lowered her head slightly, her arm protecting the other’s shoulder, holding the person curled in her arms very tightly.

Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces, forming a complete egg hidden in its shell.

Wangwang really wanted to “snap” a photo to commemorate it.

But Xuebing stopped her.

Finally, this pair of newlywed wives exchanged a glance and quietly slipped away.

–

It couldn’t be denied—Qiu Yiran had slept well.

She hadn’t lost the half-dreamed, half-awake memories from last night of the nightmare and Li Wuhui.

Though that memory embarrassed her, she hadn’t had the courage at the time to push it all away and start over.

Shamefully, she had hidden under Li Wuhui’s protection, calming her emotions with difficulty under Li Wuhui’s soft reassurances, before unknowingly falling asleep again.

She didn’t dream again that night.

When she woke, it was noisy around her, with people coming and going outside the yurt. In a daze, she lifted her eyelids—

And saw Li Wuhui right there.

Li Wuhui, right in front of her face.

The woman’s face was almost touching hers, her messy brown wavy hair from sleep carrying a fragrance, scattered on the pillow, on her face, on their tightly pressed shoulders and backs.

Any closer…

And they’d unknowingly brush against each other’s skin.

Qiu Yiran was almost scared into heart palpitations.

She clearly remembered that she and Li Wuhui hadn’t been that close last night.

Even if Li Wuhui had shifted over to comfort her softly.

In the end, they shouldn’t have been sleeping on the same mat, under the same quilt.

But now…

They were actually holding each other.

Her hand was on Li Wuhui’s waist and back. And Li Wuhui was holding her shoulder so naturally.

They had fallen asleep embracing in the yurt in Kazakhstan, just like so many days and nights in Paris before.

It was probably late by now—the sounds of people outside the yurt were loud, but Li Wuhui still hadn’t woken.

The woman was breathing evenly toward her, her sleeping face peaceful, as if having a good dream.

Qiu Yiran didn’t dare move a muscle.

Her whole body stiff, she blinked with great difficulty, hoping it was a dream.

But the morning sounds outside the yurt told her it wasn’t.

The hand on the woman’s waist and back clenched into a fist stiffly.

Qiu Yiran tried to slowly pull her hand back.

So her movements wouldn’t wake Li Wuhui, forcing them to face each other in this position.

It took Qiu Yiran several minutes.

Once done, she finally relaxed her tightly clenched jaw.

But she still didn’t dare breathe.

Now, as long as she moved Li Wuhui’s hand away, she could pretend nothing had happened.

Qiu Yiran held her breath.

Then, curling her fingers, she carefully reached toward her own shoulder.

Just as she was about to touch the other’s arm.

Li Wuhui, still asleep, suddenly moved—her hand lifted from Qiu Yiran’s shoulder, then naturally placed on Qiu Yiran’s back.

Qiu Yiran froze instantly.

From Li Wuhui’s movement, their hair tangled together, her face forced down to the woman’s neck, her lips and nose almost brushing the softest, most sensitive spot on the woman’s throat.

This made her even more afraid to make a sound.

Helpless, she became a person frozen in the embrace.

Meanwhile, Li Wuhui holding her was probably still dreaming.

Because Li Wuhui let out a faint sigh, using just her breath.

Then she hugged tighter, gently patting Qiu Yiran’s back, the movements very tender.

This was completely an unconscious action in sleep—because it had happened countless times last night.

Whenever Qiu Yiran trembled by accident or made any sound.

Li Wuhui would suddenly wake, or even half-awake, breath labored as she patted Qiu Yiran’s back.

Just like those many sleepless nights before.

It dawned on her sluggishly that this was happening again.

Qiu Yiran suddenly felt numbness on both sides of her chest; she forcibly steadied her moistening breaths.

Shrunk up like a quail under the thick quilt, she could hear Li Wuhui’s steady heartbeat thumping in her ear.

Thump, thump.

She squeezed her eyes shut.

But her forehead pressed against Li Wuhui’s neck, feeling the woman’s most vulnerable, softest pulse beating by her ear, as if touching her eardrum.

Li Wuhui seemed unaware she was awake, still patting her back sporadically, her soft palm landing on Qiu Yiran’s tense spine—

Qiu Yiran had to pull away, covering her ragged breaths.

The palm on her back lifted—

She forced herself to escape Li Wuhui’s arms quickly, not to linger on it at all.

The palm gently fell again—

Empty.

Qiu Yiran bit her lip hard.

Then, as if fleeing some terrifying object, she scrambled out of the warm quilt, grabbed her crutches in a panic, and bolted out.

The palm lifted—

Li Wuhui still lay on her side, slowly opening her eyes to see Qiu Yiran fleeing like a dehydrated fish.

The palm fell—

Empty.

Li Wuhui’s fingers slowly curled.

The palm lifted again—

Li Wuhui wearily closed her eyes, curling her whole body into the now-empty side.

The lifted palm finally fell—

She patted her own shoulder.

–

Qiu Yiran calmed down after rushing out.

There were more people outside the yurt than she’d imagined. The weather looked good today, sunlight bathing the grassland, with locals and travelers bustling about, packing up to set off again.

Someone stood by the yurt and jumped when she suddenly burst out on crutches, muttering something before trying to lift the door flap to go in.

Qiu Yiran hurriedly grabbed her.

The other woman jumped again, chattering in words Qiu Yiran couldn’t understand, her tone not great.

Qiu Yiran pursed her lips and communicated calmly in English, “Can you not go in yet? Wait a bit.”

The other didn’t understand, her tone growing more agitated.

So Qiu Yiran frantically gestured. This time, the woman seemed to get it, nodding reluctantly and holding up ten fingers.

Probably meaning ten minutes.

Qiu Yiran breathed a sigh of relief.

Leaning on her crutches, she bowed and said, “Thank you.”

Then she glanced at the tightly closed door flap, exhaled, scanned around, but didn’t dare go far. She took a few steps and sat on a random rock.

From here, she could see their parked car and the yurt they slept in.

Before the ten minutes she’d bought were up.

Li Wuhui lifted the door flap and came out.

She was still wearing that windbreaker with the broken zipper, holding a bottle of medicine in hand. She spotted Qiu Yiran accurately amid the crowd and walked over.

At that moment, Qiu Yiran was kneading her left leg, which had gone numb upon waking, staring blankly at the bright yellow taxi.

“What’s wrong? Regretting it again?”

Li Wuhui walked up, clearly questioning, but her tone calm. “Thinking it would’ve been better not to agree to go to Paris with me?”

The woman’s shadow covered her inescapably, like pressure, like encirclement.

Qiu Yiran dazedly shook her head slowly. “No.”

“Then what are you thinking about?”

Li Wuhui looked down at her.

She handed over the medicine bottle, tone brooking no argument. “Put more on when we get in the car later.”

Qiu Yiran silently took the medicine. “About last night…”

“I don’t remember.”

Li Wuhui cut her off cleanly. “I don’t remember what happened last night. And even if something did, it’s cold out—emergencies are forgivable.”

Qiu Yiran knew Li Wuhui was protecting her pride. She gripped the medicine bottle tightly, suddenly feeling even sadder for some reason, and said, “Thanks.”

“No problem.” Li Wuhui said. She paused, as if unaware she should say “you’re welcome” instead of no problem.

But she didn’t correct herself, instead repeating softly, “No problem.”

Qiu Yiran blinked, a bit at a loss.

Li Wuhui paused again, not bringing it up. “So what were you just thinking?”

Qiu Yiran snapped back, her gaze returning to the taxi parked nearby. After hesitating a long time, she finally mustered her courage. “Do you want to drive yourself?”

Li Wuhui fell silent at the question, seeming surprised Qiu Yiran would bring it up suddenly, unsure how to handle it.

After a long while, she covered the back of her left hand with her right, scraped her knuckle across it, then answered in her usual self-protective way. “Since I want you to face it again, do you want to help me overcome my obstacle before the divorce too?”

She didn’t dodge, bluntly laying bare Qiu Yiran’s intentions.

Qiu Yiran hadn’t planned to hide them anyway. Hearing this, she didn’t deny it. “Something like that.”

“Was it something you thought from the start, or just these past few days?” Li Wuhui no longer looked at the car, her gaze on Qiu Yiran’s head.

“What’s the difference?” Qiu Yiran didn’t understand the point of the question.

“Of course there is.” Li Wuhui said. “If you thought of it before we left, it means you’ve always been thinking of me. But if it’s just these past few days, then it’s only because of what I did—maybe to even the score, or just…”

Here, Li Wuhui gripped her hands tighter. “To distract me, that’s all.”

Qiu Yiran noticed the movement, silent for a long while before slowly saying, “Of course I hope you move forward too.”

Li Wuhui said nothing, just staring at her, as if discerning if it was sincere.

“I’ve always thought that way,” Qiu Yiran explained sincerely.

“It’s not because I’m trying to spite you, or because you made me draw, or because you let me… let me use the film roll. I just wanted to beat you somehow, so I deliberately brought up driving to make you uncomfortable too…”

“The truth is, I agreed to this trip because I wanted you to move on as well. And I’ve been thinking about it the whole way. I wanted to say something yesterday. The roads lately have been pretty good—wide roads with hardly any traffic. It’s a relatively safe chance. If I’m… if I’m right there beside you watching, there won’t be any problems.”

It was clear that Qiu Yiran’s words came from the heart. Li Wuhui didn’t interrupt her midway. Instead, after she finished, Li Wuhui chuckled lightly and asked,

“Can you guarantee there won’t be any problems?”

Qiu Yiran froze.

Li Wuhui laughed.

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

Li Wuhui knew she couldn’t answer that question. After asking, she crouched down on her own and straightened out Qiu Yiran’s pant leg, which had gotten hiked up in her haste.

“This is about your safety. I’m not going to let you talk me into it with just a few words.”

“Are you never going to drive again for the rest of your life?” Qiu Yiran seized the chance to ask.

Li Wuhui’s movements paused.

The grassland winds were strong. Her hair got blown into a mess, fluttering wildly. A few strands even lightly brushed across the tip of Qiu Yiran’s nose.