Chapter 26: 26. Her Nanwu Sweetheart Part 2

During the first snowfall after I came back. In that very brief second.

When she saw me on the bus. When she ran as hard as she could to find me. When I saw her glasses were all fogged up from searching for me. When I saw her running for so long in the heavy snow just to find me…

That’s when we already made up.

~ ~ ~

After Yu Qinjiu left.

Ji Qingyou started her afternoon work. It was the same as usual. But when she passed the nurse’s station to ask about her patient’s condition, the nurse held back a smile and said, “Okay, Nanwu Sweetheart.”

Her finger, handing over the file, stiffened for a moment.

When she returned to the office, someone teased, “Our Nanwu Sweetheart is back!”

She looked at the speaker, wanting to argue, but found she wasn’t angry at all. Not even a little. So she couldn’t argue. She just pursed her lips and silently returned to her seat. Looking at the Alps wallpaper on her computer screen, she couldn’t help thinking:

Miss Alps and Nanwu Sweetheart.

It sounded like two titles from a fairy tale.

When on night duty, she went to the on-call room to work on her paper. Ji Xiruan gave her a thumbs-up. “As expected of Miss Alps. She single-handedly changed your nickname from ‘Robot’ to ‘Nanwu Sweetheart.’ How is it? Does it sound better?”

Ji Qingyou glanced at her and said nothing.

This hospital is great in many ways. But there are too many gossips.

“I think this nickname suits you better. It matches your soft, delicate heart.” Ji Xiruan said with a grin.

Ji Qingyou calmly exposed her. “I seem to remember you were the one who gave me the nickname ‘Surgical Robot’?”

Ji Xiruan was unabashed. “Yeah. That’s why I can’t compare to Miss Alps. Rightly so. The nickname I gave you only looks at your surface. But Miss Alps, she goes straight to your soul…”

Ji Qingyou didn’t take her exaggeration seriously. “You should have studied liberal arts.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” Ji Xiruan said belatedly. “Is it a waste that I studied medicine?”

“Then why did you study medicine?” Ji Qingyou asked casually.

Ji Xiruan smoothly launched into her usual spiel. “In my second year of high school, my mom and I went on a trip. Someone on the plane fainted. A girl immediately stood up, took their blood pressure, temperature… did all that stuff. I thought it was so cool. My head was hot, and the next year after the college entrance exam, without a second thought, I filled in all medical majors.”

As she spoke, she sighed. “That became the biggest regret of my life.”

Ji Qingyou looked up. “Studying medicine?”

“No.” Ji Xiruan shook her head, expertly found the cookies stashed in the on-call room, tried to tear open the package, and failed. She ended up just shaking it in her hand. “Not asking for that girl’s contact info then.”

“That’s my biggest regret.”

Ji Qingyou watched the cookie she was shaking in her hand, frowned slightly, but still took it, tore it open, and handed it back to her.

Ji Xiruan grinned, taking it. “Why didn’t you ask why?”

Ji Qingyou often couldn’t understand Ji Xiruan’s thought process. “Why?”

After dryly chewing on the cookie for a while, Ji Xiruan didn’t answer her question. She just sighed. “So, people have to seize the moment. Otherwise, for the rest of your life, whenever you think about it, you’ll regret it so much you’ll wish you could steal Doraemon’s time machine.”

Ji Qingyou didn’t agree. “No matter what choice you make, you’ll regret it at some point.”

When you think you’ve made the best choice,

Fate can easily push you to the other side of that choice.

“True.” Ji Xiruan nodded. In the quiet on-call room, she was silent for a few seconds. She looked at Ji Qingyou again, who seemed lost in thought under the overhead light.

So Ji Xiruan asked again. “I heard from them that you and Miss Alps had a falling out. How did that happen?”

Usually, when she asked these questions, Ji Qingyou would either answer vaguely or not at all. She would have to pester her for a while before getting a half-hearted answer.

But at this moment,

In the on-call room with just the two of them.

Ji Qingyou lowered her eyes, looking at the watch on her wrist, listening quietly to the ticking of the second hand.

Tick, tock, tick, tock…

After a few seconds, her voice was very soft as she answered a question Ji Xiruan hadn’t expected to get answered.

“She was going abroad, and I had no way to keep her here.”

It was that way before. It’s still that way now.

But maybe this time, they will face the separation in a more mature way.

~ ~ ~

When Yu Qinjiu got home, it was already nine in the evening.

She habitually opened the fridge to get a drink, only to belatedly realize she had already emptied it of all the alcohol. The warm light from the fridge fell on her face, a little harsh. She blinked painfully, paused for a few seconds, and closed the fridge again.

Just as the feeling of anxiety began to rise, she started rubbing her neck incessantly. She even began to hallucinate. The butterfly’s wings were severed, whimpering weakly.

Then it started swelling infinitely, pulling her into a terrifying abyss.

Until she received a video call from her psychiatrist. In the first years after going abroad, she was in great pain. A few years later, she started seeking help from a psychiatrist. Before returning to China, she had improved somewhat. Since returning home, she had to temporarily use video calls to talk to Salist.

Through the computer screen, Salist assessed her condition, and asked in a tone that seemed casual. “Has your level of alcohol dependence decreased recently?”

Yu Qinjiu brought a glass of water over, leaned back in her desk chair, squinted slightly. “I think so. And I plan to quit.”

“Oh?” Salist raised an eyebrow, placing her crossed hands on the table. “And how is that going?”

“It’s been a few days.” Yu Qinjiu recalled her feelings. “Sometimes I feel relieved. Sometimes it feels painful.”

“I remember your alcohol dependence wasn’t too severe. Compared to many chronic alcoholics, you’re in better shape.” Salist reassured her. “But even low-proof alcohol, once you’re used to it, is hard to give up.”

“Because I don’t want to become an alcoholic.” Yu Qinjiu smiled slightly, but her fingers unconsciously dug into the armrest of the chair. “Part of my body belongs to my mother. I have to be responsible for her. I can’t damage it easily.”

“And your father?” Salist asked offhandedly.

The smile on Yu Qinjiu’s face instantly vanished.

Salist smiled lightly. She shifted her intense gaze away, casually picked up the coffee next to her, took a sip, then casually switched to a softer topic. “So, how does it feel to be back in China?”

Yu Qinjiu’s tight lips relaxed slightly. She knew what Salist really wanted to ask. She paused for a few seconds before answering.

“I’m trying my best to avoid any contact with him. But I can’t. He always finds me so easily, wanting me to do things for him. But I don’t want to do anything for him. If I could, I would give back everything that belongs to him in me.”

“Then isn’t returning to China an extremely painful thing for you?” Salist asked. “But you still chose to come back for a two-month holiday. Is there something or someone in China worth coming back for?”

“…Yes.” After giving this answer, Yu Qinjiu’s tone softened. “There’s an alcohol substitute here. Or rather, alcohol was just a substitute for her.”

“Her?” Salist was very interested in the person she mentioned. “Who? A friend? Lover? Or a family member?”

Yu Qinjiu took a sip of water, her thumb gently rubbing the cup’s surface. After a few seconds of pause, she defined Ji Qingyou’s identity. “A rather special friend.”

Salist nodded knowingly, crossing her hands over her chest. “Why is she your substitute for alcohol? Does she also make you addicted?”

“A little.” Yu Qinjiu’s tone lightened again. “I find I’m unusually obedient to her. When she said alcohol was bad for me, I started thinking about quitting. When she said staying in a hotel might not be safe, I started thinking about finding a more comfortable place to stay. When she saw me throw up and asked if I needed to get checked, I immediately went to the hospital to book an appointment…”

Yu Qinjiu listed many such examples. Finally, she concluded, “I want to see her every day. I want to prove that I can have an influence on her, and she also has an influence on me. Does that count as addiction?”

Salist observed her expression. “Are her requests mandatory?”

“No.” Yu Qinjiu denied it, a little dissatisfied with Salist’s unfounded suspicion. “She never asks me to do anything. She just puts herself in my shoes, thinks about my living environment. She means well for me, but she never forces me to follow her words.”

“She’s a good person. When she found out there was a little girl in the ward who likes Ultraman, she bought her a watch that transforms into one. And that little girl’s name is very similar to mine. I seem to be happy about that too…”

“Does this feeling feel good?” Salist asked again.

She noticed that when talking about this person, Yu Qinjiu’s words became more numerous, her tone softer, completely opposite to her reaction when mentioning her “father.”

Yu Qinjiu took another sip of water and said softly, “It feels like my dull senses have become sharp again because of her. My numb life has started to flow again because of her. I used to think it didn’t matter how I lived. But when I’m with her, when I’m making those changes, I feel a kind of happiness that’s hard to come by. I find her interesting. I feel a thrill because of her special attention to me…”

“I also want to make myself happier.”

Salist listened quietly to her story. She thought for a few seconds and defined Yu Qinjiu’s description. “So you say she’s your alcohol substitute. To you, she should be like a safe harbor, right?”

Yu Qinjiu nodded slowly.

Salist understood. She observed Yu Qinjiu’s expression and reactions on the video. Yu Qinjiu had her lips pursed, her skin fair, completely bare-faced, confronting her.

This made Salist acutely aware of a difference.

A long time ago, when she first met Yu Qinjiu, the other woman was dressed and made up very exquisitely. She was very resistant to showing her true state. She refused to even take off her coat. Every time, she wore a thick scarf, burying half her face in it. It was a wonder she could breathe.

When they touched on deeper topics, Yu Qinjiu was like a butterfly with bound wings, lonely and sad. Occasionally, when she talked about the unforgettable scene, she would curl up and hug her knees, silently spilling tears, then numbly wipe them away, or let them soak through the scarf always wrapped around her neck.

A beautiful girl who cried very quietly. That was Salist’s first impression of Yu Qinjiu.

“How long have you known her? Did you know her before you came to England?” Salist continued.

Yu Qinjiu answered quickly. “Twenty-three years.”

“I remember you’re not even thirty yet.” Salist was very surprised. “So during your time living in England, you had no contact with her?”

Yu Qinjiu’s hand faltered for a moment. She lowered her eyes slightly, softly uttering two words. “No.”

“Why?” Salist asked, surprised.

Yu Qinjiu looked up. Through the low-resolution video, her gaze trembled slightly. After a long moment, she spoke with some difficulty.

“Probably because my feelings for her are different from hers for me.”

“You mean…” Salist raised an eyebrow. “You like her?”

Yu Qinjiu didn’t answer directly. She looked away slightly, speaking in a very soft voice. “On the night of the high school graduation party, I had been drinking. I couldn’t help myself and kissed her. The day before I went abroad, I asked her about it. She told me she didn’t remember it.”

Salist understood. “And now?”

Yu Qinjiu found it hard to answer Salist’s question. “I don’t know.”

Salist stared at her for a moment. “Don’t you hate her? To some extent, she did reject you. Even though she did it very gently.”

Yu Qinjiu was silent for a couple of seconds. She seemed puzzled by Salist’s question.

“Even if it was a rejection, I don’t hate her. Because I know she had no way to keep me back then. And if she really doesn’t have those feelings for me, this is indeed the gentlest way to refuse. I just wanted to ask her if she remembered…”

If she remembered, maybe I could have tried back then.

“So you thought you would preserve a good memory for you both?” Salist carefully studied her expression. “And in that moment when she said ‘I don’t remember,’ did you not feel a second of hatred?”

“How could there be hatred?” Yu Qinjiu questioned back. But after a few seconds of silence, she said softly. “But I did think, back then, that I would never talk to her again…”

Salist put everything down, ready to listen attentively. But she saw Yu Qinjiu on the video slightly furrow her brow. Her tone suddenly became a soft, childlike petulance.

“Because she didn’t wipe my tears away…”

In that instant, across the vast distance, Salist perceived the grievance in Yu Qinjiu’s voice.

“But my eyes were so swollen from crying.”