Chapter 34: 34 Chapter 34 Part 1

◎The butterfly that torments me seems very afraid of you.◎

In the eyes of many people.

Ji Qingyou was someone who rarely even showed emotions, let alone break down like this, appearing fragile and broken.

She was always rational, like a perfectly straight, unchanging line. She would never let others see the fragility and brokenness within.

Even if she was shattered into pieces, it was always silent.

In 2012, on the day Yu Qinjiu left the country, she had broken like this too. But no one noticed. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault, because the glass case that held her was rarely entered by anyone other than Yu Qinjiu.

And now.

She couldn’t tell if she had broken again, or if the cracks that had been barely glued together over the years had simply never healed.

“Ji Qingyou…”

Yu Qinjiu realized Ji Qingyou was very cold. She herself was also cold. But when Ji Qingyou hugged her, she found a piercing chill emanating from her.

The hand gripping her wrist was almost frozen stiff.

Yet she still held her with the right amount of force, not too much, just treating her as some kind of anchor on this winter night.

After hearing her speak, Ji Qingyou’s breath paused for a few seconds. After a long time, she finally said a sentence.

“Can you… just let me hold you for a little while longer?”

When Ji Qingyou said this, her voice was as dry as if it had been scattered in the wind. Her speech was slow, as if every word was difficult for her.

Because her throat had been burned when she was a child. For a long time afterward.

Every word was a struggle for Ji Qingyou. Even after it was over, and her voice slowly recovered, the aftermath of that incident was not just physical. It left her with a certain psychological barrier.

Even now, every time she was emotionally stirred or extremely depressed, Ji Qingyou had difficulty speaking. Sometimes, when something happened, it could be so severe that she would temporarily lose her voice.

Yu Qinjiu couldn’t ignore that tone.

Overwhelming heartache and sadness enveloped her. She didn’t separate herself from Ji Qingyou. Instead, she tried her best to continue passing her body heat to her.

If she were a piece of dry firewood, she would be willing to burn herself at this moment, just to give Ji Qingyou a brief moment of warmth.

Ji Qingyou looked terrible.

Her hair was disheveled. Her coat was wrinkled. There was even a gauze pad on her face. Yu Qinjiu couldn’t see the condition of the wound. She grew even more worried. She couldn’t help but reach out and touch it.

Ji Qingyou didn’t dodge. She just fluttered her lashes slightly.

Waiting for her touch.

But Yu Qinjiu stopped her hand in mid-air. Her voice was full of concern. “You’re hurt?”

“I’m fine.” Ji Qingyou lowered her eyes gently. The sadness in her voice was diluted. “It’s just… when I got there, the scene was chaotic. I got caught by accident.”

“But it’s not serious.” Even when it was hard to speak, she didn’t want Yu Qinjiu to worry. “I could have just used a band-aid. But my sister…”

When she mentioned this title, her speech became even more difficult. “Her hand is injured. More serious than mine. She might not be able to perform surgery for a few weeks.”

The hovering finger froze, then slowly curled back. Yu Qinjiu’s gaze fell on the gauze neatly placed on Ji Qingyou’s face. “It’s because of Yu Muzhou?”

Ji Qingyou didn’t deny it. She just hummed in agreement. “Do you know about his affair?”

“I just found out.” Yu Qinjiu said. After a few seconds of silence, her heart suddenly felt a surge of self-loathing. She didn’t understand why she had to feel sad about Yu Muzhou’s business. But the emotion appeared out of nowhere. In the end, she exhaled slowly, as if spitting out her blood relationship with Yu Muzhou completely.

“Ji Qingyou…”

“You don’t have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you.” Ji Qingyou interrupted her. Her arms, which had been holding her, slowly fell. She looked up and said very seriously, “Even if someone should feel guilty, it should be me.”

Yu Qinjiu didn’t quite understand.

Ji Qingyou lowered her eyes, avoiding her gaze. The hair on her forehead was gently lifted by the wind. “The woman he was having an affair with appeared at their wedding venue. I noticed something was off about her at the time, but it never crossed my mind that he would do something like this.”

This reasoning didn’t hold up.

If Ji Qingyou had been in a normal emotional state, she would never have taken this responsibility upon herself. But maybe too many things had happened today, causing her emotional system to collapse.

Many fragmented memories drifted in.

Countless “ifs” appeared in her mind.

If she had noticed something off about that woman at the banquet. If she had given Yu Zhijiu the bracelet she had made for her. If she hadn’t missed the moment Yu Zhijiu was discharged. If she had been present during Yu Zhijiu’s rescue, instead of hiding in her own world… Then maybe things wouldn’t have ended up like this. There would have been a huge room for maneuver. Those moments wouldn’t feel so regrettable.

“If that’s the case…” After quietly listening to all her emotional outbursts, Yu Qinjiu sat down silently beside her. She picked up the cream cake, staring at it for a moment. “Then I should be the one to eat this cream cake. Too bad cream isn’t my allergen.”

Ji Qingyou lowered her head, silent.

Yu Qinjiu sighed beside her, then blew out the candle. “If it’s what I think it is, I saw that woman too. I even helped her up when she was about to fall. Compared to you, what I did seems even worse?”

“I don’t blame myself at all. I can even put all the blame on Yu Muzhou. But if you’re sad because of this…”

In the night wind, Yu Qinjiu’s voice inexplicably became soft.

“Then I’ll be sad with you.”

Ji Qingyou’s emotions were transmitted to Yu Qinjiu, just as Yu Qinjiu’s scarf was now around Ji Qingyou’s neck.

She couldn’t say how much of an effect Yu Qinjiu had on her.

At least at that moment, it seemed like her emotions were indeed being shared by her.

After a long moment.

She looked at Yu Qinjiu, paused for a few seconds, then shook her head slowly. “I’m not sad because of what happened. I don’t blame myself either.”

Yu Qinjiu met her eyes and sighed in relief. “But you’re still sad, aren’t you?”

Ji Qingyou fell silent, just looking at her.

“When I’m sad, I usually drink. But lately, my doctor told me not to drink. And my doctor shouldn’t be drinking recklessly either…”

A rustling sound came from beside her, mixed with Yu Qinjiu’s soft, gentle tone. Ji Qingyou lowered her eyes, staring at the scarf around her neck. She wanted to say something, but the next second, a cold object was placed at her lips. A sweet, strawberry-flavored lollipop.

Her eyes burned with heat. She heard Yu Qinjiu whisper in her ear,

“Then let’s just have a piece of candy together.”

Ji Qingyou didn’t move. But Yu Qinjiu was very patient. She just held the strawberry lollipop, waiting for her to be in the mood to bite it.

Finally.

Ji Qingyou opened her mouth and bit down on the lollipop. As Yu Qinjiu sighed in relief and said, “My arm is sore from holding it up,” she quieted down.

Under the sweet taste of the candy in her mouth, she spoke slowly, word by word, recounting the difficult experiences she had endured today.

“Yu Zhijiu left today. We couldn’t save her. I had surgery yesterday, so I couldn’t see her off. I didn’t give her the lucky bracelet I made. I was going to give it to her as a parting gift. If I hadn’t hesitated before… if I had seen her off… maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad now.”

She couldn’t go on. She stared blankly at the scarf around her neck, her gaze wavering. “If only I were really the robot everyone says I am…”

“But I couldn’t see her off.”

“But… I couldn’t see her off.”

She repeated it twice. Finally, she buried her face in the scarf. Her voice, which she was holding back, was very, very soft.

In front of Ji Xiruan, who was more qualified to be sad than she was, she couldn’t say this. In front of Qin Shuangchi, who was even more confused, she couldn’t say this either.

She couldn’t be this sad in the busy hospital over something that happened every day. She couldn’t let these emotions affect her work in such a high-pressure environment.

Everything had piled up in one day.

Yu Qinjiu didn’t stop her. She just listened quietly. When she was finished, she leaned in again amidst the strong wind, hugged her very gently. Her own voice turned nasally heavy at that moment.

“Today… everything was just too much.”

The astringent feeling in Ji Qingyou’s eyes intensified at that moment. The second the tears overflowed, Yu Qinjiu gently raised her hand, guiding her head to rest on her shoulder. Then, with her cool fingers, she carefully shielded her ears from the harsh wind.

Gently, she blocked the gauze on her face.

Warmth was transferred.

It was strange. Two people with such low body temperatures, when huddled together, could generate enough warmth to heat each other.

The strong wind lifted the scarf from Ji Qingyou’s neck. Perhaps the wind was on their side at that moment, blowing the other end of the scarf onto Yu Qinjiu’s shoulder.

On a cold winter night, a thin scarf bound them together.

It seemed to help ward off the cold.

But Ji Qingyou could no longer tell if it was the scarf or Yu Qinjiu that was warming her. She didn’t know how long they held each other. She felt Yu Qinjiu gently pat her back, driving away all the emotions. She heard Yu Qinjiu say, her voice wet,

“I’ll be here, Ji Qingyou.”

Three terrible things had happened today.

But because of Yu Qinjiu’s words, three became two.

—

After the emotions had subsided.

Yu Qinjiu drove the dark green Beetle, deciding to take Ji Qingyou home first. “How did you end up here? It’s far from the hospital, and far from your place.”

Ji Qingyou buckled her seatbelt, her gaze wandering around the car. Finally, she looked straight ahead at the unfamiliar road and shook her head. “I don’t know. After I separated from my sister, I just started driving. I was going to go back…”

She lowered her eyes. “But I felt like it would be too cold at home. So I didn’t want to go back.”

And so, inexplicably, she ended up here.

Yu Qinjiu paused for a moment. She started the car, then pressed her lips together, a little alarmed. “Don’t drive yourself when you’re in a state like this.”

“My mom got into a car accident because she was emotionally unstable.”

Ji Qingyou looked at Yu Qinjiu. She couldn’t bring herself to say that this car was the only thing that made her feel a little less cold. Sometimes, a confined space was more comfortable than any fancy place.

Especially when that space held a shared memory.

“I understand.” She said succinctly.

Yu Qinjiu sighed in relief. The dim car lights flickered on her face. She frowned and instinctively raised her hand to touch her neck. But when Ji Qingyou noticed, she forced herself to put it down.

She tried hard to hide it, but her movements were too stiff.

Ji Qingyou had noticed this kind of concealing action from Yu Qinjiu, and it wasn’t the first time. It always happened when she wasn’t wearing a scarf.

Last time, she thought Yu Qinjiu was cold.

But the air conditioning in the car was very effective. She shouldn’t be cold.

Thinking about this, Ji Qingyou pressed her lips together slightly. She couldn’t very well ask Yu Qinjiu to stop the car and put on her scarf while she was driving. So she tried to change the subject. “Why did you suddenly come back?”

Yu Qinjiu gripped the steering wheel with both hands, her gaze fixed straight ahead. Her tone was light, but she sounded tired. “It’s been so long. You’re only asking now?”

Ji Qingyou’s gaze fell on her neck. It was fair and clean. There was nothing worth noting. But Yu Qinjiu tensed up because of her gaze.

Then, she casually raised her hand, covering half of her neck. She held it there for a moment before putting her hand back on the steering wheel. When she spoke, she was holding her breath.

“Because my mom heard about Yu Muzhou’s situation from Aunt Qin. She came back to deal with the relationship with Aunt Qin. Her flight is tomorrow. I can’t just leave her and Brittany here alone, can I?”

Her tone really did sound very light.