Chapter 37: If You Want a Beating, Just Say So

Ever since she was little, Liu Yun had never wanted Shen Yuezhuang to enter her room.

At first, it was out of pride; she didn’t want to show her weakness to others.

Later… it was purely out of necessity, to guard against Shen Yuezhuang’s astonishing capacity for destruction.

Shen Yuezhuang was, quite obviously, a ‘unpreventable disaster’ on legs!

But in the time it took to eat a meal in the Longevity Palace, she had managed to destroy a priceless rosewood screen belonging to the Empress Dowager. Her arm had gotten stuck in its base, and Ruixue had to saw off a chunk of wood to free her.

Shen Yuezhuang had to pay for this with her entire life savings—962 taels and one silver coin. Then, impeccably dressed but penniless, she rose to take her leave.

Liu Yun saw her all the way out of the Longevity Palace. Shen Yuezhuang noticed she showed no sign of stopping. She asked suspiciously, “Is Your Highness going to admire the Imperial Garden in full bloom? His Majesty said he would accompany you. Why not have someone call for him?”

The Empress Dowager’s eyes were cold, her mouth moving as if she wanted to say something unpleasant.

After a moment, she said, “Lord Shen’s arm is far too precious. I must see you out of the palace myself, so that no ill-mannered ditch or pothole might leap out and latch onto you along the way!”

Shen Yuezhuang: “…”

The Empress Dowager certainly knew how to talk. Shen Yuezhuang was already used to it. Not only did she not take offense, she even glanced behind Liu Yun.

“Your Highness is going alone? Without any attendants?”

Liu Yun’s fingers tightened beneath her embroidered sleeve. For some reason, she seemed a little annoyed. She sneered, “Find it too dull, Lord Shen? Should I have a gong-and-drum procession to clear the way for you?”

A gong-and-drum procession, the road cleared by gongs and drums?

Shen Yuezhuang seemed to picture that scene in her mind. A moment later, a look of longing could be seen in her expression.

“You can do that?”

“…” Liu Yun’s face was expressionless. “If you want a beating, just say so. There’s no need to be so subtle.”

~~~

The subtle Shen Yuezhuang left the palace unscathed.

She didn’t wait for Chun Rui to speak before giving her instructions. “Second Brother Nie, go to the Ten Thousand Flowers Pavilion. Ask if Ninth Lady and Rui Niang have returned.”

“If they have, then fine. If they haven’t, find out who took them, when they were last seen—get as much as you can. Then, report it all to Lord Jiang at the Court of Judicial Review. Tell him to investigate the Ten Thousand Flowers Pavilion!”

Second Brother Nie acknowledged the order and left. Shen Yuezhuang ordered the sedan chair to be taken to the office first, then dropped the curtain.

Chun Rui handed her a cup of tea. “Miss, weren’t we going to collect debts? Why are we helping the Court of Judicial Review with their case?”

“Just lending a hand while I’m at it.” Shen Yuezhuang moistened her throat, then a thought struck her. “By the way, do you know about those missing women in the city recently?”

“How could I not know?” Chun Rui slapped her thigh. “It was at its worst when you were leaving for Precious Flower Temple. The Marquis was worried sick at home every day!”

Shen Yuezhuang’s hand, holding the cup, trembled. A wave of intense guilt washed over her.

No wonder her father was so angry this time, looking like he wanted to beat her to death. It wasn’t just because she hadn’t come home for over a month, or because she had taken it upon herself to become a female official, or because she had burnt down the Phoenix Splendor Palace, or spent a thousand taels in one night, or left the city without a word… Oh, yeah!

She was wondering how to deal with her father now when Chun Rui added fuel to the fire. “We even saw the Marquis at the palace gates just now!”

Chun Rui imitated his voice. “Tell Shen Yuezhuang that if she doesn’t come home tonight, I will disown her forever!”

Shen Yuezhuang raised her hand, covered her head, and closed her eyes. “Don’t talk. Let me think for a minute.”

After a moment, Chun Rui said earnestly, “Miss, have you thought it through? Maybe we should go home first? If you get back early, the Marquis might have cooled down a bit!”

Shen Yuezhuang nodded, then shook her head.

When she opened her eyes again, they were resolute.

“I see now. My father clearly wants to beat me to death, but even so, he didn’t force you to come home with him. What does that tell you?”

Chun Rui thought for a moment. “It means… the Old Marquis won’t take it out on us. Miss can safely go home!”

“Bullshit! Why should I be safe? If I’m going to get beaten, I’m taking you all down with me!” Shen Yuezhuang was furious. “It means my father knows I have official duties. He wants me to take my beating, but he doesn’t want me to neglect my official business!”

“That makes sense!” Chun Rui clapped in agreement, her eyes lighting up. “So, whose house are we going to for the debt now?”

Shen Yuezhuang thought for a moment, then kicked the sedan door. “Forget the office. First, to the Thousand Gold Workshop!”

“Miss…” Chun Rui asked carefully, “Are you… like a dead pig that’s not afraid of scalding water, hoping the Marquis will beat you to death?”

Shen Yuezhuang clutched the IOU in her bosom. “……”

You’re just full of clever remarks, aren’t you?

~~~

Two quarters of an hour later, Shen Yuezhuang was seated in a private room on the second floor of the Thousand Gold Workshop.

The room overlooked the street. With a single glance, one could see the bustling, lively crowd below.

Before her cup of tea was even finished, she heard a series of footsteps outside. The door to the room was shoved open, and a young man of about twenty was pushed inside, staggering, looking furious.

The newcomer was, of course, the nephew of Lord Jiang—the one who “only had a few small flaws but wasn’t a bad sort at heart”—Jiang Huan.

Jiang Huan had obviously met Shen Yuezhuang before. Even if he hadn’t, seeing a woman in an official robe was enough to tell him who she was!

“Shen Yuezhuang?!” Jiang Huan laughed in disbelief. He pulled his sleeve free, fussily smoothed out the wrinkles, and sneered, “What’s the meaning of this? My uncle is the Chief Minister of the Court of Judicial Review!”

“Oh, others might not know, but I certainly do.” Shen Yuezhuang’s smile was warm as she personally poured him a cup of tea. “The Chief Minister of the Court of Judicial Review is your uncle, and the Secretary of the Ministry of Personnel is your grandfather.”

“The Jiang family is small. Lord Jiang has a straightforward personality. My father saw this clearly, which is why he wanted to join our families.”

Jiang Huan sat down, half-believing her.

He was a little afraid of Shen Yuezhuang, whether because of her glorious, tyrannical reputation in the capital or the red official robe she was wearing now.

After all, if we’re talking about being a bad person, he couldn’t outdo Shen Yuezhuang. If we’re talking about being a good person, he hadn’t even passed the provincial exams while she was already in a red robe!

He couldn’t beat her at being bad or good, so he was left with only cowardice.

Of course, it was this kind of person who, upon hearing he was to marry Shen Yuezhuang, would go and jump into the moat! Anyone with a shred of backbone would have personally gone to the Shen residence to call off the engagement!

But now, Shen Yuezhuang’s friendly attitude slightly relaxed him, though he still didn’t touch the tea. He was firm. “That marriage was called off long ago. What do you want with me now?”

Shen Yuezhuang wasn’t angry. Seeing he wouldn’t take it, she drank it herself, then smiled again. “Though the marriage contract is broken, the connection is still there. Considering our past ties, I’ll be direct!”

She slowly pulled out Jiang Heng’s IOU from her robe. “I’m now an official in the Ministry of Revenue. I just received an imperial decree this morning to recover some overdue debts.”

She unfolded Lord Jiang’s IOU, placed it in front of Jiang Huan, and tapped the table twice with her overlapping fingers. “Your grandfather owed the court some money a few decades ago. Not a lot, just over two thousand taels. I confirmed it with Lord Jiang this morning. He acknowledged it and gave me this IOU. You should recognize his handwriting, right?”

Of course, Jiang Huan recognized it!

He looked at Shen Yuezhuang warily. “So what if I do? My uncle signed this IOU. Go ask him for the money! I’m, I’m very busy. I’m going now.”

He tried to leave on unsteady feet, but Old Liu, standing beside him, grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him back like a chick.

Shen Yuezhuang had somehow produced a folding fan. She leaned back lazily, looking at Jiang Huan with a roguish air.

“Young Master Jiang, I’ve already said all the nice things. That was out of respect for our past connection. We both know the truth. Lord Jiang is an upright and honest official. He gives you all his salary. I’m eager to make my mark. The end of the month is my deadline. Since Lord Jiang is strapped for cash, it has to come from you!”

“Nonsense!” Jiang Huan was naturally thin, with prominent cheekbones that made him look almost mean. Hearing someone ask him for money made his eyes bulge even more. He slapped the IOU back onto the table in front of Shen Yuezhuang.

“Whoever signed this, you go to them! He acknowledged the debt, but I won’t!”

With a snap, Shen Yuezhuang closed her fan, looking impatient. She tapped the edge of the table with it.

“So, you’re saying you don’t consider Lord Jiang as part of your family? Fine! The debt was originally your grandfather’s. The son pays for the father. Now that your father is dead, the debt naturally falls to you!”

“That’s not…” Jiang Huan spluttered, unable to get a word out. He was about to speak when Shen Yuezhuang cut him off, looking annoyed.

“Really! If you had said you’d separated from your uncle sooner, I wouldn’t have wasted my time getting this useless IOU from the Court of Judicial Review!”

She picked it up with two fingers and handed it to Chun Rui. “Chun Rui, burn this. Then, send word to Lord Jiang that since it wasn’t his debt, he shouldn’t have agreed to it!”

“Wait!” This time, Jiang Huan was quick. He snatched the paper back, clutching it protectively to his chest. “We haven’t separated! We haven’t separated!”

“Miss Shen, no, Lord Shen! I’ll pay. I’ll pay as much as I can. But right now, I really…”

Shen Yuezhuang cut him off before he could finish. “No money?”

Jiang Huan nodded.

Shen Yuezhuang slapped the fan against her palm. “Then that’s easy! I’ll pay it for you!”

Jiang Huan looked completely incredulous, even a bit worried for Shen Yuezhuang’s sanity.

She waved her hand dismissively. “Two thousand taels is nothing to the Shen family! Young Master Jiang, if you’re willing to marry me, my dowry will be enough to pay back many times that amount!”

Chun Rui, who had been enjoying the show, nearly dropped her jaw.

“Miss!”

Shen Yuezhuang raised a hand to stop her, counting on her fingers. “Look at it this way. Your family borrowed the two thousand taels from the court. Paying it back is only right. You were going to get married anyway. This way, your family doesn’t spend a cent and gets me as a bonus wife. Isn’t that a blessing from heaven?”

Shen Yuezhuang slammed her hand on the table and stood up, looking grand. “Young Master Jiang, there’s no need to sign an IOU today. Let’s just sign the marriage contract! Tonight, I’ll send the two thousand taels to the palace. From now on, our two families will be one.”

The more Shen Yuezhuang spoke, the more serious she became. The more Jiang Huan listened, the wider his eyes grew, his pupils full of terror.

A blessing from heaven? What kind of blessing was Shen Yuezhuang? She was a poisonous pancake, an iron pancake that would kill you!

Anyone who got close to her would either die or lose a layer of skin!

“No… no…”

He whimpered, as if possessed by some horrible nightmare. When Shen Yuezhuang reached out to pull him to sign, he violently shoved her hand away.

It was as if Shen Yuezhuang were some terrifying monster. He finally yelled, his voice nearly breaking, “I’ll pay! I’ll pay! Okay?!”

Shen Yuezhuang’s face was full of reluctance. “But it has to be paid by the end of the month…”

Jiang Huan shouted back desperately, “I’ll sell everything I own if I have to!”