◎I did it on purpose.◎
The phone sat on the low table in the bar booth. Before Chen Yi made the call, Su Dai and Zhouyu had deliberately cleared away the clutter. Now the two of them stared intently at Chen Yi, waiting for her to speak.
Chen Yi had no idea what to say. She looked at them helplessly.
The instant the call connected, she already regretted it.
With quick reflexes, she hit mute and turned off the mic.
Su Dai shot her a meaningful glance. “Go on, ask her.”
Chen Yi faltered. “Ask her what?”
“Why she hasn’t replied to your messages.”
“Won’t that sound kind of childish…?”
Su Dai rolled her eyes. “You’ve got quite the star complex. If you won’t ask, I will.”
Chen Yi clutched the phone protectively. “I’ll do it!”
On the other end of the line, Fade’s voice rang out again.
“Anything up?” she asked, just as she always did.
Chen Yi unmuted, picked up the phone, and turned away from Su Dai and Zhouyu’s prying stares. Cupping the receiver, she murmured, “A little.”
“Master, it’s kinda noisy here. Can you hear me okay?”
Fade replied simply, “Yes.”
Behind her, Su Dai prodded her spine with a fingertip, silently urging her to cut to the chase.
Chen Yi pressed her lips together.
“You… have you been super busy at work lately?”
“It’s nothing major, really. I just noticed you haven’t replied to any of my messages or logged into the game. I got worried something might’ve happened to you, so I called to check.”
Su Dai and Zhouyu had spent ages coaching her on exactly what to say.
Fade responded, “I’m fine.”
There was a pause, and then her voice came again, tinged with helplessness. “I didn’t reply on purpose.”
“You knew that, right?”
Chen Yi had no clue how to respond to that.
Did she know? Of course she did. Even if she’d been reluctant to face it before, now she had no choice.
Maybe she managed a simple “oh” before hanging up on her own.
Su Dai and Zhouyu hadn’t caught a word of it from the sidelines—the bar was too rowdy, and the moment the call connected, Chen Yi had switched off the speakerphone. The two of them sat there like they’d gone deaf. Now they turned to Chen Yi with eager, concerned looks, waiting for a recap.
“What’d she say?”
Chen Yi forced a smile, but it twisted more pitifully than a frown.
“Nothing.” She lowered her gaze, picked up her empty glass from the table, and said, “Let’s drink.”
Su Dai shook her head. “No more for you—your tolerance is trash. You’ve barely lasted ten minutes and you’re already sloshed.”
Chen Yi was insistent. “I want to.”
Zhouyu patted Su Dai’s shoulder. “Let her have it. We’re here to keep an eye on her anyway.”
Su Dai sighed in defeat and poured Chen Yi another round.
Chen Yi downed the glass in one go. The high-proof vodka scorched her throat and settled hot in her stomach, her head starting to swim. She glanced around the booth and suddenly realized something was missing. Bewildered, she asked, “Where’s my boss?”
Su Dai blinked. “Who?”
“Xu Yan!” Chen Yi shouted.
Su Dai explained, “You insisted on having candy, so Chief Editor Xu went out to the convenience store to get you some.”
Chen Yi tilted her head, clearly not buying it. Xu Yan buying her candy? Yeah, right. Su Dai had to be messing with her.
“Look, Chen Yi,” Su Dai said seriously, “I think Chief Editor Xu is way better than that Fade girl. Why not chase her instead? I bet you’d actually have a shot.”
Chen Yi shook her head furiously. “No way, no way.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, picturing herself with Xu Yan. Oh god, just the thought was nightmare fuel—like a mouse trying to date a cat. Chen Yi had zero doubt she’d be devoured alive in seconds flat.
It wasn’t that Xu Yan was a bad person. After spending time with her lately, Chen Yi knew she had her good qualities. But that stuff didn’t interest her one bit. In her mind, Xu Yan was firmly locked in as the demon boss from hell—unshakeable, no matter what. Chen Yi didn’t have a fetish for secret office romances; if anything, she went out of her way to avoid them. The mere idea screamed trouble.
Most importantly, Xu Yan didn’t make her heart race.
She admired her from afar, sure. Looked up to her.
But Fade was different.
They’d met in Chen Yi’s home turf—a fictional game world. She wanted to draw close to Fade, step into her life.
From the looks of things, though, she’d hit a dead end.
“Another?” Su Dai asked, surprised to see her pouring more.
Chen Yi didn’t respond. She just lifted the glass to her lips. Under the dim, pulsing lights, a hand stopped her mid-motion. Xu Yan had returned at some point. Her footsteps had been swallowed by the thumping music, lost amid the laughter and shouts of the crowd. She arrived as silently as the night itself.
The glass was swapped out, replaced by a piece of candy cradled in Xu Yan’s palm.
Chen Yi blinked.
Su Dai really hadn’t been lying.
“Thanks, Editor,” she whispered softly.
Thick drunkenness and the booze’s burn fermented inside her. Chen Yi took the candy, peeling back the wrapper with deliberate slowness before popping it in her mouth. A burst of sweet-tart grape flavor bloomed across her tongue—exactly her favorite brand and taste. Xu Yan really knew how to pick them.
The candy’s sweetness clashed and mingled with the alcohol’s fire in her body. Chen Yi squinted up at the chaotic lights overhead.
Xu Yan settled into a seat nearby.
Chen Yi tilted her head to peer at her, then frowned and leaned in close—like a cat suddenly stirring to life.
She sniffed lightly at her.
“Editor, did you smoke?”
There was the faintest whiff of berry-scented smoke in the air.
Xu Yan replied casually, “Must’ve picked up the smell while I was out buying stuff.”
Chen Yi accepted it without question. “Smells kinda nice, actually.”
Xu Yan just smiled faintly and slipped both hands into her coat pockets. Tucked beneath her right palm in the side pocket lay the fresh pack of cigarettes she’d just bought from the store.
She had smoked, in fact.
Maybe she shouldn’t have come tonight. Xu Yan sat quietly, watching Chen Yi knock back yet another drink.
She hadn’t known what she’d run into at the bar. By the time she’d realized and fired off a message to Zhouyu, Chen Yi was already tipsy just ten minutes in. Seeing her so miserable made Xu Yan ache too. She’d used the candy errand as an excuse to step out for air—and ended up buying a pack of smokes, lighting one up after ages without.
The autumn wind whistled coldly along the bar street, lined with men and women heading to eat and drink. Beneath the garish neon signs, Xu Yan melted into the shadows at the roadside.
Cigarette pinched between her fingers, phone in the other hand. She switched to her private account and opened those messages she’d already pored over countless times.
All from Chen Yi.
She watched helplessly as the girl’s tone shifted from bubbly excitement to cautious hesitation.
Xu Yan had replayed that video over and over too.
The little orange tabby in the frame was stunning—for its breed, it had a rare touch of noble elegance. The girl’s voice chimed in from off-screen, intermittent and bright.
“Master~! Look! Isn’t this kitty just the cutest?!”
Xu Yan’s lips curved upward involuntarily. She thought Chen Yi was even cuter than the cat.
“Meow—!”
But the pretty cat opened its mouth and let out a bossy yowl.
The girl burst out laughing, her voice crisp and infectious.
Xu Yan loved hearing her laugh, loved the way she’d ramble on with trivial little nothings right by her ear. In her imagination, Chen Yi had always been like that: carefree, lighthearted, full of joy.
She was looping the video again, soaking in her voice, when an incoming voice call popped up.
She shouldn’t have answered.
From the start, Xu Yan had planned to end this relationship—born by chance online—in the cruelest way possible.
Smoke curled from her fingertips in white wisps, while the candy she’d bought for her still warmed her pocket. The image of the girl sulking in the bar was fresh in her mind. If she didn’t pick up, would she cry even harder? The thought hit her, and her finger tapped accept before she could stop it. The call timer ticked away, but the world seemed to freeze.
After a long, long pause, Xu Yan heard herself say, “Hello.”
Her voice was perfectly calm and controlled, burying every surge of emotion inside.
Stay rational, Xu Yan.
She repeated it to herself over and over in her head.
Don’t let a moment’s impulse drag their relationship into chaos.
What she wanted was for Chen Yi to give up on Fade completely.
Their connection was still new, even superficial. They hadn’t delved deep into each other yet—of course, mostly because Chen Yi didn’t know her true self. Better to end it now than let it fester; short pain beat long agony. Cutting it off here might even be a mercy for Chen Yi.
So Xu Yan laid it out bluntly: “I did it on purpose.”
It felt no less than plunging a knife into her own heart.
“You knew that, right?” she asked Chen Yi—and herself.
She had to know.
It was her choice, so she’d bear the consequences.
She’d anticipated the pain of this moment, but facing it head-on—seeing Chen Yi so utterly defeated—she felt herself cracking apart.
Chen Yi got drunk way too fast.
Su Dai couldn’t take it anymore. “Chief Editor Xu, why don’t you take her home first? Her tolerance is hopeless.”
Xu Yan hesitated. “Me?”
Zhouyu chimed in with Su Dai. “Yeah! You’re the only sober one. Little Dai and I wanna keep partying. She’s tapped out, but we’re just getting started!”
Xu Yan agreed.
She got Chen Yi’s full home address and door code from Su Dai.
As she helped Chen Yi to her feet and led her away, Zhouyu and Su Dai exchanged grins and clinked glasses in celebration.
“Teacher Zhou, what’s the play now?” Su Dai asked.
Zhouyu shrugged. “What else? Let’s party!”
The two of them called in reinforcements right there on the spot, and the booth erupted into high energy.
As for Xu Yan and Chen Yi?
The two of them got into the car, with Chen Yi in the passenger seat and Xu Yan behind the wheel.
“The seatbelt’s broken.” As Xu Yan reached to shift gears and pull away, she heard Chen Yi say this. She turned to look and saw that Chen Yi couldn’t manage to slot the buckle into place no matter how she tried.
“It’s not broken.” Xu Yan took hold of Chen Yi’s hand, guiding the right amount of pressure to fasten the seatbelt for her.
“Cold.” Chen Yi flinched back into her seat at the chill of Xu Yan’s hand. “Don’t touch me.”
Xu Yan shook her head, not bothering to argue with a drunk. She pulled out the milk she’d just bought and stashed in the car, then handed it to Chen Yi.
“Drink it,” she said. “It’ll help sober you up.”
Chen Yi said thanks very obediently and clutched the milk carton the entire ride home, staying remarkably quiet.
Xu Yan and Chen Yi rarely talked in the car. Chen Yi kept gnawing at the straw in her milk; even drunk as she was, she didn’t lose it or make a scene. She simply leaned against the window, staring out at the passing world.
Music had been playing inside the car at first. But gradually, Xu Yan began to hear Chen Yi’s quiet sobs.
The girl tried her best to hold them back, but in the end, she couldn’t.
Xu Yan tightened her grip on the steering wheel with one hand. With the other, she passed some tissues to Chen Yi. Chen Yi murmured another thanks as she took them, but her crying only grew louder. In her flustered panic, she grabbed for more tissues and accidentally knocked over the milk carton. Milk splashed everywhere, soaking Chen Yi’s clothes and Xu Yan’s car upholstery.
Chen Yi was drunk, but she wasn’t an idiot.
She realized immediately how bad this was and hurried to apologize to Xu Yan.
“Chief Editor Xu, I’m so sorry—!”
Xu Yan remained perfectly calm. “It’s fine.”
She glanced at the navigation screen.
“No rush. Clean yourself up first. It’s chilly out; don’t catch a cold. I’ll pull over up ahead for a bit. There are wet wipes and stain remover in the trunk.”
Chen Yi was sure she must have lost her mind.
Why else would Fade pop into her head right at that moment?
Fade reacted the same way in games whenever a teammate messed up and kept apologizing—calmly soothing them and laying out a fix. Though Fade’s touch was always far gentler than Xu Yan’s.
Were all older people like this? Or was she just stubbornly projecting Fade’s shadow onto everyone around her?
Chen Yi didn’t dare examine the thought too closely.
The car eased to a stop. She started to get out to help fetch the supplies, but Xu Yan told her to stay put. A moment later, Xu Yan climbed back in and handed over tissues and a spray bottle.
Chen Yi’s first instinct was to wipe down the car seats.
“Don’t worry about that,” Xu Yan said. “Get your clothes cleaned up first.”
“Okay,” Chen Yi replied.
It had to be the alcohol making her bold tonight. Otherwise, she never would have blurted out moments later, “Chief Editor Xu, was I super embarrassing today?”
“You don’t actually like me much, do you? It must’ve been such a hassle for you.”
