The Little Duck 60p1

Chapter 60 p1

[Z Band is Going to be Lit]

Xin: @Everyone

Xin: Are you guys still drinking?

Zhang Shanshi: [Yes, bro]

Yue: [Peeks]

Xin: Are you about to leave?

Yue: Not yet.

Chen Yuan: Is Sister Xin coming?

Xin: Send me the location.

Yue: What, your girlfriend wants to drink too?

Xin: I want to drink.

Yue: [I don’t get it]

Lan Lan: [Scratches head]

At one-thirty in the morning, her bandmates sent the location of the bar. Jian Xin got dressed and rushed over immediately.

Jian Xin and Yan Lu had had a fight again, not long after the New Year’s bell had rung.

They had clearly been playing in the snow all night just two days ago, but on New Year’s Day, they had had a fight.

The reason for the fight was another trivial matter, which made Jian Xin feel a little ridiculous when she thought back to it.

Today was New Year’s Eve, and her bandmates had arranged to drink and celebrate the New Year together. Everyone had gone, except for her.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go, but she had called Yan Lu all the way from Yuecheng, so she always had to keep her company.

Jian Xin knew that Yan Lu didn’t like bars, and she didn’t like alcohol. She even seemed a little reserved when she was eating with her friends.

So this time, she didn’t even ask Yan Lu if she wanted to go for a drink, let alone mention that her friends had asked her out for a drink. She just stayed at the homestay with peace of mind, preparing to spend the New Year with Yan Lu.

She had thought it would be wonderful. Many local TV stations had New Year’s Eve galas tonight, and they could sit on the sofa and watch them together—switching channels and picking the programs they were interested in.

When the New Year’s bell rang, they would go downstairs for a late-night snack and play in the snow for a while.

When they were tired, they would come back, wash up, and could even have a little meeting in bed.

But the imagination was full, and reality was very skinny.

Not only did Yan Lu have to update on New Year’s Eve, but she also suddenly started to have writer’s block.

Jian Xin lay on the sofa by herself and watched the New Year’s Eve gala for a long time, feeling a little disappointed in her heart.

She kept switching programs and also kept changing her posture.

Unconsciously, every time she changed the channel, and every change in her posture, was tinged with a visible, yet unnoticed by Yan Lu, impatience.

It was an anger that was burning in her heart, a grievance that could not be suppressed no matter how she tried to put herself in her shoes.

She knew that it was Yan Lu’s work.

She knew that Yan Lu had many readers now, and they were all waiting for her updates every day. Occasionally, when she was a little late, the comments under her work would be full of “is there an update today, author?”

She knew that Yan Lu was earning a lot of money now, maybe even more than her parents’ salary every month, and she looked much more confident than before…

Writing had brought Yan Lu not just an income, but also the confidence to gradually grow wings and fly higher and further towards her dream.

She knew everything, but she just didn’t know how not to care.

Why? She had come all the way, and she was not even willing to rest for her.

At dinner, she had asked Yan Lu if she wanted to watch the New Year’s Eve gala with her tonight.

Yan Lu had said that she had updated less in the past two days and had promised to make up for it tonight—she was almost at the end, and she was afraid of not being able to wrap it up well, and her writing was also not very good.

A little after eight, she had quietly sneaked up behind Yan Lu and glanced at the word count of the document. It was still far from “making up for it.”

A little after nine-thirty, she had gone to take another look. The word count had not increased, but had decreased.

At eleven, she had wandered around the door of the bedroom where Yan Lu was typing, as if hoping that Yan Lu would be able to feel the impatience in her heart, but like a clown, she had not succeeded.

At twelve, the New Year’s bell rang on the TV. She tiptoed to Yan Lu’s side, said “Happy New Year” to her, and all she got was a “Happy New Year.”

It was as if it were perfunctory. She had just smiled at her, and then she had gone back to her computer, her face full of anxiety.

There were no fireworks in the Capital for the New Year. After the lively cheers on the TV ended, the world became quiet.

Jian Xin felt that she could still wait, so she suppressed her anger and continued to wait.

When did the anger become unbearable?

Perhaps it was the gradual sleepiness in her mind that made her think of the countless silent waits of the past.

She sat on the sofa, or lay on the bed.

The lights in the room were on all night, and in her ear was the irregular and non-stop sound of the keyboard—so annoying, really so annoying.

When did she start to hate this sound?

Perhaps it was the year she had started the band.

Every time it got late, and sleepiness came to her heart, she couldn’t help but think in her heart—it’s like this again, it’s always like this.

What did she have to do to wait for a person?

She couldn’t do anything.

That person was right in front of her, but she could never wait for her.

“Yan Lu, how much longer are you going to write?” she couldn’t help but walk to the door and ask.

She knew that she was being unreasonable again, but emotions are uncontrollable things, and they just exploded at that moment. In her heart, with a rumble, and then a flood, it was out of control.

Yan Lu was clearly startled by her tone, and when she turned around, her eyes were full of surprise and fear.

That moment of fear was like a mirror, letting Jian Xin see the hideous self who was so worked up over a small matter.

She hated this feeling, so she wished she could immediately stand on the high ground, to find a reason for her hideous self, and then logically win a battle.

“If you don’t have time, you don’t have to come and keep me company at all. Is it so hard to refuse?” she said, looking at Yan Lu, her eyes full of an unconcealable anger. “Or do you think that it’s my good fortune to be perfunctorily spared some of your time?”

“It’s not…”

“I was originally going to ask, it’s New Year’s Day, it’s the New Year, when are you not busy, why does it have to be today? But then I thought about it, and it’s not really just today—you’re always like this, you’ve always been like this.”

“…”

“Winter break, summer break, and every time I go to see you, you’re always like this.”

“…”

“I really hate the way you’re perfunctory to me, whether it’s when we can’t see each other, or every time we meet, I hate it!”

She said, and couldn’t help but bring up old scores.

Every time her joyful sharing was not noticed, every time her thousand-mile journey was only met with a silent wait all night—if she hadn’t said it at this moment, she wouldn’t even have found that her seemingly nonchalant self could actually remember all these things so deeply.

Yan Lu couldn’t reply, and she didn’t dare to continue typing. She just stared at her blankly, not knowing whether to sit or stand.

The series of accusations made her speechless for a moment.

How could it be like this? She just wanted to make everything a little better, and Jian Xin had clearly said that she understood her, so what was the problem now?

She couldn’t help but think in her heart, and she suppressed all the grievances that were about to burst out, and she thought over and over again, anxiously and quickly.

Her thoughts were suddenly in a mess, so messy that she couldn’t sort them out at all.

Behind her was the unfinished update, just a little bit, clearly just a little bit, and she could have finished it—why did Jian Xin have to get angry at her at this time?

Yan Lu suddenly became a little irritable.

The one who had called her to the Capital a while ago was Jian Xin, and the one who was unhappy after she came was also Jian Xin.

She was just doing what she should be doing, and Jian Xin could get angry at her for it over and over again.

So what exactly did she have to do to make Jian Xin a little happier?

Did she have to give up writing for her?

—For the first time, Yan Lu felt that Jian Xin was so noisy.

It was clearly something that could be easily solved with a little more waiting and a good talk, but why did it seem like the sky was falling in Jian Xin’s eyes, and she was crying and shouting so aggrievedly, as if someone owed her several million?

But Yan Lu finally suppressed her anger and just looked up at Jian Xin, quietly looking, and quietly asked back, “So you’ve said so much, do you think you’re the only one who’s aggrieved, right?”

These words were like a thorn.

Jian Xin was taken aback for a moment, then suddenly couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

She thought, she deserved it. She had stabbed someone first, so it wasn’t surprising to be stabbed back, right?

But why, her hysterical denunciation was only met with such a calm counter-question from Yan Lu?

For a moment, Jian Xin just looked into Yan Lu’s eyes and fell into a strange confusion.

She suddenly realized that she didn’t know how to answer Yan Lu’s question.

And this situation of not knowing how to respond had actually already permeated every corner between them.

Whether it was her or Yan Lu, neither of them was the same as before.

For the them of the past, happiness had also been such a simple thing, but those simple joys had suddenly become rare as they grew up.

They hadn’t left, they had just been hidden by something.

Hidden in the long, long distance between Yuecheng and the Capital, and also hidden in the sense of propriety called freedom and understanding, and more, hidden in one wait after another.

When did it start that even talking between them needed to be so cautious, and the unhappy things in their hearts could no longer be easily said out loud?

What was she avoiding, and what was she afraid of?

Her magnanimity, her understanding, the nonchalant smile she had put on after waking from a dream after a disappointment—when did all of this suddenly start?

Jian Xin was very sure that those joys would occasionally appear, and they were actually not less than the things she didn’t dare to and the arguments.

But she was no longer sure if, for these occasional joys, enduring those displeasures and sadness, she could always say “it’s worth it.”

Actually, in the past long period of time, she had already thought about it countless times.

In these thoughts, she had tried hard to throw herself away.

—Is Yan Lu happy? Does Yan Lu like it? What does Yan Lu want to do, and what does she not want to do? What should she do to better maintain this relationship?

Yan Lu would never take the initiative to tell her.

Just as she would not easily tell Yan Lu the displeasure in her heart, so as not to seem like a little brat who was always angry over trivial matters in Yan Lu’s eyes.

But is this really right?

The growing gap between them, can it really be pretended to be invisible by just enduring it?

“Sometimes I really feel… no, not sometimes,” Jian Xin said with a smile and a shake of her head, her vision already blurred with tears. “I feel more and more that you don’t really need me anymore, and I seem to be a little annoying to you.”

“…” Yan Lu opened her mouth but couldn’t get the words out.

Jian Xin walked into the room, put on a thick coat, wrapped a thick scarf around her neck, picked up her phone, and walked out of the room.

Yan Lu: “Where are you going?”

Jian Xin: “To drink with my friends. Everyone went, except for me.”

Yan Lu: “…”

Jian Xin: “To keep you company, but apparently you don’t need it.”

Yan Lu: “…Can you not go?”

She thought, she was almost done writing, she could keep her company, and she could also coax her—as long as Jian Xin could calm down, she could do whatever she wanted tonight.

But Jian Xin left, not even bothering to say another word.

She was the only one left in the room, empty, and only the TV in the living room was still on, but the New Year’s Eve gala was long over—she didn’t know what was on now, it was all incomprehensible.

Yan Lu calmed down, finished the last bit of her update, and sat at her computer in a daze.

Jian Xin had left in a huff at one-thirty. When would she be back?

Yan Lu thought, Jian Xin was not a person who could stay up late. She probably wouldn’t be back very late. She could leave a light on for her, and she could wait for her to come back.

At three in the morning, Yan Lu sat on the edge of the bed, not even taking off her slippers.

Her phone was almost out of battery. She plugged it in and scrolled through Weibo and her reader’s backstage, bored.

Jian Xin had been out for an hour and a half. It was so late, and she was still out drinking. Would it be unsafe?

If she was with so many friends, she probably didn’t need to worry.

Just wait a little longer…

At four in the morning.

Yan Lu couldn’t help but send a message to Jian Xin.

—Are you almost done drinking? When are you coming back?

Finally, she added another sentence.

—I’m waiting for you.

At four-thirty in the morning.

Yan Lu sent another message to Jian Xin.

—Can you reply when you see this? Even if you’re angry and don’t want to talk to me, just send a punctuation mark to let me know you’ve seen it.

At five in the morning, Yan Lu still hadn’t received a reply.

Ever since she had left that place full of smoke and alcohol in Liang County, this was the first time she had found that the time outside “home” could also pass so slowly.

So slowly… that every minute and every second was like a silent torment.

She couldn’t help but let her thoughts wander.

What’s wrong with Jian Xin? Did she drink a lot today?

Those friends don’t seem to be people with bad schedules. Can they really drink all night?

There’s still no movement at this hour…

Is she so angry that she doesn’t want to reply, or did something happen?

At five-thirty in the morning.

Yan Lu couldn’t help but give Jian Xin a call, but all she heard was “the user you have dialed is switched off.”

Is this the feeling Jian Xin was talking about, of waiting for someone and never getting them?

Yan Lu’s nose tingled, and she couldn’t help but cry, holding her phone.

When did her reason collapse?

When did her emotions burst?

She couldn’t figure it out, just felt that her sky seemed to have quietly collapsed at a moment of extreme silence.

There was no earth-shattering sound, just like old wallpaper that had naturally peeled off, with a lot of dust that would fly everywhere with a gust of wind, dirty and messy, and terrifyingly quiet.

She had made Jian Xin angry again.

It was “again,” why was it always “again”?

Once, once, and again.

She seemed to be unable to do better no matter how hard she tried.

—Does Jian Xin not want her anymore?

She was picked up by Jian Xin from the outside. If she didn’t want her anymore, it should be normal, right?

With this thought, Yan Lu got up and put on her thick clothes. She didn’t even take her phone and walked out of this homestay that she and Jian Xin had booked together, lost in a daze.

…