Chapter 4: Mistakes of a Past Life

The person on the bed jolted awake, eyes flying open, face flushed red, breathing ragged and uneven.

Qin Youning sat up as if her body had turned to stone. The sticky, uncomfortable feeling below her waist reminded her, over and over, of last night’s madness.

She lifted a hand to cover her eyes, but the memory of that person’s choked, pleading voice kept surfacing in her mind anyway.

She raised her hand and slapped herself across the face.

How could this happen…

Qin Youning truly felt at a loss.

How could I dream of those things…

“Young Lady, you’re awake?” Someone outside had noticed the movement and asked softly.

“Don’t come in!” Qin Youning’s voice rose instinctively, her usual calm pitched into something sharp.

Pressing a hand to her forehead, she waited a long while until the darkness in her eyes slowly cooled.

She pushed back the covers, got out of bed, and walked to the desk.

Qin Youning lowered her gaze. On the desk lay the letter she had already written.

【…A-Yun, could you tell me something about Qingzhou? Perhaps I could serve as your advisor.】

【Of course. You are the one my heart favors, the one I wish to spend my life with. Whatever you want to know, I will tell you all of it.】

Her hand trembled. She opened the letter and read through what she had written, bit by bit. After a long moment, she picked up the brush beside it and added one more line at the end.

When it was done, she closed her eyes and sat in the chair, her face showing an uncharacteristic weariness.

The strange feeling beneath her was slowly going cold, reminding her ceaselessly of last night’s folly.

It’s almost over.

More than ten years had passed since her rebirth. She had snatched Qi Yunchu, young and in dire straits, away right before Xin Ruocai could, bringing her back to the Qin Family so she could borrow the Qin Family’s power and rise to the heavens in a single step. Wasn’t that all so that she could fall all the harder in the end?

【What do you even amount to? Do you still think you’re a Noble Lady of a great house?】 That person’s cold, mocking voice still rang in her ears.

【So lofty, so reserved, dull as a block of wood. Why would Zhen ever like someone like you?】

【The one Zhen loves is only A-Cai. In Zhen’s eyes, she is worth a thousand, ten thousand of you! Hmph. If it weren’t for borrowing the strength of your Qin Family, Zhen would never have wasted such effort trying to please you!】

At their last meeting, that person had worn a black robe threaded with gold, walking up to her with a smile curling at the corner of her mouth, speaking to her in a gentle voice:

“Empress, it’s time.”

Then the tears in her eyes could no longer be hidden. Her vision blurred, and she raised her hand and clutched at the hem of that robe, her voice trembling with sobs. “…You… did you ever like me?”

Even a little…

Did you ever love me…

“No.” That person carelessly flicked her hand away, and with a wave of the other, the color drained from the world before her eyes.

The last thing she saw was Qi Yunchu’s cold, heartless face and eyes without a single ripple.

Qin Youning moved her hand away, revealing eyes gone calm again. She flung open the window, summoned a White Pigeon, rolled the letter into a slip of paper, and tucked it into the Bamboo Tube strapped beside the pigeon’s foot.

Standing by the bed, she watched the bird fly off. When she turned back, she glanced at the exquisite Rabbit Lantern hanging at the bedside, the one Qi Yunchu had given her when they returned last night.

Qin Youning walked over slowly and reached up to stroke the rabbit’s ear, her expression dark and unreadable.

After a long moment, she gave a soft laugh.

Qi Yunchu…

A-Yun…

I can’t bring myself to kill you anymore…

So then, after this campaign, stay by my side…

Stay by my side forever. Go nowhere.

That will be your punishment.

Qin Youning stared at her own pale fingertips for a while, then lowered her head and gently flicked her tongue against one of them.

Soon, she would harvest a beautiful peach blossom that belonged to her and her alone.

She would hide her well, lock her away with chains, let her eyes see no one but her, and make the rest of her life pass only at her side.

A little peach blossom that has done wrong deserves to be punished.

Doesn’t she?

“Bring water. I will bathe.” she said softly toward the door.

“Yes.” Someone answered.

Qi Yunchu’s visit to the Qin Family this time had never meant to be a long one. She had come with only a few trusted personal guards, first to see Qin Youning, and second to take the measure of Bianjing.

Bianjing lay close to Qingzhou. Besides the Qin Family, several noble houses of old lineage held ground here, and she had come to sound out the winds, to see whether these old fossils would become an obstacle to her.

Clearly, what she found pleased her.

“Since we part today, who knows when we’ll meet again. I can only wish the Young General swift victory.” Old Master Qin, leaning on his cane, saw her off at the gate.

Qi Yunchu’s smile softened a touch as she bowed in thanks. “I’ll take your kind words, Old Master Qin.”

What followed were the usual courtesies. She exchanged farewells with each member of the Qin Family in turn, and when she reached Qin Youyuan, the young master clapped her on the shoulder and lowered his voice. “I know what you’re after. Once you reach Qingzhou, you’re not allowed to forget my little sister. If you wrong her, don’t expect me to go easy on you just because you’re a woman!”

Hah.

Qi Yunchu narrowed her eyes, shot him a sidelong glance with a smile, and knocked his hand away. “Naturally.”

But when she lifted her gaze and saw Qin Youning, who had just stepped out and now stood on the stone steps watching her, the smile on her face melted into tenderness in an instant.

Qin Youyuan: …

Favoritism, plain and simple.

He rubbed his nose and decided against making a fool of himself, stepping aside to let Qi Yunchu pass, and earned a look from the Young General that said count yourself smart.

Tch.

Qi Yunchu took two steps forward until she stood before Qin Youning, looking at the woman in her pale blue gown, elegant and composed today, and smiled until her eyes curved.

“Wait for me. Once I take Qingzhou, I’ll bring it back for you as Betrothal Gifts!” She leaned in abruptly and whispered this in Qin Youning’s ear with a laugh.

Then, heedless of the maidservants’ widening eyes, she laughed out loud and swung herself onto her horse.

“I take my leave!”

The female general in her crimson robes and black armor raised her brow from horseback, her whole bearing bold and radiant, bright as the midday sun. Then she cracked her whip and led her company of elite soldiers out of the city gates at a gallop, heading for Qingzhou.

Qin Youning stood where she was, lifting her eyes to watch her figure in the sunlight, dazzling beyond anything mortal.

Like a believer gazing up at her Deities, she looked after her, but what stained the depths of her eyes was greed and madness.

Qingzhou…

Betrothal Gifts?

The heart in her chest began to pound wildly again. A single sentence from this person seemed to carry the power to drive her insane.

What a pity…

【This trip to Qingzhou is doomed to be wasted effort~】 Riding her horse, Qi Yunchu sighed inwardly.

Ah, watching over a decade of work turn to dust, how am I supposed to feel good about that?

Tch.

【And you still go, knowing that?】

The System was nearly speechless at this person. Her thoughts were truly impossible to see through, no matter how it looked.

【Idiot.】 Qi Yunchu scoffed inwardly, too lazy to explain anything to a newborn machine.

Let me guess who Qin Youning has allied herself with.

The North was already entirely under her control. Central Shu in the west was too far away; even if she made contact, it would be useless, and besides, Central Shu was weak and distant from Qingzhou, posing no threat to her at all.

So it had to be the South.

Jiang Lihan, leader of Jiangnan.

In the thirteenth year of the Yongchu Era, the northern leader Qi Yunchu marched a hundred thousand strong to attack Qingzhou. Months of siege brought no success, and then she fell for Jiang Lihan of the South’s scheme of sowing discord, and her Personal Guard Commandant Qi Qingyun turned away from her, leaving her army trapped by southern forces.

In the fourteenth year of the Yongchu Era, the Great Famine struck. Qi Yunchu led her remaining troops in resistance for several months, and was finally defeated and captured.

In truth, of the hundred thousand soldiers, only fifty thousand or so remained, surrounded on all sides. The letters for reinforcements she sent out were intercepted, the year of famine left grain in shortage, her soldiers weak and her horses gaunt. Qingzhou City seized the moment to counterattack, while wave after wave of Jiangnan soldiers, mad as if they had thrown their lives away, threw themselves at her forces regardless of their own casualties.

Truly, it was a matter of reaching the very end of the road.

Inside the tent, the candlelight flickered. Qi Qingyun, the very man rumored to have turned against her, knelt at her side, his eye rims red.

“Do we really have to do this? General, we planned this for over a decade!”

He had followed Qi Yunchu since childhood. Orphaned, homeless, he had taken her surname, looked up to her as an elder sister, and fought at her back all these years. To speak of surrendering now, he could hardly swallow it.

“How much grain and supplies are left?” Qi Yunchu sighed softly and walked to the entrance, lifting a corner of the curtain. Outside, the soldiers sat huddled around the fires. There was no light left in their eyes, morale at rock bottom, their stomachs hollow with hunger. Asking them to take the field and kill the enemy was nothing but a joke.

She had sent out several letters for aid. All had sunk into the sea without reply. Either the North had fallen into turmoil, or the letters had been intercepted.

“…About… a month’s worth of supplies.” Qi Qingyun had seen the same sight outside. He closed his eyes and forced out the words, his voice drained of strength.

Qi Yunchu stood with her hands behind her back and sighed. “It was I who doomed you all.”

“No! How could it be the General’s fault! It was clearly…” Qi Qingyun instinctively shot back, but the words died on his lips.

“You won’t surrender?” Qi Yunchu turned to look at him and asked softly.

“No!” His answer was resolute.

Qi Yunchu smiled then, laughed out loud and long.

“Good! Worthy of my teaching!”

“I won’t surrender either.”

“Then we will fight them to the death!” She looked at that still-young face behind her, her eyes blazing with light.

“But you must promise me one thing.” she said suddenly.

Qi Qingyun froze, then dropped to one knee without a moment’s hesitation. “Speak, General. Your subordinate would die ten thousand deaths to obey.”

She laughed lightly, walked over, and patted Qi Qingyun’s shoulder, gesturing for him to rise.

“I want you to survive. In the final moment, even if I die, you must not. Do you understand?”

“This… no…”

“Qingyun, I raised you with my own hands. You are the one I trust most. I want you to live, because you are my escape route in the days to come.” Qi Yunchu cut him off.

Qi Qingyun looked up at her, his brow slightly furrowed, hesitation flickering in his eyes.

“…Does the General have confidence?” he asked quietly.

“I do.”

“It’s just that I don’t know whether, when that day comes, you’ll still be willing to follow me and live the life of ordinary commoners.” Qi Yunchu raised a brow.

Looking at the smile at her lips, Qi Qingyun’s expression softened. He lowered his eyes and smiled. “Naturally I would.”

His lowered lashes concealed the utter tenderness flooding his eyes.

How could I not?

He was willing.

Whether it was fighting on the battlefield, or living the plain life of a commoner in cloth robes, so long as it was beside this person, he was willing.

【Host, was there a Qi Qingyun in the last life?】

【No.】

【Then he…】

【But there was a Xin Ruocai.】

【What?! He’s Xin Ruocai? Isn’t Xin Ruocai a woman?!】

Qi Yunchu raised a brow. She had only discovered it herself recently.

So my Imperial Consort Xin carries a secret.

Three days later, the final battle.

In the end, the many could not overcome the few. Qi Yunchu’s brow pressed down as she stared at the familiar figure among the enemy ranks opposite, her eyes glacial.

With a flick of her long sword, she drove back the enemies around Qi Qingyun, flung the man onto his horse, and snapped her riding whip.

“GO!”

“General!”

“GET LOST!” Her sword swept up and cut through the necks of several enemy soldiers around her. Blood sprayed across her face, making her look like an asura from hell.

How far could one person’s deterrence reach?

Far enough that even kneeling in the dirt, soaked in blood, no soldier or general around dared step within half a pace of her.

“A hero of the chaos indeed. The reputation is well deserved.” Jiang Lihan watched this scene from the rear of the army and could not help but marvel.

“This time, many thanks, Female Lord.” He turned his head and studied the woman beside him, cool as the clear breeze and bright moon, his eyes full of appraisal.

“Take Qi Yunchu alive.” It was his order, and his promise.

Qin Youning looked at the woman standing across from her, covered in wounds, watched her lowered eyes and her frozen expression…

Her hand clenched suddenly, tight.

She pressed her lips into a thin line, but what spread through her heart was not the joy she had once imagined.

It was regret.

Endless regret, and terror.