“I’m finished eating.”
The breakfast Yu Qingxue had meticulously prepared was as delicious as always. Perhaps she hadn’t stayed up all night playing Viego, but had instead spent the night making an elaborate meal. Her mouth might not be good at expressing tender words, but in truth, she was genuinely thinking of him from the heart.
Glancing into the living room, Gao Sijin saw Yu Qingxue sitting on the sofa, arms akimbo, her willow-leaf brows furrowed as she watched the high-definition TV. She was still angry. Because today, Gao Sijin was supposed to go on a date with Tsukiyuki Rio, but after what happened last night, he simply didn’t have the heart to go out and keep the appointment. So much so that Yu Qingxue had barely touched her breakfast before stomping off to watch television.
“Go get changed and then get out there for your date. If you drag your feet any longer, you’ll really let your happiness slip through your fingers.”
Seeing Gao Sijin finish his meal, Yu Qingxue immediately pursed her lips and urged him, as if she herself were the greatest beneficiary of Gao Sijin’s date with Tsukiyuki Rio. Not long ago, she had confessed her feelings to him, yet now she was practically pushing him into the arms of another girl.
However, Gao Sijin truly wasn’t in the mood.
— Brother Sijin, I love you.
Feng Na, madly infatuated with him, was like a gaudy, venomous spider. That airtight basement was her web, every thread transmitting a sticky, clinging sensation.
He had been rescued now, but Gao Sijin could still faintly hallucinate her voice. The lingering memory was etched deep into his bones. The beast-like, frenzied, desperate movements were still vivid in his mind. She had said she would imprison him forever. How long was forever?
The mere thought of living, aging, falling sick, and dying under Feng Na’s watchful gaze filled the current Gao Sijin with a suffocating despair he couldn’t shake.
It was a replaying movie, one he might not forget for ten or even twenty years, constantly screening in his mind.
“Qingxue, I’m going to bed.”
“Get back here! Are you really not going to date Tsukiyuki Rio? As far as I know, that Sakura girl has feelings for you too. Are you just going to give up like that?”
Yu Qingxue couldn’t tolerate Gao Sijin’s dejection. She ran over in her slippers and grabbed his arm.
“I’ll get through this slowly, but at least for today, I need to rest. I’ll explain the situation to Rio later. I think she’ll understand. So Qingxue, please don’t push me, okay? Let me rest. I’m just too tired. I just want to lie in bed.”
“Coward.”
“Qingxue, I’m not a coward. I just don’t have nerves of steel. The day after being… violated, I can’t just bounce back and go out on a date with another girl. I really can’t do it.”
To have every inch of your body forcibly taken by someone you don’t like—surely, regardless of gender, anyone would feel humiliated and suffocated by that, right?
Most crucially, the original plan for the next day had been to confess to the person he liked.
It felt like just as he was about to enter heaven, a hand had reached up from hell, grabbed his ankle, and dragged him into the endless abyss.
If Gao Sijin were like Miura or Watanabe, those rich playboys he knew at Todai who used their university status to sleep around, he might have treated last night as a rare life experience. A story to tell over drinks with his disreputable friends, especially since Feng Na possessed a perfect body that would arouse any man.
But Gao Sijin was different. He hadn’t enjoyed the physical pleasure last night. He had been forcibly drugged and, under rough and savage motions, ruthlessly used. The person in his mind had been clearly Tsukiyuki Rio, but in reality, another woman had captured him and greedily tasted every inch of his body.
“Sigh…”
Beyond a helpless sigh, Gao Sijin had nothing left to say. He felt that managing to keep a straight face and even occasionally banter with Yu Qingxue was already an accomplishment.
He had a heart and a conscience.
In the strange silence, Yu Qingxue finally nodded.
“Fine, do what you want. We’re both adults; you have to take responsibility for your own choices. Don’t regret it later if things don’t work out with Tsukiyuki Rio.”
“Thank you for thinking so much about me, Qingxue.”
“Honestly, I’m partly to blame. It’s just my personality—I always assume others aren’t hurting and force my own ideas on them.” Yu Qingxue patted Gao Sijin’s shoulder and said, “Get some good rest. If Tsukiyuki Rio dumps you for missing today’s appointment, then try dating me.”
“I don’t want to treat you as a backup…”
“I’m willing to be your backup, Sijin.”
Yu Qingxue took Gao Sijin’s arm, careful and gentle, as if nursing a patient.
Faced with the tenderness Yu Qingxue radiated without even realizing it, Gao Sijin felt a knife twist in his heart. Kindness you couldn’t repay was often not sweet, but bitter.
Back in bed, Gao Sijin used Line to message Tsukiyuki Rio, telling her today’s Cherry Blossom Viewing Party was canceled. Then, he used his Kindle to read Wuthering Heights. He knew he wasn’t Heathcliff, and he knew Tsukiyuki Rio wasn’t Catherine. There wasn’t even a trace of self-insertion between them. But he inexplicably wanted to read this book right now, because the story’s heroine was forced to marry a man she didn’t love and died amidst regret and resentment.
A toast to the soul willing to be damned to hell.
He read on, as if searching for an answer. There is no such thing as a perfect piece of writing, just as there is no such thing as absolute, thorough despair in the world.
About thirty minutes later, Gao Sijin glanced at Line. There was a “Read” indicator.
Tsukiyuki Rio had seen his message, but she hadn’t replied. Gao Sijin stared blankly at Saigyouji Yuyuko’s profile picture, as if sinking into deep darkness.
Why hadn’t she replied?
Was she disappointed in him?
Gao Sijin’s heart was uneasy. After what happened yesterday, was Tsukiyuki Rio still willing to wait for him?
Or, upon learning he had been captured and devoured by Feng Na yesterday, would her expression turn to one of seeing something “dirty”?
Gao Sijin was afraid of meeting Tsukiyuki Rio. Yu Qingxue calling him a “coward” wasn’t entirely wrong. Even Gao Sijin felt he was a coward. The one who had reacted to the red qipao was himself. In truth, Gao Sijin couldn’t distinguish whether it was the drug’s effect or his body’s instinct that had caused such an absurd incident to happen.
“Rio, are you ignoring me now?”
“Perhaps it’s for the best. Someone like me… truly isn’t worthy of you.”
“It’s time for this unrealistic dream to end.”
On the Line app’s screen, Tsukiyuki Rio still hadn’t replied.
Romance was everywhere, easy to pick up, but just as fleeting. Like a firework, it arrives quickly and fades just as fast.
Closing his eyes again, he thought that if there was no love in reality, he could at least write it. In the world he constructed, he could make up for most of his regrets.
That would be enough.
“Thank you, Rio.”
Just as Gao Sijin was about to send another message to Tsukiyuki Rio, the doorbell rang from outside. Gao Sijin jolted upright in bed with a stumble.
Who could it be?
Could it be Tsukiyuki Rio?
Gao Sijin’s heart yearned desperately for it to be her. Though he lacked the courage to see her, he also hoped with all his being that it really was her.
Pressing his ear against the door, Gao Sijin heard Yu Qingxue seemingly speaking to someone. But the voices were too low; he couldn’t make it out.
Then, Gao Sijin heard the distinctive sound of geta approaching, the crisp clack-clack incredibly familiar.
Who else could it be?
His heart pounded traitorously, syncing with the rhythm of the wooden clogs on the tile floor. A restless fire seemed to ignite throughout his body. Not only had she not scorned him, she had actually come to find him.
Gao Sijin dashed back to bed and decided to feign sleep. Just as he lay down, the room’s door was pushed open.
“Gao-kun is pretending to be asleep, isn’t he?”
Her voice was sweet and husky. Gao Sijin squinted, seeing her breathtakingly beautiful face with a faint smile. Her dark red eyes held a hint of slyness, something between cute and sexy.
She walked to the bedside, her pale, pretty face drawing silently closer.
It was too close…
At this distance, he could clearly smell the captivating fragrance of her body. Through the slit of his almost-closed eyelids, he could clearly see the opening of her kimono collar. There was the slender neck and the dip of her collarbone. Looking further in, he could even see the magnificent, milky-white valley between the twin peaks.
To avoid being discovered, Gao Sijin shut his eyes completely, letting out a rhythmic, breathing pattern.
“How cute.”
His eyes-closed tactic had completely failed against her. With a cool, small hand, she gently touched Gao Sijin’s face. It was cool and very comfortable.
“Hey, stop pretending to sleep, okay?”
Only then did Gao Sijin slowly open his eyes, playing dumb.
“Eh? Rio, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“Why?”
“It’s all because Gao-kun suddenly broke our promise. I was so looking forward to today, so of course, I wouldn’t be able to accept it.”
Tsukiyuki Rio wore a stunningly beautiful smile. Her waist-length hime-cut hair was combed exceptionally smooth and silky. On her black kimono, faint pink cherry blossom patterns were visible as decoration. She also seemed to be wearing light makeup.
Reasoning from the average male’s perspective, the simplest and most convenient makeup would surely be a very natural, light look. In fact, almost anyone who thought this had basically never used makeup themselves.
Achieving the natural effect of a light look was no easy task. It required both experience and skill. Someone with zero experience, or very little, rushing to put on makeup with only the tools at hand, would inevitably end up with a look that was, simply put, too heavy.
Right now, noticing that Tsukiyuki Rio seemed to have put considerable effort into her makeup, this point alone stirred an inexplicable feeling of being touched within Gao Sijin’s heart.
“I’m sorry. Canceling the plan earlier was entirely for personal reasons.”
“I know about yesterday’s events. I was worried last night, so I even came specially to visit Gao-kun. Too bad Gao-kun was asleep at the time. I truly couldn’t bear to disturb a Gao-kun with such an adorable sleeping face.”
“Rio, were you really looking forward to today’s cherry blossoms?”
“Actually, it wasn’t just the thought of the garden full of blooming cherry blossoms.” Tsukiyuki Rio couldn’t help but blush slightly, smiling with affection. “I was also looking forward to some other things.”
